My German Lover, Part 27, chapter 1

When Paul showed those sheet music to me... I looked at them and explained to him that in order for me to be able to play those songs, I would have to learn them first… He knew that, and told me:

“Take the sheet music with you… and once you’re back to Montréal, perhaps… if you have time… you could try to learn some of those songs…”

I smiled at him and said:

“Look Paul: I’ll come back to Martinique to spend the Easter holiday... I’ll see what I can do until then… But I promise: I’ll do my best to learn a few of those…”

“…Thanks. Maybe you could learn that one from Schubert?”

I looked at the sheet music and said:

“Oh God… That one is not easy you know…”

“It’s so beautiful.”, Paul answered, with a sad smile on his face. “My mother used to play it when I was young… and Will knew how to play it too, but as you know he doesn’t play anymore…”

“Okay Paul… I’ll concentrate on that one first.”

“Thanks pal! I would really love to hear that song again being played on our piano…”, Paul softly said, with a few tears in his eyes.

To see him like that almost made me cry. It doesn’t take much to move me as I'm very sensitive. Very often, tears come too easily to my eyes. As I once said to one of my friends: “It’s not my fault… I’m like that!” 

“Count on me Paul. I’ll do my best to learn that song for you…”, I finally answered.

On January 10, as we were about to leave, I went to Bagatelle so say goodbye to our old friends… and Paul said:

“See you at Easter… And in the meantime, take good care huh?”

“Yes… and you too…”

“We will…”

As we were flying back to Montréal, I looked at my brother with a grin on my face and said:

“…So Robert… I must say that I’m proud of you!”

“Huh?”

“Yeah… As far as I know, you didn’t rape any of those girls while we were there…”, I answered, laughing…

“Go to hell! And I’ll have you know that I’ve never raped a girl before! They were all willing participants! It’s not my fault: I’m irresistible!”

“Yeah sure! Well at least you didn’t leave any broken hart behind you this time!”

“Nope! Not this time…”, Robert answered, laughing… “But next time, I sure hope I’ll have my way with Amélie… Have you noticed how beautiful that girl is?”

“She’s one of Hans’ grandchildren, isn’t she?”

“Yeah…”

“Well… just keep your big hands off from her bro… They are our friends, and I swear I won’t let you mess around with her! There are many other girls down there… so find another victim, but not her, you hear me?”

“Yeah yeah…” he answered, not too happy…

“At Easter… I’ll be watching you bro…”

“Go to hell!”

And indeed we all went back to Martinique for the Easter holiday.

And as soon as we got there, I went to Bagatelle to see our old friends.

“Ahhh our young friend is back”, Paul said, with a big smile on his face…

“I did it Paul!”, I proudly said…

“What?”

“I’ve learned your song…”

“You did?”

“Yes…”

“…Will will be back from Fort-de-France in about an hour… Let’s wait for him to come back, and then you’ll play my song for us, okay?”

“Sure…”

When Will came back, Paul went to him and told him:

“Guess who’s back?”

“Who?”

“Jack”…

“Oh… where is he?”

“Waiting for us in the drawing-room…”

“Well let’s go see him, shall we?”

When they came into the drawing-room, I was already sitting on the piano bench… as Paul had asked me to…

After Will had told me how happy he was to see me again, Paul told him:

“Come and sit here, will you? Jack will play something for us…

“Oh?”, Will said… “What?”

Paul turned to look at me and said:

“Go ahead Jack…”

I started to play that beautiful song from Schubert Paul had asked me to learn at Christmas…

The two of them were sitting there, not too far from the grand piano, their eyes closed. And a bit later, when I looked at them… they were holding hands.

Then Will rose to his feet and came to me telling me:

“Wait wait Jack…”

“…Did I make a mistake?”

“No…”, Will answered, smiling at me… “You’re executing the sheet music with precision… But now… can you execute it with your heart?”

“Um… what do you mean?”

“…Let your heart feel the music… Let your heart play it, not only your fingers… Can you do that?”

“Um… I’m not sure I understand what you mean…”

“Here pal… let me show you…”

I rose from the bench and Will took my place. For a while, he studied the sheet music and read the music… Then he closed his eyes. After a few seconds, he opened them and he began to play…

He had not played for more than fifty years… but he was playing like if he had played that song just the day before. I had heard that once you’ve learn how to play piano, you never forget! It’s like riding a bicycle… You just never forget! Well… I had the proof of that right before my eyes!

Will was playing that song with all his heart! What a difference! Now I could hear what he had tried to explain to me. The music was flowing from his heart, not just from his fingers! And it was… beautiful!

He was still sitting there… but tears were running down his cheeks…

And of course, just looking at him… tears began running down my cheeks too…

Once the last note had been played, Will remained silent for a minute. Then he looked at Paul. He rose from the bench and walked over to his lover…

Paul greeted him with open arms… and they hugged. 

