Joshua (part 1)

Joshua hopped out of the taxi and paid the driver, thanking him before walking into the big hall where the disco was currently taking place. He opened the door and immediately hit a wall of music. He paused to try and catch the song and spot anyone he knew. He managed to locate his best friend (beside Nicolas) Daniel talking to his secret lover, Matthew. As Joshua walked over to them, Matthew moved away, smiling at Daniel and waving at him. Daniel smiled back dreamily and jumped as Joshua brought his hand down hard on Daniel’s shoulder.

“What’re you doing, you knob?” Daniel demanded angrily as the smaller boy chuckled.
“Oh, come on. I know that didn’t hurt you, you big tree.” returned Josh fondly. 
Daniel’s features held their anger for a moment, then eventually split into a wide grin as he replied good-naturedly. “You know me to well to be fooled by me! Where’s Nic?” Nic and Daniel had been working out together for a while, having met in the same gym one day. 
Joshua glanced towards the doors before replying. “I’m not sure. Must have got held up...not like him to be late.”
Daniel looked around quickly before motioning with his head for Joshua to move into a corner with him. Once they had some privacy, he spoke in a low voice. “Are you still…?” his inquisitive tone trailed off.
Joshua feigned puzzlement. “Still what? Besotted with him? Head over heels in love with him? Completely crazy and utterly over-the-top mad about him?”
“That’s the one.”
“Yep.”
“Well, hang on in there. You don’t know what’s gonna happen, I mean look at me and Matt-Ow!” He yelped as Joshua punched him in the arm. “What was that for?”
“Will you stop using you two as an example? You make me so jealous, why can’t it happen to me? Why can’t I tell Nic how much I love him and that I want nothing more than to be with him night and day? Why? Why?” Joshua became short of breath, his outburst drawing his air from his lungs. He was obviously upset, in fact close to tears. 

Daniel immediately softened and put his arm about Joshua’s shoulders, trying his best to comfort him. “Listen mate, there is absolutely nothing stopping you from telling him. I honestly don’t think he’ll care. In fact, just tell him you’re gay, then work up to telling him your feelings. Trust me on this ok?”
Joshua nodded and blinked back his tears. He was in fact planning on telling Nicolas of his sexual orientation tonight. “I just hope he still wants to be my best friend.” 

Daniel broke into affectionate laughter. “Why wouldn’t he? Come on mate, you’re too miserable. Try to be optimistic. Now myself,” he told Joshua conversationally. “I go by three simple rules - first, whatever doesn’t kill me can only make me stronger. Second, there’s no harm in trying, and three, if it doesn’t work...stuff it.” He grinned.

Joshua laughed. “Alright then bud. You know better than me.”
Daniel smiled fondly and put his arm around Joshua’s lean shoulder, leading him to the bar. “That’s right mate. Fancy a coke or something?”
Joshua glanced to the doors and spotted Nicolas and a few friends walking in, laughing raucously about something. “No thanks Dan, I’m gonna go and chat to Nic.”
“Ok then.” Dan returned and walked off to find someone to chat to.
Nicolas smiled warmly as he saw Joshua. “Hey Josh!” he exclaimed. 
“Hiya Nic! Hi guys.” Joshua replied to Nicolas, nodding at his two friends, before turning back to Nicolas. “Want a drink man?”

---

Joshua laughed and joked with a few friends during the disco, bobbing and dancing gently to the music that was blaring through the ostentatious speakers. He glanced at his watch - half-past 10. The disco ended at 12 midnight, so he had better find a room somewhere and talk to Nicolas alone now. He made his way carefully through the crowd, finding Nicolas standing and talking with Matthew and Daniel. 

That boy smiled as he spotted Joshua walking towards him. “Hey Josh!”
“Hey Nic! - listen guys, do you mind if I just borrow Nic for a minute? I need to talk to him.” Joshua told Matthew and Daniel, giving them an apologetic look.
Daniel and Matthew shared a glance and both nodded. 
“Thanks.” Joshua took Nicolas by the arm and led him to a little room that looked like a dressing room which was unoccupied. 
Nicolas closed the door, before turning to Joshua with a worried expression on his face. “What’s up Josh, buddy?”
Joshua silently beckoned for him to sit at the table. Grabbing a chair from a row of similar chairs that aligned the wall, he unfolded it and sat whilst Nicolas sat in the other, worried and more than slightly puzzled. 

