Brother, Oh Brother

I turned and faced the mirror. Jasper stepped up beside me and we studied our reflections. It was as I expected. It was impossible to tell us apart. I had to blink several times just to be sure that one of the faces I was looking at was mine. Jasper grinned broadly.
“This will work.” He said excitedly. “I know it will.”

I still had my doubts but I had to agree with him. We might just be able to pull it off. Earlier, after Jasper had dressed in his room, he’d come into mine and we’d exchanged clothes and then he’d fixed my hair like his. Now, he quickly combed his hair like I usually did mine and he grinned again.
“Okay.” He said. “Let’s go. I’ll be you and see you guys off and then I’ll go and meet Doug.”

Downstairs, Richard was hopping from one foot to the other, anxious to get going.
“’Bye guys.” Jasper said, pretending to be me. “Enjoy yourselves.”
I waved at him, still a little uneasy about what we were doing.

“’Bye Preston.” Richard said with a smile. “We’ll see you at about eleven-thirty; twelvish. Apparently it’s quite a long show. Enjoy the peace.”
“I will.” Jasper said. “I’m going to curl up with a good book.”

In the taxi, Richard rested his hand on my thigh and I cursed Jasper. Maybe he’d lied about Richard not liking public displays of affection.
“Your brother is really cool.” He said conversationally. “I like him a lot.”
This pleased me somewhat and my heart did a neat back-flip.

“He doesn’t seem to be quite as rowdy as you are.” He finished. “He seems more grounded somehow. It’s nice; very refreshing.”
“Yeah.” I said, getting into Jasper mode. “I was always the noisy one. I guess because I’m older than him by three minutes and I always needed to assert my authority.”
He was silent for a moment.

“I like your cologne.” He said. “Is it new?”
Shazbot!! We’d forgotten about our colognes. Jasper wore a sandalwood fragrance while I went for a more spicy scent.
“Yes.” I said quickly. “I got it while I was at the expo.”

“Mmm.” He said and sniffed the air near my face. “Very nice. Kind of sexy; I like it.”
Another idiotic back-flip from my fickle heart. Get a grip, I berated myself, no poaching in Jasper’s territory.

We were silent for the rest of the taxi ride to the theatre. I sat next to him, a little tense and terribly aware of his warm palm on my thigh and what it was doing to me.

In the end, Jasper was right. Once we arrived at the theatre, Richard never touched me again. In fact, he kept a comfortable space between us at all times. Even in the auditorium, he sat upright in his seat, only leaning closer to me to comment on the production. The taxi ride home echoed our trip to the theatre. He rested his hand on my thigh and we chatted amiably about the show we’d seen. It had been an interesting mix of modern and classical theatre with some rather interesting innovations.

“Does Preston like the theatre too?” He asked at one point.
“Yeah.” I said. “We both did drama at college along with our majors.”
“Really?”

“Yeah.” I said and laughed. “We would be in two productions at once sometimes. It was fun. He would be in say . . a Greek tragedy and I would be doing a modern comedy. We would learn one another’s roles as well as our own and then we would trade places and alternate our parts, you know, tragedy one night; comedy the next. It was a lot of fun. We got to do two shows at the same time and no-one was any the wiser.”

“Do you guys do that a lot? You know, trade places.” He asked, his eyebrows raised.
Careful, I warned myself.
“No, not anymore.” I said guardedly. “We just did it at college.”

He nodded and then looked out the taxi window.
“It just seems a little weird to me, that’s all.” He said softly. “Like being two different people at the same time.”

I felt a little bad because that’s exactly what Jasper and I were doing. I liked Richard very much, maybe a little too much for my own good, and I hated the fact that I was deceiving him and I almost told him the truth there and then. Almost.
Maybe it would have been better all round if I had.

*** Break Up.

After we had arrived at Jasper’s apartment, I mumbled something about checking up on Preston and dashed upstairs while Richard put the coffee on.
Jasper was sprawled across my bed reading a magazine, dressed in a pair of shorts and T-shirt.

