A Second Chance At Love - Part 1

Chapter One:

I hadn’t seen Anthony in 18 years. We’d known each other at The Twilight Zone, a popular dance club in the early ‘90s, but more so at the bookstore I’d managed in the mall at the time. He was a regular customer and we often talked about science fiction books and Star Trek – the stuff geeks like us are passionate about. At the club we always said hi and hugged making small talk before going our own ways, usually getting caught up in dancing to the music. I almost asked him out twice, both times when he was visiting the store.

Both times I chickened out. I feared rejection. Anthony was handsome, and cute… no way would he go for a guy like me. Not that I was bad looking. Most people would say I’m cute, just not handsome in the classic sense that I’d found so many homosexuals seem to dwell on. Still, I’d had my share of great looking men flirting with me or asking me out over the years – so I certainly couldn‘t complain! Getting picked on as a kid for being tall, skinny and having buckteeth really did a number on my self-esteem. But, even ten years after high school and a successful record with some very hot men, I still found it hard to believe when a good-looking guy asked me out or wanted to dance. So nothing ever went further with us.

After awhile, Anthony got involved with someone named Henry and moved to New York and I got involved with Jim. We never saw each other again. Who knew that both relationships would be so problem-filled? Henry turned out to have a drinking problem and Jim was using me financially, even getting arrested for embezzling. For six years, we both tried to make a go of our respective relationships, each hoping we could solve our partner’s problems while putting up with crap – a familiar story.

In my case, I’d actually broken up with Jim early on and had started to date a wonderful guy named Miguel. But no, I was head-over-heels in love and went back to Jim. I often wondered what would have happened if I had kept dating Miguel - but that’s another story. Neither Anthony nor I’d had much luck in dating since splitting with our respective “ex”. A lot of that had to do with being careful. You know the old saying about “once burned”…?

Now it was 2010. On a Facebook page dedicated to “remembering the nightclub Twilight Zone”, Anthony saw my name and posted a cute remark about a song he knew I’d always loved dancing to. At first I wasn’t sure this was the same Anthony I’d known. Let’s face it, 18 years had passed and the profile pictures on Facebook are rather small. But once we became “friends” and began writing one another, it all came flooding back. We had a great time reminiscing, catching up and getting to know one another far better than we had in the past. It was like we’d know each other forever.

We shared things about our lives, thoughts and emotions we’d rarely told anyone else. Along the way, we confessed how we both had found each other attractive and had almost asked each other out. Anthony had backed out because he was afraid it might be moving to fast, that we should continue to grow as friends first, something that he was afraid of losing if things went wrong.

There were a couple of times where we flirted in our e-mails such as when I wrote that he was “still very handsome, cute, intelligent, witty and fun. You will make a great catch for someone”. But then I made light of it with a joke, “Unfortunately, like grouper, there are periodic bans on catching, and this must be one of those ban periods!” Anthony responded, “You are so sweet, and absolutely handsome and adorable yourself :)” and changed the subject as well. Now after a couple of weeks of writing to each other on a daily basis (we both had the quirk of preferring writing to talking on the phone) we were finally going to meet in person - in a bookstore, naturally!

I was a bit nervous. We’d seen pictures of each other in albums on our Facebook pages, but that wasn’t the same as real life. I think I’d aged rather well for being in my 40s. I still had my “boyish-cuteness” thanks to the blessing (and curse) of oily skin. My straight brown hair appeared a little bit lighter than when I was younger due to a sprinkling of grey in my hair – with just an accent of white at the temples. My hairline had receded to a degree that it was simply at a higher level on my forehead without actually balding. If one hadn’t seen my hair in the past, it probably wouldn’t be noticeable.

At 6ft 4in, I was still slim, and although I have to admit, I could “pinch an inch” at the waistline, still had a great chest and arms. I wasn’t a hunk and never had been, but had long since become comfortable with my image.

I recognized Anthony as soon as he entered the store and we embraced in a big hug of two friends genuinely glad to see one another again. Almost simultaneously, we both said, “You’ve lost a bit of hair!” and broke out laughing as we took in each other’s appearance. Yep, Anthony’s dark brown hair had receded as well, thinning up front and slightly on top - but on his strong face, it looked good. Otherwise, he looked the same as I remembered him, tall (just a tad shorter than me), handsome good looks with the shape of his chin and nose, but cute with his mouth and light blue eyes, which still had that twinkle of a kid at heart that I’d so loved.

