I Married, Knowing It Wasn't The Right Thing For Me

Bobby slipped away from his Saturday morning chores, telling his wife that he was going to get a haircut. He hoped that he wouldn't have to wait long, because the real reason he was leaving was to visit a nearby gaybar where he was reasonably sure he would get a nice, comforting blowjob. He needed the blowjob a lot more than he needed a haircut. When he returned home, he would complain about having to wait for a long time for his haircut.

It had been six years since he had first slipped away and discovered the joys of having sex with men. He had known all of his lie that that was what he wanted, but growing up in the forties and fifties, hadn't afforded him the opportunity to explore his sexual interests. Living in a rural area was not a good place to be for a horny young teenager with a preference for men.

Getting married had been partly because he felt a lot of guilt over his desires to be another man and partly because, he hoped it would be a way of ensuring his family and friends that he wasn't gay. No one he knew was gay. He wasn't even sure that other gay boys existed. All he did know was that when someone talked about queers and cocksuckers, it was negative and hateful. His guilt grew bigger as he grew older.

By the time he was nineteen, he decided that getting married was the right thing to do. He actually loved, Tammy. They had known each other for the last two years of high school after she moved to Dome County from California. They didn't do alot of dating, but they went to the proms and school games together and saw each other socially at the church's youth meetings.

He wasn't even sure he was capable of having sex with a girl (or a boy for that matter). He decided that he would invite Tammy to a movie and later park in a popular spot he had heard his friends tell about where they (according to them) had taken the viginity of every girl they ever dated in the tree shaded area known as Lovers Lane.

Tammy had responded to his kisses, his probing fingers and roaming hands more than he had hoped for. It was Tammy whoe decided to take her bra off to give Bobby better access to her pert young breasts. When he pulled her panties down and she didn't object, he knew he was on his way to his first piece of ass.

He had not expected it to end so quickly. He thought that fucking should last for at least twenty minutes, but after four minutes, he couldn't hold back his ejaculation and couldn't believe that fucking was so much better than jacking off. He grunted as he filled Tammy's little pussy with his cum and afterward, she let him lay with his eight inch cock still in her for almost four more minutes.

She told him that it was great, but she didn't lie to him and tell him that she had reached orgasm. "I've had an orgasm only once," she told him as he drove her back to the house. "It happened when I was masturbating," she giggled.

"Shit, I thought you were going to tell me you had one with another guy," Bobby stated.

"Would that be a problem?" Tammy asked.

"No......I guess....not," Bobby answered reluctantly.

"You're not the first Bobby, but honestly, you were the best. You've sure got the biggest cock of any other boy I've been with, and it felt great while we were doing it. It just ended a little too soon, but it seems to be that way with every boy," she confessed.

Later, after dropping her off and driving home, he wasn't so sure about marrying her. He liked the sex okay, but he was a little surprised that she wasn't a virgin. It had been his first time and as he thought about it, he thought he was really naive because she accepted his cock so willingly, never complaining about pain. There had been no blood, but he wasn't sure that there was always blood when a girls cheery got popped.

It took a week before he decided that marrying her was the right thing to do. He liked the sex and he hoped it would help him take his mind off of other boys.

For the first year, he was very content with having sex with Tammy. He learned to hold his ejaculation until he was sure that she was ready for it, and she seemed to have no hang-ups at all. She didn't mind sucking his cock and even though he was pretty sure she wanted him to lick her pussy, she never once asked him to.

It was late in 1970 when he was Bobby and Tammy moved to California to live with her aunt and uncle to find better employment. It took a while, but eventually, Tammy found a job as a receptionist for an attorney and Bobby, after trying several factory jobs, found a job working for the parks in Los Angeles county.

He loved the job and they made enough money to live well, and in less than a year, they moved from their aunt and uncles home to an apartment of their own. They lived there only three months before they bought a small starter home.

