Confessions: Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I got home around 8 o’clock and just sat in my truck for a moment with my head on the steering wheel. I had a headache that felt like it could have been a migraine. I was still as mad hell at what Damien had called me. What nerve, to call me gay. Sure I had kissed him, and maybe even held him through the night, but that didn’t make me gay in the least. I finally got out of the truck and slammed the door, not able to fathom such thoughts anymore. 

When I got in the house, my mom was already cooking breakfast, and my dad was sitting at the table reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee. I hated this part. My parents were like magnets for problems, and I sometimes think that their paternal instincts are a little too strong. 

“What’s bothering you son?” My dad said still looking at the paper. God, why couldn’t they just go one time without reading me? 

“Nothin’ dad, I’m fine.” 

He just peered over the top of the newspaper and looked at me, obviously sensing that I was lying.

“Well… Damien and I kinda had a fight.”

“My God, what about?” my mom said placing plates in front of my dad and I. 

“It’s nothin’ really. Just stupid teenage stuff.” I had already begun thinking of a lie to tell them, just in case they pursued the conversation. Much to my relief, they didn’t.

“Well, I hope you two work things out. I couldn’t imagine you two having a disagreement about anything. Would you like a little breakfast sweetie?” she said bringing a stack of pancakes to the table. 

“No, I’m not really hungry…I think I’m gonna go and lay down for a while.”

With that I got up and trotted upstairs. I moped into my room, locking the door behind me. I felt like shit. I dropped on my bed face first, and just lay there for a moment thinking. Why in the hell did this have to happen to me? Why not someone else? Why didn’t it happen to an asshole like Zane? I didn’t care anymore, it was starting to hurt to think, and my head was still pounding from an unyielding headache. I pulled myself up from the bed and went to my bathroom to get some aspirin from the medicine cabinet. I was walking with my eyes closed because just about any form of light made my head hurt worse. I opened the medicine cabinet and blindly began to feel for the familiar shape of the aspirin bottle. Had it not been for the fact that I managed to accidentally knock everything down while searching for the aspirin, I never would have seen a little note sitting on the edge of the counter. 

I was a little puzzled at first. Did my mother or father leave me a note? I slowly and cautiously approached it, as if I were approaching an active bomb. I picked it up and quickly realized the handwriting; it was definitely Damien’s. I grabbed the aspirin bottle and went back into my room and sat at the foot of my bed reading the note. 

“Julian... 

I know that it’s unlike me to tell you something in this way, especially since we are open to each other about everything. However, what I am about to tell you kinda transcends that borderline. I simply don’t have the guts to tell you this face-to-face, but I’m gay. No, I know what you are thinking, and this is not a practical joke. I figured that by the time that you get this note, you will be too drunken and too hung over from the night’s festivities to realize what it says. I’m sorry if I’m offending you in any way, and I will understand if you don’t want to room with me in college. But I know you, and I hope that you can accept this part of me.

-Damien”

Of course…that is what had taken Damien so long in the bathroom. Even though I appreciated the gesture, I was still mad as hell at him for calling me gay. I wadded the note up and threw it into the garbage can near my nightstand. I popped the cap of the aspirin bottle and took two of them. I laid back for a moment and just stared at the ceiling. The same thoughts and questions ran through my head again. I was really getting tired of all this, and apparently my mind wasn’t the only thing getting tired, because I managed to fall asleep moments later.