Changes

“Trying hard to breathe now but there’s no air in my lungs, there’s no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb. No one knows…” I sang the words of one of my favorite 3 doors down songs. I loved the band because I could relate to almost every song. I doubted the vocalist was singing to a guy, but it fitted so perfectly that maybe he was gay. Like me.

I won’t start with the beginning, which would be when I realized I was gay, but more in the middle... five years later. My parents already know I’m gay ( I came out to them at 16), and after the very brief feeling of relief from the burden that was crushing me, I never talked about it again.

Only they know and they obviously want to know more, when I knew I was gay, how, did I like any one, had I been with anyone; but talking about that was next to impossible. So now, five years after I knew I was gay and four years after coming out to my parents, is as if I never had told them; after a while they stopped questioning me, realizing I was never going to about it with them.

So now I sat in front of the computer, waiting for my friends to pick me up, singing along with my favorite band. As I sang with them, my heart tearing as I thought of the many crushes I had had. Some bigger than others, but all of them stayed secretly stored in my broken heart. Every time I listened to 3 doors down the pain and the love that I kept buried deep inside, resurfaced, breaking my torn heart every time. I would remember the pain and think that someday my heart would blow, my body would break or I would just die, how could I deal with a broken heart that kept breaking? I would have a crush on one of my friends, I would sense he was gay, I would get crushed with the realization that he’s not, and then I would be dead on my feet as I watched him making out with a girl, and all the while hiding my pain, trying not to let my straight act get broken.

My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of my cell phone. My heart skipped when I saw the name on the bright screen. “Hurry bitch!” Matt’s sexy voice said on the other side before hanging up. I turned off the computer and rushed down the stairs.

“Bye mom!” I shouted as I opened the door.

“Bye, honey! Be careful!” she said as I closed the door behind me and walked towards Matt’s BMW. He honked as I walked towards the passenger’s seat.

“Hey bud” he greeted me with a smile. In the few seconds the light turned on when I opened the door I could see his gorgeous face. I smiled at my latest crush, Matt.

We had been friends for a few months, ever since we got most classes together. One word to describe Matt would be perfect. He had changing, bright eyes; sometimes green (like tonight), sometimes brownish with hints of red, sometimes a mix between green and blue. He had a perfect, white smile, his face was round and hard, his hair was a light brown and then his body. With his smile my heart melted and with his body my dick erected. Tonight he was wearing an opened, white shirt, displaying his hard and smooth chest. His biceps were bulging as he drove to the club.

“Did you talk to Stacy?” he asked as I looked at his beautiful face. I couldn’t help but smile.
“Nah, I talked to Christina, she said they were definitely going”
“Sweet. I’m so fucking horny, dude. I’m soo getting a piece of Stacy tonight man” his eyes shone. I chuckled, burying the light torn in my chest. I shifted my position so he couldn’t see my dick was hard from looking at him. Even his smell was intoxicating.

“What bout you, Mark. Who you going after tonight?” he asked looking at me.

“You” I teased.

“Oh, baby, and you’re looking so sexy” he said laughing as he made a face. I laughed and turned to see out the window.

I wasn’t nearly as good looking as him, but I was far from ugly. I was tall, lean and hard. My eyes were dark brown and so was my hair. If I wanted I could fuck several girls in school, but my dick does not point in their direction. I looked at Matt as he turned on the volume on the pop song that was playing and I took the liberty to stare at him a few more seconds. He was breathtaking.

“I love you” I said without thinking. My body fell cold and my insides were burning as I realized what I had just said. He looked at me to see if I was kidding but when he saw my panicked look he said “what?”

“Uh-“ was all I could say. My face felt it was burning and my hands started shaking. Was he going to kick me out, was he gonna punch me? He was definitely going to tell everyone. How could I be so stupid? He stared blankly in front of him and stopped at the red light. Say something, do something.. oh god, oh god. I looked at his expression, trying to figure out what he was thinking, what his next move was, what I was going to do. He turned to see him with his bright, green eyes, I couldn’t read the expression on his face. Suddenly he moved his face closer to mine and kissed me.

My fantasy was broken when Matt’s cell phone rang. “Yo!” he answered, resting his elbow on the side of his door. I sighed and looked down at the very visible hard cock in my pants. I took a deep, sad breath as I looked out the window once more.

A few minutes later we got to the club. We got out of the car and I followed him to get a glimpse of his perfectly round, bubble butt in his tight jeans. I had to fight an impossible fight to keep my dick from going hard, and to keep my body from throwing myself on top of him and fucking him, kissing him, sucking him- Stop. That was no way to keep my dick from going hard.

