My Heart : Part 9 - And Always

Johnny

I stood there in front of everyone from friends to family, but that all didn’t mean anything. Dan the one who asked me to marry him, and the one who said he loved me a million times. He was the one who pushed me to set a date and choose a place. He was the one who gave me creative control, and he was the one I laid in bed last missing.

He called me and told me he loved me last night, but maybe he was drunk that’s why he could tell me that so easily; however, he didn’t truly feel that way. He probably just got tired of playing the perfect boyfriend. I look around and with tears building in my eyes which caused Tim and Jack to head after Dan.

Tif tried her best to comfort me, yet, unfortunately I was going numb. I couldn’t feel anything and couldn’t hold back the pain I felt. I wrapped my arms around my body to stop it from shaking but to no use. All I could hear was Dan telling me he couldn’t do this as it replayed in my head as if on repeat. Everyone looked around at each other with looks of concern while a few idiots found humor in my pain. I feel Tif wrap her arms around me whispering words that had no effect on my mind, my ears, or my heart.

My world was crashing hard and I swear never to fall like I did once before. I wipe my eyes but on the fakest smile and laugh that I, myself, didn’t believe. “Dan that big old joker,” I say walking down toward the door in a voice that I couldn’t recognize. Everyone looked at me in confusion while others could tell I was trying to keep the situation at a low point.

Once the double doors closed behind me, I ran back toward my room and locked the door. Tif, my parents, and Dan’s parents all came running to my door. They banged the door, shouted words to keep me calm, my parents arguing with Dan’s, and Tif trying to keep peace. I knew they were all worried about me and wanted to try to avoid a repeat of last year.

Yet, their concern wasn’t necessary because Dan and I were through. I kind of didn’t mind because he kept hurting me. He may have stop physically abusing me, but now he gotten worst. It’s a repeat of last year instead of slapping me he has cracked my heart. A heart I let him walk back into again and again as if it was something normal. However, there is nothing normal about a guy who hurts you and leaves you all alone when you want him close. That one guy who lies to you because the truth would kill you and he truly just wants to make you smile. Why did I have to be the one being the glue to our relationship?

Why did I have to spend days pleasing him until he smiled? Why did I have to say yes? Why does he keep throwing my love in my face? “Why? Why? Why?” I shout and everyone at the door starts pounding harder and shouting louder it going to be ok when it really won’t. I grab my phone in a fury and text the jackass. I texted him: My love is to enduring to have thrown in my face over and over again.

I send the text and flop onto my favorite pillow with the word princess on it until I realized Dan gave me this so throw it in the big black trash can next to the door.

I tell myself over and over not to cry you’re much stronger than that. You are not the same Johnny that let Dan break your heart like cheap glass; you’re a bolder, stronger, and happier person now. “Fuck Dan,” I whisper staring at his picture on my phone.

Dan

I walk away from Johnny and the Priest, yet I don’t know why I did? I love Johnny but I don’t want it to be like this. I walk and don’t stop walking. I ask myself over and over why did I ask him to marry me? Why? I get into my car and sit there in a frozen state until I hear someone tapping at the window. I look up it is Tim my best friend. “What’s up dude? Tim asks in concern. “I am sorry. I don’t know its all happening so fast.” I say panicking. “Dude if you love that guy then it all work for the best.”

I look at Tim and try to smile, but I can’t. “I know but I want to give him the best. Not some cheap backyard wedding. I want it to be special…” I begin until I feel my cell phone ring. I look at it and read it out loud,” My love is to enduring to have thrown in my face over and over again.” Tim grasps and runs back into the house. I feel like shit. I am out here worrying about stupid shit like what people think and how I want to give Johnny the best when all he wants is my love. I get out my car with my head hanging down. I try to ignore all the comments from the guest but that proves to be harder than I thought.

I do a good job until I hear Scott whisper, “Andy was right this dude is a dumbass. Can’t believe Johnny wants this asshole.” I do a 360 and grab Scott and slam him into the wall. My eyes which are usual gentle are popping out and my veins are pulsing so everyone can see. “I try to be a good guy but you fuckers can’t leave a guy alone!” I shout and start beating the shit out of Scott. Everyone freaks out and starts screaming for me to stop, but I can’t. All I see is red, all I hear is Andy’s voice calling me a loser, and all I smell is the disgusting scent of blood.