Once they moved to California, Bobby realized that there were lots of opportunities for anonymous sex with other guys. He discovered adult book stores and peep shows and started going to them once or twice a week. He couldn't belive how easy it was to get a blowjob in one of the peep shows. He realized that he could have a blowjob from almost anyone in the place. After a dozen or so visits, he decided that the older men were best at cocksucking and he started getting more discriminating about who he let suck him off.

It was so quick and easy. It wasn't at all difficult to stop before or after work and get a quick blowjob. He knew that he had a bigger cock than most guys he knew, and he was pretty sure that he was better than average looking, so he quickly became comfortable with the bookstore environment.

Shortly after moving into their own small house, he met a young neighbor that was openly gay. Bobby had just turned twenty-one and his neighbor, Andy, was thirty-six. He had heard from other neighbors that Andy was gay, and at first, he avoided him totally. One Saturday morning as he was mowing his lawn, Andy appeared from nowhere and waved at him from the sidewalk where he was walking his black Lab.

Bobby shut the lawm mower off and as they introduced themselves, he couldn't help but be attracted to the man in the very short shorts, sandals and no shirt. Andy wore a couple of gold chains around his neck, but mostly what Bobby saw was beautiful, tan skin. "Come by and have a beer with me sometime," Andy had said as they departed after a brief conversation about the neighborhood.

Bobby could't get Andy off his mind for the rest of the day. He finished his lawn chores and took a quick trip to the closest bookstore, got a blowjob from a gray-haired man in his sixties and was glad to feel the relief from the pressure that had built up in his groin.

The satisfying effects of the blowjob was short-lived. Within an hour of arriving back home, Bobby was thinking of Andy again. Tammy was working as she did every Saturday morning, but she would be home shortly after noon. Even if she didn't see him go into Andy's place, other neighbors would and it wouldn't take long for the word to get out that he was visiting the queer down the block.

He managed to drop Andy from his mind in the coming weeks, but he heard about a gay bar just ten miles from his house and couldn't resist going there to check it out. He sat at the bar alone, studying the few men that were in the place. There were three feminine looking guys that hung around a juke box, picking out songs and giggling amongst themselves. There was a good looking couple that sat at the end of the bar, but they talked quietly together and showed no interest in him. A couple of Lesbians sat at a table holding hands and a cute young man sat alone at the opposide end of the bar, but he spent most of his time, flirting with the bartender.

The bartender, a man in his twenties, was handsome, and Bobby thought he would surely be happy to have the guy suck his cock, but he was younger than the men he dreamed about. He had only one beer and was on his way out of the bar when Andy walked through the door. "Oh shit, I've been caught. He'll know I'm gay. I wonder if I could say I stoppped in here by mistake. Damn, this is awful," he thought as he turned and headed for the restroom, hoping to avoid his neighbor.

Avoiding Andy was not to be. When he came from the restroom, Andy was playing pool with another new customer, right in front of the restroom doors. They made eye contact and they both paused briely before speaking. Finally, they shook hands and greeted one another and Bobby tried to hurry out, but Andy said, "Hey about having that beer we talked about. I'll buy."

Bobby looked at his watch as though he had somewhere he needed to be and then decided that he would stay for another beer. At least the guy is manly instead of sissy-looking like the boys he had seen hanging around the place earlier. "This won't take me long. I'm a pool player so this game is over," Andy said as he took his stick and knocked in one ball after the other, leaving his partner looking a little dumbfounded.

Andy said, "Rich, this is my neighbor, Bobby. Bobby, Rich....Rich don't get away from his lover very often but at least he got out for a while today," Andy chuckled, slapping his pool buddy on the back as they headed for the bar.

It was an awkward moment for Bobby. He had recieved dozens of blowjobs since moving to California, but he had rarely exchanged words with any of the men that sucked him off. He was at a loss for words and tried his best to relax and appear self-assured, but he was trembling inside.

Andy, at thirty six was about as young as Bobby had ever been attracted to. He wondered if it was because he was a neighbor and had thought about him so much. He studied his face as they talked and finally said, "Say, tell me, why aren't there more people in here. I mean, its great seeing you again, but I figured the place would be jumping."

