The Road to Happiness : Chapter 2

Hello, this is Arthur again. I am so very sorry for delay on continue but things have been going down here lately. Anyways, you know the drill - this story is completely fictional and names, events if are happen to be real is just pure coinsidence. Enjoy!

Chapter 2: Unexpected

Alex slowly opened his eyes. He had been in darkness for so long, his eyes were shut tight far too long that light he saw, was blindly bright. He couldn’t see anything but just bright pure light. Again, he closed them, letting them slowly get used to the light. ‘Am I dead? Is everything at the end? Am I in heaven?’ He thought to himself. He couldn’t help but just wonder what is happening and where is he. Light was weaker through his eyelids and it didn’t burn as much as it did as he had opened them. Pain in the eyes eased off slowly but he was not ready to open his eyes.
- ‘Alex??’ Someone asked in cracked voice, clearly from all the crying. Alex didn’t move. He thought this voice was just imagination of his own brain, created as part of him. He kept ignoring.

But then, a gentle pressure applied on his palm. He tried to pressure back but couldn’t. Pressure came again and this time, he was able to clutch his own palm a bit: barely, but enough to reply.
- ‘Alex!’ Same voice tried to shout but all what came was just same cracked voice, if not even more than last time. Then, he heard couple of loud ‘clicks’ echoing from somewhere near him and going silent with each ‘click’, going away. Alex still didn’t open his eyes again, he didn’t move.

Next thing he heard were the same ‘clicks’ but now, the ‘clicks’ were not alone. With then, came heavier sound as if- ‘Footsteps? Footsteps in the afterlife?’ He thought more. The sound reminded him of footsteps he used to hear. ‘clicks’ resembled his mother’s high-heeled shoes as she always wore them, when went somewhere – her friends, her work, shopping. He could see scraps of images from his childhood as he always saw her leaving. Second set of footsteps did not remind him of anything, at all. These were alien to him, never heard before, unknown.

Footsteps stopped and then came voices. The cracked one seemed to have improved and then was the unknown voice. They talked to each other.
- ‘Are you sure, Miss Simmons? ’ Unknown man’s voice asked.
- ‘I am telling you! I felt it! My son’s palm..’ Woman’ voice replied and with each word went more and more silent, cracking again. There were couple of footsteps from unknown man and they got louder. Alex could hear they were coming closer towards him. But why?

He felt his lids rising. First was his right eyelid and then was left one. As they were raised, the same, blinding and burning light came. Alex wanted to scream, to make them stop burning his eyes with this light but he couldn’t. Somehow, he could not find his own voice. It seemed to be lost, gone somewhere and maybe even never coming back. His eyelids were left alone, letting his eyes rest from pain once again. Alex was grateful.
- ‘I am sorry but there are no signs of him waking up.’ Man said. ‘Waking up?? How long have I been asleep?’ Alex thought himself.
- ‘I swear! I felt it!’ Woman tried to convince with her broken voice. ‘Wait…’ Alex thought, remembering something. Voice brought back memories too, same as the footsteps. Once again, weak image of his own mother came back, with voice, with the same cracked voice after funeral when they had both lost something precious – she had lost her husband, Alex had lost his father. She was devastated and barely could speak. ‘Could it be…’ Alex whispered in his own mind.
- ‘Things like these happen. You must’ve imagined it because it’s what you want – him to wake up from coma. I know how you feel. No one should experience tragedy like this.’ Man explained. ‘What are you talking about? Coma? Imagining? Don’t call my mother liar!’ Alex shouted in his mind. For the first time, he wished he could just yell at this man. For the first time, he wished, he could stand by his mother’s side and protect her. That gave him strength.

- ‘M-’ Something slipped through my lips. It was a sound, a weak, silent sound. It felt so hopeless but I couldn’t lose. I could not give up. I had to. I had to for my mother and for my sister, which is older than me, out of college and already with a job.
- ‘Wait… did you…’Voice of my mother hushed both herself and the man. Could it be that she heard me?
- ‘M…Mom?’ I finally chocked out word. It burned. It felt like ages my throat had not been used for speaking, and it felt so dry.
- ‘Alex? Oh my god! Alex!’ She shouted. I could hear something drop on floor, something heavy. Someone rushed towards me again and opened my eyelids. I could see. Blurry, but I could see small flashing light in my eyes. I followed it as I had seen in movies when doctors checked on patients with closed eyes. My eyelids fell shut again but I didn’t keep them that for long. I opened them myself.