Jack comes pulling me off Scott and drags me outside. I see Johnny coming downstairs looking at me in horror then disgust. I push Jack off me and start shouting,” Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Johnny!” I scream falling down to my knees. My parents come running up to me telling me to calm down. I hear Tim asking is Scott going to press charges and I begin to understand what I just did. I turned a day of love into a bloody warzone. I take off toward the forest of trees taking off my tux jacket, bow tie, and dress shirt. I start punching trees and shouting words that I know shamed my parents.

Johnny

I am upstairs in my room when all of a sudden I hear screaming. Tif, my parents, and Dan’s parents stay by my door shouting what’s going on. I can’t believe this shit today of all days, my wedding day, and people are acting a damn fool. I open the door and run downstairs to see what’s wrong, and I see Dan just beating the shit out of Scott. Dan looks up at me before I can cover the horror painted on my face. Jack comes running up and pulls Dan out the house. I stay frozen on the stairs as Tif goes see if Scott is ok.

Dan is so stupid I think over and over. I thought he changed, but I see he is back to his old ways. This time I won’t support him like I foolishly did before. I walk over to Scott asking,” Are you ok?” He looks at me with tears in his eyes and a look of pain covering his face. “I can’t believe he is so barbaric. Why he attack me?” He whispers talking more to himself. “Maybe you should watch your mouth!” I shout at Scott before I realized how mad I was at what Scott had said. “Why he the same jackass which he always was!” Scott shouts back at me.

“He may not be perfect but no one is. Dan is a man like you and me, gay or not. Straight act or his natural personality. He the man I love and for you to come on my wedding day and say this shit about my husband is a insult. Correct yourself before I correct you and that wouldn’t be very pleasant.” I say standing in Scott’s face. Hearing my own voice saying all that shocks me because I want to hate Dan but I can’t.

“No correct yourself! In fact, I will be pressing charges on him if you would like to know. Maybe you should have been nicer.” Scott says with a smug grin.

I slap him across his face. “Now you can press charges on me too. If you don’t and Dan goes to jail it will take the whole United States Army from stopping me from kicking your ass. Oh and by the way get the fuck out of my house.” I say walking toward the door and look back at Scott grinning back. Scott’s grin disappears and his face turns into a look of shock.

I run out the house and find Jack. “Where is he?” I ask him. “He just walked off toward the trees.” Jack says giving me a look of pity. I run toward the trees and quickly see Dan spinning around in a circle ranting like crazy. I listen closely and here he is talking about me and his confusion.

“Why can’t I express myself to him? I love him. I find peace in his arms, compassion in his smile, and understanding in his voice. Why can’t I tell him that the first time I actually enjoyed sex was with him? Why can’t I tell him that his love keeps me going strong? I would jump in front of a bullet, beat the shit out of anyone, and spend all my money just to make Johnny smile.” Dan says collapsing on the dirty leaf covered ground.

I stay frozen in my spot as I realize the problem. He didn’t walk away because he doesn’t love. He walked away because he can’t express himself to me but why? We have been together so long it should be easy as breathing by now. I slowly walk behind him and sit next him while he turns to look at me. I look back at him and ask, “Why didn’t you just say that dumbass?” “I don’t know maybe because I am not manly enough. I can’t be the straight acting guy you feel in love with.” He whispers looking toward the ground. “Dan I was 16 when I fell for you. You might have been straight acting maybe even straight, but it was you I fell for not the image you presented to me. I have grown with you and seen your bad and good habits. I haven’t left then and I won’t know Dan.” I whisper while we stare into his eyes.

Dan

My heart jumps but then I think of what I just did and feel disgusted with myself. “I didn’t know how to tell you, but I am glad you know now. I am glad to know how you feel as well since I am going to jail, again.” I whisper. Johnny gets up and pulls me up wrapping his arms around my shaking chest. “While babe, I think I am going to be going with you.” Johnny whispers into my chest. I begin crying like a baby.”Babe calm down. Don’t cry.” That was what I expected him to say but instead he whispers,” Dan, please don’t make me cry too.” I wipe my eyes and ask, “Why would you cry?”

