Secrets 4

SEAN

“What are you doing here?” Rose had that evil look in her eye, cold enough to make me cold inside.

“... I was just leaving.”

The wind flapped her dark hair around her dangerously beautiful face. “That wasn’t the question,” she said sharply. “I asked what were you doing here.”

I decided that I wasn’t going to allow her to intimidate me as much as she did. Rose could talk a lot of shit and she could make a person feel like nothing, but when it came down to it, I was sure she couldn’t back up her words. “What are you doing here?” I asked in the same rigid tone of voice she used. The look on Rose’s face let me know that she was surprised by my remark and didn’t expect me to take up for myself like that. Rose quickly erased that look of surprise from her face and said:

“This is my boyfriend’s house. I come whenever I want.” 

“Well, this is my friend’s house. And I can come whenever I want to.” The more I talked, the angrier Rose got, which in turn made me happier. 

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re about,” Rose said, taking a step toward me. I could smell her perfume. I took a step backward, against the front door.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I questioned.

“I know how you feel about my boyfriend,” Rose said. “Or at least the way you think you feel about him.”

“Jealous?” I asked, smiling tauntingly.

“Of you? What for? I’m the one who has him. Not you. Not ever. I give Patrick everything he needs -”

“That’s not what he told me.” 

When I said that, Rose’s face just froze and I thought it was going to crack into pieces like a marble statue that has fallen to the ground. For once, she didn’t have anything to say and I had just achieved the greatest victory I could ever achieve. There was nothing else left me for to say. Smiling, I walked past Rose to my car. But before I got into my car, I thought of one last thing I wanted to say to her, one thing I always wanted to say. “By the way, Rose. Whoever told you that being a bitch was sexy, lied to you.”

Rose still didn’t say anything. She just stood there, staring at me with that cold malice in her eyes, hatred burning inside of her. I don’t know why she thought it was so important to be so vicious to people. At some point she should’ve realized that it was going to backfire on her. I got into my car and drove away.

* * *
PATRICK

I don’t know what they said to each other, but whatever it was, it couldn’t have been good. I watched Sean and Rose from my bedroom window. As soon as I saw her, I knew that shit was gonna be started and I really didn’t wanna be involved. I heard my front door open and the sound of Rose’s shoes thumpin’ hard against the wooden floors. For some reason I started to get nervous as she got closer to my room.

“Patrick,” she called, “where the fuck are you?”

Yep, she was definitely pissed off and I was the one who was gonna have to deal with it. I wish I coulda just followed Sean’s advice and broke up with Rose long time ago, so I didn’t have to deal with her shit. I love her...I loved her...I don’t know how I really feel about that girl anymore. And then there’s Sean...I don’t know what the fuck happened today. I let him do something to me that I shouldn’t have let me do. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. I don’t know why I fucking did it. Except I kinda liked his hands on me. It was kinda different from when Rose touched me - which she rarely ever did touch me. 

My bedroom door opened and Rose stormed in. She had this mad look in her eyes like she was gonna punch the hell outta me or somethin’. “What’s up?” I said, laying down on my bed, trying to act like nothin was wrong.

“What was he doing here?” Rose demanded.

I started to get a little nervous. “I don’t know what you’re talking `bout, girl.”

Rose crossed her arms over her chest and gave me her ‘don’t fuckin’ bullshit me’ look. “You know what I’m talking about, Patrick Knight.” I hated the way she used my whole entire name like she was my mother or somethin. “Why was that boy here?”

“That boy has a name. It’s Sean.”

“I don’t give a fuck what the boy’s name is,” Rose said. “I just really don’t. I don’t like it that he was here right before I got here.”

