Tangled - Part 6

*** Mardi Gras

The next night was our local Mardi Gras. It was always held annually on a Thursday night for some obscure reason and everyone in the neighborhood attended. The tradition was started an age ago and I don't think anyone living can remember how or why. I did not want to go at first, but Danny talked me into it.

The Mardi Gras had become an excuse for everyone to dress up and have a wild party in the streets. This year, Danny, Darren and Clive went all out and dressed up as Roman Gladiators. Of course if you were gay, the more skin you showed, the better. The three of them wore little Roman leather skirts and very little else apart from helmets and sandals. They armed themselves with an array of fake weaponry and I have to admit that they looked really great. I, on the other hand, made a small concession to costume by simply wearing an eye patch and a bandanna, along with a baggy white shirt and jeans. It made me into a passable pirate. The small scabby cut on my cheek, courtesy of Lee, added to the effect.

At about eight, we trooped down to the square and waited for the fun to begin. There was already a large gathering of people there and the noise level rose as more and more revelers arrived. Then the parade started and the throng followed it from the square into the main street. The idea was to follow the procession around the block, through the streets and then back to the square where the real party would begin. I wandered aimlessly along the edge of the crowd, following the procession, my heart not really in it as I really was not in the mood for this sort of revelry. I was tired, a little run down and very heart-sore.

After a while, I lost sight of Danny and the others, so I stepped up onto the sidewalk and stood against the wall of a building, out of the way. I had just made up my mind to leave and make my way home when suddenly there was a shout and an awful bang. Right in front of me on the street, a cart full of fireworks had burst into flame and rockets and firecrackers started going off in all directions. The people around it scattered and I realized with horror, that I was standing far too close and would very likely get hit by something if I didn't move away quickly.

I turned to run when suddenly out of nowhere, a body slammed into mine and drove me backwards into a sheltered doorway. My back hit the door with a thump and the breath flew out of my body with a whoosh.
“Sorry about that!” A voice grunted.

The man pressed himself up against me and held me in place. He placed his elbows against the door on either side of my shoulders with his hands over the top of my head and spread his legs in front of me. I was completely trapped between him and the door. I struggled briefly but then froze as the scent of him hit me. I knew immediately that it was Lee.

“Stand still. We’re safe enough here.” He whispered as he put his head close to mine, his forehead against the door, his lips next to my ear. I felt his warm breath on the side of my neck and I shivered with the thrill of it. He had never been this close to me before. The explosions in the street behind him grew louder, and then diminished a little. He lifted his head from beside my face and looked over his shoulder.

“Will you please let me go!” I said shakily and tried to move out of his embrace. His extreme proximity was making me feel things I'd never felt before, and I didn't know how long I could bear it before I did something insanely stupid.

“I said stand still for God's sake!” He rumbled. I stopped moving and looked up at him. He was watching what was going on in the street behind him over his shoulder. He let go of my head and dropped his hands to my shoulders. It felt so right and comfortable. I felt his thumbs dig into the muscles just above my collar bones. I looked up at his face, his profile was mesmerizing. I suppressed a smile when I saw that like me, he had made a small concession to costume. Perched at a jaunty angle on his head was the most ridiculous jester's hat I had ever seen. It was bright red and green with three large stuffed, curved horn-like points.

It was dotted all over with large gaudily colored sequins and there was an interesting little zigzag frill around the bottom edge which sat across his forehead prettily. There was an enormous brass bell on the end of each point which jangled with every move he made. A black harlequin mask covered the top half of his face but did little to disguise the brilliance of his eyes. He was wearing a loose red cotton shirt tucked casually into a pair of black chinos. Two or three of the buttons on his shirt had come undone and I found that I was on very close quarters with his hair covered chest. All I wanted to do was lean forward and snuggle my face into it, but I restrained myself. I looked up at his absurd hat again to distract myself.

“love the hat!” I whispered. “Very jolly! It sort of suits you!”
He glanced down at me. Jangle, jangle, went the bells!
“Thanks.” He said shortly. “Pirate?” He asked taking in my eye patch with a small smile. I nodded.
“cute!” He remarked with a wink and moved his attention back to the street behind him. Jangle, jangle!

I studied his profile carefully. God, he was beautiful and the mask seemed to enhance his attractiveness. His hands gently massaged my shoulders. I don’t think that he actually realized that he was doing it. It felt so good that I wanted it to go on forever.
“Do you know that this is the nicest you've ever been to me?” I whispered.
“Really?” He said, his attention still on the street. “I hadn't noticed.”

“Of course, you haven't!” I said sarcastically under my breath, a little annoyed at his offhandedness. “You wouldn't, would you?”

He looked down at me, his eyebrows raised. Jangle, jangle.
“You really need to stop being facetious.” He said quietly. “It doesn't suit you, you know!”