“Hi!” He said casually. “How’d it go?”
“Fine.” I said as I hurriedly began to undress. “Now get changed and go down there and make nice, okay?”

While we changed, I gave him a quick synopsis of the play Richard and I had seen and lightly went over some of the conversation we had shared.

When he was ready, he blew me a kiss and disappeared. I collapsed on the bed and sighed with relief. It was over, I thought, and I vowed never to do this sort of thing again, ever.
Unfortunately I was wrong, it was not over. Not five minutes later, I heard Richard yelling. I got up and went to the door and opened it slightly to hear what was going on downstairs.
“Preston!” Richard yelled. “Preston get down here! Right now!”

I knew then that the proverbial shit had hit the fan and Jasper and I were shazbot!
I steeled myself and slowly walked down the stairs. Jasper was sitting on the couch, white faced and Richard was pacing back and forth. He saw me and stopped.
“I don’t know what kind of game you guys are playing?” He said angrily. “But I want it cleared up right now.”

“Richard.” Jasper said softly. “It’s no big deal.”
“You!” Richard said pointing at Jasper. “Shut up, whoever you are.”
“It’s me, Jaz . . !” Jasper began but Richard cut him off with a wave of his hand.

“I said shut up!” He said harshly. Jasper sank back into the couch quietly. Richard looked from Jasper to me and then back again.
“At this point I can’t tell who is who.” He said to me. “You forgot to change your hair back, if you’re Preston.”

Richard walked up to me and then around me. He stopped behind me, put his hand on my shoulder, leaned close to me and sniffed the air next to my face. The warmth of his hand on my shoulder and the closeness of his face sent bolts of electricity charging through me.
“Yeah.” He growled. “As I thought.”

He moved around me and then stood facing Jasper and I, his hands on his hips, his long legs apart. I knew immediately that it was all about the different colognes.
Richard pointed at me.

“You were the one who went to the theatre with me.” He said softly, menacingly. “Don’t try and lie your way out of it. I have a very keen sense of smell and your cologne is the one I could smell in the taxi.”
I nodded slowly.
“Yes Richard.” I said quietly. “I went with you, but I can explain.”

“Don’t!” Richard said. “Don’t even try to explain yourself.” He paused and glared at Jasper. “But now, the guy I thought I’d gone out with smells of a completely different cologne.”
He glared at each of us in turn and my heart fell at the way he looked at me. I hated that his eyes were so full of contempt and loathing. It hurt me terribly.
“One of you, show me the tattoo.” He said softly.

Jasper stood and pulled the hem of his shirt up and revealed a tiny tattoo of an ankh; the Egyptian symbol for life, in the small of his back.
“It’s really quite simple.” He began. “You see I didn’t want to disappoint you about the theatre and I had a meeting and . . . !”
“Stop it!” Richard yelled and I jumped. “Just . . stop it!”

He pointed at me.
“Do you have the same tattoo?” He asked. I shook my head and to prove it, I lifted my T-shirt to reveal my clean back.

“You guys think this sort of thing is fun, don’t you? You, Preston?” He pointed at me and I nodded. “You said it yourself in the taxi, didn’t you. Quote, “it was a lot of fun”, unquote.” He paused and drew a deep breath. “Well you’ve had your fun, both of you, so laugh it up. I don’t want any part of it.”
“Richard it was not like that . . !” I tried but he stopped me.

“Enough!” He glared at Jasper. “Jasper, I don’t know what kind of a game you’re playing but I’ve had enough of it . . and I’ve had enough of you.” Richard growled. “You think I don’t know about your sordid one night stands, your secret little meetings? Well, I have news for you. I’ve known for some time.”
Jasper sank back into the couch defeated.

“And you!” Richard looked at me, his eyes unfathomable. “Although I’ve only known you for a couple of days, I know this is not the sort of thing you . . !”
He paused and shook his head as if to clear it. I stared at him helplessly and I realized that I had lost something vital, something that I’d never had but wanted desperately.

