Tangled - Part Four

Five : The Hustler.

The following Friday, I couldn't wait to get to Pen Island. Danny was a little puzzled at my change of heart, but said nothing.

We arrived a little earlier than usual because of my eagerness. Darren and Clive arrived soon after and the usual banter started up. I kept an eye on the door, hoping that Lee would turn up. It wasn't long before he walked in. He moved towards the bar but stopped when he saw us in our usual booth. I gave him a small smile but to my utter disappointment, he turned and walked out of the club. I felt a small sense of loss but put it down to my over-active imagination.

As I had now met him officially I decided to do a little local research on him so I sought out Sandy, a proverbial busy body who knew everything about everyone.
Sandy was a little surprised when I asked him if we could talk as he was not usually included in our circle of friends. We found a quiet corner booth and sat down.

"Okay Sandy, you know just about everyone who comes in here; tell me about Lee Barker."
"Who?" His eyebrows knitted together in puzzlement.
"Lee Barker, you know, the hot guy in denim with the bright green eyes."
"Oh right, him!" He looked at me slyly. "Why him? What do you want to be messing around with that baby bear for?"
"Look Sandy, just tell me about him, okay? No cute questions, alright?"

"Ooh. Someone at this table has the hots for the crazy bear, and it ain’t me!" He quipped gleefully.
"Sandy, just cut the crap, okay? Come on now, give!"
"Okay, okay! Here's what I know. About three months ago, he got burned bad by a two-bit hustler." He sat back and grinned maliciously.
"So, what happened?" I asked, intrigued.

"Well the hustler, some no good skinny white trash kid called Toby, was living on the streets, no cash, no job, nothing. Crazy bear found him, felt sorry for him and took him in. I mean, the guy was doing that piece of trash a favor. He fed him, bought him some cool duds and gave him a home. Things were okay for a couple of weeks. Crazy bear pushed the little squirt to find a job, which he never did. Then the two-bit whore started hustling again and bringing the Johns back to the bear's place. Crazy bear had no idea what was going down. Well, as you can guess, he found out soon enough. boy, was he fighting mad. He was ready to toss that trashy kid out, but the little worm talked his way out of it. He promised to get a job and never to do it again." Sandy stopped.

"Well," I said, "What happened? Go on!"
"Okay, so here's the really good part. So crazy bear goes off for this weekend getaway somewhere, and when he gets back, he's been totally cleaned out. I mean, everything! Furniture, books, appliances, motorcycle, everything. He was spitting-mad, ready to kill the little shit.

But Toby was gone, vanished into thin air. That's why the bear comes in here now, or goes to other clubs. He's looking for that white trash kid and I reckon when he finds him, they going to find bits of that Toby scattered across the country-side. Crazy bear is that mad!"
"I would be too, I guess!" I remarked.
"Yeah, likewise!" Sandy sighed heavily. "I kind of feel sorry for the dude. I heard that's why he's got it in for hustlers, it's common knowledge."
"Well it explains a lot, I guess." I paused and phrased my next question carefully. I tried not to sound too . . I don't know what! Too interested? Or maybe, dare I say it, too jealous? "Sandy, did he . . you know . . did he have an affair with this Toby?" I asked.

Sandy smirked. "Oh, you mean did he fuck him?"
"Well . . yeah, I guess." I replied.
"Now, I wonder why you want to know that, huh?” He smirked yet again, he was good at smirking!
“Sandy, just answer the damn question!”

“Okay! I doubt the bear laid a finger on that bitch Toby. That no good skinny piece was just not his type." He looked at me slyly. "You are, though!"
“Now how would you know that?” I asked, a little intrigued.
“I heard that the bear is into tougher, rougher looking dudes like you rather than girly-boys like that Toby.”
"Well, tough luck for him, because I'm not going near him." I said.

"Suit yourself." He said. "That's it, end of story!"
"Yeah, thanks." I smiled at Sandy.

He nodded and then looked away uneasily.
"Alright, what's up? There's more, isn't there?"
He looked at me for a minute and then nodded.

"Okay! You never got this from me, right?" He leaned forward, "Right?"
"Alright!" I replied.
"You may not be into him, but I guess he's really into you, big time. Lately, he's been asking around about you and your cute boy-friend. There's a rumor going around that he's carrying a torch for you higher than the Statue of Liberty, that he's nuts about you and from where

 I'm sitting, it looks like you might be a little crazy about him too."
"Really?"
"Really! But if I were you, I wouldn't be messing around with that dude, he's bad news!"
Sandy sat back with a smug smile, something else he did very well.