Sight was still blurry but I could make out figures. I could make out someone in white coat, though details like nose, eyes, mouth was just still impossible to differ. Then I could see someone low, a head near bed.
- ‘Whatever you do just don’t m-’ doctor started to speak but it was too late – I moved. I wanted to see who was there on floor. I tried to raise myself but awful burning pain made me to let out a broken scream from my burning throat.
- ‘GET ME MORFIN, NOW!’ Doctor roared through doors of my ward. ‘It’s going to be okay son, just don’t move anymore, okay?’ He said to me. It still burned, god it burned. It felt like I was being burned alive. I had never experienced such pain in my entire life. My body was in flames, burning, torturing flames.
- ‘You’re going to be okay.’ He reassured me as he slowly injected morphine in the medical bag next to my hospital bed. It took quite a time for it to kick in fully but it already numbed my pain a bit. I thanked the doc for injecting the morphine and I certainly didn’t want to feel the pain again.
- ‘Wh-What happened Alex? What did happen that night?’ My mom had managed to raise herself from floor and asked to me through her endless sobs. At first, I couldn’t put the question in place. I didn’t understand what she had asked me. Maybe it was morphine already numbing me that far my brains just switched out. Maybe it was the coma I just had awaken from after a month. Who knew.

But the words slowly started to make sense. In the beginning, just a little as bits and pieces came back to my memory. A party, cars, house, the side-road, loud music. Just the little things that didn’t matter crossed my mind. And then..

My mother froze. She saw something in my face. She saw how fragile I was at that moment. She saw how tiny little worthless bug I felt at that moment when I remembered His face. Not the kind face He had but the disgusted, revolted grin on His face when he was beating me up. It felt like my heart had stopped. I couldn’t hear anything.

My mother broke in another cry again. I didn’t understand what had set off her this time. Maybe it was my frozen face with all the emotions readable on it. I certainly felt something. Something deep in me, down my guts fell and broke into pieces I couldn’t make out. Then, it came. It burned my eyes as it forced its way out of my sore eye. It slowly surfaced on my eye as the sight was getting all underwater like. First tear was the hardest.

It was not the mother’s face what set me off. It was not the still burning pain in my body. It was pain inside me, it was the broken shards of something inside me, cluttering around and cutting my insides. My pain I had survived. I had survived that dreadful night He took it all out on me, all what he had agreed to do but in the end got all pissed at me as if it was my fault. Yes, there was certainly my fault at something. I had fallen in love with this guy.

I had been counting countless of seconds till I could meet him again and embrace him in my arms. But it was all just a lie. A lie worth 250 dollars I had been sold. I wanted to die. I wanted to not wake up at all after that night but here I was, lying in hospital bed, unable to stop countless of tears streaming down my cheeks and certainly the insides ripping apart. I wanted to curl up at that instant and scream. I wanted to just hide my face and never show it again. I wanted to slowly rot to death as it just all replayed in my mind – I had fallen in love with someone who broke me in million pieces. Unexpectedly I gave off a sound; A sound which was in middle of shriek and scream. I was hurting, deeply. With the burning throat and the sound rebounding from small hospital room’s walls I fell asleep from morphine.

When I opened my eyes, I felt dizzy. Not like drunk-like dizzy but sick-like dizzy. I felt sick in my stomach and I wanted to vomit.
- ‘Welcome back.’ Soft voice greeted me. It was my mom.
- ‘I feel sick…’ I muttered out the words, concentrating to put them together in the right order and form a sentence. I was feeling disoriented, again.
- ‘Mister Lenard said it’s normal. Here, drink this.’ She handed me glass of dark liquid in it. I put it to my lips and slowly sipped a bit. Surprisingly, it tasted good. It was Cola.
- ‘What has been going on?’ I asked again, muttering the words out, feeling all weak.
- ‘You had another operation. Your ribs… had snapped again. ’ She chocked on words. I slowly put the mind in working order by resending word ‘again’ through every part of my mind. Yes, it was certainly not the first time it had happened. I slowly recalled the first time I woke up in hospital.

