Mark and Jason - Part 1

Mark and Jason were the best of friends. They had known each other since they were babies. Both their mothers had grown up together themselves, moved next door to each other when they married, and became pregnant two moths apart, Jason being the first born. So with their mothers being close, it was very likely that the two boys would become friends also. They did, and regarded themselves as brothers and felt a strong bond that nobody could seem to understand. They were inseperable and hardly ever spent a day apart.

Both boys were studying buisiness at college, as they wanted to set up some company together in future. Both were quite popular and well known in college, and around town, having girls flaunt themselves at them, and boys wanting to be their friends. They were in the football team, and did running for the athletic team once or twice. They only had 3 close friends who they hung out with out of college.

At 17 years old their looks attracted a lot of attention. Jason being 5ft 10, medium bulid but kept himself well toned and fit. Short brown hair that he spiked at the front sometimes, matched the few whispers of hair on his chest, which he loved. His sparkling blue eyes, high cheek bones and kissable lips did nothing to keep from people looking. 
Mark was 5ft 11, also medium build but about 30lbs heavier, and kept himself toned and fit. His light brown shaved hair, and his gorgeous hazel eyes, and chizzled facial features were to die for. His chest was smooth and hairless just the way he liked it.

Although they were both asked on dates by almost every girl in college and in town, Jason was more keen. He always teased Mark for being too shy with them but Mark just shrugged it off saying he wasn't interested.

Being shy wasn't Mark's problem, the fact that he was gay was. The worst thing about it, is that Jason didn't know, infact he had no idea. Their other friends, Danny, James and Pete all knew. Not that he had told them, but that they had it figured 4 years beforehand when they first met up. It didn't bother them at all and said that half the town and college could tell, which is why most of the 'out' gay lads chatted him up. Jason had no idea, it's as though he was immune to the thought of it, or not thought it possible.

There was also another problem, Mark fancied Jason. In fact he was totally hoplessly in love with his straight best friend and had been for a long time. When they used to 'mess around' when they were younger, jacking off together and such, it didn't stop Mark from wanting more, which is when he realised he was gay. The problem was, his feelings towards Jason didn't alter, and grew stronger.
How could he tell him that? He couldn't.

It all started in the summer holidays, three weeks before their 18th birthday (They used a date which was halfway between both boys real birth date, making it easier to celebrate). 
It was Saturday morning and Jason had stayed the night at Mark's, as they usually did. Mark jumped in the shower and Jason said he was going to check something on the computer about an order he had made.

** MARK'S VIEW **

I knew something was wrong as soon as I came back into my bedroom after my shower. Jay was sat at my desk with a blank look on his face. I asked him if everything was ok and he just turned to look at me with confusion written all over him. I asked him what was wrong, as he looked like he'd seen a ghost.

"Well to be honest I'm not really sure. Have you got something you wanna tell me?" He questioned.

I had to think. "Err no I don't think so." I answered.

"Well I've just been looking at something on the net and I deleted it, so I looked in the history files and happen to come across some gay male porn sites that have been stored onto this computer. Wanna tell me why they are there?"

I stood there in silence. I was stunned. Do I tell him or not, do I confess? How much do I confess? I couldn't think.

"Well Mark?"

I took a deep breath. "Ok yeah I'm gay...ok?" I turned away, hoping he'd punch me in the back instead of my face. I waited for his response. But he was just as silent. I started to dry myself off, not knowing what else to do.

"So how long have you known?" He finally asked.

"Don't know really, maybe since we were kids, but I wasn't really sure until a couple of years ago." I answered.

"A couple of years? For fuck sake Mark, when were you thinking of telling me?" He sounded hurt. I didn't blame him.

"Well I don't know, I didn't know how you would react. I was scared to tell you. I also thought that secretly maybe you did know, but just not said anything to me. It seems as though most poeple do. Pete, James and Danny do."

