My old friend from school

I slowly turned around and went back downstairs where Matthew was still waiting in his car. He saw me walk slowly out. I must have had some weird look on my face, because he immediately got out of the car and jogged towards me.
"Parker what's wrong?"
I didn't say anything. I just kept walking towards his car and got in on the passenger side. I stared out the windshield at the night traffic. I could hear sirens off in the distance. Then I heard the driver door open, and saw him get in.
"Parker what's wrong?", he repeated. I didn't say anything.
"Parker, talk to me."
"I got evicted.", I said quietly. He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. Tears started to come again. "I'm so poor. I can't afford anything. I've had to go to a food bank twice in the last month!", I spat out.
"Parker, I-"

"So naturally I can't pay my rent.", I sniffed. "I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD MY FUCKING DEPRESSION MEDS AND I'M TOO EMBARRASSED TO ASK MY PARENTS FOR HELP!!!", I screamed out, hitting the dashboard. I buried my head in Matthew's shoulder, and he didn't seem to mind. I was sobbing, and he wrapped his arms around me. I kept crying for what seemed like hours.

But I checked the clock and it had been three minutes. I sat up and my sobs died down and I just sniffed and wiped my nose with my hand. Matthew started the car. "Where are we going?", I asked him, my bottom lip trembling.
"My place.", he said.

I didn't argue and I stared out the window as we drove through the city. Eventually we pulled up on a brick building, a little smaller than mine. He pulled up in front and parked. "You ok?", he asked with a large amount of concern in his voice. I sniffed again. "I think so."
"Come on.", he said. I got out after he did and followed him into the building. The only way up was an elevator. We both got in and stood on opposite ends. I looked as the numbers changed when the elevator rose. I could feel him staring at me. It took me back to school lunches when he had done the same thing, while everyone else talked. I pretended not to notice, just like I'd done then. My flashbacks were interrupted by the beep of the elevator when the doors opened.

I followed Matthew to the only door in the hallway. He pulled a set of keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. We entered his apartment. It was pretty nice. Open, with a curtain that could be pulled around his bed, and a bathroom door in the corner. The kitchen and the living room were exposed because of the open floor plan. Pillars stood in various places.

"It used to be an old warehouse. They converted it into apartments in the mid 1900's because nothing was stored here. It was used as tenements during and right after the Great Depression.", he said. He was trying to get my mind of my eviction.
"Sounds like you remembered our seventh grade social studies lessons.", I recalled. He smiled as he slipped his shoes off by the door. I did the same.
"Do you want to watch some TV or are you ready to sleep?", he asked.

"I don't really care.", I replied. He could tell that I was depressed. Matthew went to his dresser, and pulled out some sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt. I recognized it immediately. It was from our school. He smiled as he handed it to me. My face lit up for a couple seconds, then it went blank again. "You can change in the bathroom.", he said.

I slid my feet along the floor as I made my way towards the bathroom door. I got changed inside, then looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and still glistening. I looked down and saw a drawer. I pulled it out. Inside were a couple condoms. I immediately pushed it back in. I didn't want to think of my friend like that, but it was hard not to. I quickly grabbed my clothes and got out of the bathroom. The thoughts disappeared when I walked out the door.

He was on the couch, looking through a set of DVD's. "Come help me pick one out." I placed my clothes next to my shoes, then plopped myself down next to him. His arm brushed against mine. He didn't seem to notice, or at least he pretended not to. "What about that?", I pointed. "Star Wars?", he asked. I nodded. "Another one of our favorites.", he said. He was really trying to make me happy. It was getting on my nerves, but it made me feel good too. He got up and put the disc in, then grabbed a couple pillows and a blanket from his bed and gave them to me. I put one pillow on the arm of the couch, then held onto the other and pulled it close to me. I used my feet to kick the blanket over me. The movie started and we watched in silence.

I glanced up at Matthew. His eyes were fixed on the screen, but his hand was close to my legs. He wasn't trying to be sexual, just reassuring that he was there for me I think. He didn't know that I was gay, and I knew that he wasn't. I looked back at the movie, and watched it halfway through. I think I fell asleep after that.

I had a dream about Matthew. I've had plenty of dreams about him before. This one, like a couple others, featured him without any clothes. I didn't want to dream about him. I wanted to keep a friendship, and I thought I would lose that if I tried to ease into a relationship like this one. I pinched myself in the dream, and I woke up. It was still nighttime, and the TV was off. It was pitched black except for the alarm clock next to Matthew's bed. I could see the outline of his body underneath the covers. I heard him breath heavily. This comforted me. My eyes grew heavy and I fell back asleep.

