My name is Locke

My name is Locke. I am a senior in high school and I’m on the swim team. My life is pretty good, I like my classes and I have a lot of friends. I am not the most popular guy in school, but I do ok. I have been on many dates, but I have not had a steady girlfriend. This is how I want it to be until I leave this small town. Blending in with the norm is what I have perfected so that wouldn’t be found out.

I’m gay. Some may call me a coward for hiding who I am, but I have decided that I would rather hide than spend what little time I have left in this shit hole of a town being a social pariah. I know that most of my friends would bail if they ever found out about me. Not the best kind of people, but they are fun to be around as long as I play by their rules and act the part of “jock.”

Once I get to college my plan was to live openly gay. There I would make friends who knew the truth about me and I wouldn’t have to pretend. My friends here are people I have known my whole life and if I let myself think about it too long, it makes me sad to know that I can’t trust them with the truth. So the plan is to live the lie and move away. Simple.

Simple that was, until Gavin transferred to my school late last year. I have not had a problem before with secretly being in love with guys and wishing I could be with them. Sure there was a lot of eye candy in this school, but none of them really caught my attention. Gavin was beautiful. He was what I can only assume Goths aspire to be.

His hair was naturally jet black which he kept long and in a braid and his eyes were grey. His skin was pale but almost luminescent. He had the most perfect pair of rose colored lips I have ever gazed upon. His frame was thin, but you could tell that under his clothes he had decent muscle definition. As much as I loved his face I was obsessed with his perfectly shaped ass. He made my heart and cock ache every time I saw him. This was going to be a problem.

I have always thought that I was good looking. Now in my love-struck state I look in the mirror and only see mediocrity. I shaved my whole body for swimming, plus I loved the way my smooth skin feels in the water. I kept my blonde hair buzzed close for comfort when wearing the swim cap. My face has a masculine chiseled look that I admired on myself but wasn’t as attracted to in others; and I once had a girl tell me my eyes were so blue she could get lost in them. All of this looked so generic to me when I compared myself to Gavin. Why would someone as beautiful as Gavin ever want to be with someone like me?

His face had a perfect balance of masculine and feminine. His gait was graceful and had a sense of predator to it, like a panther. He was always surrounded by girls and looked as if he was holding court during lunch. I tried not to always be looking at him; to anyone paying attention, I must have looked like a love sick puppy. He was destroying my resolve to pretend to be straight.

At night I would torture myself with thinking of him. I would think about what fucking bullshit I had convinced myself of. Why would I want to be friends with people that couldn’t accept me? How could I let them stand in the way of my happiness? I would turn around and think that I didn’t even know if Gavin was gay or straight. It can’t be worth it to come out this late in the game. I was so confused. Some nights I would cry in frustration and heartache. How I longed to hold him. I felt foolish, and it was starting to get noticed.

***

“Dude, why do you keep looking at that new kid? You in love, bro?” My friend Jack was such an asshole sometimes.

“Shut the fuck up, dick! He just looks so different from everyone else, it’s like he wants to be stared at.” I answered back.

“Well, you won’t catch me starin at no dude.” Jack replied.

“That’s because you only have eyes for beer and titties, bro.” I smiled back.

Jack laughed out loud at that and punched me in the arm. “True dat, son!” He yelled. I just ate the rest of my lunch and left the cafeteria. Before walking through the door, I glanced over at Gavin one last time. He was looking right at me with a curious expression. My heart began to race and I looked away. Shit! I had to be more careful.

After swim practice I was driving home when my truck started acting up. I looked at the gas gauge and realized that I had forgotten to get gas that morning. I pulled over to the side of the road and cursed for a few minutes before getting out of the truck and grabbing the gas can that was in the back. The gas station was about four miles up the road so I started walking, wanting to get home before it got dark.

As I made my way I heard a car come up behind me and slow down. I wasn’t thrilled to have an audience to my stupidity, but I would welcome a ride. The car pulled up ahead of me and stopped. My heart fell when I realized whose car it was. Gavin stepped out of the car and walked over to me.

“Hey, dude, that sucks. You want a lift?” His voice was like pure honey and it took me off guard. I snapped out of it to answer him.

“That would be great. Thank you.” I smiled sheepishly. His face lit up into a beautiful smile as we got into his car. We chatted on the way to the gas station. He was different than I had expected. He was warm and friendly. This wasn’t helping to ease my infatuation with him. He even got out of the car with me to fill up the gas can. We had barely said hi to each other all year and now we were talking like best friends. I really had to concentrate on keeping my hands to myself; I would find myself going to touch his arm or rub his back, but would stop myself just in time. I even got close enough to him to inhale the intoxicating scent that surrounded him. I wasn’t sure I could trust myself around him for too long.

Once we got back to my truck, I emptied the gas can into the tank and got ready to drive back to the station to top off. Gavin said goodbye to me and drove off before I had even turned the key. Now that he was out of sight, I felt an actual physical pain at not being near him. It was hard to breathe and it took me a minute to be able to start driving. I was practically on the verge of tears when I pulled into the station. I got out of the truck and started fueling up when I noticed Gavin’s car; not only his car, but Gavin, walking toward me smiling. I had to physically brace myself so I didn’t start crying. What the hell was wrong with me? I have never felt like that in my life. I was so relieved to see him again I felt almost faint.

