It all started when I first saw you: The Aftermath

Hey again, this is the second part of “It all started when I first saw you”. This story is completely unrelated to “rolling in the deep” and features different characters while still being 100% fiction. Thank you all so much for emailing me and reviewing the story, I’ve been really pleased with the amount of positive feedback I’ve been getting and I’m glad I’ve been able to help a few people. Anyway, here it is!

LIAM’S POINT OF VIEW

I stood for a few seconds in disbelief, my mouth hung open, I could still taste Brad’s lips, then I turned and ran, as fast as my legs could carry me. I didn’t know where I was going but I just kept running, I tried to run faster, hoping to escape the sounds of Brad’s cries as I abandoned him. Finally I left the woods and returned to the park from which we had entered the woods in the first place. I stopped and leaned against a tree close by to catch my breath. Images of Brad’s face flashed through my mind. How could I have left him there in that state? He had finally opened up to me and I let him down. More than that, I had crushed him. For a second I was tempted to turn back, but what would I say? I couldn’t go back now, he would need time to calm down. Besides I was still confused in myself. “Why did this have to happen to me? Am I supposed to be gay?” I whispered under my breath. “Too late to go back now.” I started walking away from the woods, towards home, I needed to think.

BRAD’S POINT OF VIEW

I sat in the clearing for hours after Liam ran off. Just sitting with my eyes closed, blanking out the sounds of nature, I tried to cut myself off from the rest of the world and failed. No matter how hard I tried my thoughts were pulled back to the man I met just last night, I had been instantly taken by Liam, but things were now over before they even began. I replayed our conversation over and over again in my head. How I had told him about my brother, he had been so caring, so gentle. How could I have been so stupid to make a move on him? “Arrgghhh” I pounded my fists onto the log I was sitting on, immediately a sharp pain spread from my knuckles, I opened my eyes and looked down at my hands, they were red and bleeding slightly. I got up and started walking, following the path Liam had taken out of the woods. I stuffed my hands into my pockets as exited the woods, it was midday and the park was filled with people, I kept my head down and tried not to draw attention to myself as I walked home. When I reached my apartment I recalled how excited I had been when I left earlier, now I was returning, with no hope, no Liam, nothing.

I opened the door and threw down my keys before entering my bedroom, it still smelt like deodorant, I had put on far too much this morning, I was so excited, trying too look my best for Liam. I fell back onto the bed fully clothed. “Brad.” I waited for a few seconds before I heard the voice again. “”Brad is that you?” It was the voice of my brother, I opened my eyes suddenly. “Yeah buddy, what is it?” I got up and walked into his room, he was still in his bed, exactly the way I had left him this morning. “Where did you go?” His eyes looked inquisitive as he questioned me over my whereabouts, I had left hours ago. “Nowhere special, me and a friend just went to that spot in the woods, you remember, the one we used to go to.” I placed my hand on his stomach gently. Slowly his small, thin arm moved towards my tanned, muscled arm. His small thin hand wrapped around three of my fingers, it was all he could manage to hold. I felt his grip tighten slightly but he was too weak to hold me properly. “Really?” His eyes narrowed as he focussed on my facial expression. “Really.” I took my free hand and placed it one his small three fingers.

He frowned slightly before pulling his hand away. “Okay then.” I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, but when it persisted I realised someone was calling me. “You gonna answer that?” Peter asked with a smug look on his face. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and read saw Liam on the screen, I wasn’t sure whether or not to answer it but then I looked up at Peter and I could see it in my face that he was urging me to answer it. “Hello?” I got up and walked out of my brother’s room, closing the door to ensure he couldn’t hear me. Once I was out of his hearing range I changed my attitude. “Listen Liam I don’t wanna talk.” My brain told me to hang up but something inside me wouldn’t allow me to hang up when I heard Liam’s voice on the other end of the phone. “Please, just hear me out. I’m sorry about this morning… I eh, freaked out and I’m really sorry.” I leaned against a wall as I listened to his sincere, deep voice. “Well it doesn’t matter…” Liam cut me off “Don’t say that Brad please… I said I’m sorry but I know that’s not enough. Listen I know you opened up to me this morning. And that took balls, so I think I owe you the same, so can you just listen to me, even if just for a little while?” I knew I had to listen to him, I felt compelled to listen to his beautiful voice. “I suppose” I said calmly trying to act casual. “Good, listen, I’ve been confused for a long time now, about myself, but recently, I’ve started to well, accept who I am, and well, I guess it all started when I first saw you.

