Blood and Love : Chapter 12

*** Sean’s story VIII

The sudden noise made by the screaming alarm cut through the dead silence in the room, pulling me out of the thoughts I had buried myself in. I sighed but didn’t take my eyes off the ceiling. With usual habit I extended my arm and hit the alarm shut. Immediate silence was restored. It was 7:00 am now. I hadn’t slept a wink seventh night in a row since the Halloween. Spending the night staring on the ceiling thinking about Evan and the injustice life had wrecked on me yet again. Not once since I had asked him to get lost had I been able to get him out of my thoughts, my heart. His smiling face continued to play before my eyes. My dreams pivoted around him. I yearned for him. I loved him. I wanted to be with him again.

But, I could not. The lies, the betrayal, the cruel reality had constructed an insurmountable barrier between us. A barrier which how hard I tried, continued to exist, firm and solid. Aaron had come running to me that night begging me to forgive him. He told me the truth. He cried for me. I had to forgive him. I didn’t want to lose my brother when I had just got him back in my life.

We had hugged and the tears had eased the pain a bit. But, he mentioned Evan and the agony came gushing back. I was bent on not forgiving him. I couldn’t just forget everything and act as if nothing had ever happened. The shock of his being a vampire had subsided. That hadn’t been an issue. I loved him. And I knew he was not a monster. I regretted having called him that. I had cried over the harsh words I had said to him. In the dark room, crying my heart out, I had breathed “Sorry Evan” into the darkness.

I couldn’t understand my feelings. If I so loved him and regretted having called him a monster, then why had I decided to distance myself from him? Why did his lies hurt me? Was not he trying to protect me? But, he had lied to me. He had kept me from the secrets of his life. He had thought me unworthy to be a partner in his life’s secrets. Why should I continue to be with him if he thought of me as unworthy?

Why should I be with a person who insulted my intelligence and muddled with my brain whenever I had doubts and was close to knowing his secrets. I couldn’t move over the fact that he had not considered me an equal and deserving. My self-respect had proved stronger than my love for him. I didn’t want a suffocating relationship. A relationship built on the feeble foundations of lies was not what I sought. Everything had ended that night. Or had it?

Evan had not walked up to me or confronted me. In fact he had maintained his distance. However, he kept glancing at me, his beseeching look seeking an answer, a hint of renewing our wilted relationship. I continued to ignore him and did my best to prevent my face from betraying any weakness or even the slightest emotion of pain and love. We still hanged out in our gang but never spoke. The others had sensed that something was amiss. Rebecca had asked me over lunch once. But, I hadn’t revealed anything. I couldn’t bring myself to revealing Evan’s identity. That was not my job. In fact that wasn’t what I could ever do to him. I couldn’t even think of hurting him, no matter how hurt I felt. Tyler hadn’t asked questions but tried to keep the tension at bay and the liveliness of the group intact.

Stephan had not said a word over the affair, nor had he asked me anything. I guessed he had contacted Rebecca for the info and decided to stay mum. I wasn’t going to bring it up either. Stephan was my best friend and I had never kept any secrets from him. All these years we had shared every little thing of our lives. Ever since I began to go out with Evan, I had got distanced from Stephan. We didn’t go to school together anymore or get that quality best friend time.

He had never complained but I had sensed it. Perhaps, that was the reason he had seemed disappointed on Halloween night when I had said things were great between Evan and me. Evan had said he was interested in me but I had rejected the thought. This best friend reason seemed more apt and sensible. Plus Evan hardly knew Stephan as I had. Since Halloween Stephan had been distanced too but always popped up whenever I approached him. He never ignored me and respected my privacy. Aren’t best friends those you can always rely on?

I sighed and got up to get ready for school. Another day of struggle to stop myself from running into Evan’s arms. Dragging myself out of bed I walked to the washroom. Pulling the curtains aside I switched on the geyser before getting to brush. Looking into the mirror I realized I was back to my messy form. Messed hair, puffy eyes with dark circles and a weary look met me as I glanced at my reflection. Shaking my head I continued to shower.

