Lost In Love

It was 5:30pm and I had just gotten home from work. I took my keys out of my pocket and unlocked the door. I walked into my apartment. It had been a pretty crap week. I had blurted out my feelings for my best friend, Cameron. To his face. And he didn't reciprocate. I've been feeling crushed since I told him last week, and more to the point I hadn't really heard from him in that amount of time either.

I placed my keys and phone on the table and walked over to the fridge. "Leftover wine sounds good right now" I said to myself, pulling the chilled bottle from the fridge. I took a glass down from the cupboard and practically filled the whole thing. I took a sip, that first refreshing sip and sat the glass on the counter. I returned the bottle to the fridge just as my phone started ringing. "Cameron". Why was he calling?

"Hello" I said, trying to sound casual even though my heart was racing.

"Hey man, just checking if you wanted to hit the club tonight? I'm going to the Anchor, and wanted to know if you wanted to come? Tim isn't able to make it and wanted you to come with!" he said, sounding quite excited.

Tim. Everytime I hear that name it makes me feel even more sad. Tim is the boyfriend that Cameron has, that I didn't know about until I confessed my feelings for him. I hadn't met him, and didn't really plan on it - even though Cameron was pretty keen for that to happen.

"Oh, I don't know cam. I've had a pretty exhausting day at work and want to chill at home, watch a movie maybe.... Finish off the bottle of wine that I just opened" I said, to which I took a larger sip than normal.

"Oh come on Luke! Please? Pretty please? I haven't seen you in a week and I'm really keen for us to hit the town! Pleeeeease?". We kind of came out around the same time, which coincidentally was when I decided to tell him my feelings for him, which is when I found out about him. Tim. I failed to give an answer before Cameron continued. "That's settled. I'll be at yours in about 20 and we can get ready together!" he said, gave his farewells and hung up. I suppose he knew that I would be a bit hesitant about it. He knows me too well.

I sighed and put my phone back on the table. I walked back over to the fridge and retrieved the freshly opened bottle of wine. "Looks like I'll need some liquid courage to get through this night!" I said, and made my way over to the sofa and sat down, with wine in hand. I sat there and proceeded to finish off the bottle while waiting for Cameron. Like clockwork, he showed up about 20 minutes after our phone call - and I was on the last few sips of the bottle. There was a knock at the door, followed by "it's me man!".

"It's open" I called back. He walked in looking like he'd been from the gym or something. It was a little bit of a turn on to see him hot and sweaty.

"Sorry about this, I came from work and had my change of clothes ready" he said, as he walked into my bedroom. I got up and followed him in there. He started laying out his stuff on my bed, including his briefs. "What do you think of the outfit?" he asked, i'm sure it was rhetorical. He had a great sense of fashion. "Good, right?".

"Yeah, looks... great" I said. I had to stop myself from saying it looked hot. We hadn't talked about that topic at all. He walked over to my closet and started going through my clothes. "Hey, what are you doing?" I said, walking over and attempting to shut the door.

"I'm picking your outfit for you! I thought you would've done that already" he said, forcing the door back open. He pulled out two pairs of jeans. "What's the difference between these two?" he asked.

"The blue ones fit nicely, and the black ones are a little tight" I answered, walking over to my dresser seeing that he wasn't giving up. I saw that he threw the black ones onto my bed. I retrieved a pair of my own briefs from the top drawer and threw them on top of the jeans. He then tossed a green shirt onto the pile as well, which so happened to be a little tight as well.

All of a sudden he disappeared into my bathroom and I heard the shower going. He had always been an extrovert. I was as well, but at the moment being down in the dumps didn't lend itself to this. I decided to return to the sofa where my wine was waiting. I sat down and crossed my leg over the other and resumed my wine sipping. Cameron soon got out of the shower once I had polished off my glass. He walked out into the loungeroom with my towel around his waist.

"Your turn" he said to me, gesturing towards the shower. "I see you finished off your wine... Yeah boy! Tonight's gonna be amazing!". I walked into the bathroom and got undressed and started up the shower. It didn't take me too long. Quickly washed myself and my hair and got out. I let my hair dry naturally. I wasn't going to worry about putting anything in it. It was fine the way it was. I grabbed the spare towel and wrapped it around my lower half and walked into my bedroom and closed the joining door to the rest of my apartment. I started to change into my clothes that Cameron had laid out for my. I got my bottom half dressed before Cameron knocked and entered my room. "Looking great" he said with a wink.

"Thanks, you too" I responded. It was like he dressed me similar to him, except he was wearing a blue top and mine was green. I sprayed my deodorant and pulled my top over my head. "Good to go" I said, gesturing him out. Luckily the Anchor was two blocks away from my apartment, so we could easily walk there. I guess that's why he chose it. So he could easily have somewhere to stay. The Anchor was also a notorious gay bar, another reason that he probably chose it.