"It will be about eleven o'clock tonight," Andy and his friend Rich said in unison. They laughed.

"Oh, fuck! That's late," Bobby said meekly.

"It's not late for our people," Rich said.

"Yeah, it'll start filling up in here a little before ten and by eleven, it'll be full, and there will be more coming," Andy said.

"Wow, late night partiers," Bobby said quietly.

"Are you really new to the scene? You look like a guy that would be in demand around these places. Macho, good-looking, hands a little calloused, nice deep voice, five o'clock shadow, great build...."
Andy's voice trailed off.

"Shit, don't say all that stuff about me. I'll get all big-headed and over confident," Bobby replied, chuckling.

As they continued to talk, Bobby opened up a little and talked a little about his history. Andy was a good listener and soon Bobby was really chatting, pouring his guts out, really. He finally realized that he was probably boring Andy with his life story when the guy was probably out looking for some one to suck off.

"What's the chance of getting away so we can hit a couple of bars togehter some night? I'd like to show you around and you sound like you need to meet someone besides your straight co-workers and straight neighbors," Andy said.

"Gee, I don't know. I might be able to do that, but I'd have to think up a damn good reason why I'm not home with my wife," Bobby said.

"Well, if you do, give me a holler. You're a hot guy. I think you'd have a great time," Andy offered.

Bobby departed. He was shaking and nervous as he drove home. He was more mixed up than he had ever been in his life. Not being a night person, he wondered if he would ever be able to mix it up with a big group of gay men all looking to connect with someone. He was't sure he even wanted to, but he wanted the opportunity. He felt really tied to Tammy right at that moment. "She's such a good person. What the fuck am I thinking?" he asked himself as he drove home.

When he arrived at his house, Tammy greeted him with a big smile and news. We're invited to our neighbor's house to play pinochle tonight. They're Jan and Aaron. You've met them," she said. "They're really nice and we need to make some friends beside our work friends."

Bobby was disappointed, but Tammy was right, he decided. We should have some friends. He liked both Jan and Aaron the few times he had talked with them. It'll be okay and keep my mind off my crazy fucked-up life, he thought as he continued the ongoing argument with himself.

Jan and Aaron turned out to be great neighbors and good friends and they helped Bobby and Tammy to meet other people their age. Evenually, their social life became better. Bobby decided that sneaking off to the bookstores was as good as he would do for himself. That is, until the day he slipped off for the haircut.

It was that day that he met Charles. At forty-five, Charles was the most masculine gay man that Bobby had ever seen. The guy at six foot seemed to tower over him, but instead of suggesting he give Bobby a blowjob, he said, "You've got a really great set of lips on you. I'd go crazy if you'd go home with me so we could really get comfortable with each other."

Bobby's heard raced. "Oh god, its what I want more than anything in the world. This is my chance. This is the guy. Oh fuck, how could I swing this," he thought to himself.

At the same time he was thinking about telling Charles no, he actually answered Charles. "Sure, I don't have a lot of time, but I'd love to go to your place."

That day was the first of a whole lot of firsts for Bobby. It was his first kiss from a man. Charles kissed him as soon as he got in the door of his white, two-story house. It was the first time that he took the cock out of another man's pants. It was the first time he was completely naked with another man. It ws the first time that he took another man's cock in his mouth. And finally, it was the first time he sucked a cock until it filled his mouth with man cum.

He left Charles' house that day and for reasons unknown to him, he didn't feel guilty for what he had done. Even getting blowjobs at the bookstore made him feel guilty, but now, he felt like he deserved what had just happened. He couldn't believe that the feeling of having Charle's cum in his stomach and knowing that his cum was in Charles', could be such a feeling of contentment.

That night, Tammy announced that she had been having an affair with Aaron and that she wanted a divorce. He had a hard time looking disappointed, but he was so surprised by it, that he managed to pull it off.

The next day, he moved out of the house, moved in with Charles and his new life began.

(If you are interested, wait a few days and I will write a follow-up story of Bobby's life once he and Tammy made the split)