“I really liked you a lot and I never expected something like this from you. Unlike Jasper, I honestly thought you were beyond it.” He finished, his eyes dark and . . angry?

He looked at us for a minute. Jasper and I kept silent, neither of us had any idea of what to say. All I could think of was the fact that if he left, I would never see him again and the thought just about killed me.
“I will not be taken for a fool!” He finally growled and then he turned and walked out of the apartment.

*** Endgame.

The next morning I awoke after a restless night, sad and disheartened. I had had very little sleep. I was hurt and confused by Richard’s reaction to our ruse and I wanted a chance to explain myself to him. I hated the fact that he thought ill of me. I wanted him to like me. More than anything, I wanted him to love me because during the night, I’d finally admitted to myself that that was how I felt about him. I had fallen for him the moment he’d opened that door and kissed me, although it had taken me a couple of days to realize it.

Jasper greeted me cheerfully downstairs.
“It was bound to happen sooner or later.” He said. “At least I can cultivate Doug now without sneaking about.”
“Do you know where he went?” I asked softly.

“Who?” He replied. “Doug?”
“No you fool, Richard.” I said. “Do you know where he would have gone last night.”
“Back to his place, I suppose.” He said offhandedly. “He still kept his apartment although he was living here. I think he had an idea it wouldn’t last. I imagine he’ll come by sometime to pick up his things. And I’m not a fool!”

“Yes you are.” I said. “Look where you’ve got us.”
“What are you so upset about?” He said. “In a way I’m glad it’s finally over.”
“You maybe.” I said.

Jasper looked at me carefully.
“Oh oh!” He said and laughed wildly. “Methinks the little sibling is in love!”

I glared at him.
“Can’t you be serious for just one second. Is everything a joke to you?” I berated him.
“Sorry, little brother.” He said and his face grew serious. “But you are aren’t you?”
“I am what?” I asked.

“In love, you dolt!” He said. “With Richard.”
I nodded slowly.
“God help me, yes.” I said softly. “I know it sounds crazy but I am. I realized it last night when he . . !” I stopped.

“When he left?” Jasper finished for me.
“Oh Jaz, yes.” I said. “When he walked out, I nearly died because I knew I would probably never see him again. And the way he looked at me. It was so full of . . anger and . . contempt!”
Jasper came to me and gently put his hands on my shoulders.

“No, little brother, you’re wrong.” He said gently. “That’s how he looked at me. With you it was different. When he looked at you, his eyes were full of anguish and pain. I know. I was there and I saw it.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Yes, really.” He said. “That man is in love with you but I don’t think he knows it yet. Give him time and he will.”

I thought about this for a moment.
“I need to talk to him.” I said.
“Then go to him.” Jasper said and released me. “Go on. Go and tell him how you feel.”
“But what if you’re wrong about him?” I said. “What if he doesn’t . . !”

“Pres, trek donra con vas sen nevet!” He said. [“You have do like I tell!”]

I nodded obediently.
“Garvan dak forta!” He finished. [“Go now time!”]
Jasper’s directions to Richard’s apartment building were very precise but I really didn’t need them. I met Richard about two blocks up the street. I stopped dead when I saw him walking up the sidewalk towards me. He saw me and slowed slightly, but he kept walking.
“Hi.” I whispered as he stopped in front of me.

“Hi.” He said, his eyes unreadable. “Show me the tattoo.”
I slowly shook my head.
“I don’t have one.” I said softly.
“Show me anyway.” He said.

I lifted my shirt and showed him my bare back. He nodded and sighed.
“Look.” I began. “I know what you think of me but please, I need you to hear me out and then I’ll leave you alone.”
He nodded again and thrust his hands into his pockets.

