It all started when I first saw you

As I climbed the stairs to my apartment the flickering lights annoyed me as the sounds of drunken teens outside bombarded the quiet night atmosphere. I sighed as I reached the run down door to my apartment, most of the horrible, dark green paint was missing creating an appearance of poverty and despair, which wasn’t totally inaccurate. Exhausted, I threw down my keys as I entered the dull apartment. I stood in a small dark room with four doors, one to my bedroom, one to the lounge, one to the kitchen and one to another bedroom. “I’m home”. I entered my bedroom and quickly pulled of my tshirt which smelt of sweat and sex. I had mixed emotions and was confused over what had happened tonight.

I was exhausted and aching from work but buzzing with excitement at having met Liam. The though of him allowed a smile to spread across my face, from the moment I laid eyes on him I thought he was amazing, there was something special about him, I don’t know what it was but all that mattered is that I wanted to see him again. I sighed as I thought about how I missed him already. It was weird having such an instant attraction to a stranger. I ruffled my hair as I pushed the door open to my brothers bedroom he looked pale as he lay peacefully in his bed, his messy hair was thin on his bed and his face was thin like the rest of his body. I sat down on the edge of his bed and then pulled the cover up making sure it was wrapped tightly around his shoulders keeping his thin body warm.

I didn’t exactly have the life of a normal 22 year old. I lived with my younger brother, he’s 10. Our parents died in a car crash when we were younger. Ever since then I had done anything to stop us being taken into care and being split up. I worked in the club to try to make some money so I could buy food and keep a roof over our heads. I didn’t make much money but it was something. As if life wasn’t hard enough, my brother was sick, really sick. He has been battling with cancer for almost a year now and I could slowly see him getting worse. He had lost weight and had to stay in bed most of the time. Slowly his eyes opened revealing his once bright blue eyes, now they had lost their shine and were dull. A slight smile broke across his face when he saw I was home. “Hey little bro”. I smiled at him, trying to bring some comfort to him. “Hi”. His voice sounded weak I could hardly hear him. “Go back to sleep bro, you need to rest”. I rubbed his shoulder gently, trying to ignore the fact that I could feel his bones. “Rest is the only thing I do Brad”. I knew he was right, he knew he was sick, but honestly he handled it better than I did, I couldn’t handle the thought of losing my brother, but somehow he was being brave, I was proud of him. “Yeah, I wish I could stay in bed all day like you do, I have to go to work” I smiled at him and removed my hand from his shoulder, then leaned forward and gently kissed him on the head the way I did every night “Goodnight bro”. I got up and headed for the door “Night” I heard him murmur. I closed his door over but I left it open slightly in case he needed to call me during the night.

I entered my own room and shivered as I pulled off my trousers, I stood quivering in my boxer shorts. Without hesitation I climbed into bed and my eyes closed instantly as my head hit the pillow. Images of Liam flashed through my mind as my exhausted body slowly relaxed and my muscles loosened, for the first time I fell asleep with happy thoughts about someone I met in the club instead of regret and bitter feelings towards some stranger who I’d fucked for money. Liam was special alright, but unlike me… in a good way.

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LIAM’S VIEW

As I lay in bed that night I couldn’t help but think of Brad, when he touched me it sent chills through my entire body, he made me forget how much I detested being gay, he made me feel like it was ok and he made me feel comfortable. We were total opposites, I was in the closet, scared, a virgin. And he worked in a gay bar, fucking guys for a living. I didn’t understand how we could be friends let alone anything more. He was too good for that bar, he deserved more, I wondered why he wouldn’t quit, what was his life like? What was he hiding?

***

I slowly opened my eyes as I woke the next morning, I felt excited and hopeful as memories from last night flooded back and manifested themselves in my groin, I lifted the covers slightly to sneak a peak at my cock as it stood to attention. As usual it was up before me, but this morning it was just as excited as I was. I reached across and lifted my phone, I began typing then doubt crept in, should I text Brad or not? I continued texting, I wasn’t sure why, I just wanted to talk to him. “Morning :) thinking about you, wanna meet me?” I studied the text for a few seconds, I didn’t want to sound desperate, but I really wanted him. “Aww fuck it” After keying in the number he had given me last night I pressed send and watched as the message sent. I breathed a sigh of relief but my nerves grew as I waited for a reply. I set my phone down next to my bed and closed my eyes in an attempt to relax while I waited. It worked… a little too well.