He stood up, anger in his eyes. 
"You thought what? That I should know you are gay when you didn't think to mention it. You thought I would be happy finding out this way? How come other people know about this apart from me...your best friend?"

He slumped down on the bed, fell silent and picked his clothes up getting dressed. He was upset and hurt and I was to blame. I knew I'd messed up.
"Ok yes I'm really sorry Jay. I've done wrong and know I can't take it back. But I didn't tell them I was gay, they kinda guessed, said somethings I said and did, the way I looked at other guys, apparently I'm quite obvious. I couldn't deny it could I? They made me admit to to myself."

He looked up at me. "And I suppose that makes me look really stupid then. Every fucker else can tell apart from me."

"No Jay you're not stupid, believe me, far from it. In fact...no sorry forget that. It's just I was confused, and still am about the way I feel. It's not been easy for me Jay. There's reasons for me not telling you. Reasons that I thought you might guess if I did, and I didn't want you to know, I try to stop but can't. You wouldn't understand Jay."

"I wouldn't understand what Mark? Tell me."

I felt tears falling down my cheeks. I tried to turn away again but he stood up and walked to me. His hand touched my shoulder and I twitched at his touch, sending shivvers through my body. Why he had that affect on me I'll never know. I didn't know if he felt it.

"Mark...tell me please. I want you to be honest with me. Tell me everything. Good or bad."

'He wants honesty. I'll give him honesty' I thought.
I turned to face him but took a step back just in case. I wanted to be prepared for what he did.

"OK well, you know I love you Jay....."

He butted in. "Yeah I love you too bro."

"I know that, but I love you more than that. I'm IN love with you. I've known for years that I was different and liked boys but when we jerked off together I felt more. I loved watching you, it only turned me on more. About two years ago, I started to see you differently, not just as a friend, but I was confused and wasn't sure what it meant." 

I paused. Jason looked at me, waiting.

"I soon realised it was coz I had feelings for you, really strong feelings. It's been so hard for me Jay, watching you, looking at you. When you sleep in the bed next to me, I want you in mine, sleeping with me, to hold you, to touch you and to kiss you, feel you close to me like lovers. God Jay you have no idea how hard you make me when you walk around naked. You look so hot and it makes me shivver inside. I try not to look, really I do, but I can't stop. Of course you don't realise and there's no reason you should, but fuck Jay I love you so much, I love everything about you. I dream about you nearly every night and cry myself to sleep coz I can't have you in the way I want."

I was in tears now, but he just remained still and open mouthed. I tried to think what was going through his mind but I carried on more, digging myself deeper.

"You wanna knw something else Jay? Hell might as well confess all. When you go out on dates with girls, it makes my skin crawl and it breaks my heart, knowing that you are only next door kissing and fucking them, when I wish it was me. The jealousy eats me up inside and I can't control it. I love you so fuckin much Jay and there's fuck all I can do about it."

That was it, I told him everything like he said he wanted. I waited for him to reply, but he didn't. He moved away from me, grabbed his house keys from my desk and left.
I heard my front door slam shut then seconds later his own open and close. I couldn't believe it. He could've at least said something to me, considering I'd just confessed my undying love for him.
I was crying buckets by now and I went straight into bed and yet again cried myself to sleep.

** JASON'S VIEW **

My head was spinning and I was confused. I really didn't know what to think, what to do or what to say. My best friend had just confessed his love for me and all I could do was run a mile and ignore him. Such a fuckin asshole I was, but why didn't I go back there and talk to him? I didn't know.

Ok so I didn't mind him being gay, that wasn't the problem and I could cope with that. It was the fact that he didn't tell me himself, let me find out form the computer, let me find out after every fucker else found out. It pissed me off. I mean you would think I'd have guessed, all the signs and clues must have been there. No girls, no dates. I thought he was just shy around girls.....he had kissed a few. I'd seen it myself, but it was all a show. I realised that the guy who was my best friend, was now someone I didn't know.
Bt then maybe he was just confused and only thought he loved me.