“I never wanted to . . deceive you . . I agreed to it because he asked me to. He’s my brother, my twin and we’ve always been there for each-other.” I began. “I . . like you very much . . and it was not my intention to . . make a fool of you. Nor Jasper’s. He needed me and although I didn’t agree with his motives; I was there for him. That’s all there is to it.”
I paused. Richard’s brilliant eyes stared into mine.

“And I’m so sorry for everything.” I continued. “I felt really bad about it and if it’s any consolation, I nearly told you in the taxi on the way back from the theatre because I hated myself so much right then and I hated what I was doing. So much so that I was prepared to risk everything to tell you the truth.”
“Everything?” He asked quietly, his voice neutral.
I nodded.
“Yeah.” I said softly. “Everything.”

“I’m a little confused here.” He said. “I can understand that Jasper would not want to risk our relationship but just exactly what would you have to risk by telling me the truth?”
“Your . . um . . your friendship?” I said hesitantly.
“My friendship?” He asked, a small smile on his lips. “Just my friendship?”

I shook my head slowly.
“Then what else?” He asked.
“You.” I said simply.
“Now I wonder what you can possibly mean by that?” He queried softly.
“You’re making fun of me now so I’m leaving.” I said. “I’ve said all I wanted to say, take it or leave it. ‘Bye.”

I turned and started to walk back to Jasper’s apartment. Then I was aware that Richard was walking beside me, keeping step with me. I stopped and looked at him my eyebrows raised.
“Are you following me?” I asked.
“No.” He replied. “I’m going to Jasper’s place.”
“Oh.” I said and stared at him silently, needing him, wanting him, loving him.
“Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m going to Jasper’s apartment?” He asked.

“Okay, I’ll bite.” I said carefully. “Why are you going to Jasper’s apartment?”
“To get my things.” He replied with a smile.
“Yes, I assumed as much already.” I said.
“And yours.” He finished softly.
“Mine?” I asked, a little stunned.

“Yes, yours.” He said with another smile. “I thought it might be nice if you . . you know . . stayed with me for a while.”

I looked hard into his eyes and I knew then that my life was about to change. He started to walk on.
“I would like that, very much.” I said as I fell into step beside him.
“Although I must warn you that my apartment is not as big as Jasper’s so I don’t have a spare room.”

“Well.” I said carefully. “You have a couch, don’t you?”
“Yes.” He said and smiled a slow meaningful smile. “But it’s not very comfortable so I guess we’ll have to . . you know . . share my king size!”

His eyes spoke volumes and I knew that everything was going to be alright.
“I’m not opposed to . . um . . sharing.” I said with a smile.
We walked a little way in silence.

“When you say . . for a while . . um . . how long . . how long do you mean?” I stopped and asked hesitantly. He stopped walking and faced me, a small smile on his lips.
“Oh, I don’t know.” He replied offhandedly. “Shall we say . . indefinitely for now.”
“Indefinitely sounds really good.” I said with a laugh.

He took my hand and continued towards Jasper’s apartment, pulling me with him. I looked down at our clasped hands.
“Jasper told me that you don’t like . . um . . public displays of affection.” I said softly and lifted our clasped hands up.
“Jasper knows shit!” He said with a laugh and lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the back of it.

“I know.” I grinned. “But that’s Jasper.”
“Do you want to know something else?” He asked softly and he squeezed my hand gently with his. The feel of his strong fingers wrapped around mine thrilled me to my bones.
“What?”

“I think it was that kiss that did it.” He said and I smiled. “And your response to it.” He laughed. “You nearly fell over. I can’t wait to try it again.”
“Anytime, anywhere!” I said with a laugh.
“But the first thing we must do after we’ve moved our things, is get you a tattoo.” He said.

“But I don’t want a tattoo.” I said.
“Yes you do.” He said adamantly. “If you want me, then you want a tattoo. You want one for my peace of mind. Just a small one, nothing elaborate.”
“Alright.” I said. “For you, I will get a tattoo.”

“Good.” He said. “And it has to be visible, completely visible.”