“Hey, Locke, um… I know that it’s Friday and you probably have some party to go to, but if you don’t, would you want to hang out at my house?” Gavin looked a little nervous as he was asking. This had to be my imagination. This guy was just a nice guy and that was it. I mean, it’s not like he’s asking me out on a date, he just wants to chill.

“Yeah, sure, man. I don’t really feel like a party tonight anyway. I just have to let my dad know where I’ll be.” I smiled back at him. His face lit up and he walked back to his car after telling me I should follow him.

We headed away from the station and I followed Gavin to his father’s house. I had heard that his family was on the wealthy side, but so far I had not heard of anyone actually visiting his home. We turned off of the road onto a very long driveway. When his house appeared, I was stunned. It wasn’t a mansion, but it wasn’t far from it either. I didn’t know a house like this existed in this town. I parked my truck behind his car and got out. Gavin invited me in and I was struck again by how nice the interior was.

“It looks like a model home doesn’t it?” Gavin asked. I nodded and smiled at him. “My dad likes things to be perfect so he hired some interior designer to make this place look like people don’t actually live here.” Gavin laughed. “Come on, I’ll show you the part of the house we use.”

I followed him to another wing of the house and the interior was much more comfortable. He asked me to have a seat on the couch while he grabbed some beers from the fridge. He came back and we started talking again, real easy like before, like we had known each other for years.

Our conversation took a turn when I mentioned how popular he was with the girls in school.

“I wouldn’t say I was as popular with the girls as you are, Locke.” He said with a bit of cheek.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I don’t even really talk to that many girls. I don’t have much to talk to them about, honestly.” I admitted. I was surprised at what he had said; apparently the girls had spoken to him about me.

“That’s what I’ve heard. They also tell me you are quite the heartbreaker. No girl in the school can seem to snare you.” He laughed. He was teasing me, and I have to admit that I didn’t mind it.

“Well, I haven’t met any girl that’s my type.” I looked directly in his face and I thought I saw him blush before he turned away. My heart was beating fast as my hope that he liked me back increased.
“What is your type?” He asked me looking down at his hands. My hands felt clammy and my head was spinning as I was trying to decide if I should take the risk and tell him. I couldn’t let him slip away, I had to try.

“My type, well….my type, is you, Gavin.” I said looking up at his shocked expression. I was terrified at this moment. If he rejected me I wasn’t sure I could survive it. He looked up at me and took a deep shuddering breath and I saw tears falling down his beautiful face. What have I done? I couldn’t stop myself as I went to him and embraced him. I stroked the back of his hair as I became aware of what I was doing. I was about to pull away from him when I felt his arms circle my waist and his head rest against my shoulder. I hugged him harder to me letting myself just feel his warmth. I eased up on the hug wanting to hear what had upset him. All I wanted to do is protect him. I looked into his eyes and he was still shedding tears. I wiped his cheek with my fingers and looked at him questioningly.

“Locke…I…I never let myself hope….” He paused taking a breath. He was so taken with emotion; all I wanted to do was soothe him. I whispered to him that it was ok, that I was sorry for upsetting him. “No! Locke, you didn’t make me upset.” He laughed then. “In fact you made me so happy. I never thought that I could have you.” He looked into my face and I could see his sincerity.

My whole body trembled. Here in my hands was the one person I loved. I placed the palm of my hand on his jaw and caressed his cheek with my thumb. No longer able to resist, I leaned forward and kissed the mouth that had haunted my dreams for months. It was sweeter than I had imagined and carried with it a jolt of electricity that coursed through my body. I could feel him responding to my kiss with his own passion, making me moan inside his mouth. I felt his hand move to my shoulder and down over my chest. His touch was exhilarating; I said a prayer in my head for this not to be a dream.

I pulled away from him only long enough for me to remove my shirt. He stared at my chest with lust before leaning forward to kiss me again. Feeling his hands move across my bare skin made me feel light headed. My cock, which had been straining since I first touched Gavin, now ached to be released from my jeans. Compared to the small amount of experience I had with girls, I felt like I had never been touched before this. Gavin’s soft, strong hands caressing my chest and shoulders were driving me crazy.

Gavin broke off the kiss, looking me in the face with an expression mirroring my desire for him. “Do you want to go to my room?” Gavin asked.

“Yes.” I breathed. “More than anything.”

He smiled and stood up pulling me by my hand to his bedroom. I didn’t look like he really lived there. It was like a magazine version of what a high school boy’s room would look like.

“I don’t live here most of the time. My mom lives across town and that is where I usually stay. I didn’t tell her that my dad wouldn’t be home this weekend so she thinks I am staying with him.” He smiled at me. I was taking some time to realize what he was saying. We had this whole house to ourselves for the weekend. He had walked up to the bed and I followed him there.