Cool Fools 2: Loss and Gain

In his sophomore year, Woody followed his sister’s advice and found a girl named Ashley Lace and took his time in casually dating her. Perhaps it was a bit too casual and too slow for the girl, as she complained that he spent more time at football practice and working out to enhance his physique than spending time with her. She asked him why they always went out according to his timetable, and why he never considered putting time off to go out with her when she was free. He told her if all she did was complain when she was with him, she should go out with someone else…and so she did.

She went out with Bruce Armstrong, the younger brother of the football player with whom Jessica Little cheated last year. Bruce was also one of the bullies who used to pick on Woody and his friends. So naturally Woody and Bruce were mortal enemies, and he knew Ashley was only going out with Bruce to make him jealous. And it worked…

Woody stopped her while she was walking home after school to ask, “Why are you going out with that punk?” 
“Because he actually gives a crap about me!” said Ashley.

“He’s a fucking stupid meathead…And alrighty, you got me! I’m jealous. So why don’t you tell him you were only using him, and we can go out to dinner whenever you want…”

“You talking to my girl, there, Woodchuck?” sounded the low gruffly voice of no one else but Bruce Armstrong, his shadow looming behind Woody.

Woody turned around, his fist already clenching. He disliked people calling him by his proper given name, but he detested people who called him Woodchuck, and Bruce and his gang were the only ones who called him that. Woody glared at the much taller footballer player and said, “Ashley, why don’t you just tell Bruce, here, the truth. That you just went out with him to make me jealous.”

“No!” she said “I’m actually going out with him because he treats me properly.”

“See, now why don’t you get outta—” But before Bruce could finish his sentence, Woody’s fist flew at his nose. The bigger boy took a step back and wrinkled his nose and growled, and then he charged forward to knock the smaller boy down. Burce, like his brother Bruno, was over six and a half foot tall and was extremely built. Each of his arms was comparable in size with Woody’s thigh, his torso twice as big as Wood’s, his first three times as big…and so it really wasn’t much of a fight. Woody lied on the ground, his nose bleeding, his face dented, his whole body broken and cracked, and he watched Ashley grab Bruce’s arm and hugged him as they walked away.

****

Woody quickly walked past White Geekz, hoping that Ethan wouldn’t see him and ask him to come in. Woody had no problem with being seen in the comic-book store anymore; it was just that he had more important things in mind, and he would rather not tell anyone—not Jimmy, Billy, nor Reed and especially not Ethan. The store Woody wanted to go to was Sports Fitness Drugstore and he quickly entered it. A bulky bald guy with a rather chiseled good-looks was manning the store and asked if he needed help. Woody shook his head and went searching in the aisle to find what he wanted. 

Woody saw a small 100-tablet bottle of creatine supplements and picked it up. But next to it, he noticed a 250-tablet bottle and exchanged it. But at the end of the shelf, he came upon the bottle for 1000-tablets, and Woody quickly snatched that up instead. It was a ridiculously large bottle, but mental arithmetic told him that it was the cheapest per tablet to buy in bulk. He brought it up to the counter just as Ethan White came in.

“Hey, Sher—I mean, Woody. What happened to ya face?” It had been two weeks since Woody was beaten to pulp, and he still had bruising around his eyes and cheeks.

“Tripped…”
“Onto someone’s fists?” Ethan laughed.

“What are you doing here?” Woody didn’t want to sound too annoyed, but he was.

“Oh, buying some icy-hot for my dad,” said Ethan, “What are you buying?” The burly bald guy with chiseled good looks shook the large bottle of creatine. Ethan nodded understandingly, “That’s cool. At least you’re doing it the legal, safe way. Just remember to drink a lot of water. Believe me, they can dehydrate you really quickly. And it’s always a good idea to stretch before and after lifting to prevent cramping…” Ethan seemed so casual about it, Woody wondered why he was so afraid Ethan would find out.

“Yeah. Listen to him,” the burly bald guy said, “I was gonna tell you that. But it’s better to hear from the State Champ, isn’t it?”
“Thanks, Ron,” Ethan winked at the man, “You staying at my place or I’m staying at yours tonight, babe?”

Woody thought he heard wrong. Did Ethan White just ask to sleep over with this guy named Ron? No…No, the better question was…did Ethan White just ask to sleep over with a guy? But then again, Ethan did sound a bit sarcastic, maybe he was only joking and Woody misinterpreted it.
“Your place,” said Ron, “Otherwise we’re gonna have frozen pizza for four nights in a row.”

“Kay,” Ethan slapped two dollars on the counter and leaned over it to kiss the bald man for a quick second. He pulled back and looked and Woody and asked, “I’m dating him. Do you have any questions?”
Woody gulped dryly and shook his head.
“Okay, see you around, buddy,” Ethan walked out with a box of icy-hot and then turned around again, “I might drop by some time. I miss ya mom’s cooking.”

Woody went home with the big bottle of creatine and immediately went downstairs to work out. But of course, his mind was racing with questions. It had been six months since his sister passed away. Shouldn’t Ethan still be mourning? He did after all say Laurie was the greatest girl he ever dated; he said he loved her. So why was he dating again so soon? How long has he been dating that Ron guy? Why was he dating a guy at all? Did a gay virus get him? And could the gay virus be cured once you’ve had sex with a guy. Woody was disgusted by the thought of men having sex with each other. A man and a woman had two perfectly compatible organs that fitted so well together…but a man and a man could only fit where it shouldn’t be stuffed! It’s gross. Why would anyone want to get their penis all covered in shit and crap. Even if they wear a condom, they’ll still have to take it off, won’t they…so they’ll have to touch the feces eventually…After everything, Ethan had plummeted in the negative region of cool points.