"Sandy," I said pointedly, "Let's get something straight, I am not interested in him, okay? I just happen to be doing some contract work for him. Where do you get this crap from anyway?"
"Oh come on David, everyone saw the way you reacted to him a couple of weeks ago. Even he noticed. And," he continued smugly, "Jody saw you two sucking face in the corridor here, and from where Jody was standing, it looked like you guys were doing a whole lot more besides!"

"It's utter rubbish, Sandy, and you make sure that that gets around, okay? I barely know the guy and besides, my first contact with him was hardly friendly. I can safely say that I don't like him very much and I don't think that he likes me at all. Tell that to your buddies!"
"Okay!" Sandy replied, a little disappointed. No more juicy gossip for him to run and tell. I stood up.
"Thanks again, Sandy."

With that, I went back to Danny and the guys, my thoughts whirling around in my head. He likes me? I doubt that - just the way he glowered at me sometimes was proof enough that he probably disliked me intensely for some reason. And what about my feelings? I was sure that I didn't like him very much. He was arrogant, abrasive and insulting – not to mention conceited. Not good qualities. But on the other hand, I was intrigued by him.

That night sleep eluded me yet again. The more I thought about it, the more confused I became. Maybe Sandy was right. Maybe I was attracted to Lee and as usual, I was the last person to know it. No, I said to myself when I remembered how he'd treated me. I didn't like him, his superior attitude nor his arrogance and I vowed never to change the way I felt. If he liked me as Sandy had said then why was he avoiding me, like he had earlier this evening. On the other hand, he was devilishly handsome and I suspect, like most people, not really a bad person once you got to know him. I mean, he'd taken a complete stranger into his home because he'd felt sorry for him. That had to count for something.

No, I chided myself, I was not going there. He was beautiful, yes, and now that I'd met him, he seemed to be a fairly nice guy, but I was still very wary of him. I put these thoughts out of my mind, trying instead to add up the negative things I knew about him. To my surprise there were very few. Then there was also that very erotic dream I'd had about him which I had to take into consideration as well as my sexual response to him when we were jammed together in the corridor at Pen Island. I decided not to even go into that very grey area, it was all just a little too disturbing.

I was determined not to let him get to me. With conflicting thoughts and emotions battering me, I finally managed to drop off to sleep.

*** SIX - DECLARATION.

The following Friday evening I saw Lee again. Danny and I walked into Pen Island and he was already there, sitting at the bar. As I walked past him, I threw a glance in his direction. He was watching our progress through the crowd. I felt a thrill when his green eyes met mine but then he frowned, which put my back up immediately. I scowled at him in return and then tried to put him out of my mind. I sat down in our usual booth, while Danny got us a couple of drinks.

I pretended to be having a good time while I secretly watched Lee from under my hair. He finished his drink, stood up and looked over at me. My breath caught in my throat. Please don't let him come over, I said to myself. I couldn't bear the thought of trying to handle him in front of all the guys. But in my heart, I desperately wished he would, regardless of what they might think. His glance lingered on me for another moment, then he slowly smiled knowingly, almost as if he knew what I was thinking and then he turned and walked towards the rest-room. My disappointment was palpable.

Okay, I thought, if he won't come to me, I'll go to him. I felt that we had to resolve certain issues between us. Poor excuse though because I knew exactly why I wanted to see him, but I pushed that thought to the back of my mind. I gave him a couple of minutes more and then stood and made my way towards the rest room. As I walked down the corridor, I saw him come out of the rest room into the other end. Here goes, I thought as I moved closer to him. He saw me coming and turned his back to the wall to allow me to pass. I turned to face him and started to squeeze past him. He watched my face as I shuffled sideways through the narrow space between him and the wall.

“A bit of déjß vu going on here, don't you think.” He said with a small smile. I stopped moving and looked into his eyes. He stared back for what seemed like an eternity and I got lost in those eyes of his.
“Well, go on then.” He said brusquely and looked away. “Go past! I can't stand here all night.”

I quickly moved past him and stepped into the corridor.
“Oh, and David?” He said. I stopped and turned to face him. He stood with his hands in his pockets, blocking the corridor.
“About the building, I’ve told Derek Jones my associate about our plans. He will liaise with you on the project in future.” He said grimly. “I think it would be better all round if you and I did not have any further contact.”