I was a little surprised at the casual friendliness he seemed to be showing towards me, considering the tenor of our last meeting. He did not seem to realize what his closeness was doing to me. He looked deep into my eyes for a moment and then turned his attention back to the activity on the street behind him. Jangle, jangle, jangle!

Then the absurdity of the situation hit me and I started to giggle. He looked down at me and frowned. Again, jangle, jangle!
“What the hell are you laughing at.” He asked curtly.
“Your hat!” I gasped between giggles. “It's the silliest thing I've ever seen.”

The fire continued to rage behind him in the street.
“Will you stop it, Davey!” He growled. “It's not funny!”
“Oh God, it is!” I gasped. “You should see it. I especially like the frilly bit . . !” Another wave of giggles overwhelmed me. In my paroxysm of laughter, I missed the ‘Davey’. I remembered it later when I played the whole scene over again in my mind. Why at that moment in time, had he used the diminutive form of my name?

“Stop it, for God's sake!” He said, giving my shoulders a small shake and then glanced over his shoulder again. Jangle, jangle.
I tried to stop laughing but the combination of shock at what was happening and his ludicrous, musical hat was beginning to make me get a little hysterical.
“David, stop it already!” He said angrily and gave me another shake. I suppressed my giggles with a snort. He looked at me surprised. Jangle!
“You just snorted!” He said, his eyebrows raised. “You actually . . !”

Suddenly, directly behind him there was another explosion and flames and sparks flew in all directions. Lee pressed himself closer to me and covered my head with his hands again. Seizing the moment, I buried my face in his chest. It was unbelievably glorious. The smell of his body overwhelmed me and I felt a deep stirring in my groin. The noise behind him grew louder and then there was another enormous explosion. More rockets and fire balls flew out into the surrounding area. One large red fire-ball hit the wall right next to me. I jumped as sparks shot out in all directions. Lee pressed himself closer to me and dropped his head down next to my neck.

“It's okay.” He breathed. “Just stand still.”

I was hardly aware of what was going on around me. I was too caught up in the feel of his chest hair against my face and the overpowering manly, animal smell of him. I realized that I could feel an erection growing in my pants. I tried to pull my hips away from his slightly so that he wouldn't feel it but my back was full against the door and I couldn't move. Oh well, I thought, the hell with it! If he feels it, then so be it. I shivered at the feel of his warm breath on my neck. He moved his head slightly and I realized that he now had his lips against the base of my neck. Then, to my surprise, he kissed my neck – or I thought that he did. I was trying to decided whether I had felt it or not when he did it again and I was absolutely sure that that’s what he was doing. He was actually kissing my neck!!!

“Lee,” I whispered, hoping that I wouldn’t break the spell. “Lee, I . . !”
“David!” He whispered, stopping me. “Now is not the time . . !”
He moved his head away from my neck. Damn, I should have kept my yap shut!!
“But . . you were just . . ?”

My soft shaky voice was drowned out by more explosions which followed in quick succession. Lee suddenly jerked hard against me as if he'd been punched. He grunted and then swore softly under his breath. His silly hat flew off his head and landed on the pavement behind him with a final pitiful jangle. The fire-storm started to diminish and people came running up with hydrants to put the blaze out.

It was all over in minutes. The flames were extinguished quickly and people chattered nervously as they gathered around to find out what happened.

Lee continued to hold me down for several moments after it was all over. Then he pulled back slightly and dropped his hands to my shoulders. I quickly lifted my head from his chest. He looked down into my face. I didn't want to move. Being in his arms was the most natural thing I'd ever felt. A warm glow had spread through my entire body and I felt comfortable and safe. I knew then that it was where I belonged and I knew that despite what he’d said, he really did care for me.
“Are you alright?” He asked softly.

I nodded because I couldn't trust my voice. His very closeness and the way he’d kissed my neck was making me feel things, wonderful things and all I wanted was the moment to go on forever.

I looked up into his brilliant eyes. There was something in them that I couldn’t read, something dark, yet gentle. Suddenly, he bent his head and kissed me softly. His breathing quickened and my entire body thrilled at the touch of his lips on mine. His passion heightened and he became caught up in the urgency of his kiss. His lips parted and I felt his tongue tentatively probe into my mouth. I was lost, totally lost and I wanted the world to end right then so that his kiss would be the last thing I ever felt. I became highly aroused, my erection throbbed painfully in my pants. His hands slid down my back and they went around my waist and he pulled me closer to him.

I ran my hands up his chest and behind his neck and pulled his face down closer to mine. His tongue twined around mine and he moaned softly with pleasure. My heart started pounding and my arousal went up another few notches. I could feel the cold wetness of my freely flowing pre-come in my under-shorts. Any more of this and I was sure that I would come in my pants.