“…Will…”, Paul started to say… “I know how much it costed you… I know my love!”. He slowly ran his hand through Will’s hair and added:

“…You’ve just made me the happiest man in the world Will… How can I thank you?”

“I hope I didn’t do that in vain huh, Jack?”, Will asked, looking at me… “Play that song again, will you?”

Shit! I was so nervous! How the hell was I going to play as well as him….

I sat on the bench… and studied the sheet music. Then I closed my eyes… and after a while, I began to play the song… and I played it to the end, with all my heart!

“Ahhhhh… That’s it, Jack! You see? Now my friend… you really play piano! I’m proud of you!”, Will said, with a very nice smile on his face…

“…You think so?”

“Yes … You don’t play like Will…”, Paul said… “More like my mother used to play. And I must say that, for a while, I almost thought she was here with us, playing that beautiful song…. And she used to play beautifully Jack!”

“Thanks… I did my best you know…”

“…And it showed!”, Will answered.

“You’re gifted, Jack…”, Paul added, smiling at me… “You’re a romantic! I can sense that. Just make sure you don’t suffer because of that…”

Although I wanted to ask him what he meant by that, I refrained from asking. I already had too much on my mind… 

To tell the truth, since last Christmas, I had a lot of things on my mind… many unanswered questions… and I just didn’t know how to answer them. In fact, not only was I unable to answer them… I was not even able to clearly formulate them! They were there… in a small corner of my mind… well hidden… and some times, they would pop up! Was there something wrong with me? What? I just didn’t know.

At the end of our holiday I said to Paul:

“I’ll be back early in June… since dad has decided we will spend next summer down here in Martinique…”

“Oh, that’s nice… I’m so happy to hear that…”

“Yes… (…) I wonder Paul…”

“What?”

“… Oh, nothing…”

Paul looked at me straight in the eyes and said:

“What’s bothering you my friend?”

“…I don’t know. Probably nothing!”

“You want to talk about it?”

I smiled to him and answered:

“…Not now…”

“Sure. Well… if you want to talk to someone, and if you think I can help… well… I’ll be here for you! I’ve been around, you know! I may be old… but I’m not senile! And I’ve been your age once… never forget that! I’ve been through a lot in my life…”

“Yes…”, I answered, with a nice smile on my face… “I know…”

“Anyway Jack, if you need me… you know where to find me, don’t you?”

“I sure do. Thanks Paul! I appreciate…”

“Sure”

We went back to Montréal… where things began to slowly deteriorate for me during the spring!

Then, I made a big mistake! Oh shit, was I wrong! How the hell could have I been that wrong? Not only was I scared… I was devastated! But I kept to myself and didn’t say a word about the whole thing. I just couldn’t. And in June, when we boarded the plane to Fort-de-France… I was too happy to leave my problems behind me. Or so I thought.

As soon as we got to our house in Martinique… I said to my parents:

“…I’m going to Bagatelle…”

“Okay son… Don’t stay there too long though…”, my dad said so me…

“Yeah…”

I almost ran all the way to Bagatelle, and when I reached the mansion, I was out of breath. I waited for a while… and finally knocked on the door. 

“Oh bonjour monsieur Jack!”, the tall Martinican said when he saw me standing there…

“Bonjour! Is Paul here?”

“He’s around the pool… you know how to get there don’t you?”

“Sure! Don’t worry…”, I answered, grinning…

I walked over to the pool… and saw Paul sitting there, alone, reading a book…

“Hey!” I said to him, smiling…

He rose his eyes from his book and looked at me. Then, with a big smile on his face he said:

“Hey, you’re back! Great! How are you Jack…”

I didn’t answer his question… and sat on a chair right next to him…

“…And you Paul… How are you? How are the others?”

“We’re all fine… Really… But you didn’t answer my question, did you?”

I looked at him… and remained silent for a while.

“Okay pal… What’s going on? What’s wrong? And don’t tell me everything is okay, cause I can see in your eyes you’re not doing fine!”

“… You’re right Paul… I’m guess I’m not doing fine… and I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”

“…I see. Want to talk about that?”

“I’ve made a big mistake!”

“Oh… But you’re still alive, aren’t you?”

“…Of course…”

“Well… as long as you’re alive, it can’t be that bad! The big mountain you see today… will look like a small hill tomorrow… And do you know what Jack?”

“What?”

“…Well… whatever the mistake you made… The sun will rise tomorrow morning as it always does… and life will go on… Nothing will stop, just because you think you’ve made a big mistake… Life will go on, and you must go on too...Now if you want… let’s talk, huh?”

I just couldn’t hold it anymore… and I started crying like a baby!

Paul came to me, took me into his arms… then said:

“…Cry my friend… cry! Go on. Let the steam go off… That’s it! Later, we’ll talk!”