I don't remember a dream after that. I woke up next morning just as Matthew got up to go to the bathroom. I looked in his direction as he walked across the room. He didn't know I was awake, watching him. He was wearing red sweatpants, without a shirt. He was lean, just like I remembered him from school. I couldn't study him anymore before he went into the bathroom. I debated whether or not I should get up. I decided to. I sat up and yawned, then heard the toilet flush, and the bathroom door open. He stepped out and looked my way. I didn't look at him, but instead down at the floor. His footsteps moved towards the kitchen, and I heard him moving something around. Soon I smelled coffee, and heard his footsteps again. He walked to the couch and sat down close to me. I felt his warmth radiate onto my body. I rolled up the sleeves to his sweatshirt that I was wearing, as he handed me a mug with coffee. I held it with both hands. We were both still half asleep. Our hair was messy and our eyes still droopy. The way he looked when he had just woken up was attractive to me.

I really wanted to stop thinking about him.
"How did you sleep?", he asked.
"Alright. What time did you go to bed?"
"Around 1:30. You fell asleep right before midnight.", he said.
"Hmm." I took a drink of the coffee.
"How are you feeling?", he asked.
"A little better."
"I'm sorry about your-"
"Matthew I'm gay." There was a silence and I took another drink of the coffee as I looked at him. He didn't seem surprised. He didn't say anything at all. He just looked at me and it made me uncomfortable. "Matthew please say something." He didn't. He just studied my face. "Matthew-"
"I know."

I was speechless.
"I've known since middle school."
"You don't have a problem with it?"
"You're my friend. Why would I have a problem?" I didn't know what to say next. "I know you find me attractive." I certainly didn't know what to say to that. He put down his coffee and laid a hand on my shoulder. He pulled me in so my face was nestled at the base of his neck. Then his arms were wrapped around my back and mine were around his. I just rubbed my fingers on his smooth skin. I kissed his collarbone.
"Parker."
I sat back up and looked down again. "I'm sorry."
"Parker look at me."

I did. He pulled me in by my face and kissed my forehead. Silent tears fell down my cheeks. He moved my face up with his hands so our eyes met, inches from each other. Slowly, our lips met and we tenderly kissed each other. I pulled myself away.
"I don't want to do this.", I said.
"I do."
I looked at him again. My hands moved to his chest, then down towards his stomach. He still had his happy trail, which I didn't mind. Matthew laid back and stretched his arms above him. His underarms were hairy as well. He had a good, manly amount of body hair. I liked that. I felt guilty doing all this, but he wanted me to.

I ran my hands from his forehead to his waist. "Have you been with a guy before?", he asked me.
"No."
"What about a girl?"
I just looked at him with my big sad eyes. I couldn't help it.
"So I'm your first?"
"My first?" He sat up so fast I almost jumped up. He kissed me right on the lips. Then put his hands at the bottom of the sweatshirt. He began to pull it up. I tried to keep him from doing it but it was too late. It was already off. I felt like the chunky boy from middle school again, ashamed of my body. Matthew sensed that. "It's ok." We were both shirtless now.

I put my hands on his waist again and used my thumbs to pull his pants down. He was already hard. He slipped them off all the way, then pulled mine halfway down. I leaned down and kissed him again but pulled away as quickly as I had done it. He stood up and pulled me off the couch. Then he pulled my pants down the rest of the way. I didn't even realize it, but he was wearing the dog tags that he wore in high school. I never knew why. He took me over to his bed. I told him to lie down, and he did. I threw one leg over his side and sat down on his lap. I tried not to look at his dick. I wanted to avoid looking at him as much as possible. I reached back and put his cock inside me. I'd never done this before. It hurt, but the deeper in it went, the better it felt. He shuddered. I moaned.

Matthew didn't make me do any work. He thrust himself inside me. More silent tears came. "Am I hurting you?", he asked. I shook my head. He kept on going and I just sat there he went faster and faster. I tried to imagine it being someone else. The blonde guy I saw on the street the day before. It made it easier, but when Matthew talked it reminded me who he was.

I put my hand over his mouth. "Please don't talk." He kept on going, and I could feel his body tense up, his dick pulsated inside me. He was about to cum. His moans were muffled by my hand. I moved my hand away. "FUUUUCCKKK!" His body went rigid. I could feel his cum inside me. A really big load. I tried not to focus on it but it was hard not to. It kept on shooting, then slowed down. He was panting. I sighed and shuddered. He touched my arm with his hand. I pulled away. I stood up and went to get our clothes. I put the sweatshirt and sweatpants back on. I threw the other pair at him.

"Please put them back on.", I asked, avoiding eye contact. He did, and I sat down on the edge of the bed. He sat up and swung his legs over so he was sitting next to me. I was staring at the ground again. I started to cry. Not silent this time.
"Hey did I hurt you?", he asked, with a lot of worry in his voice.

I nodded my head. I tried to say yes but it was suppressed inside my chest.
"Where.", he asked. I looked at him. His eyebrows were raised with concern and his eyes were watering up. This made me cry more.
"Where, Parker. Please tell me so I can help."

I put my head on his shoulder and held his hand. I moved it up to my chest and placed it palm down over my heart. "There.", I said. "Right there.