Secret Admirer 3

The weekend came around all too soon. I hadn't spoken to Andy since Monday when I found out he was my secret admirer, the guy I'd known since we were small. It was still a lot to take in and my head was in bits, not to mention my heart. I must admit it came as a shock. I thought he and Emaa were happy together and all this time he was gay and in love with me. If only he'd have said something sooner things may have been different, but I wasn't sure what would happen when Laura and my kids found out.

When we kissed....it was amazing....and I knew I could do that forever. I'd never got so hard so fast in my life than when we kissed and touched. I wanted him....no, ached for him so badly that he was all I could think about, day and night for the rest of the week. I had dreams about us in bed making sweet love, touching, kissing, caressing with our hands and mouths. I want to feel him inside me once again and never let it end. How I'd missed him so much. 

On the Saturday I mentioned to Laura that we needed to talk. She knew something was wrong and became worried. I decided to tell her first about Andy, then let her know that I still loved him, and deep down I always knew it, I just put it to the back of my mind.

She knew I was bi-sexual and fancied other men but I don't think she realised these feelings could lead to anything more. In fact neither did I, which is why I was suprised my love for Andy came back as if it were yesterday. I think she understood, although obviously upset and hurt, but deep down we knew that the marriage had to end one way or another, we just hadn't expected it to end like this or so soon. We talked and cried, and cried some more, but we both agreed that we should seperate and divorce. 
I mentioned that the kids should know and we'd talk to them the next day when our heads were clear.

The following day on Sunday, we asked the kids to sit down as we needed to talk to them. I think Joe clicked first that something serious was about to happen. At 14, he was very mature for his age and acted more like an 18 year old. At first I just blabbered on about Laura and I not getting on that well, and we were having problems and before I knew it, Darren spoke up.

"You're getting a divorce right?" He asked.

Laura and I looked at each other and then I just nodded 'yes'.

"Thought so. It's ok dad, me, Darren and Hannah already talked about it and we agree you should." He explained.

I just stared at him at first, then Laura spoke up.

"What do you mean honey?" She asked.

"Oh come on mum, we know you don't sleep together and we know you don't act like you're married, although you try to infront of us and other people. We were talkin about it and said if you weren't gonna say something we were."

Again silence. I spoke up. "Well seems you kids know more than we thought." Joe smiled. "I suppose we just didn't want you missing out on living in a 'normal' family. But no we aren't very happy and although we get along well and I love your mum, we're not in love with each other. Does that make sense?"

All three kids nodded and I explained that I would be moving out as soon as I find somewhere to live. Then they can visit whenever they wanted as I won't be far away. They all nodded again in agreement. Then Hannah spoke up.

"What about uncle Andy dad, will he be living with you?"

I think my face must have turned white, I know Laura's did. We stayed silent and both Darren and Joe nudged Hannah in the arm as if to mean 'shut up'.

"What do you mean love?" I asked gaining my composure.

"No I won't stop it Joe.. You want to know as bad as I do." She said looking at Joe. She then turned to me. "Well the thing is, Joe heard you and mum talking yesterday about the divorce, but we already knew that anyway so it didn't matter, but he heard yo say something about loving uncle Andy and him loving you. Is it true dad, do you love uncle Andy like you loved mum?"

I think I nearly fainted at this point. I know that there was another bout of silence. How could I explain that I was in love with another man? No matter how old your kids are, surely they won't be able to understand something as complicated as that. 

I felt tears falling down my face and I started to cry. It was so hard for me to tell them and so hard to admit that Andy was the person for me, that I wanted to be with him forever. Another woman yes, but another man? What would that do to them, what sort of a reputation would they get at school and around the neighbourhood? They could get bullied and taunted by others and I couldn't put them through that. 

Joe came over and sat next to me. He lifted my head up and looked into my eyes. I couldn't belive how this 14 year old kid could take this news so easily, as well as Darren and Hannah. He hugged me tight and started crying himself. It only made me feel worse. I pulled him off me.

"I'm sorry son, really I didn't mean for this to happen. I hope you can forgive me one day, all of you. But you know if you don't want me to be with Andy then I won't. I love you guys and you three mean more to me than anything and your happineess is more important, so you have the last word."

Darren came over. "No it's ok. We sort of knew you liked men as well as women when we found magazines in your secret cupboard." He bowed his head down in shame.

I laughed. "You did huh? Well I think punishment is in order for that." I stated to tickle him on his sides and he collapsed onto the floor laughing.

"Dad." Joe said with a serious tone. I stopped and turned to face him. "I'm gay."

The whole room froze at that second. I smiled and motioned him to come closer, then I gave him a hug. He started to cry and I held him. I heard relieved sighs from Hannah and Darren, so obvioulsy they knew about it. I wondered what Laura would do, but she came over and hugged Joe from behind.

The rest of the day was spent talking about Andy and I, then Joe and his feelings for other boys. We spoke about sex and being safe. I was concerened about him having sex so young as Andy and I were about the same age if not younger whern we started. He said he wasn't ready for that yet anyway and I admit I was relieved. We explained that we were happy if he was happy and he shouldn't be afraid to introduce us to boyfriends or for them to stop over if he wanted. I know he blushed a few times but it only made me laugh.

By the time we had finished chatting, we were all content with what was going to happen.

**************

Later on that night, I phoned Andy. As soon as I heard his voice on the phone I smiled to myself I was so happy. I couldn't wait to find us a place together, and start a new life with the man I loved.

I explained that it had gone ok with Laura and my children, and Joe's revelation that he was gay. He chuckled at that and said 'like father like son'.

He said that Emma already knew but he had to explain to his children, Jason who was 11 and Matt who was 8. He said that they started crying when they were told about the divorce. Jason already knew what being gay was all about from my own children and he was pissed off that his own dad was gay. He thought he would get picked on at school for having a gay dad and wouldn't speak to him. Now Andy wasn't sure that we should move in together just yet, let the kids and Jason deal with the fact that they were going to be in a relationship together.

I really wanted to see Andy and asked him if it would be ok to meet up with him as I was missing him terribly. He agreed and said we could go up to the cabin the following weekend if everyone was ok with that.