Michael & Me

I guess you could say that my life is anything, but normal. My dad was born and raised in a traditional southern town. My mom was a nun before she met my dad. So, it would be safe to assume that my family is very Catholic. My dad was of no faith when he met my mother, but they agreed to raise their children Catholic. I was the perfect Catholic boy, going to religious education, mass on Sundays and church holidays, and I even stayed at church during the day because my mom worked in the church office before she came a teacher.

On my mom's side of the family we are very Italian, even though by looking at the shade of my skin you couldn't tell. We would have wonderful Italian meals of pasta and of course vino. Everyone likes to get into everyone's business, especially mine. "Robin, what college are you going to? You need a Catholic education." "When are you going to meet a nice Catholic girl?" "When are you going to give me grandchildren?" These questions came from my mother, grandmother, and grandfather. Everything is about family and being there for each other.

My dad's side of the family is a bit different. Being from Texas, just imagine "The Andy Griffith Show" and that is pretty much the values from my dad's side. I was raised on chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, and cream gravy. I know it is odd to mention food when talking about family, but you can see how different my family is. In Abilene there is a church on every corner, movies don't come here if their content is considered inappropriate, and people get married in or right after college and start a family.

I first realized that I was gay at the beginning of my senior year of high school. I have always been different from other boys. Most of my friends are girls, I love music, hate sports, love shopping, and love Bette Midler, Barbara Streisand, and musicals. I knew that being gay, there was no way that I could stay in Abilene. I decided to apply for colleges that were out of state, my backup being Hardin-Simmons University in Abilene. Luckily I was accepted to Loyola University New Orleans. It satisfied my family's wishes because it was a Catholic university run by a Jesuit order, while I could be myself in the amazing city that is New Orleans.

My freshman year started out really rocky. I went to freshman orientation at Loyola, but the day that orientation was over all of the students were evacuated from New Orleans because of hurricane Katrina. I fled to Houston with a couple of new found friends. After we realized that we could not come back for the fall semester, I flew home to Abilene, and enrolled at Hardin-Simmons for the fall. 
I enjoyed my time there. It was nice to see all of my old friends. 

Being with them again made me realize that before I left for New Orleans I wanted them to know who I really was, a gay man. When I told them they were extremely supportive and told me that they already knew for a while. They are true friends, and they still stand by me up to this day. The hardest person for me to tell was my best friend, Robert. We have literally known each other since we where born. Robert, to say the least, was a homophobe during our senior year. We fell out of touch most of our senior year because he had a girlfriend that didn't like me very much. 

Somehow we started hanging out right before I left for school. I slept over at Robert's house the night before I left. Robert and I shared a bed that night, and in the morning he kept bringing up the subject of homosexuality. He seemed to have changed his views. Come to find out, in our time apart he had become friends with a lot of gay people. He told me that they are people too and that he saw nothing wrong with it. I laid there next to him for a couple of minutes and told him that I have something that I wanted to tell him.

"Shoot buddy, what is it?"
"I want to tell you something, but I am afraid how you will react."
"Andrew, we a been best buds since we were born. You can tell me anything. I am always going to be here for you."
"Ok, here is goes. Robert, I am gay. I wanted to tell you before I left again for New Orleans. I have known for a long time. I hope that you will still be my friend. This isn't anything that I asked for, it just happened. It is who I am."
"Buddy, I am always here for you. You being gay isn't going to change that. Just promise me that you will let me meet any stud that you are serious about and ask for my approval. I just want you to be happy."
"Hah, I promise. Robert, you have no idea what this means to me. I felt so scared about telling you. Probably even more scared then telling my family."
"You are always my best buddy, not matter what."

After that I felt that I was ready to go back to school. Most of my friends knew and were very accepting. I would be lying if I said I didn't have any feelings for Robert, but I came to realize that he is straight. No matter how much I loved him and wanted to be with him, being gay is something that I would never wish on anybody. It is hard enough to deal with myself. Don't get my wrong, I am proud to be gay; it just took me a while to get there.

I decided that I wasn't going to tell my family that I was gay until I was finished with college and was financially independent. To keep myself occupied I threw myself into my school work and took a job as a resident assistant. I just wanted to make sure that there was no room for a relationship in my life and I could get threw my college years without having to complicate the situation with a boyfriend.

