Confessions: Chapter 7

Chapter 7

We arrived in the Bahamas around 4 p.m. that day. I had taken frequent knaps in attempts to combat the intense boredom of the plane ride. For a time I actually forgot about Damien and the situation at hand. I wasn't about to spoil my vacation because of this stupid incident. We bagan to exit the plane in pairs. I waited for my mom and dad at the terminal. Damien walked passed me and I regarded him as if we was a complete stranger. He stood about a foot behind me motionless, not saying a word. Finally my parents became visable in the mesh of people exiting the plane. 

"I'll go and find our bags" I said not thinking. I just wanted to get away from Damien. It's odd now that I think about it how he used to be my most trusted confidant, and now I didn't want to stay 5 minutes in the same room with him, let alone be his friend. Just as I turned to walk away, I heard his voice.

"I'll help you." I turned back and looked at him with the angriest look that I could dredge up. I didn't say a word as I just shook my head and continued walking to baggage pickup. I could already see our bags as I approached. I reached for my my parents bag, and then mine. As my hand was extending out to reach the handle of my suitcase, Damien's hand and mine connected as they both grasped MY suitcase. 

"Damien, I really don't have time for these games. Let go of my suitcase, and leave me alone."

"I'm just trying to help. Your hands are already full, let me take your bag."

"I can get it myself, now move." I began to get a little more assertive with Damien. Damien reluctantly moved his hand and just stood back and watched me pickup my suitcase. My hands were obviously full, and I looked like and ass with my mom and dad's bags under my arms, and mine in my hands. I obviously needed help, but I wasn't about to let Damien see that. I began to walk and realized that it just wasn't happening. Just then my stubborness caught up with me as I dropped all of the bags. Damien immediatly ran up and kneeled down to help me pick up the bags. As we were both reaching for the same bag, our hands brushed each other. I just stopped and looked at the floor for a moment. Damien then leaned in and whispered in my ear again, "You can't run forever." 

I just stood up with the bags and began backing away from him like he had an infectious disease. Just when I was almost out of his voice range, I saw him whisper something again. I could barley read his lips, but I could tell what he had said. Damien had said, "I know" and then I turned and walked away. What the fuck did he mean by "I know?" There was only one thing that he could have been talking about, and deep down in my heart, I prayed it wasn't what he was referring to. However, deep in the confinds of my mind, I knew what he was talking about, as you will soon find.

***

The day went by pretty quickly and it was getting late. I had stayed out all day long (not hanging around my mom, dad or Damien) viewing the sites on my own. Before I knew it, it was about eleven o'clock and I knew that I really needed to get back to the hotel. As I stood on the elevator watching the numbers go up...1...2...3.. all the way to the seventh floor, all that ran through my mind is what Damien had said earlier. I just knew that he wasn't gonna let it go, but a guy can hope. I approached the room door and began to insert the key. I paused for a moment putting my ear to the door listening for any sound whatsoever. I heard nothing. I continued turning the key and opened the door. The room was almost pitch black except for the moonlight that was shining through the windows of the balcony. Damien was asleep. I went over to my bed across the room from him and turned on the lamp on my nightstand. I plopped on the bed and just listend to the silece for a moment and glanced over at Damien. His body was motionless. I figured that he must have fallen asleep waiting for me to return probably. But from the looks of things, he was in la la land. I pulled off my shoes and socks and began to undress. When I got to my belt buckle, I hesitated for a moment and looked back at Damien to make sure that he was really asleep. To think, I had undressed in front of him many times, never knowing that all the while he was attracted to what he saw. This is the first time that I was uneasy about undressing around him. After I confirmed that he was sleep, I pulled my jeans down, and walked over to my suitcase to get my pj's. As I was sifting through my clothes, a raspy voice broke the silence.

"Nice view" I heard Damien say rubbing his eyes. I looked back and saw him staring and my ass. I immidiately stood up and covered myself with my pajamas.

"Look Damien, I'm sick of you stupid little comments. I put up with it today, but if you bother me tonight, one of us is going over that balcony." Damien pushed back his covers and sat on the edge of his bed.

"Easy, Easy, I'm just trying to make light coversation."

"Well, that's not a way to do it. If you want to make light conversation, you ask me how am I, or who a football game or somthing. You don't look at my butt and say nice view."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind" Damien said with a little furtive smirk on his face.

"But that doesn't mean that you don't like it."

"Damien, don't start" I said finally stepping into my pajamas and pulling them to my waist. "I told you already, I'm not gay."

"Chill out, no one said that you were." 

"Oh really now. I seem to recall about a month ago that I was on a dock consoling a friend and was blatently told to my face that I was gay."

"Well, since I didn't get the chance to apologize because I was sitting on my ass from being punched in the face, I'll take the time to do that now Julian, I'm sorry."

"I guess I deserved that. Look, I didn't mean to hit you, but you pissed me off, that's all. I'm sorry"

"People sometimes get mad when confronted with the truth Julian."

I once again became infuraited. I felt the same rage I felt from that night quickly returning, but I was determined to not let Damien see that he was getting to me. Damien stood up and began walking toward me.

"I know that you liked what you did that night Jules."