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BRAD’S POINT OF VIEW

I put one hand behind my brother’s head, making sure he was comfortable before pressing the spoonful of cereal to his lips, I tried pushing it into his mouth without hurting him. He hadn’t been able to feed himself for a while now. “Come on Peter, you gotta open your mouth a little man”. His eyes were barely open and if it were not for my hand he wouldn’t be able to hold his head up. “Argh please Brad, I’m really not hungry”. I looked at the almost full bowl of cereal which was rested on my lap. Then I looked up at my brother, he just lay with his eyes half shut. “Hmph, fine, but you gotta eat a big lunch now, you hear?” “Yeah fine”. I got up and fixed his pillows and bed a little before walking out of the room. I set down the bowl of cereal and rested my elbows on the kitchen counter before putting my head in my hands. I felt tired, my body ached and my eyes were bloodshot. I felt a slight vibration in my leg, I pulled out my phone and had saw I had a text from a number I didn’t recognize, I read it and instantly knew it must be from Liam, I put my aches aside and smiled as I replied, I told him I would meet him in the park, there was a nice area where we could talk in private, I went their when I wanted to get away, to think, it was a secluded spot in the woods, it was only a short walk from the park. I went back into Peter’s room to tell him I was going out for a little while but he was already asleep again. I grabbed a quick shower, hoping it would wake me up a little. I pulled on clean boxer shorts and a pair of pretty tight shorts, then sprayed deodorant under my arms before pulling on one of my favourite t shirts. I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, I fixed my hair and then studied myself fiercely, working in the club had clearly had a pretty serious impact on me. I was a teenager when I started working there, and I looked like a normal teenager, now I had bags under my eyes and looked constantly tired. I brushed my teeth and tried to shrug of the feeling of looking miserable before going in to check on Peter again. I was excited at the prospect of seeing Liam again, I left the dark, dirty apartment and began walking quickly towards the park, I didn’t even wait for Liam to reply, it would take me about ten minutes to walk to the park, I checked my phone and seen it was 10:03, then tucking it back into my pocket I began jogging, I was excited, for once I had something to look forward to.

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LIAM’S POINT OF VIEW

I rolled over and slowly opened my eyes, I felt a strange déjà view sensation, I lifted my phone and seen I had six missed calls and three texts. All from Brad, “Shit, I asked to meet him and then fell asleep!” I read his texts quickly, he said he would meet me in the park, the others were asking me where I was and was this a joke. “Shit I hope he’s not angry.” I said to myself, I threw on shorts and a t shirt, I looked like a mess but I didn’t care. I ran from my apartment and headed towards the park, trying to text Brad as I ran.

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BRAD’S POINT OF VIEW

I sat on a bench alone, looking at all the people out enjoying themselves on this sunny day, it was warm and so everyone was out together doing stuff. I wanted to cry but knew I wouldn’t do it in public like this. I stood up but then felt my phone vibrate, it was a text from Liam. I read it out loud quietly “I’m so sorry, I fell asleep, coming now”. I sat down again, a slight sense of relief washed over me, but I was still confused, and alone.

I watched as Liam finally ran round the corner he spotted me and waved as he slowed down and then jogged towards me. He landed down beside me panting and trying desperately to catch his breath. “I’m… so… so… huh… sorry…. Ahem….I fell ….. asleep”. I smiled at him, he looked sorry, his big eyes were shining in the sun and he looked like a little kid who had accidently broken something and was scared. I shrugged my shoulders, “It’s fine honestly, so I was thinking we could go on a walk, not far, just to this nice little spot I know.” He looked up at me, his red face sweating in the sun. “Any chance I could sit down for just a little while first?” I laughed a little and self consciously placed my hand on his shoulder without thinking, he stopped laughing and looked round to where I was touching him, he shuffled away before standing up. “Let’s go then”. I frowned a little, he wasn’t comfortable with guys touching him in public. I stood up and began walking by his side, constantly reminding myself not to touch him again, I didn’t want to push him away.