***

Several teens made their way to the campus laughing and chattering away. Everyone seemed care-free and jovial. Their lives were so easy, so happy and content. No one seemed to have any miserable thoughts to pester them. Letting out a heavy breath I got out of my car and proceeded to meet my friends. As was the tradition they were gathered in the football pitch, enjoying the warm sun, talking. My eyes immediately settled on Evan who sat among them sad and secluded. How did the guy move out in the day? Aren’t vampires harmed by sunlight? The thought passed my mind as I made my way through the lush green field to join them.

“Hey dude! How’s it going?” Tyler addressed me in his usual manner.

“Fine.” Was all I said accompanying it with a smile. The others gave a nod or a ‘Hi’ or a smile and I acknowledged it. I sat down without as much as a glance at Evan. However, through the corner of my eyes I saw a fleeting moment of disappointment before he re-arranged his expressions.

Stephan continued. “So as I was saying, let’s go to Mysticus Grill tonight. It’s been ages since we’ve been to the pub.”

“That’s my man!” Tyler beamed and gave Stephan a high-five. “Been ages since I banged a chick.”

Rebecca rolled her eyes and shook her head. The action grabbed Tyler’s attention.

“What’s up with you?” He frowned.

She gave him an I-don’t-talk-to-idiots look and turned to me. “You’ll be coming, right?”

“I don’t think so. Gotta finish Reynolds’s assignment before she rips my head off.” I quickly made up an excuse. School was enough; I couldn’t hang out with Evan without risking falling for him again.

An immediate round of protests made its way throughout the group.

“That ain’t done, dude!” Tyler protested.

“Yeah! You haven’t been hanging out with us apart from classes for an entire week now. Don’t be a jerk.” Chris chimed in while Rose nodded in assent.

I wasn’t willing to give into their protests. “I dunno guys; the assignment’s important. I’m already late and delaying it will mess things.”

Suddenly, Stephan grabbed my arm and with easy strength turned me to face him. Eyebrows raised and a stern look on his face he spoke.

“Listen boy, we ain’t asking you! I’ll be there at your place at seven to pick you up. Don’t you dare say no or I swear I’m gonna kick your sorry ass real hard!”

Shocked out of my wits, I stammered. “Y…yes. Fine, I’ll be there.”

“Sensible.” With a satisfied look he released me and turned to the others.

Evan rose. “Guys, I think I’m gonna take off. See ya at the grill.”

A quick round of byes and see ya-s and Evan was gone. He had momentarily hesitated to say something to me but I had deliberately fixed my eyes in the opposite direction.

“So, how long is this shit gonna go on?” Tyler fired at me.

Deep in my thoughts I couldn’t place what he was referring to. However, as sense dawned on me I looked away. After a brief silence, I spoke.

“There’s no shit now. We’ve split and are moving on.”

“Moving on, my ass! Who do you think you’re kidding? We’re not retards. It’s obvious you guys love each other a lot. Then why the fuck are you hurting yourselves and each other?” He rambled.

“I said we’re moving on. And that’s it. It was a casual fling that lasted a couple of weeks. Now, it’s over and I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think is happening!” My temper had broken the restraints and I rambled on in rage and frustration.

Tyler opened his mouth to reply but Rebecca cut cross him. She put her hand on my shoulder and softly spoke.

“Sean, we are simply concerned about you. Ever since you guys broke up, you’ve been suffering. And that’s very evident. If you don’t want us to intervene, we won’t. But, at least think for yourself what is happening and where is all this leading to? Just think once; for our sake, if not yours.”

I nodded silently. Her words struck a chord somewhere deep down in my heart. I knew she was right. But, I had my reasons. And they didn’t know the truth. They couldn’t step into my shoes and experience what I had.

I turned to look at Tyler who seemed pissed. “I’m sorry, Tyler.”

He got up and with a sweeping look said. “At the grill at seven. Don’t be late.” With this he turned and left.

I sighed watching him go. What was wrong with me? Why was I venting my anger and frustration on my friends? They cared about me and wanted to see me happy. I shouldn’t act like a jerk. I decided to go to the grill tonight. If not for Evan, for my friends at least.