My heart skipped a couple of beats. Did this mean that I would never see him again?
“Sure . . okay!” I replied softly. “If that’s what you want?”
“It is!” He said firmly. “It was . . uh . . nice meeting you.” Then he turned and walked up the corridor.

I watched his retreating back with an overwhelming sense of loss. I drew a breath to stop him but no words came out. Then he was gone and I stood there, numb. My heart sank at the thought that I would probably never see him again, and I suddenly felt sick to the pit of my stomach. I had never felt that way before. I slumped back against the wall and took a deep breath and tried to gather my shattered wits.

The noise of the club filtering down the corridor became unbearable and I suddenly wanted to get out of there. I quickly returned to our booth, noticing on the way that Lee was nowhere to be seen. I mumbled something to Danny about a headache and I stumbled out of the building. I walked blindly down the street, my thoughts and emotions in a complete jumble.

Hot tears scalded my eyes and coursed down my cheeks. I came to a bus-stop and I suddenly had to make a dash for the gutter, where I puked uncontrollably. My throat burned and the tears continued to pour down my face. Feeling very shaky and dizzy, I sat down on the bus-stop bench, closed my eyes, put my head in my hands and tried to fight the nausea that was still rising up from my stomach. I reached into my bag, took out my bottle of water, rinsed my mouth out carefully and splashed some water onto my face. My stomach calmed a little and I was able to think a little more lucidly.

The tears ran freely down my cheeks and fell to the pavement. And then, in a flash, my mind was suddenly clear and everything I had been feeling recently made perfect sense. Of three things I was finally and unquestionably certain. First, I could no longer keep lying to myself about my overwhelming attraction to Lee Barker. I was drawn to him like a suicidal moth to a flame and if I didn't do something about it, I would go crazy. Second, I knew that I had to see him again, my life and sanity depended upon it; and third, I was completely, madly and mindlessly in love with the man.

It knocked the breath out of me like a blow from a well aimed sledge-hammer. I was very much in love with Lee Barker and there was no denying it anymore. It explained everything. I was so lost in my thoughts that I jumped when a voice spoke softly.
"Hey David, are you okay?"

I looked up, startled.
It was Lee, casually leaning against the lamp post. I had no idea how long he'd been there.
"I . . um . . I . . uh!" I mumbled, as I brushed the tears from my cheeks. I quickly gathered my shattered emotions.
“What are you doing here?” I asked to take the attention away from me.

“I saw you leave the club. You didn't look too good and I was . . !” He stopped and quickly looked away. “You didn’t look too well!” He finished lamely. His green eyes focused on me again.
“So now you're stalking me?” I said surprised.
“Don't be an ass! I'm not stalking you.” He said softly and then changed tack. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks, but I'm fine.” I said rather tartly. “And I’m not an ass!”

“Yes you are and I don't think you’re fine. I watched you throw up a minute ago.” He said.
“You're spying on me?” I said, incredulous.
“No, I don't spy on people.” He said shortly. "You look pretty upset and you look as if you've been crying! What's happened?" He asked.
“I’m not crying . . I mean, I haven’t been crying! I just got sick, that's all.” I said. “Probably something I ate earlier.”

He pushed himself away from the lamp, moved closer and squatted on his haunches in front of me, those green, brilliant eyes level with mine.
“You sure you're okay?” He asked gently, which surprised me somewhat.

I sat back, mainly to put some space between us because the scent of him flooded over me, making me want him more than anything in the world; and because his beautiful face was so close to mine that every fiber of my being wanted me to reach out and touch his cheek. Instead, he stretched out his hand and touched my wrist. An electric spark shot through my entire body and my groin tightened with excitement. It was so shocking that before I knew what I was doing and without thinking, I snatched my hand away as if I had been stung. He sat back on his heels and dropped his hand, a frown creased his brow. He glared at me for a moment and then he stood up quickly.

"Right!" He said bitterly. "That's pretty clear. I'll leave you alone."
He turned and stalked off. Before I could stop myself, I jumped up and ran after him.
"No wait, please!" I almost screamed. "Lee please hold on, it’s not what you think."
He stopped and spun around to face me.

"And how the hell do you know what I’m thinking?" He growled, his eyes dark with anger. "I’m thinking that you obviously can't stand me to touch you? That you hate me because of the way I've treated you?" He put his hands up in defeat. "It's okay, I can take a hint and I understand. I won't bother you anymore."
He turned and started walking away.
"No wait!" I yelled. "You're so wrong."

