My German Lover, Part 27, chapter 6 (Conclusion)

The nurse looked at Lutz and said:

“I’ll be back in a minute, Sir…”

A minute later she was back with a syringe and I saw her inject something into my IV…

“What’s that?”, I asked her…

“…To calm you down…”

“I don’t need to be calmed down… I want to see Mike…”

“Look Jack”, Lutz started to say… “Will, Paul and your parents will come back soon. They went downstairs to the cafeteria to have something to eat. They’ll be back soon…”
“My parents? What are they doing here? What are you talking about? For how long have I been in here?”

“…Hey… how many questions can you ask in one second, huh? (…) You’ve been here for four days…”

“FOUR DAYS?”

“Yes. Now Jack, your parents got here yesterday. You’ve been seriously injured you know…”

“And what about Mike?”

“I haven’t seen him yet. I’ve spent all my shifts with you. Paul and Will saw him… and so did your parents…”

“What do you mean your “shifts”?

Lutz grinned and answered:

“When one of us is hurt… or is in hospital, we never leave him. So since you and Mike were taken to the hospital and as soon as we heard the news, we all came to Fort-de-France to be with you guys. We’re staying at François’ house on Plateau Didier… and so are your parents…

“…Dr Dubois?”

“Yes… and so since then, we have shifts… Four hour shifts… one of us stays with you while another stays with Mike… all the time. Non stop…”

“Who’s making shifts?”

“Will, Paul, Ludwig, me… your parents… some of Ludwig’s grandchildren as well as some of Hans’ grandchildren… and of course François…”

As Lutz was explaining that, my parents as well as Will and Paul walked into my room…”

“Oh… you have awaken…”, my dad said…

“How do you feel?” my mum asked…

“Not too good, really”, I answered…

They all came to my bed, and my mum had tears in her eyes…

“Don’t worry mum… I’m doing fine…”, I answered, smiling to her…

“Are you comfortable?”

“Yeah yeah… don’t worry mum.”

Then I turned and looked at my dad and asked:

“Have you seen Mike?”

“Yes…”

“How is he?”

“We don’t know yet…”, my dad answered…

“What do you mean you don’t know. You’re a doctor dad. Don’t tell me you don’t know…”

My dad looked at me and after a few seconds he answered:

“I’m a doctor… but I’m not his doctor…”

“Yeah yeah… but I’m sure you have talked to his doctor, haven’t you… I know you dad…”

“Yes…”

“So?”

“…He’s critically injured, Jack. But for now, you must get some rest…”

“Look at me dad. And look at me good. I don’t want to get some rest. I want to know about Mike. And don’t lie to me dad. You’ve never lied to me in the past, so don’t start now. Although mum calls me her baby… I’m not a baby anymore. I’m a grown man. I’m not a kid anymore. So, tell me…”

“… Really Jack, we don’t know yet. And I’m not lying to you. They’re running all kinds of tests… Tomorrow morning, an electroencephalogram (EEG) test will be run…”

“What’s that?”

“Well… It’s a test to measure the electrical activity of the brain… It’s a brain function test… and don’t worry… it’s non-invasive… and it can detect covert responses to stimuli…”

“A brain test? What the hell are you talking about dad, huh?”

“Calm down Jack, will you. You said you’re a big guy now… well… act like one…”, my dad answered…

“Okay okay. I’m calm. Just tell me what you’re talking about…”

“Look Jack. Mike is in bad shape. As of now, he’s not responding to external stimuli and internal needs…”

“What does that mean?”

“He’s in a coma for now. But we don’t know how deep that coma is… His parents are coming the day after tomorrow…”, he answered…

“His parents? But how could they afford the trip?”

Paul took my right hand into his and softly said:

“Club Med had called them to let them know about the accident… Then, I called them… and I took care of everything. Don’t worry about that. As you know, François has a big house on Plateau Didier… and they will be staying there…”

“…Thanks Paul. Thanks for what you’ve done…”

“Don’t worry. Everything will be fine… And the day after tomorrow, your parents will be waiting for them at the Airport…”, he finally said with a nice smile on his face.