Then his entire being changed. He suddenly pulled away from the kiss, stepped back and released me. I slumped back against the door, my senses and emotions in a whirl.
“I . . I’m sorry!” He mumbled. “I shouldn’t have done that. Forgive me, I’m so sorry.”

He turned away and thrust his hands into his pockets. I slowly stood upright, desperately trying to gather my wits. One thought flew through my mind, why did he kiss me like that? It was passionate and loving and felt so right; yet why did he stop and pull away. I could come up with no obvious reason for his withdrawal.

He glanced at me quickly.
“You sure you're alright?” He asked, purposefully erasing the last few minutes, as if he had never kissed me.
“I'm fine.” I said with a small shaky voice and turned away to hide the bulge in my pants. “I’ll be fine!”
“Good!” He said. “Could you please put my shirt out now?”

He turned around and to my horror, I saw that there was a big scorch mark in the back of his shirt which was still smoldering. I quickly patted out the sparks with my hands. He winced in pain and through the hole in his shirt, I could see that there was a star-shaped burn directly in the center of his back.
“Oh my God Lee, you're hurt.” I said with a crack in my voice.

He shrugged. “It's nothing!” He said offhandedly and bent down and picked up his ridiculous hat.
“No it's not. There's a big burn in the middle of your back. It doesn't look too good.” I said.
“I told you, it's nothing. I'll be okay.” He insisted.

One of the fireballs must have hit him dead on. I grabbed his shoulders and turned him to face me. I looked up into his face, which was creased with pain.
“Why did you do that?” I asked carefully. “Why did you shield me like that?” He hesitated and then he shook his head.
“I don't know.” he said quietly. “Instinct, I guess.”
“Instinct, shming-stinct!” I remarked glibly. “Why did you do it? You didn't have to, you know?”

“Must you question my every move?” He asked softly. “I just did it. Can’t we leave it at that?”
“No, we can't.” I said firmly. “I want to know why you risked yourself like that for me.” I paused and then said softly. “And why you kissed me like you did? And before that, you kissed my neck.”

He looked away for a moment and then his eyes found mine. They were pain filled and very dark.
“Please David, I'm asking you to just let it go, okay? I helped you and that’s that! As for the . . other; it should never have happened. I’m sorry, I lost control.”

I stared into his eyes and saw something in them for a second that confused me terribly. They were filled with pain, which was obvious given the circumstances. But, behind that, there was a tenderness that I had never seen before, as well as a deep, desperate yearning. I saw it before he masked it quickly by turning his head away.
“Okay, I'll let it go, for now.” I said softly, giving in to him this time. “Thank you, Lee.”
“I have to go.” He said gruffly. “Goodbye, David.”

He started to move away but I grabbed his arm and stopped him.
“No wait, you're hurt. Please let me help you with that burn.” I said. “Let me clean it and dress it.”
“It's okay.” He replied. “I'll get it attended to.”
“No Lee.” I said adamantly. “Let me do it. It's the least I could do after what you just did for me. I insist.”

He pulled his arm from my grip gently. “No David.” He said firmly. “I'll take care of it.”
“Lee, if you don't let me help you, I swear I will follow you around like a dog until you do, okay?” I said determinedly.

He hesitated again and then nodded curtly.
“Okay! You win!” He said softly. “This time.”

I led him to a local late night pharmacy which was still open. Inside, I made him sit on a stool and I got the necessary things from the girl behind the counter. Lee watched my every move carefully. I whipped off my eye patch, went behind him and looked at the wound in his back. His shirt was in the way so I asked him to take it off. He hesitated and then quickly undid the buttons and I carefully helped him slip the shirt off his shoulders and down his back. His back was broad, tanned and well muscled. I marveled at the texture of his skin and felt a deep stirring in the pit of my stomach. I wanted him so much but I had to force my mind to concentrate on the job at hand.

I carefully cleaned the burn with surgical spirits and then dressed it. When I had finished, he quickly shrugged his shirt back up onto his shoulders and buttoned it, but not before I caught a glimpse of his hair covered chest. It was magnificent, what I saw of it and again I felt that deep warm stirring in the pit of my stomach. I turned away with a small involuntary moan of longing and slowly cleared up the things I'd used to dress his wound.

“Thanks!” He said softly. I nodded, not trusting my voice, as I packed the pharmaceuticals away. He stood up and stepped away from me.
“Are you okay?” He asked.

I looked at him and nodded.
“Yeah!” I answered a little shakily. “I'm fine.” I paused and looked into his eyes. They were unreadable. “You're going to have a neat star-shaped scar in the middle of your back. Keep it clean and it should heal alright.” I finished and looked away because I was afraid that I would do something really silly if I continued to look at his stunning face. God, how I loved him!
“Okay, thanks!” He said softly. I stood stock still and waited patiently, hoping for something more from him, anything. He was silent for a few moments.