In clubs was where my straight act was at its best, I would drink, I would dance and I would make out with one of the girls in our group, tonight was Lizzy’s turn… again. We were dancing as we moved to the beat of the song. As we kissed I tried to keep my eyes closed, this was really hard for me.. I guess because I really didn’t want to be kissing any girl. Just Matt. I though of how he was probably making out with Stacy, I thought about who was looking at us, hopefully there was someone looking.
Then I heard laughing and a flash gave me an excuse to open my eyes; just as I hoped four of the group were standing close to us laughing.

“Nice, Liz!” one of the girls giggled. Liz reacted by smiling and pulling me closer to her. By no means was she ugly; she had blonde hair to her neck, smooth skin, slender body, nice ass… she was one of the hottest girls in fact. And that was the problem; she was one of the hottest girls, not the hottest jock god, Matt.

It was then that I saw Matt grinding Stacy in the dance floor, he turned to see me and laughed, winking at me. Then they started kissing, by the way he was moving I could tell he was drunk or getting there.

I resumed my drinking and the night moved on… dancing, kissing, and drinking. Around 4:30, Liz kissed goodbye and I saw her walk away with Stacy, both swaying her hips as they left the club.

The group had left and it was just Matt and me; drunken almost passed out Matt, who was hugging me and saying something unintelligible. “Ok buddy” I said as I grabbed him by his waist and started carrying him out the club. I smiled as I felt his hard abs. I did love him, I thought as we walked towards his parked car; well I walked and he was more the lump over me. He kept trying to say things and laughing all the way to the car.

“’Kay Matt I need the keys” I said as he rested on the car, seconds away from passing out. “Keyz….” He said and laughed. “Argh” I said annoyed as I reached inside his pockets trying to find his keys. It turned me on how close I was to his big dick. But then again just being near him always turned me on. I guided him to the passenger’s seat and then I sat in the driver’s seat.

“Where keys. Mark… “ he said with his eyes closed.
“I have the keys, Matt. I’m driving us home”
“Mmmm” he said before passing out.

Getting huge Matt out the car, up the stairs and into my room while trying to be quiet was an ordeal. When I finally threw him on my bed I stood in front of him trying to catch my breath. As I did I realized I was standing in front of him… sleeping, godlike Matt. He was spread on the bed with his arms opened and his legs hanging. My breathing normalized and my cock started hardening, reacting to what I was about to think.

Matt was passed out on my bed. I could stare at him all I wanted, I could… touch him, all I wanted?. No its wrong, I said to myself, but my body urged me to do it. My chest was burning and my dick was completely hard now. I looked around the dark room. The door was locked, my parents were asleep and Matt would definitely would not wake up.. and even if he did, he would never remember. I bit my lower lip. Ive buried my urges too long now.

I started by touching his hard thigh, waiting for him to wake up. Nothing. I touched his hard bicep. Nothing. I squeezed his hard bicep. Nothing. I ran my hands through his chest and down to rock abdomen. Nothing. Never had I been so turned on, my dick felt it would explode. I ran my hand through his perfect face, I ran my finger over his luscious lips and then caressed his neck. I stood a moment, staring down at him… he hadn’t moved a bit. I smiled at the boldness of my next move, my chest burning with anticipation and tingling with the fear of being caught… of he waking up and finding me on top of him. I decided to sit on his lap.

I positioned myself so that his bulge would be right under my crack, so I could feel and imagine I was riding my jock crush. I ran my hands through his body again, this time putting my hands inside his shirt, I smiled at how great his hard, smooth body felt. It was then I noticed I was doing light movements with my hip, burying myself on top of him, feeling his dick more and more. I heard him moan so low I wasn’t even sure he did it. So I stopped, waiting for a movement or a sound, but nothing else happened. Except one thing… his dick was getting hard from my light hip movements. I decided to get off of him and grab the bulge.

At first I squeezed it on the outside… It was great, more than I had ever thought I would be able to do. But then I decided I wanted more. I looked at his face for any sign of him waking up as I slid my hand down his pants. I passed his pubes and then reached his thick, hardening cock. I started slowly jerking it to life inside his pants, I was dying to strip him so I could suck his also perfect cock.

But that would be too much, even if he was passed out. I tried memorizing his cock, feeling every detail so I would remember forever. I got my hand out his pants and stared down at him once more. His beautiful, serene face still sleeping. Then I did what I wanted to do the most, what I wanted to do since the moment I saw him, what I wanted to do every time I was with him.

I kissed him.

*******
Starts out slow but Im just building everything up. Sex WILL come soon.