****

Woody stood on the porch steps of a dilapidated house and knocked. A moment later, a woman opened the door. She wore a sports bra under sleeveless shirt. She had thick, vein-webbed arms as big if not bigger than Woody’s, and her legs were definitely more ripped than his…more ripped than any woman’s body should be. “Come on in,” she said in a low hushed voice, and Woody quickly entered. The house was dark and dank. The walls were plastered with posters of the bodybuilding woman’s poses. “How much money do ya got?”
“Two hundred,” Woody replied.

“Pills or injection!” she asked.
“What’s the difference?” Woody wondered.
“Injection works better.”
Woody nodded. “Then I want that!”

“Good. With two hundred, that’ll get you two of these. Probably last you two weeks,” she threw the bottles of liquid and a hypodermic needle into a small black bag. 
“Thanks,” Woody gave her the money and grabbed the bag and head for the door.

“You know how to use it?”
“I’ll figure it out.” 
The door closed behind him. As Woody stepped down the porch and headed to his car parked by the side of the road, he heard an all too familiar voice call out his name, “Sherwood…Woody, over here!”

All Woody wanted was to run for it, dash to Mexico or Canada, but instead he turned to his right to see Ethan White walking up to him. Keep it cool, Woody told himself, maybe he doesn’t know…

“What are you doing here?” Woody asked.
“I live here. I moved out of my parents house after I graduated high school, remember?” said Ethan, “The better question is, what are you doing here…especially coming out of her house…”

“Nothing. Just asking if she wanted to buy something for a fundraiser.”

“I’m not stupid, Sherwood,” Ethan didn’t bother to correct himself, “Why the hell are you buying steroids? Why didn’t you stick to the creatine?”

“It doesn’t help. I’ve tried it for three months already. It doesn’t help!”

“So you’re trying to kill yourself with steroids?” asked Ethan, “You’re in great shape, perfect size for a quarterback. And besides, football season is over. Why do you want to bulk up so badly?”

“Why do you fucking care?” snapped Woody, “You’re not fucking dating my sister anymore. You moved on with your…gay lifestyle. So leave me the hell alone.”

“I would,” said Ethan quietly, “But I care about you too much, Sherwood. You see this ring?” Woody stared at the large gold ring that proved Ethan was a football state champion, “I won this sober and clean. And I’m very proud of it. I don’t want you in two years time, to lead your team into the state tournament, knowing full well that you cheated your way through it. Do you understand?” Ethan sighed, “I don’t care what your reason is…if you want to bulk up, let me help you. If you’re not afraid of…what’s your friends calling it…gay virus…I can be your trainer.”

“What do I do with these?” Woody was referring to the black bag.
Ethan took the bag, “Give me it. I’ll get back your money,” “Maria owes me her life.”

“Really? Why?”
“Heart attacked. I brought her to the hospital. I think it was the steroids…”

****

Woody stood on the porch steps of a small house with white sidings. Before he knocked, he could hear two voices from inside: one of the voices belonged to the owner of this house: Ethan White; and the other voice Woody took a while to recognize as Ron, the burly bald guy from the fitness drugstore.
“…because I just don’t think it’ll work out between us,” sighed Ethan.

“That’s not a good enough reason,” Ron said, “We’ve been having such a great time for months…no fucking arguments at all…we’re getting along great…and then all of a sudden, you now say it won’t work out?”

“I’m really sorry, I really don’t see it going anywhere…”
“What do you mean? I’m asking you to move in with me.” Ron gave a scoff, “As far as I know, that’s one of the biggest steps in a relationship!”

“I’m sorry. That’s all I can say…”
“I’ve been working next door to you for a few years now. I know you so well. I know your type, Ethan. You like the chase…you’re afraid of commitment.”

“That’s not true!”
“Yes it is,” Ron proceeded to explain, “There’s Charlie…going out for nine months…all going so well and you dump her. Then there’s Rebecca…chased her tail for seven months til she finally gives it up and then you dump her the next month. Then there’s Chloe, she maxed out after six months. And finally there’s Laurie, the fluke, she didn’t give it up until a week before she went to college. So you never had the time to break up with her…”

“Shut up! Laurie’s the only person I’ve ever loved.”
“Well, it seems the longer the girl holds out, the more you love ‘em. Isn’t that, right?”

“No, okay?” Ethan said, “That’s not true at all. Come on, I have the same dating record of any guy my age…I mean, I’ve dated four girls in four years…What’s so bad about that? I’m sure other people have worse…”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Ron guffawed, “You’re right. There are loads of people who have worse dating records. But their relationships broke up because someone cheats or because they have a lot of fights or they just can’t stand each other…but all your relationships had gone smoothly until you abruptly decide to call it off!”

“I’m sorry you think that way…”
“I’m sorry you’re denying it,” Ron said, “I just hope you don’t hurt the kid…”
“Who?”
“Who else?...Sherwood or Woody or whatever you call him. You know, the minor you’ve been harboring illegal feelings for…”