My German Lover : Part 16

"I CAN'T GO ON..."
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"Hey! What's up?", Lutz asked, smiling, as he opened the door to Franz...

"Hi Lutz!"

"...Well... Don't stand there like that... come in...", Lutz said, taking Franz by the arm...

"Thanks... but I won't stay long...", Franz replied.

"What's wrong? You have the face of a man who's coming from a funeral...", Lutz jokingly said...

"...I feel like that too...", Franz answered. "Come here and sit Lutz... there's something very important I want to tell you. That's the reason why I came tonight..."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. (...)"

"...Well?... Come on Franz, speak up, will you?"

"(...) Well... you see... I think... I think it's best for us we stop seeing each other...", Franz finally said.

"What? What do you mean? What did I do? (...) Is it because of that "piss" thing the other day?", a stunned Lutz asked.

"...Oh no, no... It's not that al all... In fact, I really loved that...", Franz answered, grinning...

"Then why?"

"...You see Lutz... I've broken my promise to you... I lied to you..."

"What do you mean you lied to me?"

"...Remember... You made me promise I wouldn't fall in love with you?... and each time you brought the subject, I told you I wasn't in love with you? (...) Well, I lied! I'm really in love with you Lutz... So much so that it hurts! You can't believe how much I love you", Franz said with tears flowing out of his eyes...

"...Oh come on Franz... Don't cry like that, please!", Lutz said, totally disorientated...

"Don't worry... I won't bother you very long..."

"Shit Franz... that's not what I meant... you're not bothering me at all...", Lutz answered, not knowing what to do. So he took Franz into his arms and said:

"Come on now..."

"...You see Lutz... for months now, I've been dreaming you would fall in love with me... That we would be kissing... that I would be able to tell you how much I love you... that I would finally hear you say you love me. But I realize now it's only a dream... and that dream is killing me bit by bit... I can't take it any more... It's driving me mad! And I don't blame you: You've always been very honest with me! So I guess the only thing left for me to do is to stop seeing you... It's gonna hurt like hell... I know... but there's no way out..."

"But I don't want you to stop seeing me...", Lutz alarmingly said...

Franz slowly released himself from Lutz's tight embrace then, with a very tender smile, he said:

"...I'm sure you will survive Lutz... And I'm sure it won't take long before you meet a nice girl... if you haven't already, that is..."

"...What do you mean?"

"As I said... You've always been honest with me Lutz, so I'll be honest with you too: I saw you the other day in a restaurant with a beatiful girl... I saw you holding her hand and kissing her..."

"...Oh, so that's why you come here tonight and tell me we have to stop seeing each other, isn't it? Would you be jealous?"

Franz looked Lutz straight in the eyes and calmly answered:

"Yes Lutz, I'm jealous... I'm jealous of her! I wish I were her... I wish you could kiss me like you kissed her... But I'm not her! And you will never kiss me the way you kissed her! That's what made me realize I'm chasing after an impossible dream! That dream will never come true! I can't spend my life going after such an impossible dream. Just like you Lutz, I have the right to know happiness, you know..."

"...What can I say to make you change your mind? What, huh?"

Franz tenderly smiled to his friend and answered:

"Nothing! There's nothing you can say, cause there's nothing you can do about how I feel... You can not change my feelings for you!"

Franz slowly rose and gave a last look to Lutz, who was only wearing a tight T-shirt and a pair of cut-off pants. Franz looked at his strong shoulders and well defined pecs under his T-shirt... Then he looked at his curly blond hair and his beatiful blue eyes... as blue as the Mediterranean Sea...

"God! You're so beatiful Lutz... I could lose myself into your gorgeous blue eyes... I'll never forget you Lutz! And I'll always love you: I don't think I'll ever stop loving you! But at least, I'll give it a try..."

"...Don't leave me like that Franz... Please: Don't!", Lutz answered with tears in his eyes...

"...Sorry Lutz! I've got to go now..."

Franz left the flat as fast as he could and seconds later, he was sitting inside Paul's car...

"Let's get the hell out of here before I change my mind...", he said to Paul.

As planned, Franz spent that night at Paul's mansion, but he couldn't find sleep. From their bedroom, Will and Paul could hear him crying... After a while, Will said to Paul:

"Go see him... We can't leave him alone like that, can we?"

"...No..."

Paul rose from bed, put his shorts on and said to Will:

"Put your shorts on... I'll go get him..."

Paul walked over to Franz's bedroom and, through the door he said:

"Franz? Can I come in?"

"Yeah", Franz sobered out...

Paul went to his bed where he sat and looked at his blond haired friend...

"I wish I could say something to help you... but I'm afraid there are no words to soothe such a pain... Come Franz: You'll spend the night with Will and me. At least, you won't be alone... That's the best we can do to help you..."

They walked back to Paul's bedroom, and Franz went to bed, where he lay down between Will and Paul...

"Now try to go to sleep Franz...", Paul said to him...

"I'll try... And thanks guys: You're the best!"

"Hey, we love you Franz: If you cry, we cry...", Will answered, smiling...

"Thanks..."

Later that night, as Will and Paul were sound asleep, Franz finally felt asleep, cuddled up close to his two friend's strong and warm bodies. He had stopped crying: He had no more tears left to shed.

Before Franz had too much time to think, he was sitting next to Paul aboard a plane, ready to take off from the Bourget Airport...

"How come it's so long before we take off?", Paul asked Kurt, their pilot...