I was pissed off and upset at that moment. Figured I would talk to him the next day. It was my turn to cry then as tears filled my eyes. 

Tomorrow never came. I don't know what happened but I couldn't bring myself to go next door and see him. He phoned and knocked but I ignored him. It was too much for me to cope with. Yes it was a shitty thing to do, but I was still hurt and in shock.

The week rolled by without a word to each other. The Friday after the lads were round at night as usual for a drink. It was gonna be a long night.

** MARK'S VIEW **

I hadn't seen or heard from Jay since that Saturday morning when he walked out. It had been the longest week of my life. I hardly went out, only to get booze and food when I could be bothered. I didn't want to be bothered with much. Alcohol seemed to make things easier for me and I'd feel better about myself. Then in the morning when my problems returned, I drank again.

I know if my parents weren't away, they'd slap my ass and tell me to get my act together, but I couldn't and didn't want to. I'd lost the most important person in my life, so there wasn't much left.

He'd ignored me totally. Did he hate me that much? Surely he could see why I didn't tell him? Maybe it was me being gay that was the problem, I had no idea.
Well I wasn't going to change for him. He could come crawling back to me this time.

** JASON'S VIEW **

Friday night arrived. Pete, Danny and James turned up at my house. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. In they came shouting and making noise as usual. I was upstairs.

"Hey Jason, get your ass down here and watch the game." Pete shouted.

I couldn't be bothered doing much if I were honest. It was no fun without Mark there. I hadn't even showered, shaved or dressed for two days. I walked down the stairs and sat on the reclining chair. James handed me a beer and I downed the lot in one mouthful.

"Jay, what's with you tonight? You look like shit, smell like shit, and drink like you've had a mouthful of shit." Danny said. I smiled. "And where's Mark?"

I sighed. I was prepared for this. "Don't know, probably at home. Not spoke to him since Saturday and I really don't care anymore. He lied to me."

They looked shocked. "About what?"

"About himself, his life, his feelings for me." I looked at them and they sighed. "Yes he told me about him being gay, but only after I found pictures on his computer. Then he goes and tells me he fuckin loves me. I mean how am I supposed to react after that?"

"Well I can bet you said fuck all to him. What is the problem here exactly. The fact that he is gay, or that he loves you?" Pete asked.

"Well I'm not sure really, but I'm still angry with the fact that he couldn't tell me. Do you realise how that makes me feel? I thought I knew him better than anyone, but it turns out I don't know him at all." I paused. "Even you three knew before me. It's weird."

"Yes Jay we knew, but only because we can see it. The way he talks about you, looks at you. He blushes when you touch him, he stares at you in college. Everyone can see that. He gets chatted up by all the gays guys who want his ass, but he doesn't take notice. He's not interested and only has eyes for you. He will kill me for saying all this but sometimes he even has tears in his eyes when you talk to girls and he can't stand to watch it." Pete explained.

"I had no idea." I was shocked.

Danny butted in. "No Jay and why would you? He didn't want you to know. He won't date coz he wants you so bad."

I raised my voice a little bit. "So what do you want me to do about it? Suddenly decide I'm gay and start a relationship with him because he wants it, play happy families? Sorry but I can't do that. I couldn't even imagine kissing a guy or doing anything else." I explained.

I got up and got another beer. I sat back down.

"We don't expect you to do that Jay. So you've never thought about what it would be like to go with a guy. To kiss, suck and fuck one?" Pete asked me.

I shrugged my shoulders. Of course I had thought about it. Mark and I used to jerk off together.

"Come on Jay admit it. I know you have, I sure the hell have. You know it feels good to have a cock in your mouth and ass. It feels good giving it as well."

I looked up startled and nearly choked on my beer at what Pete had just confessed. "You mean you....."