“David, don't do this to yourself.” He whispered. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. What the hell was I expecting anyway, a love song?
“Do what?” I asked softly, my eyes on the floor.
“What you're doing.” He said. “And I’m really sorry, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have . . !” He paused and looked away. “Forget about me and forget about what happened earlier.”

His face was grim as he looked back at me.
I lifted my head and looked at him. His eyes behind the mask were dark with . . ? I couldn't read them.
“I told you that it’s not your fault. It’s never been your fault, it’s mine completely.” I whispered. “And I could never forget you or the way you kissed me? How can I possibly forget that?”

He stared at me and then shook his head.
“I'm sorry, but you must.” He said. “You . . me . . it'll never happen, just like that . . what happened shouldn’t have happened.”

I nodded. “I know that now.” I whispered. “God help me, I know that.”
“Right!” He said and looked away.
Again I waited, but this time I knew that it was in vain.

He looked back at me and nodded.
“Goodbye.” He said. “And thanks for fixing me up.”
“You're welcome.” I whispered, a lump in my throat. A couple of unbidden tears escaped my eyes and ran slowly down my cheeks. “Goodbye.”
“David, don't!” He whispered.

I looked at him knowing that it was over, that I would never be with him and that he would never love me. My heart broke and I started bleeding somewhere deep inside my being.
“You might as well ask me to stop breathing!” I whispered shakily and paused.
“Have you ever been in love?” I asked.

He hesitated and then he said. “Yes, I am . . !” He stopped and shook his head as if to clear it.
“Yes.” He said again shortly.
“Then you know.” I said simply.
“David, I can't do this, I just can't.” He said, a look of deep sorrow on his face.

I nodded dumbly, too broken up to trust my voice anymore.

“I'm really sorry.” He said again and then he was gone. I stood there numb for what seemed like hours, then I pulled myself together and made a move to leave. Then I noticed that he'd forgotten his stupid hat on the floor next to the stool. I bent and picked it up and it jangled at me forlornly.

I smiled sadly at the sound and the tears started to stream down my face. This year’s Mardi Gras was one that I would remember well because it had been the happiest one of my life as well as the saddest one; and I knew that his hat was something that I would treasure forever, even though it was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever seen.

*** NINE. GOING, GOING, GONE?

The very next morning at about ten o'clock Jane led Lee into my office. I stood up in surprise. Of all the people I expected to see, he surely had to be the very last.
Jane left and shut the door behind her. I stared at Lee, still surprised. He stood just inside the door awkwardly.

“Lee.” I whispered. “What . . I . . !”
“I won't keep you.” He began, cutting me off. “I just wanted to tell you that I'm going away for a while. A sort of . . forced vacation, if you will. In fact, I've arranged to advise on a contract on the east coast and I wanted to leave this with you.” He dropped a file on the table near the door.

“It's the revised specs for the building I'm . . we're working on. Any further questions you have about the project, please speak to Derek.”
I sat down quickly because my legs had suddenly lost all their life and would not hold me up any longer.

“Going away?” I said, a break in my voice. “For . . um . . for how long?”
“I can't say.” He looked away. “The contract is for six months, but it could take longer. It should be long enough . . !”
“Long enough?” I asked softly, knowing full well to what he was referring. Long enough for me to get over him!
“Don't play games with me David, we’re beyond that!” He looked back at me, his eyes unfathomable. “You know very well that I have to do this.” He paused. He looked down at the floor and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. “For both our sakes.” He finished.

I sat still for a moment and then I just gave up. I couldn't do this anymore. I had tortured myself long enough.
“Right!” I said, my voice completely lifeless. “I guess you're right.”

He was silent for a moment and then he turned and opened the door.
“Lee.” I stopped him. “Thank you. Thank you . . for what you did last night and thank you for being . . honest.”
He nodded.
Then I had a sudden thought.

“Tell me one thing, though.” I said. “Derek could have brought the revised specs to me, yet you did. Why?”
He looked at me carefully, and then shrugged his shoulders and looked away.

“Again with the questions.” He said curtly.
“Why Lee?” I asked again. “Why did you come and not Derek?”
“I don't know. I guess I wanted to . . !” He stopped and stared at me.
“I don't know.” He finished lamely. I looked at him searchingly but he was completely unreadable.

He pushed his hands deep into his pockets and shrugged. He seemed like a totally different person to the man he was last night.
“See you!” He said shortly and I watched him turn and move through the door. He pulled it closed gently and he was gone.

I put my head down on my hands on the desk and sighed. I knew now, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had no hope at all. He was going away and he would be gone for some time. I didn't know when I would see him again, if ever. I waited for the ground to split open and swallow me, for the building to crack and tumble down around me, but nothing happened. I realized that the devastation I felt was not worldwide, not even local but only confined to my tortured soul.

I pulled myself together and resolved to get my life in order. I tried to push Lee to the back of my mind and get on with the business of the day.
I tried.

To be continued...