“Thanks…”

“Well… now it’s my shift with Mike. I must go to replace Ludwig…”, Will said… “See you later Jack…”

“HEY I want to go with him… I want to see Mike…”, I said…

“Not tonight. Look at you Jack… how do you think we could take you to ICU, huh?”, my dad answered…

“When can I go then…”

“As soon as possible. Don’t worry dear…”, my mum answered, with a nice smile on her face…

The nurse came back to my room with another syringe in her hand… and again, stuff was injected into my IV. And without me noticing it, I went back to sleep…

The day after, when I woke up… Dr Dubois was sitting there, reading something…

I turned to look at him and asked:

“…Your shift?”

“Yes…”, he answered, smiling at me… “So? How do you feel today”
“Could be better, could be worst…”, I answered…

“I suppose so. You were lucky… Could have been much worst…”

“Yeah… but what about Mike?”

“Don’t worry about him. They’re taking good care of him…”

“Dr Dubois, I want to see him… please… you’ve work here in this hospital… you can take me there…”

“First Jack, stop calling me Dr Dubois. You’ve know me for so long, it’s time you call me François, okay?”

“Okay François…”

“Good. And yes, I’ve been working here many years… but I’m retired now…”

“I know that. But I’m sure you still have your ways around here…”

“Yes…”, he answered, grinning… “And do you know what, I’m making you a promise Jack. I’m going to take you to him as soon as possible. I swear to you… I will…”

“Okay. Fine. I trust you François…”

“Good…”

Later, my dad replaced François. Again, a nurse came into my room with a syringe in her hand…

“What’s that for?”, I asked her…

“…To calm you…”

“I don’t need to be calmed…”

“Oh… but I must give you that injection…”

“Get away from me… I said NO. Do you hear me: NO!”

My dad looked at the nurse and made a sign to her. She left the room with her goddamn syringe… obviously, she wasn’t very happy…

As soon as she had left the room I turned to look at my dad and said:

“…Now, take all those goddamn tubes out of me. I don’t need them. Remove them dad…”

“I can’t do that son…”

“Oh no? Well then, I’ll do it myself. Just watch me…”

And at that, I began removing the tubes…

“Hey hey… stop… Okay, okay… I’ll do it…”, my dad shouted out…

“Good… And don’t forget that goddamn tube “down there”…”

“Yeah yeah…”, my dad answered, furious…

“Thanks”, I said to him once all the tubes had been removed… “So, how long will I have to keep those plaster casts?”

My dad grinned and answered:

“…You have enough screws in there to make people go crazy at the airport, when you’ll try to go through the metal detector… as for the casts… I don’t now Jack. You’ll have to keep them for at least five weeks…”

“FIVE WEEKS?”

“Don’t start again, will you? And don’t shout at me…”

“Sorry dad. I didn’t mean to…”

“Okay…”

As my dad and I were talking, my mum walked into the room…

“Oh… they’ve removed your tubes?”, she said, smiling from ear to ear…

My dad rolled his eyes and said:

“He forced me to remove them…”

“Oh…”, my mum answered…

“Well Jack, once we bring you back to Montréal you’ll have to be more reasonable…”, she said…

“WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?”, I shouted out…

The lyrics from that song that Mike liked to sing -Lonely sky- just hit me like a running train…

“THEY’LL BUILD A CAGE AND STEAL YOUR ONLY SKY”…

“Look at me mum”, I shouted out… “No way. No way you’re taking me back to Montréal. Not against my will. No you won’t.”

I had never talked to my mum like that before. Never… She was stunned…

“…I’m not leaving Mike. You hear? Never! I’m staying right here where I am. I won’t go without him… Do you realized what you’re saying mum? If Mike and I were married, would you be thinking about separating us? Never. Things are no different mum, just because we’re gay! You hear? If dad was badly hurt, would you leave him here to go back to Montréal?”