***

“Over here, man!” I looked in the direction from where Stephan was hollering. Tyler and he were playing pool. Judging by the flushed looks and over-board enthusiasm, the game had reached its unnerving level. Rebecca stood there sipping coke while Rachael was busy flirting with a couple of football jocks. Chris and rose stood hand in hand smiling at me. I noticed Evan wasn’t present. I didn’t want to meet him but a sense of disappointment rose in me. Why on earth was I having such conflicting feelings?

“Out in space again? Sean? Sean!” Tyler snapped his fingers before my face.

I started. “Yeah, I was listening.”

Tyler frowned. “Yep, I saw how attentive you were. Anyway, take a bet, who’s gonna win, Stephan or me?”

I shrugged knowing I couldn’t take sides. “Uhm….well….It’s a tough game.”

“Bah! Always the diplomat!” Tyler rolled his eyes.

I grinned sheepishly. After a crushing hug from Stephan I approached Rebecca who smiled at me. Tyler bent to take a shot and winked at her playing with his tongue. I smirked while Rebecca showed him the finger. He grinned and went back to the game.

“Seriously, he’s head over heels in love with you.” I teased her.

“Whatever. He’s a 24*7 horny scum bag. I’ve got better taste.” She said with a whiff of her long black hair and took a sip.

I laughed only to stop midway as I saw Evan making his way towards me. He seemed like a man on mission and I gulped. I knew it was time for him to confront me. Bracing myself for the attack, I started concentrating on the game.

“We need to talk right now.” Evan shot at me.

Without taking my eyes of the table I answered. “I don’t think there’s anything left to talk about. Go Stephan!” I clapped and hooted.

Evan grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the gang against the wall. He was breathing hard and his sharp blue eyes looked into me.

“I love you. And I can NOT live without you. Why are you doing this? Whatever I did was only to protect you! I just didn’t want you to know anything that could have to hurt you. Is protecting someone you love such a grievous mistake?”

“No, it isn’t. But lying to someone who loves you a hell lot and betraying his trust is! Do you think I’m a kid incapable of handling the truth? Or am I not worthy to know the truth? Everyone knew it except me! I can NOT be with someone who finds me unworthy!”

I boiled in anger while Evan’s eyebrows rose higher disappearing in his messy hair. The band had playing loud music and with every argument we shot at each other the music reached its loudest.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Unworthy? Lies? I love you more than anyone I have in all these years. And mind you when I say all these years, I mean a lot many! Why can’t you understand I did everything to protect you?” His last statement had been soft and pleading.

I felt my heart melting but steeled it again. “I’m sorry. I can’t get back with you. Now please lemme go.”

With a defeated look he released me. I took a deep breath, adjusted my shirt and walked towards the others who had been trying to hear the heated conversation over the deafening music. I gave them a I-don’t-wanna-talk-about-this look which prevented any queries.

Rebecca took a drink and handed me. “Here drink this and relax.”

I took the coke and started gulping it. I was in frenzy, my mind racing with the encounter. He had been so close and demanding. It had shaken me to the roots.

“Ladies and gentlemen may I have your attention please?”

I turned and so did everyone else to face the platform where the band had been playing. The lead guitarist was addressing everyone. Good Lord! I guessed some guy was planning on a proposal or shit. I liked cheesy stuff but with arguments with Evan I was extremely cynical.

“We have a young man here whose lover is angry with him. He plans to apologize by singing. Please cheer for this handsome young man here, Evan Damien.”

I spat the drink coughing. With eyes wide open I looked at Evan getting onto the stage. My heart was beating fast. What on earth was he planning now? Everyone cheered him, not to mention the sheer enthusiasm among my friends. Tyler was wolf-whistling while Rebecca beamed. Stephan quietly smiled while Rachel laughed and got on the pool table seating herself seductively. Chris put his hand around my shoulders laughing.

“Hey guys. My boyfriend’s angry with me. Sean Geller in that corner.”

A blue pool of light was hit at me and I felt myself going red with embarrassment.

“He thinks I’ve lied and think he’s unworthy. He refuses to forgive me. This song’s for him. I hope it gets him to realize what I’ve been trying to tell.”

There was another round of loud cheers as he began singing. A lot of “Awwwwwwwwwws” were heard and I heard “He’s so cute” from a number of girls. I looked straight at him, not having the nerve to look at the many faces turned towards me.