Johnny puts his fingertip on my nose and smiles. “Silly, when you smile I will smile, when you are in pain I will be in pain, when you are happy I be there to keep you happy, when you’re hurting I be there to make you smile. That’s what love is.” Johnny whispers while he looks into my eyes. “Johnny Baxtor, you are too sweet.”

“Why don’t you tell me why you left?” Johnny asks as he rubs my muscular chest. “You deserve more than this cheap ass wedding. You deserve Las Vegas with the flashing lights, casinos, and a night of excitement. You deserve a million dollar wedding. Shit! Why can’t I be man enough to give you the world?” I say looking at Johnny as he frowns at me. “Dan! I don’t need the world. I just need you. Why can’t you see that?” Johnny says hugging me tighter. In that moment I realize that I am trying too hard to be the man I think Johnny deserves instead of being me, the man Johnny fell in love with.

Johnny begins hugging me even tighter. “Babe…. Can’t breathe,” I whisper. Johnny lets me go and we kiss. Our lips met and our bodies crash into each other like two pieces to a puzzle.

We are lost in the moment as our hands explore the most private parts of each other’s body until I hear the sound of Police sirens. I stop the kiss and freak out. I look at Johnny and whisper, “Guess this is where we say goodbye again.” I walk by him when I feel his hand wrap around mine. “Where are you going?” Johnny asks me puzzled. “I am going to face up to my crime.” “Without me?”

He questions with a sad look on his face. “Of course not,” I whisper grabbing his hand and pull him close to my side. We walk slowly as I savor the last few minutes of my time as a free man. The chills that I am feeling as Johnny holds my hand and we walk together is amazing. I feel like we are flying to heaven and I don’t ever want to come back to this hatful world called Earth.

We make it back to house. The police officer comes out, Johnny and I hug each other so tight that it feels like our lungs are collapsing from all our love. There standing by the officer is Scott who gives me a smile. I sense a hint of humor in his smile. I walk up to the officer putting my hands together in front of me and say, “I am ready sir.” “You’re not taking him without me officer!” Johnny shouts. I turn toward Johnny and wrap my arms around him. “Look I love you but I couldn’t sleep knowing you are in jail because of me.

I wouldn’t want to think of another man forcing himself on my tender angel.” I say trying to hold back the tears building up in my eyes. “I rather suffer with you around than a lone isn’t that what being married is?” Johnny questions me. “You are too good to be true babe,” is all I can manage to say before the tears building in my eyes come rolling down my cheek. I look up toward Johnny face and see tears rolling down his cheek as well. Johnny rubs the side of my face and whisper, “Idiot I told you not to cry.” Johnny tries to smile but the sadness is evident on his face.

Everyone smiles, Scott burst out laughing, and I am confused. “Dude, I called a favor from Andy’s dad since you said you wanted to give Johnny a great wedding. I thought you would need a police escort to get you to Vegas quick enough to celebrate your wedding night.” Tim says patting me on my back as I look closer to the officer it is in fact, Andy’s dad. “I had to go off on Scott for ruining the damn celebration with all that attitude he was throwing around.” Tif says giving Scott her famous fucking dumbass look.

“Really, thank you man but what about you guys.” I say smiling at Tim. “We already seen the lovely Johnny float down the aisle and you both said I do so what’s left.” Tim says smiling. Johnny runs up to Tif and they hug. “Before we go, I got to confess to you guys. I couldn’t tell Johnny how I truly felt and walked off like a little boy. Then went crazy over Scott for saying what I felt. I didn’t feel man enough for Johnny but he showed me that I am wrong. How? Well, because he still here, he is standing next to me.” I say hanging my head down. “It’s ok Dan.” People in the crowd start erupting saying.