My mum was staring at me… and tears were running down her cheeks…”

“Look Jack…”, my dad softly said… “I’m sure you’re mum didn’t want to hurt your feelings… It’s just that we worry about you. You’re our son you know. We want the best for you…”

“Yeah well… don’t even start thinking you can take me back to Montréal against my will. I’m a major now… and you can’t do that. And don’t forget that I have the money grandfather left me. I can manage on my own if you intend to cut my allowance…”

“Stop that non sense Jack. Stop that…”, my dad said… “We will never go against your will…”

My mum took my right hand into hers and softly said:

“Oh… I’m so sorry baby… I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Not at all. I know you love Mile. I’m so sorry…”

I looked at her. Seeing her cry made me feel bad. Very bad.

“…I know mum. Come here and hug me. I love you mum. And I love you dad… But can you understand that I can’t leave Mike?”

“…Yes. We do.”, my mum answered…

“And we’ll do all we can to help the two of you. All we can. We swear.”, my dad answered…

“Thanks”

The day after, as François was sitting in a chair not far from my bed… I looked at him and said:

“…You take me to him. Now. Please. All the tubes have been removed…”

“Yeah. Your dad told me…”, he answered, grinning… “Very well. I made you a promise… and I’ll keep it. Now, give me a few minutes so I can find a wheelchair…

A few moments later, he was back. He helped me get into that goddamn wheelchair and we went to the ICU.

Once there, François nodded to a nurse… as to explain that everything was under control… and he pushed my chair to a small room where Mike’s bed had been placed. There were windows all around that small room so the nurses could watch their patient.

François pushed the wheelchair into the room and I saw one of Ludwig’s grandchildren sitting right next to Mike’s bed.

“…Hi”, I said to him, smiling… “I appreciate what you’re doing dude…”, I said to him…

He nodded, smiling…

Then I looked at Mike.

He had so many tubes running out of him…and there were so many machines in there, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I saw a big tube inserted in his trachea. I looked at François and asked:

“What’s that big tube for?”

“It is connected to the artificial respirator you see over there. That machine pumps oxygen into his lungs. He can’t breathe without it…”

Then François went on to explain a few things…

“…And what you see on that small screen over there is his heart beat…”

“What’s wrong with him François? Does he hear us?”

François shook his head no.

“Does he feels pain?”

No again…

“Dad told me about an EEG test…”

“Yes…”

“So?”

“The results are not in yet…”

“Oh. And what those results will tell, huh?”

“Many things Jack….”

I turned to look at him and said:

“Don’t lie to me François, please…”

“No… (…) The EEG test is used to… assess… brain death…”

“WHAT?”

“Hey… don’t shout like that, okay. You want me to be honest with you, well, don’t shout…”

“Okay. But what the hell are you talking about?”

“You see Jack, Mike was critically injured during the accident. Then he was brought here. It all started from his head injury. And from his head injury it went to septicemia, cardiac insufficiency, renal failure and finally it ended with lung failure. He now can no longer survive without artificial respiration… And now… he’s not responding to external stimuli… That’s not a good sign Jack.

“He’s in a coma?”

“Kind of… You see, the level of consciousness required by, for example, me talking to you… is at one extreme end of the spectrum. While complete brain death lies at the other end of that spectrum… Um… we have a system… we call it the Glasgow Coma Scale… It is helpful for evaluating the depth of a coma. In Mike’s case, not even a painful stimulus is sufficient to provoke a response. As I said… that’s not a good sign Jack. On that scale I told you about… well… he’s at the bottom of it…”

“…You have surely witnessed cases of revival or “miracles” in your clinical work…”, I asked…

“Yes. It all depends of the conditions that caused the coma. Sometimes, it can be completely reversed. But not if he’s brain dead…”

As I was taking Mike’s hand into mine… I couldn’t hold it anymore and started to cry like a baby…

“Maybe we should leave them alone”, Ludwig’s grandchildren said to François…

“Yes…”, François answered… “Should you need us, we’ll right over there…”

I nodded…

They left the room and closed the door behind them….
I won’t tell you all that I said to Mike while I was alone with him, holding his hand. But I tried everything. And all the while, I was watching his heart beat on the screen. Nothing. There was no reaction. None at all. How long I stayed there, talking to him like that? I don’t know. A long time. And I cried a lot. Shit did I cry. If I could have switched places with him, I would have done it without hesitation. But I knew that was not possible.

