The Coach - Part One

*** Five: Solution?

The next morning, before training began, I was summoned to Liam’s office. I knocked and went in.
“Shut the door and sit down,” he said from behind his desk.
I did as he asked and then waited patiently, my eyes on his wonderful face. I knew what it was about. My transfer. He picked it up and waved it at me.
“One question, Kevin,” he began. “Why?”
“No reason,” I said as airily as I could. “I just want to transfer out of here.”
“Not good enough. Tell me why?” He said.
“I can’t explain,” I pleaded. “Please just let me go.”

His blue eyes studied my face carefully and then he drew a breath to speak.
“Please Liam,” I said, cutting him off. “I’m asking you, as a friend.”
Wake up you moron, I thought, can’t you see it? Can’t you see that you’re the reason I have to get away?
He hesitated, drew another breath but then sighed and lifted a pen.

“Alright,” he said, “I can’t keep you here so if you want to go then go. You do realize that the transfer will only take effect at the beginning of the new semester, so until the holidays you’re stuck here.”
I nodded. He grunted, signed the application and pushed it across the desk at me.
“Drop this in at the office on your way past, will you?” He asked. “And I hope that someday, you’ll trust me enough to tell me why.”
I nodded, picked it up and left his office. Just outside, I bumped into Simon. I showed him the completed application.
“Thanks for telling me,” he said grumpily. “Now I’ll be stuck here without my best friend.”
“You’ll survive,” I said.
I started down the hall and realized that I was going in the wrong direction. I retraced my steps and as I passed by Liam’s office, I heard Simon’s voice raised in anger. I stopped dead just outside the door and went cold all over because I knew immediately that they were talking about me.
“ . . . and it’s because of you that he wants to transfer,” Simon was saying angrily.
“Me?” Liam queried, puzzled.
“Yeah, you!” Simon said, “It’s because you treat him like a piece of shit!”
There was a short silence.

“Excuse me?” Liam said softly, his voice as cold as ice. I barely heard him.
“Oh crap!” Simon exclaimed. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Simon explain yourself, now!” Liam said impatiently.
“But he’ll kill me if I tell you. You won’t tell him will you?” Simon said.
“No, I give you my word,” Liam said softly, an odd tone in his voice. “Now tell me what is going on.”
“Okay, here’s what I know,” Simon began. “Just before the nationals, I caught him crying in his room. It came out that he hates the way you’re treating him. He can’t take it anymore.”
“I see,” Liam said softly. “But if that’s the case, then I could always let him train with Mr. Scott. Then my contact with him would be minimal.”
“God, you’re dense!”

“Simon!” Liam warned.
“I mean, what the hell is wrong with you?” Simon said as if talking to a pre-teen. “How can you be so blind?”
“Simon!!” Liam warned again.
“Can’t you even figure it out?” Simon continued, his voice a little louder, completely ignoring Liam’s warning,. “All you need to do is look into his eyes and you can see it. I’m as stupid as hell and I can see it. Why can’t you?”
“Simon, that’s enough!” Liam shouted. I moved towards the door to burst in and interrupt them but then Simon came in quickly.
“No!” Simon yelled. “It’s not enough. It’s not enough that you treat him like crap when all he can think about is you. It’s not enough that he’s crazy in love with you and you can’t even see it. It’s not enough that the only way he can deal with it is to transfer . . . !”
“Simon!!” Liam shouted and by the sound of it, he banged his fists on the desk. “I said that’s enough!!”
There was a short silence.

“I’m sorry Mr. Grant,” Simon said contritely. “I got carried away, but I can’t bear to see my best friend hurt and right now he’s hurting bad.”
There was a long silence. Then Liam’s voice carried to me softly.
“It’s okay, I understand. Now go on, get out of here,” Liam said softly. “And Simon, promise me that you’ll say nothing of this to Kevin.”
“Sure Mr. Grant, no problem,” he laughed sourly. “I wouldn’t risk it anyway. He’d probably kill me.”