We walked over to the Anchor, talking on the way. Moreso, Cameron doing most of the talking and me giving one or two word answers. I wasn't really keen for getting out tonight, but he seemed pretty adament on hitting the town. We got to the club, and the line was pretty short at this time of night, and we soon made it inside. I immediately walked over to the bar and ordered. "Two vodka-redbulls thanks" I said, handing over cash. The bartender winked and quickly served me.

"Looking hot tonight" he said as he handed my drinks to me. I winked back at him, to be polite. At that point, I felt a hand on my lower back. I turned around and it was Cameron. I handed one of the drinks to him and he began sipping on it. I virtually sculled my beverage. I sat it back on the counter and sat on one of the stools. I turned back to the bartender.

"Another three thanks!" I said, once again, handing over my money. He more than happily obliged. In my defense, two of them were for me, and the other one for Cameron. A Rihanna song came on, and Cameron looked at me.

"Come on! Dance! DANCE!!" he called to me over the loud music, tugging on my arm.

"No, no. You go! I'll come when I've downed these" I called back and shook off his grip. He seemed to buy it and made his way onto the floor after pounding the rest of his drink. I watched as he danced by himself, casually rejecting some of the guys that came up and started to grind with him. I started to feel the effects of the alcohol seep into my system after sculling my second drink. I wanted to get drunk, and quick. The wine was doing it's job, but the vodka was speeding up the process. After a few songs Cameron came back and sat with me. I guess he realised that I wasn't there dancing with him. He ordered us a couple more drinks and starting looking around the club.

He tapped me on the arm. "See that guy over there" he said, gesturing with his gaze. I looked over to find a guy looking at us. He was pretty cute too. "He keeps looking at you and smiling. You should go over and talk to him".

"I'm not really up to it tonight. Kinda just want to sit here and have some drinks. Maybe do some dancing. Who knows". He handed me the drink that the bartender gave him. I turned around to him. "Thanks for what seems like the constant stream of drinks!" I said to him.

"It's my pleasure. Especially when it's to someone attractive!" he said. I smiled. Normally when I was in the mood to pick up, even in my 'not out' days it was like I couldn't get anything, but now that I wasn't in the mood they seemed to be piling up.

The music changed and a Christina Aguilera song came on. She was my favourite singer, and most of all, it was one of her best club songs, Dirrty. Cameron knew this, and got up from his stool and grabbed my arm. "You can't say no to this one!" he said, forcing me up and onto the dance floor. I started to dance, and Cameron joined me, getting up really close.

I suppose we were in a gay club, but he should at least know what it was like for me. All these feelings came running through my head. The time that I knew I first loved him. The constant laughs and jokes we shared. The heartache of knowing his rejection. And now this. I was so confused. The song was about to come to an end when I abruptly left the dancefloor. Again, I don't think he really noticed at first until halfway through the next song.

I saw him emerge from the crowd and look around. His eyes fixed on me, back at the bar ordering another drink and he made a beeline for me. "Why did you leave? I thought you were having fun?" he said.

"I'm not really in the mood for much tonight. I've been pretty down in the dumps and am only really doing this for you" I told him. He looked at me as if this didn't phase him. He looked back over at the guy who he saw earlier.

"Go over there and flirt with him. Get his number. Give him your number. Something. You'll feel much better!" he said, urging me off my stool. I begrudgingly did so. I walked over to the guy, who was sitting alone.

"Hey!" he said, initiating the conversation. I returned his greeting.

"Listen.." I said, interjecting. "... I know how this sounds, but I need you to pull a face as if to say 'I wasn't interested in you, I was interested in your friend'. You see, i'm not feeling up to the whole thing tonight, and it'll make my friend get off my back".

"But I don't want your friend... I want you" he said, staring into my eyes. It was so hypnotising. I swear that if my emotions weren't affecting me I would've gone home with him right then and there.

"Trust me. My friend won't come after you. He's got a boyfriend. Which honestly, is the reason that I'm not up for it, so could you please reject me?" I asked, politely. "I promise, if you really want this, that I'll be here next week. Same time" I continued. He seemed to just sit there for a little bit.

"I hope this is good enough" he said, as he looked over at Cameron and winked, then looked back at me, seeming uninterested. He then stood up. "I hope this means that you'll be back here next week" he said, and walked away. He was such a nice guy to do that for me. I definitely owe him, and would be true to my word.

I walked back over to Cameron. He looked disappointed. "Sorry buddy!" he said. I just wanted to get out of there.