In the end, I looked through the windows and made François a sign…

He walked back into the room and looked at me:

“You can take me back to my room. Please…”

“Yes…”

The night after, Mike’s parents got to Fort-de-France, and my parents were waiting for them at the Airport…

Later… much later, they came to see me.

“Have you seen Mike?”, I asked them, after they had hugged me…

“Yes…”

“Have you talked to his doctor?”

“Yes. We don’t know yet. Other tests will be run tomorrow…”, Mike dad’s answered with tears in his ears…

“Yes”, I answered…

The day after, my dad came to me and said:

“Now Mike, there’s something I’d like to talk to you…”

“Sure. What?”

“The accident you and Mike were involved in was a fatal accident for the other driver… Because that guy died, the coroner is conducting an inquest… and he’d like to come to the hospital to see you. He would like to ask a few questions, so he can complete his report…”

“Sure. No problem. But I don’t see what I could tell him… I don’t remember much…”

“He knows that. But he’d like to see you anyway…”

“When?”

“Tomorrow…”

“Fine with me…”

And indeed, the day after the coroner came to see me…

“…I don’t remember much, Sir…”

“Yes. It’s normal… But what do you remember?”

“Well that day, Mike and I spent the day shopping then we had dinner and then we went to see a movie. And right after the movie we took the car and drove out of Fort-de-France… We were driving southbound on N5… At one point, we entered a curve and all I remember is that we saw another car coming fast at us… I remember hitting the breaks… then dust started flying all around me. That’s all I remember. Oh, and we didn’t drink alcohol that day… and we don’t do drugs…”

“…We already know that. You see, when you and your friend were brought to the hospital, blood samples were taken and then analyzed. And so we know you were clean that night… As for the other driver, well… that’s another story…”

“What do you mean?”

“There was a post-mortem examination done by our pathologist, an autopsy if you prefer… to determine the cause and manner of the driver’s death… A complete and comprehensive forensic autopsy was performed… and according to the toxicology report released by the pathologist, the night of the accident, the other driver had consumed enough alcohol to elevate his blood alcohol content to more than three times the legal limit… And there was an independent witness to your accident…”

“Oh?”

“…Yes. A man was driving his car not too far behind the car that hit you…”

“What does he say?”

“…I’m going to see him today, then I’ll complete my report…”

“You haven’t seen him yet?”

“No. I couldn’t. Following the accident, he almost made a nervous breakdown. What he saw that night wasn’t pretty you know… But I talked to his doctor this morning and he says I can see his patient now…”

“So the other driver was drunk huh? I’m glad he died…”

“…I understand how you feel. It’s sad for his wife and two kids though…”

“He had kids?”

“Yes. They are very young…”

“…I feel sorry for them. And for his wife. Really… But I hate the guy…”

“Un-huh. As I said… I understand. Well, thanks for your time and take good care, young man…”

“Will you send me copy of your report?”

“Sure. Don’t worry. Bye now…”

“Thanks Sir…”

Indeed, three weeks later I received copy of his report:

“Mr. “X” caused a fatal crash with another vehicle while he was under the influence of alcohol. In the past, Mr. “X” had been arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol. On the night of the accident he was intoxicated with a blood alcohol concentration of 0.24, which far surpasses the prescribed legal limit of 0.08.

“His driving was greatly impaired. According to an independent witness, he was driving well over the speed limit when he entered the curve where the accident occurred: His vehicle crossed the line and crashed into another vehicle driving Southbound by Mr. “Y”. Mr. “W” was a passenger in that car. 

“Following the car-to-car, head-on collision, the car driven by Mr. “Y” rolled over a few times and ended up into a ditch.

“The independent witness called the police and the ambulance. Mr. “Y” and Mr. “W” were taken to the Pierre-Zobda-Quitman Hospital with life threatening injuries. As for Mr. “X”, he died on impact, from blunt trauma injuries.

“At the time of the accident, the road was dry and both vehicles were in good mechanical order. Mr. “Y” and his passenger Mr. “W” were wearing their seatbelts at the time of the accident, but Mr. “X” was not.

