My Anal Sex Preparation and Maintenance Program

1. I often get questions from guys about how to take care of themselves in preparation for anal sex. In order to keep the male pussy ready to pleasure a partner, you must make an investment in time and effort, as well as make a few sacrifices in you diet. This is what works for me:

2. Diet: I avoid red meat for health reasons and also because it is so hard on your digestive tract. Red meats tend to be tough to digest, and are partially responsible for the residue that most people have in their digestive tracts. On average, people have between 4 and 10 pounds of undigested matter in their intestines and colons. Not a pleasant thought when you have 20 minutes to get ready for a hot date. I also avoid regular consumption of junk foods such as pastries, chips, etc. Again, tough to digest, and even tougher to flush through your digestive tract. The best diet is one high in fruits (you are what you eat) and vegetables, complex carbs like rice and pasta, and white meats and fish. Easy to digest, good for you, and fly through you like a speeding freight train

3. Secret #1. For breakfast, your most important meal if you are a bottom queen, I have a milkshake with a twist. Here goes:

* 16 ounces of water.
* one banana or some strawberries, or other fruit high in fiber.
* four tablespoons of OLIVE OIL.
* two tablespoons of Metamucil or other powdered fiber supplement.
* one half cup of dry nonfat milk or one half cup of milk.
* add any vitamins or supplements you may be taking, especially herbals, after removing from the little gel or plastic caplets.

Put this mess in a blender, blend it, and drink it. Actually, it's not bad, and it grows on you. This is the maintenance milkshake, and if taken every morning, will make douching for sex a breeze after a good BM. For the first two weeks, add the following in order to get your digestive tract cleared of all junk that has accumulated over the years; 2 table spoons of mineral oil, and one quarter teaspoon of cayenne pepper. WHAT?!!!!!!!! Yes, dearies, cayenne pepper. Makes the shake take on a latin flavor, and it also attacks the junk in your intestines and breaks it down. Cayenne also has medicinal qualities that help reduce bacteria, certain mold and fungus spores, and it's acidic qualities clean out all of those fries and big macs you ate over the years. Wow, while typing this, I just realized that my spell checker has every four-letter word in the book in it! I typed “fungus”, and “fucked” comes up! I guess you know what I have been up to!! Another note, try to avoid the laxatives. They may be a quick fix, but over time, are not the best thing in the world for you. As for oils, use olive primarily, and I like to put in a drop or two of oil of oregano.
 

4. OK, sweet thing, now we are making some progress. After about two weeks, you will notice that your bowels are functioning as they were designed, and you are clear after your morning contribution to the sanitary district. The next step is sweetening that thing so your man does not get any unpleasant surprises. The next subject is douching, yes, a French word. Douching is the process of putting clean soapy water in your rectum and colon in order to get the bad stuff out. The term comes from the word “douche”, which is what the German Army did to the French Army in WWII, WWI, and on, and on, and on. The French will never learn!

5. You will need some tools for this operation. I have found over the years that the best douching tool is one of those non disposable douche bulbs that you can get at Longs, Rite-Aid, or any other full-service drug store. They are the type with a bulb about the size of a softball with a dong-like prong that screws into it. You can unscrew the prong-thangie for filling and cleaning. Other tools and supplies you need are some liquid, non-antibacterial soap, like the stuff you get in Walmart (Soft Hands is good, Costco conditioner or Aussie Mega Conditioner is best); toilet paper at hand, toilet, and a sink. You will generally find these things in your bathroom. Now, we are ready to get the boom-boom room in first class shape and keep that man happy!

6. Step one is to take a good BM, and empty your colon. This should happen every morning if you are doing the milkshakes every morning. After that, fill your sink with warm water and enough liquid soap to make Mister Bubble appear. The idea is to be completely relaxed, so water should be comfortably warm, not hot. Next, fill the bulb with soapy water, screw on the prong, and put it under water in the sink and squeeze out the air, filling it completely with water. NO AIR! Have a towel handy for drips and spills. Next, place some liquid soap on the tip of the prong, sit on the commode, and keeping the douche bottle upright, place the prong at the entrance of your love canal. Relax, and press it in, stopping and adjusting your angle if you get any resistance. Ease it about 4 inches in, and squeeze the bulb, flooding your RECTUM with water. Pull the douche out, wipe tip, and refill. Give yourself a second shot if you can hold it, same method. Hold it for a minute or so, and then let your anal sphincter relax and allow the water to flow out. Wipe clean and relax. Not pleasant if you have not been taking care of yourself, but necessary work.