You made me think it was ok to be gay. Just the sight of you sitting at that bar was enough give me strength.” I listened closely as Liam explained himself. “I just, need to take things slowly, I’m not ready to have a ….. boyfriend, but I really need a friend, and I don’t see why you can’t be him.” I stood in silence for a moment, I could hear his breathing down the phone, I guessed he was probably nervous and this agonizing wait would feel like a lifetime to him, I didn’t want to put him through anymore pain. “Okay, I’ll be your friend” I smiled a little but tried not to make it too obvious to Liam. “Cool, so I’ll see you tonight at the park again? As friends, and I promise to be on time this time, say eight o’clock?” “I’ll see you then.” I think I could hear through his voice that he was smiling, great, see you tonight then, bye…” “See you later” I said before hanging up the phone.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself but I could already feel the excitement building again. Despite my immediate optimism, part of me couldn’t help but worry there would be a repeat of this morning, that I would do something stupid and scare him away again. My thoughts were broken when I heard my brother coughing, instantly I ran to his room, “What’s wrong? Are you okay? What is it?” He looked up at me and laughed before replying. “It was just a cough calm down.” He smirked at me. I scratched behind my ear and felt embarrassed, I always overreacted at the slightest things when it came to Peter. “Oh, sorry, I just wanted to make you were okay, you know how I am.” “Yeah well, I’m okay, I heard you on the phone just now.” He now looked more serious than before. “Oh? Well, what did you hear exactly?” “I heard you making plans to go out tonight…. And well, I know how long it takes you to get ready when you’re trying to impress a girl so you should probably start now.”

My face dropped a little, I hadn’t told him about me being gay. I figured he was too young for that stuff to matter to him, and by comparison to the other things in our life it didn’t seem that important. “I know, but not all of us are so lucky to be naturally good looking like you.” I joked with him then winked. He giggled a little but his smile quickly faded. “You think you’ll be okay tonight little bro, I won’t be late.” I hated leaving him alone if I didn’t have too, until I met Liam the only time I would leave Peter would be to go to work. “Yeah, you deserve to go out for once.” He smiled at me but I wasn’t sure how genuine it was. “I hate leaving you.” I sat on the edge of his bed the way I usually did. “Seriously, I just want you to have a good time for once.” He just kept smiling, come to think of it he never stopped, it amazed me how mature he had been over the last couple of years, he made me so proud. “If you insist.” “Finally, now seriously start getting ready now or you’ll be late.” Then I remembered he hadn’t eaten much this morning. “Not yet, we’ll get something to eat first, how does pizza sound?” Peter tilted his head to one side and looked out his window, “Sounds good to me.” “I think we have one, I’ll go check.” I got up of the bed and checked the fridge, we were in luck, I pulled out the pizza and put it in the oven, while we waited for it to cook we sat in his room and talked, just about stupid things, kids things.

Then when it was finally ready we sat in his room and ate it. I broke it up into small pieces for him and then watched him as he shoved it in his face, in the end his face was red with tomato sauce. “Why can’t you eat like this all the time?” I was joking but it made me think, I wished his appetite was like this all the time, I hate it when he doesn’t eat. “Dunno.” He said between mouthfuls of pepperoni pizza. When we had finished I rubbed my stomach feeling full. “Don’t worry, your stomach is still flat, your six back isn’t going anywhere.” I laughed as I stood up. “Peter, I told you, it’s a six pack, not a six back. And of course it’s not going anywhere, I’ve had it since I was sixteen. Someday you’ll have one too.” I pulled my shirt up slightly revealing my toned stomach, I patted my stomach and watched as Peter looked on curiously. “Someday, maybe.” Then he turned his head away and and repeated his words under his breath quietly. His words didn’t make sense to me at the time. Feeling full and satisfied I left Peter to rest while I got ready. The feelings of excitement returned but part of me still worried about leaving Peter.

I pulled of my shirt and my trousers before stepping into the shower. I gasped in horror as a jet of ice cold water poured over my slim body. There never seems to be hot water in our apartment, probably a mix of overuse by other people in the building and my inability to pay bills and rent on time most months. I tried to make the shower as quick as possible and didn’t take time to relax. I washed my hair and body quickly before stepping out and drying myself off quickly. I then wrapped the towel around my waste and headed for my bedroom. “Okay, let the games begin.” I clapped my hands and rubbed them together before opening my wardrobe. I pulled out countless pairs of jeans and a never ending selection of tops. “Too baggy, too tight, wrong colour, ripped, too revealing, not for tonight” Finally I settled on dark jeans which were tight but not too tight, appropriate for friends going out and a plain black top which outlined my muscles. A quick spray of deodorant and some aftershave left just my hair to do. Almost there I thought to myself.

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LIAM’S POINT OF VIEW

Kyle leaned against the door with his arms crossed as he watched me rush to get ready. “So who’s the lucky guy?” “There is no lucky guy, we’re just friends”. I pulled on my plain white top as I defended myself against Kyle’s constant questioning. I guess he was pretty protective over me. “Yeah well use protection bud, I don’t want you bringing anything home.” I looked him in the eyes, showing him I was annoyed at him by frowning at him. “Point taken.” He said as he slid out of the room quietly. He had a point though, what if Brad tried something, what would I do? Where were we even going tonight? I put my curiosity and fear to the back of my mind as I put on my shoes and left.