“Would you like if it he came after you left?” I asked joking. Rose didn’t think it was funny at all. I hated that she had no sense of humor at all. I couldn’t remember the last time I actually saw her laugh about something. She was so fuckin’ serious all the time and it was really gettin’ annoying. The more I looked at her, the more I wondered whatever made me attracted to her in the first place. Yeah, she was good-looking and had a sexy body - but she never let me do anything with that sexy body, so what was the fuckin point. There were other girls out there just as good-looking with better personalities. I don’t know why I was just so focused on Rose. 

I thought of Sean again, of him rubbing me down with the towel, of him drying off my back and my ass, and how, for some reason, I don’t know why, I wish he had been touchin me with his hands instead of the towel. I tried to shake that thought outta my head, but it was kinda hard - and thinkin about it was makin me kinda hard.

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t see him at all,” Rose said.

“He’s my best friend.”

“I’m supposed to be your best friend,” she responded. 

“I don’t tell you not to hang around those dumb broads you hang with. Don’t do it to me.”

“Well, my friends aren’t obsessed with me. They’re not in love with me the way he is with you.” 

It kinda made my heart skip when she said that, but I pretended like I wasn’t affected by it. “What are you talkin’ about, obsessed with me? Sean isn’t into me like that. He’s just my friend.”

Rose still had that intense, angry look in her eyes. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re really that stupid, or do you just practice at it. Of course he’s in love with you! I see the way he looks at you. He’s jealous of you and me -”

“You’re the only one I see that looks jealous,” I said without thinking. “I don’t know why you are. Sean is gay. I’m not. It’s not like I’m gonna go fuck him or something. I’ve known that dude since we were six-years-old. I’m not gonna stop hangin around him `cause you don’t want me to, Rose. That’s bullshit.”

“You don’t give a damn about me do you?” Rose asked.

I rolled my eyes. “C’mon, let’s not get into that.”

“Answer the goddamn question, Patrick. Honestly. Do you love me?” Rose was staring at me really hard. I didn’t want to look her in the eyes and say ‘yes’ I loved her when I knew that I really didn’t. I didn’t wanna lie, but I didn’t wanna tell the truth at the same time. 

“I don’t know, Rose. I don’t even really know who the fuck you are anymore.”

“You know who I am, Patrick. I’ve always been consistent with who I am. There’s nothing about me that you don’t know -”

“That’s not true,” I said, looking her directly in the eyes this time. “There’s a lotta things I don’t know about you. There’s a lotta things you don’t know about me either.”

Rose shook her head slowly. “What did you tell him about us? Did you tell him that I wouldn’t have sex with you?”

“It might’ve come up once.”

“That’s supposed to be between us, Patrick. Everybody shouldn’t know our business - especially him of all people. You know how I feel about him.”

“What’s so wrong with Sean anyway? What is it about him that you hate so much? What has he done to you?”

“I hate him because he’s important to you and I’m not,” Rose said simply. “And don’t try to tell me that what I just said wasn’t true because you know it is. You’ve never really cared about me.”

“Maybe that’s `cause you don’t allow yourself to be cared about,” I said. You’re so focused on being perfect all the time, always tryin to act like nothin’ and nobody means nothin to you. You say I don’t treat you like you’re important, well how the hell do you think you treat me?”

“Better than anyone I’ve ever treated in my life,” Rose said darkly. “But it’s not good enough. I thought you were different, Patrick. I thought you were better than all those other dumb-ass boys who only think about partying and fucking. But I was wrong. You’re not different at all. You’re just the same.”

“If that’s what you think,” I said. 

“Do you want to break up with me?” Rose asked calmly. She stood perfectly still, her arms still crossed, this perfect, serene look on her face. I knew what I wanted to say, but I didn’t want to say it. 

“I’ll do whatever you wanna do,” I finally responded.

“Don’t give me chicken-shit answers, Patrick. Be a fucking man and tell me what you want. If you don’t want to be with me anymore, tell me and I’ll go right now.” She tried to make it sound like it was so simple, like she didn’t care what my answer would be. But I could see right through her and I wasn’t going to allow myself to fall into her trap.