7. The next step will involve going a bit deeper into the subject matter. We have just flushed your rectum, and next, we flush the colon. Fill the douche bulb as before, getting all air out of it, and lube it again with liquid soap or lotion. Put it in your pussy, and slowly press it in, first 4 inches, where you last stopped, and then further until you can feel your Lower colonic sphincter. That is the little door that separates your colon from your rectum. We are now going to slowly press the prong through the sphincter, taking care to watch the angle and get it straight thru and avoid pain and discomfort. Once it, at the full length of the douche bottle prong, squeeze and fill your colon with water. Extract, wipe, refill, and repeat. Most experienced (well fucked) take between two and three bulbs full of water. You will feel a mild pressure, and will feel like you have to go, once you have filled your colon. Hold the soapy water inside for at least one minute. You can also stand and move around a bit. I dance, some guys do jumping jacks, and some stand on their heads. Whatever it takes to get the soapy water up your colon and get it working on your colon walls, without pain, is OK. Always watch for signs of bleeding and pain. If either occurs, you are doing something wrong and need to cease.

8. Now that your colon is full of warm, soapy water, try to hold it and get it to do it's thing on your colon walls. After a few minutes, sit on the pot, relax, and let the water and other unmentionables flow out. Do not force or put pressure. It will come out when it has done it's job. Once the majority of the water has flowed out, clean up, and repeat the process. You will probably have to repeat this process at least three times in order to start flushing clear. Once you are flushing fairly clear, i'e., just discolored water, take a break for about 20 to 30 minutes.

9.After 20 to 30 minutes, you are probably going to have your small intestine decide to drain itself. This is a result of inefficient digestion. As a general rule, if your digestive tract is running as it was designed, what you ate at 6 PM last nite hits the septic system at 6 AM the next morning. If your small intestine does drain, resulting in another, much sloppier BM, not to worry. Just repeat the step we used to flush the colon (yes, way up there). You will notice that after about 2 flushes, you are running clear. That is the goal.

10. Now that you are just running clear, soapy water, allow it all to drain out, then hit the shower and start your day. If you are anticipating any large flying objects shooting up your pussy in the next few hours, now is a great time to lube a bit with some lotion. Just put some good lotion on your finger, put it up there, and lightly lubricate your pussy. It is good for you. And of course, lube again right before penetration. I have a shower shot in my shower which I use to finish the flush and also keep a couple of those beaded chain dildos in there and loads of nice conditioner. Lube up the beaded dildo with conditioner, slip in it, and take a ride for a few minutes. Then flush with the shower shot. The key to using a shower shot is to just put it up your rear and let it flow. No need to clamp down and you don't want to put too much water up there.

11. This system does require discipline and time. You will find that it is the best way to keep yourself ready for sex, and healthy. Also, I attribute my success in dodging the HIV bullet to good anal health, and this whole program has been the basis of that. And you can ask my two ex-husbands and the many guys I date, no unpleasant surprises and a superior ride every time. Remember guts, if you are going to keep a guy happy, you need to give it up when he is ready for it. This is how it is done in the real world. Again, bleeding, pain, and discomfort are NOT part of this program.

12. The next issue is actually taking a cock up your hind side. Contrary to popular (ill informed) opinion, you don't need to be “broken” like or a horse or have your cherry or any other of your fruity parts broken or destroyed. Take it slow. The best position for the new cummer is what we call “jailhouse” because you are on your stomach and your man lays on top of you and takes you from the rear. Not very romantic, but it is easier for him to control you and find your love hole. Spread your legs, and when you feel the head of his well lubricated cock pressing to get in, relax and try to simulate the same muscle sensations that your would if you were trying to have a BM.

Let him press in slowly, dilate your hole for him, and if it hurts, tell him and have him stop. Keep that outward pressure, downward like you are trying to take a BM, and let him slowly work his way in to you. Once he is all the way in, then he can start pumping slowly until you are warmed up, and as long as you don't get out of alignment and you don't clamp down on him too hard, he can ride like the wind. I do prefer the anal sex specific gel lubes if needed, but I do not recommend you use any of the deadeners like Anal Eze because pain is your first sign that something is amiss and you need to either take a break to stretch out or you need to change position. A little pain will prevent a lot of damage from a tear or fissure or worse, having your sphincter muscles torn. Tear enough of them, and you not only become a sloppy, lousy fuck, but you will end up back in diapers. Not good.

13. Remember, Douching a few times a week will become a pleasurable part of your maintenance routine. Get a few dildos and a couple of variable sized butt plugs and work on them when Mister Man is not around to do you. Once you are used to taking your man's cock with ease, then move on to the other positions and judge for yourselves what works best. Generally, the bottom is concerned about being comfortable while taking it, and the top wants to best angle and depth of stroke. When the bottom starts to get sexual aroused or orgasm while being fucked, you know you are doing it right. That is the whole idea: both get off. When in doubt, ask. That is why we are here, to help. Hope to see you all on a mattress somewhere!