Secrets 4

“Rose you don’t really like me anyway,” I said. “Why do you care if we’re together or not?”
Arching her eyebrow, Rose cocked her head slightly to the side and said, “Maybe I don’t. Fine. I guess that was your answer.” She turned and made her way to the bedroom door. “Walk me to the door, please.”

Reluctantly, I got off my bed and walked her to the front door. There was a deep, cold silence between us. I was kinda afraid to say anything to her, because I didn’t know how she would react. As she walked out of the door, Rose turned to me, and surprisingly, she hugged me tight. I felt kinda awkward at first, but after a while, I relaxed a little and wrapped my arms around her. 

Rose lifted her face up to my ear, and whispered very gently, “I won’t let you or him embarrass me.” And then she let go of me and walked away to her car. Before she got into her car, Rose looked at me and smiled, not a friendly smile, but a very evil smile. She drove away and a watched her car all the way up into it disappeared from my view. I just stood there for a few minutes, thinkin’ about what Rose said, and then I went back inside and up to my room.

I turned on my computer and clicked onto my personal files. A screen came up to verify my password to enter the files. I typed the letters YNNUBKRAD and the file opened up. I scrolled down the dozens entries I’d written before finally came to a blank page:

October 10/ Rose broke up with me today. Or maybe I broke up with her. Either way, we’re not together anymore. I’ve never been so happy. But I know she’s up to something. I can tell. Anyway, it gives me opportunity to spend more time with SB. I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about SB a lot lately, and not just in a friendly way. I’m pretty much sure SB likes me in more than just a friendly way. Rose says that SB is in love with me - that he’s obsessed. I don’t think obsessed is the right word. Rose is a very jealous girl. She knows how to make things go her way whenever she wants; she said she wasn’t gonna allow me and SB to embarrass her. I wonder what she plans on doing. I need to watch out for her. She could be dangerous. 

I saved the document and logged outta the program. I laid on my bed, looking up at the ceiling, thinkin’ about Rose and Sean. But I found myself thinking more about Sean than Rose. I found myself thinking about him more in a sexual way than I thought about Rose. Sean was definitely good-looking, in a simple, not put too much effort in it kinda way. I’ve always known he was into dudes since we were about twelve. I just never had the balls to ask him, and up until recently, I don’t think he had the balls to tell me either. 

Everytime I closed my eyes I kept seeing Sean’s face and for some reason I kept thinkin’ about what he would look like naked. I hadn’t started fantasizing about guys until recently. But most of my fantasies had to do with Sean, about fucking him. Not to sound conceited, but I know that I could fuck Sean if I wanted to. I could make him do anything I wanted him to do. The more I thought about doing things to Sean, the harder I became...

* * *
SEAN

Danny was sitting on my front porch when I arrived at my house. He was waiting for me. When I saw him, I wanted to keep on driving, but I didn’t. I parked in the driveway and we just stared at each other for a while. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was kind of afraid to get out of the car. I didn’t know what Danny was gonna do or not do. Before I got outta the car I had to find a way to deal with him without causing any unnecessary drama. Danny saw my hesitance to get out of the car and walked over to the driver’s window. I rolled the window down.

“Hey, Sean,” Danny said. It was weird, because for once Danny sounded happy. I don’t think I ever heard him sound happy before. I was definitely suspicious.

“Hey Danny,” I said. I could’ve asked him what he was doing here, but I chose not to. I didn’t want to seem like I was disturbed by his presence, even though a large part of me really was.

“I came to talk to you,” Danny told me. He smiled; his teeth were perfectly white - not as perfect as Patrick’s, but close. “Is it okay if we go inside and talk for a few minutes?” By this point I knew that Danny was up to something. I didn’t know if my mother was home and I really wasn’t too excited by the idea of being alone with Danny.

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

“I don’t wanna talk to you while you’re still in the car,” Danny said. “Come out here so I can talk to you.”

I wasn’t too sure if he was gonna try and hurt me or not. I’m sure I could probably beat Danny’s ass if I really needed to. But there was a dark side to him, a borderline psychosis waiting to be free - Danny was too unpredictable. I couldn’t believe I had been friends with him for three years and notice who he really was. Maybe because I was so focused on Patrick the other time. I opened the car door and stepped out. “What did you want to talk to me about?” I asked.

“Let’s go into your house...” Danny said . “I’ll feel much better in there.”

I really wanted to say, “What the fuck do you think you’re trying to pull” but I had to pretend like everything was normal. I couldn’t give Danny any sign that I was nervous or suspicious. So I said, “Okay.”

Danny smiled. I didn’t know if it was a genuine smile or a fake one. We went inside of my house, where it was cold, empty, and quiet. We headed straight to my bedroom and went inside. I plopped down on my bed. “Close the door,” I said. Danny did as I asked. “Now what did you want to talk to me about?” I questioned.

“I just wanted to talk about what’s been happenin’ the last couple of days,” Danny said. “I’ve been actin’ like a real asshole. And I shouldn’t have been.”

I didn’t say anything . I waited for him to continue. He did.

“There’s been a lot of things I’ve had to deal with lately,” Danny explained. “With my family, with you, and just with life in general.” Danny walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, much as he had done the other day when he blowed me. “I’ve been goin’ through a whole lot of stressful situations, and I’ve been dealin’ with them the way that I should be. I’ve been gettin’ mad a lot, angry. The other day when I... I didn’t mean for that to happen. I know you didn’t want it to happen. I just kept thinkin’ that somehow I could make you like me the way I like you - the way you like Patrick...” (that was the first time Danny had ever referred to Patrick by name)