A Lost Cause : Chapter 4

Wait am I dreaming here, or did Jared just kiss me? Jared, Carrie’s “straight” brother just kissed me. Crazy things were going through my mind and while all of this was going on, Jared just sat there staring at me.

“Did I make a mistake Chris? Damn, I am so sorry. I thought you… I thought you were feeling me, the way I am feeling you.”
“No, no Jared, don’t be sorry… I am just shocked, confused and very shocked.”

Before I could think about what I was doing, I quickly gathered my things out of his car and jumped out and ran into my house. I locked the door and tried to catch my breath.

“Why didn’t you wait until I got home to go out? You left your sister here by herself, she’s only 12 Chris. What would she have done if something happened here?”

My mom couldn’t wait until I had my shoes off to start her shit. I just ran away from someone who feels the same way about me that I do for him… and for what, to listen to this? I just brushed past her and stormed up to my room. I needed time to think, time to heal, time for me, Chris Jordan.

Jared, someone who I never thought in a million years would be gay, kissed me tonight and I ran away from him as if I didn’t want him. Jared is someone that can help me, someone that can take me away from all of this.

Why did I run from him? Why did I let him go? Is it too late?

I kept asking myself these questions and before I knew it, I was off to sleep.

“Jared, I can’t hold on any longer. Fuck me harder, make me yours.”
“Baby, you make me feel so good. I can’t believe this is actually happening. I’ve wanted to be with you since the day I laid eyes on you.”

Jared kept making love to me. He was molding me like no other guy before had. He was making me feel like I was on top of the world.

“Jared I am going to cum, I am going to cum so hard. I’m cumming, I’m cumming.”

I was nearly screaming at the top of my lungs when I had my orgasm. I probably shot 5 or 6 loads from him fucking me. I kept squeezing his dick while he was fucking me and before I knew it, Jared was shooting inside the condom, filling it up inside me.

“I’m cumming Chris; damn you make me feel so good,” Jared yelled as he was having his orgasm.

“Chris, what’s going on?”
“Huh? Jared is that you?”

I was still half-sleeping, when my little sister came into my room to check on me. “

Chris, wake up. It’s your sister!”

I slowly opened my eyes and realized that I was once again, dreaming.

“Oh, it’s you. What are you doing in here? I was having a good dream.”
“Yeah I bet, you’re sweating and you were screaming out some kid Jared’s name. Who is this Jared anyways?”
“Someone you’ll never need to worry about. You can get out of my room now, I am okay.”
“I come in here to check on you and you kick me out. See if I ever stick up for you again when mom’s on your case.”
“Yeah yeah, good night,”

I said watching her leave.

“Close my door,” I yelled.

She must’ve not heard me or she was ignoring me, because I had to get up and close the door for myself. I began to wonder if my sister knew that I was gay.

She can’t know, I said to myself. She’s only young girl.

I brushed the thought of her knowing off and walked over to my bed and looked at my phone. I had received 4 messages, 3 of which were from Jared and one was from Carrie.

“9:23 PM, Chris are you okay? I am so sorry about tonight. Please get back to me if you can. 9:49 PM, Chris please get back to me, I am starting to get worried. I don’t want to let this ruin our friendship. 10:43 PM, I guess you don’t want to talk anymore. I am sorry about tonight, I really am. I just thought… well I just thought that I was hitting the nail on the head by kissing you.”

Jared had written to me 3 times…

I need to get back to him, I thought.

As I was texting him, I realized there was still one message I didn’t read, the one from Carrie.

“9:45, Chris why is my brother in his room crying? What did you do to him? What is going on? I need to know.”

Carrie was suddenly demanding to get information from me, but she wouldn’t tell me what was going on with her. I was outraged, just outraged. I decided that I was going to call her and straighten this shit out. Here we are fighting and we are supposed to be best friends, friends that are supposed to be there for each other… we aren’t supposed to be fighting.

I dialed her number… it rang exactly one time before she picked up.

“I need to know what’s going on between you and Jared right now Chris. He came home just a little bit ago very upset. I haven’t seen him upset in a long time. What’s going on?”
“Honestly Carrie I think what’s going on between your brother and I is our business as it doesn’t involve you.”
“My brother is my business,” Carrie stated.
“He is your business, but I am not. If he chooses to tell you what happened tonight then that’s on him. I am not saying anything. What’s funny Carrie is that you have the nerve to demand information from me and when I asked about you leaving school you got all defensive and shut me out immediately. How am I supposed to trust you? You’re supposed to be my twin, someone that I can always count on and here you are running out on me. Come to think of it, this isn’t the first time you’ve done this. Whenever things get tough for you, you just walk away from everything. Well you know what, I am not going to sit here and watch you do it this time. I want no part in you leaving school, because I think that’s dumb. You’re probably the most intelligent person I know and here you are withdrawing from school. I guess that doesn’t make you the smartest person now.”

