Brain wash

Being discreet and remain a homosexual are not possible after one makes the decision to seek a mate. And no matter how desperately one wants to only seek love and devotion it never worked for me just as most straight guys seeking a lady mate fails. The trial and error adventures in desperation that begins as ones physical and mental state of desires gets the better of their logical judgment. But the most fear is that ones discovers is the ones that show awareness to eye and body language will somehow accept and even make advances and then emotional try to and become ashamed of their conduct and then try to blame it on the one they accommodated to or for and often feel r-aped.

They go into a confession state of telling one or several that they were advanced on as to make them selves appear and feel like they never did do anything. But want it known that they were getting attention. 

A nark will shift all the blame on some other one or avenue before accepting their involvement as in persecuting others.

Even the ones they told on you will then want to try out with you and the plot gets thicker on you. For example this lad of nearing age sixteen whom I’d known since age seven and had argued with over his mischievous lecherous conduct and behavior on all matters except sex. He came on to me by straight out asking me if I was gay which I denied. He added that he heard that I was. I replied that he had known me several years and I was positive that I had never mentioned sex or made any advances on him.

He admitted that I hadn’t and if I had he would have killed me.
Well he let it ride till the next visit and again asked me if I was gay. I tried to change the subject and said. Why do you ask? He said I’m just curios. I explained that he didn’t need to know about my life style and didn’t have to worry about me trying to seduce or molest him. 

He just bluntly asked me how long my dick was. I admitted that it was not very large. He asked to see it. I said shut up. He had that lecherous look in his eyes and said the age old routine. I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours. I denied the request and wanted a way out of this new persistence attack by him.

Later on and during a visit he pushed the toilet door open to get a peep at me. Then a couple times came in unannounced as I was showering and once felt my wet butt and remarked that he wanted to fist fuck me. I thought that he had seen too many internet pictures. On the same visit as I was shaving and etc he came back in flashing me with his half grown gentiles. Wow! How he had chemistry way beyond my ever persistence and had more nerve than I will ever have. This went on and happened again after a few weeks and I noticed a new development in his gentile’s size and the pelvis hair. Then on visits he would just let it hang out as he paraded around and he was now bigger than me in the groins area. He was definitely a teaser show off and a flirt. Then a couple times he masturbated in front of me. He had no shame or pride or vanity in front of me and kept asking for head or ass and offering to give me head. Finally he got a lad his age and they both teased me saying that I didn’t know what I was missing as they kissed and done sexual conduct right in my presence. 

I knew I was only missing and avoiding jail time. I emotional felt a tug of love in my heart and loved being desired. But I couldn’t encourage them and remained domical. Then later he got a second boy friend that wasn’t as eager to display their conduct but was finally convinced by him to also love on him in front of me. This kid had persuading talent unlike anyone I ever knew to get his way. Somehow I managed to keep uninvolved physical or personally with them, but I sure was emotional hurting mentally and physical desiring and eagerly really enjoying being the onlooker. But him being what I refer to as a street urchin because they all actually came from broken homes cause me to think him and maybe they had a fatherly attitude for me. Any way his mother being a renter and a shackler moved out of my area and the other two boys never came around after he left and I was relieved because I knew I would have finally gave in to him and now I feel so relieved from the pure pressure and frustration he imposed unto me. 

His departure was one hell of a relief. Laws are never written to protect adults from minors. And all those TV sex scandals of Popes and singer Jackson never know about the minors involved true behaviors. . Parents don’t really know their children. But most often they can’t fool their children. Their children mostly really know their parents. I can still visualize the beauty of his and their exerting bodies and the glazed lust in their eyes and the smooth vocal hypnotism his cooing voice could impose on me and of his and their innocence and the no fear of social brainwash preference as they fulfilled their need for sexual climaxes.

What I can’t understand as how he had those cute guys and still wanted my attention or favoritism.
And why did only his adoring eyes and nudeness affect me and the other lads didn’t? I did relent to his farewell sweet wet kiss and the rapture of his emotional parting hug that choked me up with tears that still lingers on my mind.

Which do you prefer? To do something to someone, or for someone, or with someone? Or do without anyone?
Is loneness worth abiding by the laws and all the religious and social brainwash fears imposed on us???

Most persons feel and think that when showing anger or perception they are gaining envy and feel heroic.