Joshua took a deep breath to calm his raging nerves before continuing. “Nic, we’re friends right? I mean we’re best buddies, totally inseparable?”
Nicolas smiled reassuringly. “Yes, of course we are Josh. We have been for a long time.”
Joshua took another deep breath - his nerves felt like a raging bull within an endless red tunnel. His mind felt the same - an endless tunnel of twisting turning emotions that were tangled like some insane net. “So,” he continued “we know each other’s secrets and stuff…there’s absolutely nothing that would make you want to not be my friend anymore right?”
Nicolas nodded. “Right. Now, what’s wrong?” asked he attentively. 
“Nic…I’m telling you something that nobody in the whole world knows about - it’s my deepest secret.” He looked at Nicolas for reassurance, and found it in Nicolas’s warm eyes. “Nic…I’m…I’m gay.”

Nicolas stared. Did he take it wrong? Does he hate Josh? Is he wishing he never knew Josh? Finally, he spoke. "Oh. Uh. Yes. Well. Um. Yeah...”
"This is really difficult for me so please just bear with me here…” Josh took another breath before continuing. “Well, when I first met you…I kinda…fancied you…” He looked up at that point to see if Nicolas was disgusted. “And…over these past few years…that…that “fancy”…has sorta…grown…a lot.”
Nicolas nodded dumbly. “Go on…?”
“Nic…I…well, I…” He looked in to Nicolas’s eyes to seek reassurance. He had never felt so sure of himself. “Nic, I think that...I love you.”
Nicolas looked momentarily stunned. “Ah…right." He paused, staring at Joshua with...what could only be described as a loathing. "Well, frankly I don't think we can be friends anymore.”

Josh froze. "What?"
Nicolas shot a look of pure disgust at Joshua. "Get away from me."
The world sank for Joshua. He felt his life slip away, he had no reason to live, no reason to want to live....
"Josh?" came a faraway voice, tugging at the edge of his consciousness. 

Josh returned from his momentary daydream, shaking his head slightly. 'No,' he thought, 'I can't tell him. I just can't.' 
"Are you okay buddy?"
Josh smiled weakly. "Yeah...sorry, what did you say?" His voice quavered slightly - he felt weak. He couldn't imagine a life without Nicolas. 
"I said, please tell me what else there is?" 
Joshua began to form the words. "I-" he cut himself off as he looked into Nicolas's face. He couldn't help but imagine that look of utter contempt that his imagination had conjured so vividly. "I...uh, am thinking of leaving the swim team." His voice once again faltered, the sorry invention being the first thing that had entered his panicking brain. 

Nicolas looked surprised, but not at what Joshua had just told him, for he was expecting a much bigger weight to be lifted from the little guy's chest. "Oh! Why bud?"
Joshua sought for a reason with the alacrity that fear brings. "Um, 'cos, 'cos..'cos I don't like the coach!" 
Nicolas carried a suspicious expression. "Oh? I thought you liked him. You're always helping him with the equipment and stuff."
"Oh, him? No. Coach? No! Hate his fuckin' guts." Joshua lied, his heart sinking as he did so: he did in fact like the coach very much.
Nicolas's expression now changed, becoming one of attentive care. "You're not being bullied, or blackmailed or anything are you?" Once more, his expression changed, becoming one of unbridled fury. "Because if you are I swear I'll -"

Joshua shook his head and smiled. "I'm not! Don't worry Niccy...let's just go back to the party." Before Nicolas could reply, Joshua leapt from his seat and dashed out back into the party, looking at the ground. He glanced up and caught the knowing look on Daniel's face. 'I loathe myself sometimes.' Were his last thoughts as he made his way outside to phone for a cab. 
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Hi! This is the first in a series starring these two characters! ^_^ If you have any comments/suggestions or anything you want to say to me at all, please direct them to: teetofoxt2@hotmail.com.
Thank you! ^_^ *giggles*