Ask Me No Questions - End

Ask me no questions – Final Chapter I would never have believed that any person could forgive another for something as horrible as what I had done to Scotty. My own father didn’t speak to me for nearly a year after he beat the shit out of me in my bedroom. He and my mother have really never recovered from that. What goes through a mother’s head as she watches the man that she loves, attacking the child that they have created? If I live to be 125-years old, I will never forget the sound of my mother screaming at my father, telling him that he was killing me. As much as I love my parents, I would gladly relive those 5 minutes, everyday for the rest of my life, if it could erase the 5 minutes in Scotty’s backyard. I am standing here in the very spot where Scotty and I had so much fun. Tom Sewyer Island was like a paradise to us. We were young then and didn’t have to worry about these strange feeling brewing inside. Well, I didn’t have to worry about them back then. I know suspect that Scotty may have been carrying them for quite some time. I can only imagine how heavy that must become after awhile. It kills me to think that the very moment where Scotty needed my the most in his life, was the same moment that I abandoned him, and hurt him beyond words. I can hear some boys playing on the rope bridges and it reminds so much of Scotty and I before all this mess. I can hear the sound of gunfire that Scotty used to make by sticking his tongue out slightly between his teeth. I laugh thinking of how he would always play with me knowing full well that I was going to cheat. And he’d get mad each and ever time. “Aww Come on Terry! You’re dead. I got you! Cheater!” Scotty would say. These thoughts have are all that remain from the best days of my life. This is my punishment, and I accept it. This is the pain a friend feels when he stands over a gravestone wishing for one more game, one more toss of the ball, one more anything. But you can’t go where he is, you have to wait your turn. But the sting is even greater when the one that is gone from you life, sleeps soundly in his bed every night, right across the street from you. For the past 3 years I have sat in my window every night looking over at Scotty’s house. And every night I would wait until I saw his bedroom light go out. “Good night Scotty, I love you.” I would whisper to myself before climbing into my bed. I just realized that I will not be home tonight to do that I am afraid because it’s the only thing that I have that let’s me know that he’s safe. And then I heard his voice. “Don’t turn around” God! Even his voice has changed so much, but I recognize it and somewhere in that older voice, I hear that very frightened boy telling his best friend that he is falling in love with him. Then it all came back. I mean all of it! I could hear things in my head that I didn’t hear on that day. The day that I wish I could forget. I hear things that I could have gone the rest of my life without remembering. His voice so closely to my ear has brought to the surface, things I didn’t recall or had chosen to forget. It’s too horrible. I don’t want to remember this! No! “Terry no! Stop Terry, I love you, What did I do? What did I do? You’re hurting me Terry, Stop it please, I love you.” I want to feel pain but all I can feel is Scotty putting his arms around me from behind. His chin in on my shoulders and he speaks softly into my ear. I look down at my waist and I see these hands. They’re bigger and older now, but I know those hands. This is real, It’s Scotty holding me. My heart feels like it my stop, and if it did, I’d be okay with that. “Scotty” I said. “Shhhh just listen.” Scotty said. “I have never stopped loving you. Not because I haven’t tried. Believe me I have tried Terry. But it’s no use. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with out you. But you have to promise me Terry. Look at me. Look at me Terry!…..Promise me that you’ll never hurt me again, and I’ll love you forever, I swear!” I’ve given up trying to understand how the “answered prayers” thing works. I just make sure that I take all of the good that has come from it and pass it on in every way that I know how. Scotty and I sat on our little secret for a few months. We wanted to get all of the rough patches out before we dropped the bomb on our parents. Not that we had made up and were friends again. They’ve known that since the night we came home from Disneyland. It was the part about us being gay, in love, and spending the rest of our lives together that we argued over who’s parents will know first. We left it up to a few games of ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS. I just couldn’t believe that Scotty didn’t think that I’d try to cheat, but he caught me and I was glad. I’ll never get tired of being scolded by my best friend. “Awww Come on Terry! I saw that! You did rock first, then you changed to paper. Come on Terry! I won you cheater!” “Okay baby, you win.” The end