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I have been thinking about having sex with a guy for a very long time. I am in my 40s. I’ve been thinking about this for probably the last 20 years.

I’ve come close a few times. I’ve gone into bookstores and into the body booths. I had a guy come in to my booth once. He kissed my neck and felt me up through my jeans. Then we masturbated in front of one another. Another time, guys would look through the cracks in the door jam to watch me jerk off. I left the door slightly open once and a guy walked in and was watching me jack off. And even one time, I went over to a guys house and we sat around and talked about his experiences and what I would like to do. He threw some porn on TV and I got really hard. There was some lesbian porn which is my favorite. But then he switched over to gay porn and I lost my nerve. I chickened out. I left.

A couple of times, once in New Jersey and another time and Southern Cal, I invited guys over to my hotel room. When the guy in NJ showed up and knocked on my door and I pretended I wasn’t there. I chickened out. The other time I invited a guy over under the pretense that we would only watch a little porn, talk a little bit and maybe jerk off in front of one another. Nothing more. He asked me to get completely naked which I did. I was so excited. I could see on the social media app that we were using, that he was getting closer and closer. The anticipation kept growing. I set up places for us to sit on the couch. I was wondering if I actually had the nerve to go through it and do more. This was safe though. As long as we only jerk off in front of one another, then my life would remain the same. His battery died before he got to the hotel. He had no way to charge it and turned around and went home.

Tonight, about an hour ago as of this writing, there was a guy online who wanted someone to come over to his house that he could suck off. That’s all it seemed like he wanted. I thought that was safe. I could go over and let him suck me off. I will get to experience what that was like. No obligation from me whatsoever. He even told me online that it could be a blow and go. I was extremely horny and very interested. After talking about what would happen, he gave me his address. I was about 15 minutes away. I got dressed and hopped in the car. I wasn’t quite sure if I was going to go through it. Half of me figured I would show up at his house, and then turn around and leave.

I texted him when I was close. Then I got to his house a couple of minutes later. I had asked him online if he would answer the door nude. He told me he would wear a towel. That worked. I got to his house and I saw him in the window. I couldn’t believe I was actually going into his house. I knocked on the door and he opened it. He was wearing a towel just like he said.

His name was Dennis. I took my shoes off when I got inside and set my jacket down. He led me to a bedroom. I stood there not knowing what to do. He told me that I could go ahead and get comfortable. I took off my warm-ups, and then I took off my underwear iand was standing naked from the waist down in front of him. Dennis remove his towel. He was of average size and shaved. I couldn’t believe I was in a bedroom, the door closed, with a naked man being half naked myself.

He told me to sit on the bed. I did. Then he leaned over and put his hand on my cock which was not quite hard. I was actually so nervous that I wasn’t sure if I would even get hard. I was shaking. He started to stroke me. I leaned back. Here I am, having this guy slowly jerk me off and i am surprised to learn how horny I was getting.

And my fantasies, we would jerk off simultaneously. Then he might reach over and touch me. Then he might ask me to touch him. He may ask me if he can kiss my cock and then ask me if I wanted to kiss his. That is how I thought it could go. Then again, if I chickened out, I could still just let him blow me and I wouldn’t have to do anything myself.

How I reacted to him touching me...shocked me. I wanted to touch him. I asked him if I could touch it. I was being the aggressor. I didn’t need to be convinced or tricked or seduced, I wanted to touch his cock. He wasn’t quite hard yet. He stopped touching me and allowed me to reach over and grab him.

I was only touching him four maybe five seconds before I just leaned in and brushed his cock against my face and then I put him in my mouth. I took him all the way in, all at once. I started sucking him. I couldn’t believe I had someone’s cock in my mouth. It was so smooth. It was sliding in and out so naturally. I could feel him growing in my mouth. This one on for a few minutes. Then I started to jerk him off a little bit and then resumed sucking him.

I stopped and let him go down on me. He got out his knees and put me in his mouth. I wanted to mimic what he was doing. I wasn’t sure what I was doing was right or wrong. I instantly got fully hard. He was taking all of me in his mouth. All the way down to the base of my shaft. This went on for a few minutes. Eventually I asked him if he wanted to climb on the bed.

Dennis gets on the bed and I spread my legs. He gets back to my cock and put it in his mouth. He’s taking me in and occasionally jerking me off. But I want his cock back in my mouth. I really wanted him to fuck my face. I asked him if I can suck him off at the same time. He turns around and lays opposite me so that we are in the 69 position. I hungrily go down on him while he starts sucking me off. I lick up and down his shaft. I lick his balls. I have my hands on his ass and I am pulling him in as close as I can. Taking him in as deep as I can. Then I start to feverishly suck on him.

It felt amazing. I don’t know what I liked more. Him sucking my cock, or me sucking his. I would’ve been open to almost anything he wanted to do. If he had condoms and wanted me to fuck him in the ass, I would have. If he wanted to eat my ass out or finger me, I can would have. It’s like I was under his spell.

At one point, he asked me where I want to cum. I told him that it was up to him. Then I started to get close. I was having so much fun however, that I didn’t want to stop. I knew that if I came, my feelings might change they might want to get up and leave. I wanted to keep sucking on him forever. He was getting really hard and big. He was pretty thick. I started to wonder what I would do if he got close. Would I let him spray it on my face? Would I swallow him?

I told him I was close and I’ve pushed him off of me because I didn’t want to bust right then and there. I started to go down on him again aggressively. Within a couple of minutes, after he resumed sucking me and jerking me, I felt like I was cumming and told him so. I wanted him to be prepared to do whatever he wanted to do. Then I came, but it wasn’t as intense as I thought. I was still very horny. I was still blowing him passionately. He continue to suck me. I was surprised that I was still hard.

I continued to go to town on him. He did the same. After a few minutes, I felt like I was about to cum again. This time it was different. I started to lose control. I pulled him in as tight as I could to get as much of him in my mouth as I could. I was moaning. My body tightening up. All of a sudden, my hips start to go into these convulsions and I erupted. Dennis stayed on my cock and I pumped as much as I had in me, directly into his mouth. It was so intense.

I laid on my back, almost exhausted. Drained of energy. I thanked him. Dennis got up and started to get dressed. I didn’t finish him. He didn’t seem disappointed. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the whole thing. I needed to leave and process what I just experienced.

He asked me if I had everything I needed. I did. I got dressed, put my shoes on, my jacket as well and left.

Even while writing this story, reliving what just happened, I jerked off to it. I finally took that first step.