He butted in. "I what Jay, have fucked a guy? Yeah, in fact the three of us do it all the time. It doesn't mean I'm gay, I don't fancy them, I just like man to man sex. We've asked Mark to join in but he won't, only let us go so far with him. Being fucked by a guy feels good Jay. The feel of a cock as he shoots his load in your ass or in your throat is an experience. Fuck I'm getting hard just thinking about it." Pete said.

I got another beer, my thrid one. Pissed soon enough, hopefully. I was still baffled my all these confessions in the space of a week. I thought of Mark all alone next door. I wanted to see him but I was too stubborn. I sat back down.

"So why did I never know about this. I'm presuming it happens a lot."

Because Jay, you're always too bloody pissed to notice and usually paased out by the time anything starts. Either that or you're so caught up in your own little world to bother about anyone else. I love you Jay but sometimes you don't look hard enough. Now I'm going to see Mark. You might not be interested in being his mate anymore, but I am." James butted in.

He stood up to leave and looked at me waiting for an answer. I didn't respond. What could I say? He said he would be back soon.

*****

Mark was in his room yet again. It was Friday night and he should be next door having fun with his friends and getting pissed. He thought of them enjoying themselves without him. Now he had nobody, even his friends had deserted him.

He heard the front door open and shut. He jumped up hoping it it would be Jason, then led back down realising how stupid that would be. Their friendshp was over. That he had known the minute Jason ignored him. He started crying again, wondering if he had any tears left in him. 

James stood at Mark's bedroom door looking at the mees his friend was in. Beer cans and take away boxes flooded the floor. It stunk off sweat, vomit and moudly food. He wondered how Mark could let himself get this way and thought about how he wished he's have come sooner in the week. He couldn't let him get any worse now.

He walked up to Mark, who was sprawled out face down on the bed, with a pair of shorts on. He'd been crying.

"Hey buddy." James shook him on the shoulder and sat next to him.

Mark looked up and with a weak smile answered back. "Hey."

"Whatya doin in this bed? You look like you've been dragged throgh a shit filled hedge backwards. This room isn't any better."

"Yeah well I don't have much to get up for do I? I suppose Jason has told you what happened. You know I've not seen him all week. He's ignored me every chance he got, even my apologies. I coudn't care less anymore. He's no mate of mine."

"You don't mean that Mark."

He paused. Right then Pete, Danny and Jason were stood st his door listening to everything. Mark couldn't see them.

"Don't I? He's supposed to be a mate James, but where is he? Not here with me, talking like we should be. He'll be next door getting pissed as usual. You know that booze rules his brain. I've tried and tried James but he's not interested. He won't give me a chance. What does he think I will do, jump on him? I've given up on him and our friendship. As far as I'm concerned he doesn't exist."

James sighed. "You know you're both too stubborn to do anything about it." He looked at Jason.

Json stood listening, tears rolling down his cheeks. 'Go in there. What are you fucking stood out here for?' he thought to himself. But he didn't move.

"Have a look in that cupboard James. There's a photo album inside. I want you to see what pictures are in there." Mark said.

James got the album out and layed it on the bed, looking through it.

"You know it's a bit sad really isn't it? I kept this here and put all pictures of me and Jay together, from when we were babies, until christmas last year. I don't think he knows it's even here. I'd be suprised if he had something like this, apart from the odd one or two laying about. That's the difference between us. I've looked at them all week, and what for? What has all this been for eh? It's all just a waste, a joke. It means nothing anymore."

James patted his back and tried to explain. "No it's not a waste. He's just angry and upset that you didn't tell him. He's confused."

"Confused? How does he think I feel. God knows I've tried not to be gay, tried not to fancy men, but I can't. I won't change for him James. I've tried hard not to love him, go out with other men but my heart and mind stays with him. You know that. Sorry but if I meant anything to him, he would at least try to make up."

Jason leaned aaginst the wall outside Mark's room. Danny and Pete looked at him, trying to get him to go in, but he didn't. Things had changed between them now, nothing would be the same again. He couldn't take it anynmore and left.