Here goes, I'm committed now, I thought.
"I can't stand the fact that when you touch me, every hair on my body stands on end and I feel as if I've been electrocuted and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.”
The words tumbled out of my mouth in a rush – I had to stop him from leaving.

“I can't stand that when you look at me in a certain way, I stop breathing and my heart starts to pound madly."
He stopped walking and stood there, his head hanging.
"I can't stand the way that you can put my back up with just one look, or with just one word and I hate the fact that I can't sleep at night because of you and I can’t . . !" I said breathlessly.

He spun around and stopped me. "Alright!" He yelled. "I get it! No more! You just can't stand me, period!"
I moved closer and took a deep breath.
"No!" I said as I stopped in front of him. "No, it’s not that! You don't get it at all, do you? Why are you so blind? Just look at me, I'm a total wreck! Can't you see that? Can't you see the effect you have on me, how you make me feel, what you do to me? I just threw up there in that ditch because of the intensity of what I'm feeling right now." I took a deep breath and continued - it was all or nothing. He stared at me, confused.

"I can't stand the fact that if you walk away from me now, I might never see you again! That I'll never feel about anyone the way I feel about you right now, and that just kills me!"
"What? What the hell are you saying?" He asked quietly.
I looked up at him, his unbelievable eyes burned into mine.

"Just that I have never felt this way about anyone before. You overwhelm my senses, you've invaded every part of me and I'm terrified that I will never feel this way about anyone ever again." I whispered. He stared at me for a second and then he shook his head as if to clear it.
"You know what, I don't need this. You're a complication, and I can't handle that right now - I need to keep things simple." He growled at me.

"It seems pretty simple to me." I said softly. "What's so terribly complicated about being so very much in love with someone?" Here goes, I thought – all or nothing!!
I stepped closer to him, reached out and put my hands either side of his face, pulled him to me and kissed him. He stiffened for a second and then he pulled me against him roughly and his lips responded to mine. My heart took flight, the warmth of his body against mine and the moist touch of his lips had my senses whirling in a second. His tongue pushed its way past my lips and tangled with mine.

Suddenly he pulled away and shoved me back. I stumbled and slammed into a lamp post
“No!! This is wrong!” He exclaimed and turned away.
“But Lee . . !” I began but he put his hand up to stop me.
“Just stop!” He growled. He put his hand to his forehead and closed his eyes as if in deep thought. I waited silently, hoping, praying. Then he shook himself and turned to me, his eyes dark.

“What the hell were you thinking?” He whispered. “Do you think that I would give in to you with just one kiss?”

I pushed away from the lamp post and slowly stood upright.
“What?” I asked breathlessly. “No, you’re wrong, I never meant it like that. Why are you being so . . obtuse?”

He stood still for a second and then he started to walk away. In a flat panic, I called after him.
"Lee, no . . please, don't walk away from me right now! I couldn't bear it!" He stopped, spun around, stalked back to me and glared at me.
"Man, you really are a piece of work, you know that. How can you go on like this when you're . . !" He stopped and turned away. "You know what, I can't do this right now, I need to think!"
“Lee, I . . !” I began but he held his hand up, as if to push me away.

Then he said, a slight quaver in his voice. "No, enough! I don't . . !" He paused, his eyes found mine but they were unfathomable. "Just don't . . uh . . just keep away from me, okay? I honestly never thought that you were the kind of guy who would . . !” He paused again as I stared at him puzzled. “What you just did was unforgivable and I should never have given in to you.” He whispered and he turned and started walking away. Then he stopped and said so quietly that I barely heard him. “You know what, I have to get away from here . . from you! I just can't bear to look at you right now!"

My heart shattered and I stood there in shock as he walked up the street and turned the corner. He was gone. I had opened myself to him and he had walked away.
Numb and confused, I ambled home slowly, my thoughts on what he'd said. I couldn't understand half of it:

"How can you go on like that when you're . . !" When I'm . . what? I asked myself.
And:
" . . the kind of guy who . . !" Who . . what? What did he mean?

I was utterly confused. What had he been trying to say? I couldn't answer that. Why couldn't he bear to look at me? Surely I wasn't that repulsive, and besides, I'd felt sure that he cared for me a little because of his concern for me earlier and because of the way he’d returned my kiss.

Well, I thought, that's that, I had gambled and I had lost. Now I was sure that I would never see him again. I was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted when I got home, so without even bothering to undress, I fell onto my bed and dropped into a deep, dreamless sleep.