My plan seemed to work for the my first three years of college. The fourth year of my college experience, however, really threw me for a loop. It all started when I was hurrying down the hall to get to my next class, which I was going to be late for. As a turned the corner a bumped into the cutest guy I have ever laid my eyes. 

"Oh Gosh, I'm so sorry. That was completely my fault. I'm Michael by the way."
"I'm Andrew, don't worry about it. I wasn't looking where I was going."
"So, what is your major?"
"Music industry, you?"
"Same."

Michael had the most beautiful smile and eyes that just sparkled. I noticed how much I was attracted to him right off of the bat. I figured he was probably straight, and I should be getting to class.
"Well, Michael, it was nice running into you, but I really have to go to class."
"Really? Where are you heading? I have a noon class too."
"I am heading to choir."
"Awesome, me too."

He smiled as he said that and my heart just wanted to melt. I was still resistant about getting involved with anyone and thought we could just be great friends. A month or so passed when Michael approached me with that adorable smile I could never say no to.
"Hey, Andrew, I am having a problem in Dr. Peterson's class, could you possibly help me?
"Sure, anything I can do to help. Do you want to study in my room later."
"Um, yeah that would be great. I have a test in her class next week."
"Well, let's go grab a bite to eat and we will head to my room and get cracking on those books."
"Sounds great!"

Michael and I stopped off at the House of Blues in the French Quarter. It was really wonderful to hang out outside the school setting. After dinner we headed back to my room and started to study. I ran threw the question with Michael a few times. He got all of them right, which really sparked me curiosity.
"Michael, I really don't see how much help I am to you. You know all of this material. I really don't see where you have a problem."
"I have to confess, I really didn't need you to help me study. I really just needed to talk to you."
"Ok, what is it?"
"Andrew, I think I am falling in love with you. I'm gay. I hope you are too. If you aren't I hope we can still be friends."
"Michael, I'm gay too. I fell for you the moment that we met. I just didn't want to complicate my life with a boyfriend."
"Would you be willing to have one now?"

When Michael asked me that I didn't know what to say, but something just came over me, and I touched his cheek and kissed him on the lips. As we parted we looked deep into each others eyes. I finally saw what real love looked like. Michael kissed me back, but then he kissed my neck and he slowly started to unbutton my shirt, kissing every inch of my chest. I brought him up and we stared to passionately kiss. Michael slowly laid me on my back and climbed on top of me.
"Andrew, I love you so much."
"Michael, I love you too. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you to make love to me tonight."

Michael didn't say anything. He just started kissing me all over. There we were, the two of us, full body contact. As Michael is kissing me he is caressing my entire body, showing me passion in myself that I never knew that I had. We made love until the morning. He held me close to him as we laid there in my bed. He kissed me from behind and told me how much he loved me. Michael made me feel that I could take on the world as long as he was by my side. We knew that we loved each other so much that things could not stay this way.

Michael and I came to my home during the summer to tell my parents about us. The four of us sat in the living room. My heart was beating so hard I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
"Mom, Dad, Michael and I have something that we really need to discuss with you. It is really the reason that we came for a visit."
"Ok, son, we are all ears."
"Well, where do I begin. I just want to start out by saying that I never meant to hurt you. I know what I am about to say is going to hurt you deeply, but I feel that I owe it to you and myself to be honest. I just hope that you still love me after you find out.

"Andrew, if you are gay, we are not going to love you any less."

After my mom said that to me I started to cry; not out of sadness, but as the result of a burden that had been lifted from my shoulders. Michael took my hand and slowly rubbed my back with his other hand, as to comfort me. I finally found the words to speak.

"Mom, how did you know?"
"Sweetie, a mother knows. I have known for a long time. I just wanted to wait until you were ready to tell me. Plus, I can see the way you and Michael feel toward each other. It is the way your father and I feel towards each other.

"Son, we just want you to be happy. We are glad that you found such a wonderful person as Michael." My dad said. 

Hearing that from my family meant so much to me. I learned that even as traditional my family was no matter what happened we are always there for each other. As for Michael and I, we both graduated with honors from Loyola, and are now living in New York City. We both have wonderful careers, but the money isn't really what matters. What matters it that we have each other. We love each other, share our lives together, and support each other threw everything. Maybe one day the world will see that it doesn't matter who you love. 

It matters how you love. Hopefully one day soon same-sex marriage will be legal in this country because Michael and I share a love that is so strong and beautiful that it has to come from nowhere else, but God himself.