"I don't know Paul... Air traffic it very very heavy... The Luftwaffe is moving out thousands of planes to the East..."

"No... Farther East... To Poland I'd say... but even the pilots don't know for sure until they board their planes... and until they land at their final destination, radio communications are strictly forbidden...", Kurt answered.

"What the hell is going on?", Paul asked...

"I swear I don't know...", the pilot sincerely answered...

After a long wait... they were finally authorized to take off...

Paul could sense Franz was all tensed up...

"Your first time flying... that's why you're all tensed up like that, huh?"

"...Yeah!"

"Scared?", Paul asked Franz...

"A little..."

"No reason to... Here: Take my hand and hold it tight...", Paul answered, grinning...

Soon after, they were flying to Geneva, and Franz started to relax. He even smiled!

"That's better...", Paul said to him, smiling...

When they landed at Geneva Airport, everything was quiet there...

"...Quite a difference from Paris!", Paul said to Kurt...

"Yeah!", the pilot answered, grinning...

The week in Geneva went smoothly, as Franz stayed with his family, and Paul at the hotel with Kurt. Of course, they had seperate rooms, but at least, Paul was not alone all evenings long, as they had agreed to meet each evening for a drink at the bar, then for supper.

Paul learned more about Kurt. He was a nice easy going guy. Since their trip to Berlin last December, Kurt had guess Paul and Will were lovers. He told Paul so, but said he didn't give a damn about that, even though he was straight.

Kurt was pretty well built, and very good-looking. He was a spirited man, and was always laughing. Paul liked that.

"You know Paul? I think they roll back the sidewalks around here, after ten o'clock! I've never seen a place so dull in my life!", Kurt said to Paul one night, laughing...

"It's not Paris, of course", Paul answered, laughing too... "But at least, we don't hear about that damn war around here!"

"That's true... They are lucky not to be at war..."

"Yeah. Same for Spain, Portugal and Sweden...", Paul added...

"...You forgot to name Ireland...", Kurt answered, laughing...

"True!", Paul answered, smiling... "I guess it's less dangerous when you live in small country..."

"Oh, I'm not sure about that... Take Finland, Norway or Danemark! The fact they are small didn't save them, did it? And now, we'we even invaded Yugoslavia and Greece... When I think the Nazi flag is now flying over the Acropolis..."

"Are you a Nazi Kurt?"

"...Do I look like one?", Kurt answered, laughing... "Come on... I'm crazy, but not "THAT" crazy you know..."

"Sorry I asked...", Paul said, laughing...

"...No problem! All I hope is that this damn war will end soon. After the war, I'd like to open a school, to teach clients how to fly..."

"Hey... That's a great idea, you know..."

"You think?"

"Yes! And one day, I'm sure we'll be able to cross the Atlantic onboard commercial airplanes, you'll see...", Paul said.

"I'm sure of that too... But for now, let's go to bed: We're leaving tomorrow for Berlin, aren't we?"

"Yeah!", Paul answered. "Franz will be here at ten o'clock, so we can be at the Airport on time..."

"Fine...", Kurt answered, smiling...

They left Geneva on schedule, but it took a lot of time before they were authorized to land at Templehoff...

"Why do we keep circling Berlin like that?", Paul asked Kurt...

"...Lots of air traffic", Kurt answered... "And that's not normal... What the hell in going on here?", he added...

"...Don't ask me!", Paul answered, grinning...

And when they were finally authorized to land, Franz said:

"Not too soon!"

Paul and Franz went to Hotel Adlon, where they were expected. Everything was quite normal in Berlin... and nobody could explain to Paul why they had encountered so much air traffic at Templehoff...

Of course, as soon as he got to the Hotel, Paul gave a call to Will's family...

Will's mum told him she already knew he was in town, since Will had called to let them know... And they were expecting Paul and Franz for supper the night after: Ludwig was eager to see Paul, and needless to say he was more than ready to leave for Paris with his luggage...

Will's mum also said she had invited Lutz's older brother for supper, since he was back from Norway, on leave in Berlin for a few days...

"Have you ever met Hans?", Will's mum asked Paul...

"No. But Lutz told me a lot about his older brother...", Paul answered her.

"Ah! Hans said the same about you", Will's mum answered, laughing... "He said Lutz wrote a lot about you in his letters to him..."

After he had hung up the phone, Paul started to think whether or not it was a good idea to have Franz in the same room as Lutz's brother... but Franz said he didn't care...

They went to Will's home, and had a lot of fun there, as Ludwig never stopped cracking jokes...

"Did you know that since Lutz broke up with Klara last December, she hasn't said a word to me... When I bump into her, she acts as if she doesn't know me..." Ludwig said to Paul, laughing... "Not that I care: She's a bitch..."

Paul looked at Franz... and was relieved to see he was laughing too...

"So Hans... I understand you're back from Norway...", Paul asked him...

"Yes... And I'm not going back there... My regiment is being transfered to Poland...", Hans answered...

"What?", Paul exclaimed... "You too? What's going on in Poland? The Luftwaffe is actually transfering thousands of planes over there..."

"... I don't know", Hans pensively answered. "I don't know... They told us nothing about that... just that the day after tomorrow, we would be on our way to Poland: That's all!"

"... Is there a rebellion or something going on over there?", Will's dad asked Hans...

"Not that I know of...", Hans answered.

During that evening, Paul had time to observe Hans...

He didn't look like Lutz at all, Paul thought.