There were just flecks of grey in his hair and I could tell he still had a nice build under his t-shirt and button-down shirt. He looked pretty damn good for 40! As we hugged again, I could tell he had a bit of a “spare tire” too, however his strong back beneath my fingers and his large chest against my still sent a tingle to my groin. “Hey, we’re just friends”, I told myself; “I shouldn’t even be thinking this way.”

We spent the next hour just talking about books we’d read during our time apart. Except for the odd reminder, such as the fact that two Star Trek series and several movies had come and gone in the interim, it was as if no time had passed. Finally, we were both hungry and decided to have lunch at Chilli’s. I drove and as we got in my car I told Anthony how nice it was to have him back in my life. Laughing his infectious laugh, he agreed.

Over lunch, the talk grew more serious as we both filled in the details of our bad relationships and re-iterated how we’d liked each other in the early 90s and what had stopped us both from going further. Our philosophies about life were very similar. Neither of us believed in nursing regrets. Life has certain patterns to follow and lessons to teach. Despite the hard times, both Anthony and I had become better, stronger people through our relationships with Henry and Jim. It probably hadn’t been right for us then, I said as we accidently reached for the same mozzarella stick. Our hands brushed lightly against each other’s. Our eyes locked and a smile came to both our faces.

I really don’t know what I was expecting as I followed Anthony back to his apartment. After that “moment” at Chilli’s, we’d settled into safe conversation about our hobbies and respective DVD collections. The invitation to come back to his place to see some vintage editions of the game “Clue” was really innocent to a board game collector like him and geek like me. We were both having fun. I’d dropped him off where he’d left his car at the bookstore, and even though I pretty much knew the area he lived and had directions, I stayed within in sight on the drive.

My heart pounded whenever we stopped at a light and I saw him look back in his rear view mirror and give a little wave. I waved back and wondered if I wasn’t reading more into this than was really there. Just because you’re both gay and obviously like one another doesn’t automatically mean you are going have sex together. We liked each other’s company; I told myself, don’t think about anything else. What will happen will happen. I’d meant it when I told Anthony I was glad to have him back in my life. We had so much in common, our renewed friendship was something I truly valued more than” a romp in the hay”.

Anthony’s apartment was just as I’d imagined it - neatly furnished, but full of items reflecting his interests - books, DVDs and toys from sci-fi movies & TV. It was a fun place, just like him. He proudly showed off his board game collection, which was truly impressive. I loved seeing how the art had changed on the game of “Clue” over the decades in reflection of the times. However, the heat of his body standing next to me started my mind wandering in other areas and I had to force myself to focus as he continued to talk.

Then he pulled out his photo album from his time in New York and had me sit down on the couch next to him. I admit, I took advantage of the situation and sat just a tad closer than I would have with most friends. It was sad when he pointed out what had changed after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. I can’t imagine what it’d been like living there at the time; the memory obviously still bothered him. I reached for his hand and held it to comfort him.

It was an instinctive reaction on my part, one that was appreciated and reciprocated as he squeezed my hand in response. Without even planning it, I lifted his hand to my lips and kissed it gently. My eyes took in every contour of his long but slightly thick fingers and the hairs on his knuckles that brushed against my lips. I had always found hands erotic and Anthony’s hands were turning me on - big time! They were soft, yet manly and firm.

I looked up at Anthony’s face and saw his beautiful blue eyes looking deeply into mine. I let go of his hand and moved mine to the side of his face. I could feel the beginnings of stubble under his smooth skin and began to guide his face towards mine. There was no resistance. Our lips met softly in a chaste kiss, then his mouth opened over mine initiating a dance of two mouths hungry for one another, each kiss more passionate than the last. As our tongues began exploring each other’s mouths, Anthony raised his hand to my face too, both of us holding on firmly as if not to let the other falter if we got too out of breath. Man, was he a great kisser!

Finally stopping for air, we simply sat on the couch, holding each other’s faces, smiling with joy at one another. “I love you,” I told Anthony, “These last few weeks have been like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I’ve so longed for this moment.” Anthony replied in a choking whisper, “I love you too. Sometimes I wasn’t sure how you felt when we wrote and I didn’t want to hope.” It seemed a chance moment was bringing us together. Or was it one of those patterns of life and meant to be? Maybe there really were second chances

To be continued…