I smile at them, Johnny and I jump into my car and we follow Andy’s dad as he leads us to Vegas. We drive in silence enjoying the excitement of making our dreams come true. I look at Johnny and he looks at me. We don’t say anything but the words are clearly written on each other’s face. I wrap my hand around his and we continue driving in peace. “Johnny Grant. I like the sound of that.” Johnny says looking at our hands wrapped together smiling. I blush red thinking of Johnny actually wanting to take my last name which is the best gift I have ever got.

As we get closer to Vegas, we see lights shining bright. Johnny starts bouncing up and down as we get closer and I just break out into a huge grin showing all my teeth. We get to a hotel and head to a store to find some comfortable clothes since the wedding is over not to mention being in a tux does get annoying. We find a shirt for me that say I heart Johnny and a shirt that says I love my man. Andy’s dad is still waiting for us at the wedding chapel. We start driving to the chapel and I turn up the radio and hear a special news report: We were just informed that a mad man is on the loose named Andy.

I start to listen closer and realize Andy has broken out of jail. We get to the chapel and keep a watchful eye out. It is finally our time and I tug at the gun I hide in my trunk in case of something like this happening since the trial last year. We both say I do and then its time for the vows. Johnny starts but I stop him waiting to go first. “Johnny, ever since my lips touched your lips, I have been in love with you. I want to give you the world, but if I can’t I try to get as close as I can. I learned it is not all about material things and it took me a long time to finally understand that, so I want to thank you for your patience with me.

I promise to never let you down again and…” I pause as I hear someone clapping. Everyone looks toward the door and in walks in Andy with his dad who both have guns pointed at us. It dawns on me why did I trust Andy’s dad. Maybe it was me being lost in the moment, or the fact I didn’t believe he side with Andy. “You two look so cute together too bad it’s the last time you two will live to see each other.” Andy says giving us a grin.

Andy starts shooting and I grab Johnny’s hand and start ducking and running. We duck behind a bunch of chairs and I look for an exit. I see a door on the opposite side of the chapel. “Johnny runs towards that door and I will draw Andy’s attention.” I whisper. “No I won’t leave your side.” He whispers back. “Just go!” I shout standing up and running.

Andy shoots at me but stays focus on Johnny’s location. That’s when I pull my gun out and shoot Andy in the side of his neck. He turns and stares at me in a shock expression and starts shooting at me with precision. Johnny runs toward the door right before Andy tackles me to the ground.

Andy kisses my lips as he feels on my chest. “Damn Dan you have been working out well me too but with my sex skills since there nothing to do but fuck in jail.” He whispers in my ears. I see Andy’s dad look at the scene and bolt for the door. I can tell this has gone farther than he expected. Andy puts the gun to my head and prepares to shoot. “See you in hell babe.”

He whispers and kisses my forehead. “That’s my line bitch!” Johnny shouts as he brings the knife for the wedding cake over his head down. As Andy turns toward Johnny, Johnny takes the knife slashes Andy across the throat. Johnny stands there paralyzed and drops down in tears as he lets the knife drop from his hands.

The swat team rushes in the chapel and lead us out to the crowd of gathering spectators and reporters. Johnny and I see Andy’s father in handcuffs as he gives us the evil eye. The reports swarm us like bees to honey and ask us a bunch of questions. “All I know is I love my husband Johnny Kent Baxtor Grant. Fuck that crazy bitch Andy.” I say and kiss Johnny.

We make our way back to our hotel, and lay in bed together. Johnny gives me a message trying to relax me from this day that seems almost too much of a dream to be real. “Johnny you know what? I never thought I would say this but I love you and I am ready to fall in love with you over and over again until we die of old age as our hands are intertwined and your head is on my chest.”

“I love you too Dan and I never thought I would tell you this but I can’t wait to live each day with you in a home not a house, mansion, or box but a home. Where we will smile and grow old with a house full of kids and a house full of love.”
“I want boys,” I whisper. “I know.” “How about we try have one when we get home.” I suggest. “You’re on.” Johnny says smiling.

…

Last night the Sheriff who was arrested for assisting and aiding his son in the murder of Johnny Baxtor and Dan Grant has escaped after the police car flipped over. There is no sign of anyone and all passengers are considered died. However, the police will not stop investigating.

The End… or Is IT?