I heard movement so I quickly dashed around the corner into a corridor and hid in the doorway of a lecture room.
Simon walked past the top end of the corridor mumbling to himself.
“Shit, shit, shit!” I heard him grumble. “I’m dead! He’s going to slaughter me . . . !”
His voice faded as he got further away from me. I smiled at his agitation.
Now that Liam knew how I felt, it was imperative that I leave as soon as I was able. I spent most of the week avoiding him and for those last few days, I trained in Mr. Scott’s gym.
 

Six: Depression.

Finally, the holidays arrived and I escaped to the ranch.
It took two days exactly for my father to wear me down and get the truth out of me. He’d heard about my intended transfer, from Liam I guess, and he badgered me until I finally gave in and the whole story came flooding out.
He sympathized with me and agreed that it would be best for all of us if I did transfer to another college.

I spent most of my time visiting my childhood haunts on the ranch and was just getting into a routine when Liam arrived. Of course he would visit my father, he did every vacation. I was devastated. I’d come home to get away from him and he’d followed me here.
That’s when the depression set in.

My life at Middleton had been hell and now my life on the ranch echoed it. At Middleton it had been fairly easy to keep out of Liam’s way because of the size of the campus. But in the ranch house, it was more difficult to avoid him. We all met for every meal and he would be there in the evenings, chatting quietly with my father. I found it difficult to look into his face, knowing that he knew that I loved him. I took long walks during the day and kept as far away from the house as possible. Even then he somehow seemed to follow me around. On my walks I often saw him; a little way off, chatting to a hand in the west meadow; helping a hand start a stalled truck on the eastern boundary or riding alone across the lower fields. He was haunting me and no matter where I went, there he was.

My depression got worse until finally, I took to my room and spent most of my time there either sleeping, reading or watching television.
My father’s concern for me deepened until finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. He came into my room one day and sat down quietly on the bed. I was watching television.
“What are you watching?” He asked softly.
“I don’t know,” I said listlessly. “Some stupid sitcom.”

He picked up the remote and switched it off.
“Kevin, we need to talk,” he began.
“Sure,” I said, “What about?”
“You . . . ” He said, “ . . . and Liam.”

I froze because he knew that the subject was taboo.
“Dad,” I started, “you know I can’t talk about that right now.”
“I know,” he said, “But I think it’s reached the stage where we have to. ‘Can’t’ just doesn’t figure anymore.”
“Dad . . . !” I began again. He stopped me with a touch on my arm.
“Just hear me out, okay,” I nodded resignedly and he continued. “Kevvie, I love you. You’re the most important thing in my life and what you’re doing to yourself is tearing me up. I cannot stand by and watch you waste away over some man.”
“Dad, he’s not just some man, he’s Liam and I love him,” I said.

“I know you do and I sympathize. But you need to think about this clearly. I don’t know how he feels about you right now but this much I can tell you, even if he did have feelings for you, he would never reveal them, simply because to him it would be unethical. You’re his student, he’s your coach and it would be wrong for any sort of romantic relationship to develop between the two of you. You do understand that?”

“Yes, I do and I know how it would look. But I’m transferring Dad, and I won’t be his student anymore,” I said, “I know he likes me, he told me so and he knows how I really feel. Simon let it slip out one day. He knows but he’s said nothing.”
“Because to him, it would still seem wrong. If you were in another country, it would be wrong. That’s the kind of man he is,” my father said.
“No wait,” I said with sudden realization. “That’s not it. It’s you. I think he’s worried about how you would react.”
“Why me?”

Then I told him what had happened between Liam and I seven years ago and what he’d said then.
“I see,” my father said softly.
“So you see, Dad, it’s quite hopeless,” I breathed.
“Yes, I can see that now,” he said. We sat in silence for a few minutes.

“Well,” He roused himself. “I’m sure things will work out. You’ll see. It just needs a bit of time. In the interim, please try and pull yourself out of this funk.”
I nodded and he left me alone.

Over the next few days, I made a concerted effort to cheer up but I just couldn’t pull myself out of my depression so I faked it. I smiled, I laughed a little but I knew that my father could see right through me. He just shook his head sadly and sighed. Liam in the meantime, seemed oblivious to it all.

To be continued...