The Judas Kiss: Part 9

I got off pretty good in the eyes of the court. I got court ordered group therapy for 1 year so I guess the judge saw it my way when I told my story. I still have nightmares of Him hurting me and I wake up screaming; with very little peace of mind left, I feel that the only way for me to heal is to talk about it in group therapy.

I climb out of my car and walk up to the building and I enter a room with mostly women in it. I sat down next to a very pretty girl; probably in her mid twenties and the therapist, Dr. Banner, noticed me. "you must be new, so feel free to tell us a little bit about yourself if you want to. So, how about you start us off." he said looking at a red headed woman on the far left side of the room. I'm Marcia, and I am a rape victim." she said. "hello Marcia." we replied in unison.

"Tell us about how you felt during our attack." said the therapist. "well... I felt overpowered and I didn't have any way to get away. I felt... Helpless." she said starting to tear up. "who was it?" the therapist asked. "my boyfriend. His name was.... James." she said. Another woman comforted her as she started to cry. As they told their story, it soon got to me. "well.... What is your name son?" he asked.

"I'm Josh... And I was.... Raped by a classmate...." I said hanging my head. "he did it to me 3 times. Once was at knifepoint...." I said with a sniffle. "do you know why he did that?" he asked. "well.... He found out that I am.... I'm... gay...." I said with a tear. I felt alone once again and I just needed to leave. I got up and said that I needed to go. I cried all the way to the car.

I yanked open the door and started the car; speeding back onto the road with tears still filling my eyes. All I could see was Colton. All i could feel was his hands on my body, all I could smell was sweat. It's like I was reliving it; experiencing it once again. It seems that Never could I have peace. I pulled up to my house and ran into my room. I felt so ashamed, so embarrassed, so cold. Why did this happen to me? Why me?

I heard a knock on the door; "go away mom." I yelled. "Josh? Are you ok?" I heard Dylan say from the other side of the door. "may I come in?" he asked. "fine." I said getting up to unlock the door. I was greeted by a passionate kiss and a tight hug. "I told you that I will be here for you." he said giving me a slight smile. I grabbed him tightly and cried in his arms. "why me?!" I cry. "it's ok. Everything will be ok..." Dylan said kissing me.

I've been through so much pain in my life and I can't take this on top of that. I don't know if I'll survive this part of my life anymore. I don't deserve a person like Dylan, and I don't know why the cosmos have brought us together, but I fear for his well being as well as my own. I felt him kiss my neck ever so gently and he ran his fingers down my back and traces the outline of my hole.

He gently pushes in with his middle finger as he kisses me and I look at Dylan. His face changes from his to Colton's. He flashed an evil smile and I gasp in fear. I shutter away from him. "baby... What's wrong?" he said. "please... Don't hurt me anymore...." I plead as I back up and I hit a wall. I had nowhere to go.

I soon snapped out of it and Dylan had a concerned look on his face. His expression soon changed to understanding rather than concern. I started to cry once more; god my life is so hard right now. Am i crazy? Am I losing my mind? "baby, I think it's time that we get you some help."

"I'm fine Dylan. I just had a little scare that's all." I said.

"it was more than just a scare babe."

"no! I'm fine!" I scream. "baby your not fine. We need to get you help for this. I'm worried-"

"yeah. Your worried all right. Like you care at all...." I said crying.

"don't give me that Joshua. I have been here for you through a lot of difficult shit with you, so don't you DARE give me that crap!" Dylan yelled.

"oh yeah? What the fuck have you done for me to help me through this?!"

"oh my god... Im not having this conversation anymore."

"yeah, because you know I'm right!"

"whatever. I'll see you later." Dylan said as he walked out the door.

"hey! Don't leave-"

"Don't you have something to cry about?!" Dylan said slamming the door behind him. Dylans words cut like a knife.

*** Dylans perspective

Who the fuck does he think he is?! I have been with him and there for him for almost a year! An overwhelming feeling of guilt washed over me as I remember the last thing I said to him. I was just so insensitive. He has been through some tough shit, and the one person he needs is his boyfriend, and I just slapped him in the face. I stopped and turned back to his house and walked back.

I knocked on the door and pushed it in. I saw glass on the floor. "oh no." I say quietly. "Josh! Josh! Are you here?! Are you ok?!" I yell. I ran into the kitchen and see that he had slit his wrists with glass. "isn't this what you wanted?!" he said with his wrists gushing blood. I rush to his side and grab a cloth from the bathroom. I wrap the cloth around his arm and tighten it. I pull out my cell phone and dial 911. "just leave. You don't care about me." Josh said. "just shut up." I scream with tears forming in my eyes.

The ambulance soon arrived and the EMTs worked on josh. I know what I need to do for him....