"Shut up Damien." I yelled as I began backing away from him as if he was approaching me with a knife.

"I felt your heart race when you kissed me" Damien was getting closer now.

"I said shut the fuck up Damien!" I yellled, my voice picking up volume. I wondered if my parents in the room next door heard me. Damien was still approaching and was about to say something else before I cut him off.

"Don't say another fucking word or..."

"Or what?" he cut me off. My back hit the wall. There was nowhere to go, and Damien was only about a foot from me.

"Or you'll play with my dick again?"

"SHUT UP DAMIEN" I repeated, my voice audibly broken.

"Oh, no, maybe you'll suck my dick again, like you did before."

That was it. My blood ran cold. I was frozen, shook, unable to say a word. I didn't think that Damien knew about that. *Let me fill you in. See, sure I held Damien that night on the docks, but unfortunately that wasn't the only thing that happened. I was sure that Damien was sound asleep (or at least I thought he was), and my curiosity got the best of me. What guy hasn't thought of how it would feel to have a cock in his mouth? I know that I'm not the only one. The truth is, while Damien slept that night, I gently unzipped his pants and just let my tounge touch the tip of his head, thats it, nothing more. I had no idea that he felt it. When I looked up at him, he still had the same sleeping expression on his face. There's no way that the he could have felt that (or so I thought.)* There was nothing that I could do now. It was all out in the open. There was no way that I could put the genie back in the bottle. Damien had me cornered

"Damien I didn't suck your dick"

"Licking...sucking...it's all the same" he replied in a sarcastic manner. I was shocked. No amount of resourcefulness would get me out of this. I turned my head away from Damien, to ashamed to look into his eyes. He was about an inch away from me now and I could feel the warmth of his body. He leaned foward and whispered , "Don't fight it." Remember when I said earlier that when Damien has his mind made up about something he won't budge? Well it's very true, and not even this situation was exempt from his sense of sterness. I felt his breath on my neck. I felt my muscles release. Whatever tension I had evacuated my now spagetti-like body. 

I felt the familiar form of a mouth very, very gently kiss my neck. My knees began to get weak.

"What are you doing Damien?" I said, my voice still breaking and trembling. Damien didn't answer, but responded with another very soft peck on my neck. I wanted to back away, but I couldn't. I had butterflies in my stomach, and my knees were about to buckle. The truth is, I liked what Damien was doing to me.

"I'm only doing what you want Julian, and obviously I'm doing something right because you haven't pushed me away yet." Damien reached up and began to nibble on my earlobe. I felt my hand begin to rise and bald into a fist. Damien reached up and put his hand in the middle of my chest. It felt like fire, and a chill went across my body. About midway up, my fist drooped. I couldn't hit him again or push him away. It would only cause more conflict, and truth be told, I liked what he was doing. I knew that deep down a part of me had to be gay (or semi-gay) because what he was doing was turning me on. I did the only thing that I could do, I relented to him.

I began panting and placed my hands around Damien's waist. That was all he needed. The beginning of my reciprocation initiated more vigorous kisses from Damien's wet lips. He began to move downward, past my neck, and to my chest. He kissed in tiny circles around my pecs and nibbled on my nipples. I felt constant chills course down my spine, despite the fire that Damien's body felt like. He continued moving downward, downward, until he was kissing my navel and lower abdomen. I watched him grasp the waistband of my pajamas, and begin to pull them downward before I grabbed his hands to stop him.

"You know what Damien, I can't, I really can't do this. I won't lie and say that apart of me doesn't want this, but another part of me doesn't want it, the sane part of me."

"What's is there to be afraid of Julian? There's nothing wrong with being gay. You have nothing to fear, and as I said before, I'm here for you. You're a "late bloomer" and I know that all this is new to you, but I am here help you through this. In time you will learn that being gay is not a crime, and that there's nothing that you can about it. Don't you think I went through the same thing? I fought with every fiber of my being not to be gay at first. But the truth is, there really is nothing that you can do about it. Do you think that I just woke up one day and said, Well, I guess I'll be gay for the rest of my life, like when you say , I guess I wear my white sneakers today, or my blue jeans? It's not that that easy, and the truth is that it's really not a conscious decision. I assure you that it will be a lot less emotionally painful for you if you just give in to it, because the pain doesn't last long, and I can tell you for sure that what you are about to experience will be miles away from painful. But don't take it from me Julian, choose your own path, and if you honestly want me to stop, then just say the word, and I will stop."

I stood there for a moment dazed, looking into Damien's eyes, pondering his speech. He was right. Fighting this part of me would only cause me more emotional stress, and besides, if I was gonna be with anyone, why not someone that I have known for my entire life and is basically my blood? I just continued to stare at him, not saying a word.

"Well, I'll take that as a yes then" Damien said with a noticebly happy smile on his face, and began pulling my pajamas and underwear down by the waistband. The air was cold to my naked body and I once more felt a chill. Damien was only inches away from my dick, and I felt myself starting to tremble. He paused for a moment and looked up at me.

"Last chance Julian. If you want out, stop me now, because when I start, there's no stopping."

I just turned my head from him slightly, closed my eyes amd barely uttered the words "Go for it."