“Conclusion: Fatal car crash caused by Mr. “X” while under the influence of alcohol. The driver of the other car bears no responsibility whatsoever in that accident. He and his passenger were victims of a drunk driver.”

Reading that report didn’t make me feel better. What had happened had happened… The guy was drunk, and he had caused the crash. He was dead, and I was still hurting. But I was alive. 

Anyway the day the coroner came to see me at the hospital he also saw my parents and Mike’s patents. He told them what he knew about the accident and at least I felt relieved, knowing that no one would blame me for that accident. And no one did.

The morning after as Paul was keeping me company, I asked him:

“Paul… do you know where is my gold chain? I don’t have it anymore…”

“…They removed it the night you were taken into surgery. Do you want me to ask the nurse where it is?”

“Yes… Please”.

When Paul came back into the room, he had my chain in his hand…

“Would you fasten it, please. With that cast, I can’t do it…”, I asked…

“Sure…”

“Do you know what they have done with Mike’s chain?”

“I suppose the nurse has it… We’ll ask her later…”

“Okay. Thanks Paul…”

In the afternoon, my mum came to replace Paul to keep me company and as we were making small talk, François walked into my room with a sad look on his face...

“What’s going on François?”, I asked…

He sat and remained silent for a while. Then he looked up at me and said:

“… The news are not good Jack…”

“What news?”

“Well… Mike went through a computed tomography scan… then through a magnetic resonance imaging scan. Then, another EEG…”

“And?”

“We now have the results…”

“The results?”

“Yes”, François answered in a very sad voice. “We have a flat electroencephalograph reading, following a 24-hour observation period…”

“What does that mean?”

“… Mike is… brain dead.”, he answered, with tears in his eyes…

“NO. NO. THAT CAN’T BE.”, I cried out…

“Please… please Jack… calm down…” my mum said…

“They’re making a big mistake. I’m sure…”, I shouted out…

“(…) No Jack. They are not, I’m afraid…”

Hearing that, I exploded and began crying like I had never cried before in my life. I think you can imagine how I felt and I don’t think I need to say more…

“…What do the doctors intend to do now?”, I finally asked…

“They think… they think that life support must be ended…”

“What would happen?”

“…If disconnected from the respirator for even a few minutes, Mike’s heart will stop…”

“NO. NO. NO. They don’t have the right to do that… You will tell them. Tell them François.”

“Calm down Jack”, François answered… “They won’t do it unless the papers are signed…”

“By whom?”

“Mike’s parents…”

“…But what about me François? I love him… we live together…”

“Yes, I know. But I’m afraid that legally you have no right…”

“…Maybe. But morally, I do…”

“Yes. You do Jack. Anyway, Mike’s parents are talking to the doctors right now, and I know that right after, they will come to see you…”

An hour or so later, Mike’s parents walked into my room. They had tears in their eyes.

Mike’s mum came over to my bed and took my right hand into hers. She was silently crying. Mike’s dad was standing right next to my bed… His eyes were red from crying.

“…Have you talk to the doctors?”, I asked them…

“Yes”, Mike’s mum answered… “We just did…”

“And so?”

Mike’s dad told me what François had already explained to me…

“…What do you intend to do?”, I asked them with tears in my eyes…

“We’re Mike’s parents, and we love him dearly. You know that.”, his dad began to say… “But you see Jack, we know that you and Mike were in love… you are Mike’s life companion… We won’t sign anything without your consent. The three of us will have to agree. Do you understand what I’m trying to explain to you?”

“Yes… I do. (…) But what do you think we should do?”

“… He’s in a vegetative state now… and it can’t be reversed. As hard as it is for me to say that, I think we don’t have the right to…” his dad said…

“…To keep his body artificially alive…”, his mum said, crying…

“(…) Do we have to decide right now? Just like that?”, I asked…

“No. No”, François answered. “Take your time to decide….”

“(…) I’d like to talk to Paul…”, I said in a low voice…

“Sure. I’ll be here later tonight… He’s resting at my house for now…”

“Fine. I’ll talk to him…”