Before I could calm down, I realized that she hung up on me.

There she goes, running away from her problems, I thought.

I am so tired of people ganging up on me because I choose to live my life. What about the ones who choose to throw in the towel? Why do people let them do stupid things, but when I do the right things people get in my face about it.

I was so flustered that I couldn’t get the strength that I needed to get back to Jared to let him know that what he did was okay. I started looking for my iPod, so that I could fall asleep listening to music and not the sounds of the distorted world. I flipped through a few artists and turned on one of my favorite songs, “Kiss from a Rose,” by Seal. In the song he talks about finding someone who helps him see the light… I think I found my light, Jared. I put the song on repeat and cried myself to sleep.

I woke up to find my headphones out of my ears and under my pillows.

Why do they always find their way out of my ears? I asked myself before getting up to stretch.

It was a beautiful day out and I just wanted to get there and enjoy it. I got up, found some clothes, ironed them and jumped into the shower. When I was almost done cleaning myself up, I started thinking about the kiss again. The kiss that Jared and I shared together last night. It was such a beautiful, magical kiss. Before I knew it, I was lost in thought and had an erection.
Why do I always get hard in the shower? I asked myself before starting to relieve the tension from inside me.

Damn Jared has such a nice body.

He has amazing pecks, glistening tan skin, beautiful brown eyes and an ass that you could crack a walnut on. He was truly perfect…

“SHIT,” I yelled when my body told me that someone had just flushed the toilet and the water went from being comfortable to scolding hot.

“Oh sorry Chris, I wasn’t thinking,” my sister said as she walked out of the bathroom.

That little witch knew what she was doing, I said to myself before jumping out of the shower.

I was pissed because I was just about to cum when she flushed the toilet.

I finished getting dressed and hurriedly ran out of the door to get outside. As I was walking around, I began thinking that this would be a great time to call Jared and let him know that what he did last night was okay.

“Hello, is this Jared?”
“Yes, Chris it is me, Jared.”

He seemed so down when he said that. I felt so bad; I knew I had to make things right between us.

“Jared, I just wanted to let you know that what you did last night was okay. I wanted you to kiss me; I just didn’t realize that it would happen so soon or at all for that matter. I didn’t even know you were gay.”
“Jared that’s just it, I don’t know if I am gay or not, I just know that I have these weird feelings for you. I am scared shitless.”

It was then I realized that I was not alone for once. Someone actually felt the same way that I did, scared.

“Jared I am scared too.”

There was complete silence between us for a few seconds, before he asked me if I wanted company. I told him that that would be great and that I would meet him at the local park, near my house.

I ran over to the park and sat on one of the swings and started swinging. I was very happy but nervous at the same time to see him. Before I knew it, he was driving up in his car. My heart started pounding, I couldn’t breathe. I was so freaking anxious. He got out of his car and walked up to where I was in the park. Damn did he look good. He had on a form fitting tank top and shorts. I just wanted to jump on him right there in the park, but I knew I had to control myself. I didn’t want him to think I wanted him that bad.

“How are you?” I asked him as he was approaching me.
“I am doing better now.”

He was really the sweetest guy.
How would this all work? I asked myself… He doesn’t even know whether he wants to be with a guy or not.

I kept asking myself these kinds of questions… but I realized I was jumping too far ahead.

He sat next to me and started swinging. While we were both swinging, we had some small talk. I really felt so comfortable, yet nervous around him. After a while of being with him though, I didn’t feel nervous anymore. I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk in the woods, for some adventure.

“Sure,” he said almost immediately.

We walked in the woods and found a nice place to sit, where there was no one to be found, no one to interrupt us.

He put his arm around me and I sighed a sigh of relief. I finally felt at peace with the world. There was still a lot of drama in my life, but at that exact moment I didn’t seem to care about all of that other shit. I didn’t want to think about anything anymore, I just wanted to live for once. I slowly looked up at him and leaned in and kissed him. The kiss, seemed to last for hours, but in reality it was only a few moments. I broke the kiss and just hugged him. I felt like I was in heaven… I was finally with the guy I have been dreaming about for the past few days.

“Is this all really happening?”
“Yes baby, this is all really happening.”

To be continued…