We walked side by side, but nobody bothered to look at us, we just looked like two friends walking together, nothing more. We made small talk as I lead Liam to the clearing in the woods. Eventually we sat down together on a log and we each took a moment to admire our surroundings. The trees in the forest were hundreds of years old, they towered above us and looked to reach above the clouds. The leaves were green and sun spilt down between them providing a pleasant warmth. After a few minutes had passed I broke the silence. “So, you like it?” Liam continued looking round him for a few seconds and didn’t even turn to look at me when he answered. “Yeah, its beautiful, so peaceful.” I couldn’t take my eyes of Liam while he looked around in awe.

“Yeah, I like coming here, I guess, it’s just a place…well.. to get away from it all.” My voice trailed off towards the end of my sentence. “You mean to get away from the club?” Liam finally turned his attention away from the stunning surroundings and focussed on me, but now my head was bowed as I thought about what I was saying. “Yeah, well that, and all the rest.” Liam shuffled a little closer. “Tell me, you wouldn’t tell me what was wrong last night, I promise whatever it is I won’t tell anyone, you can trust me Brad.” I felt a gentle touch on my leg as he placed his hand on my lap. I lifted my head and discovered his big eyes locked with mine, as if trying to penetrate my thoughts. “I can’t you wouldn’t understand.” I closed my eyes, trying not to open them in case Liam’s stare became too much. I couldn’t tell him about the way I lived, looking after my brother in that miserable apartment, he would run a mile if he knew.

“Why do you keep saying that? How do you expect me to understand if you won’t tell me?” Liam pressed down harder on my lap, showing he was just going to keep pushing until I told him. “I… work there… you know, in the club.. getting paid for sex…. And I can’t quit.. because I need the money…. It’s complicated.” “Don’t stop, keep going.” Liam persisted. “I can’t quit because I need the money to look after my brother.” I sighed and waited for Liam’s reaction before I continued. “What do you mean?” Liam kept his hand on my lap, it was only a gentle touch but I found it comforting and it acted kind of like a symbol of his support. “My parents, they’re both dead.” I sniffed as I tried to hold back the tears as I uttered my life story for the first time to anyone. Liam gasped in shock. “Car crash, so now I ran, took my little brother so they couldn’t take us into care.” I turned to look at Liam again. “They would have split us up I couldn’t let that happed.”

Liam now put his other arm around me and pulled me slightly closer to him when my emotions started to become obvious, I was shaking slightly and had to bite my lip in an attempt to hold back the tears. “We live in this disgusting, dirty, apartment. It’s horrible but it’s all I can afford Liam.” I rubbed my red eyes and tried to pull myself together. Liam’s eyes seemed to be fixed on me, he was transfixed on me and my story. “Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, my brother, Peter, got sick….. he has cancer Liam… Cancer, he’s only ten, HE DOESN’T FUCKING DESERVE THIS!” I don’t know why but I just started screaming when it came to my brother. Liam forced my head onto his chest in an attempted to muffle my screams. I pounded my fists on his chest but stopped quickly, obviously none of this was his fault. But this was the first time I had ever told anyone all this. “I’m sorry Brad, I don’t know what to say.” I kept my eyes closed and my forehead pressed against Liams hard chest but I pulled my chin away slightly “You don’t have to say anything, just don’t let go kay?” I felt Liam hold me tighter once again. “Okay.” He replied quickly.

He just kept his arms around me for as long as I needed, I’m not sure how much time had passed when I eventually withdrew from his warm embrace. I finally opened my eyes to look at Liam, I stared into his bright blue eyes then shifted my gaze to his small, pink lips. Without thinking nor warning I lunged at him and forced my lips onto his, they tasted amazing but the feeling was short lived. I felt his familiar hand on my chest as he pushed me away. He took a deep breath and his mouth hung open in shock. He looked around quickly to make sure no one had seen before turning and sprinting away, in seconds he was no longer in the clearing with me, he had disappeared into the woods. Gone, leaving me sobbing, scared, embarrassed and worst of all, alone.

If anyone has any questions or wants to know about the next part of the story please feel free to email me at jsmyth1231 at hotmail dot co dot uk

Thanks for reading the first part of my new series! I’m really excited about this, I’m going for a totally different style of story than with rolling in the deep, more complex, grown up characters, not so much the fairy tale get together with Danny and Alex enjoyed, more of a nightmare really. Please give me your thoughts on the story and maybe even how it compares to Rolling in the deep. Thanks for reading everyone!
JS