- ‘By the way… are you really awake this time?’ She asked. I looked at her, confused.
- ‘What do you mean, this time, mom?’ I asked.
- ‘Well, you have been opening your eyes once in a while but they are so… empty. Like you are not here.’ She said. I certainly didn’t remember waking up again besides that time when I found out where am I. I certainly felt like this is the second time I opened my eyes in this hospital. Her words made no sense to me. Was I really awake?
- ‘Oh.’ Was All I could get over my lips. Maybe I had been waking up now and then. My mother wouldn’t be lying to me, would she? She never lied to me. At least, I couldn’t remember whether she had lied to me or not in my small lifetime. I was keeping a secret from her. A secret that I loved men not women.

That triggered another stream of memories, in the same order. First, the small things – then, the heavy rain in face and His powerful blows. This time, I bit my teeth, fighting back the horrifying feeling coming over me.
- ‘Where does it hurt? Are you okay? Maybe I should call-’ My mother went off as she saw the expression on my face. I put my palm on her arm and that made her stop.
- ‘No mom, it’s fine. Nothing hurts.’ I lied. Of course I lied. I couldn’t tell that my love of my life betrayed me over 250 dollars and beat me up to almost dying. I couldn’t cry the pain out again and tell her everything happening inside of me right now. To be honest, there was nothing in me, just emptiness filled with memories and tears ready to burst out as soon as my memories would hit His face. I gave out a sigh.

I had to stay in hospital for time to make sure my ribs are not moving out of their places again. Now, beside my flesh, bones and blood in me, I had metal in me, holding together my ribs until they would grow back together. If they would grow back together. At least there was something to hold me together physically but in my mind, I was not whole. Not anymore.

After that time, I was taken home. Not the dorms but my real home. I had spent so much time in hospital that it seemed pointless to even try and catch up with the studies at college. Besides – even if I would be willing to return and try catching up, I was not allowed to do that yet. My body had to still heal. However, I was allowed to take small walks in park as to let the ribs settle in correctly and get used to the walking again. Usually, my mother took me when she could. When she couldn’t, I just patiently waited at house, doing some reading or talking to my now ex-coursemates over the phone or internet. I couldn’t reach John though and he hadn’t visited me at hospital. But I was not worried too much. I knew he was working hard at college but I also knew that I would meet him soon again as the small college break was closing in. He probably knew what had happened to me as my mother had called his parents to tell them about me being in hospital. She still didn’t know what and why this had happened but I kept my mouth shut and didn’t let anything to slip. Not even a tiny bit.

As it was advised, I took everything slowly. I didn’t rush things. This gave me a small possibility to do things I had to abandon a bit since beginning of college. I could relax, return to drowning in amazing books as I loved to read. I even could dedicate my time on writing my own pieces more as I had nothing better to do at home. Of course, I had to help with chores as much as my condition allowed. But all of it did not save me. My thoughts kept returning to that night, when everything ended - if not consciously then deep down in my mind while I was asleep and having terrible nightmares, from which I woke up with cold sweat dripping down my face. Things like these didn’t heal fast or maybe… Maybe I couldn’t let go of it as it marked destruction of me.

I missed it everything – coursemates, John, attending boring college lectures, everything but then; would I be able to do that? I was seriously considering I should talk with my mother about seeking help to psychotherapist or psychologist, whichever floated the boat better. All I knew, I couldn’t deal with it on my own. One day, I decided to sit this through with my mother. I was ready to tell her everything as my heart was full and I had no one to talk about this.
- ‘Mom, can we talk?’ I asked when she returned from her usual job day.
- ‘Yes, of course! Is something wrong?’ She was concerned, I could see that. Maybe she had seen through me that I was troubled. Honestly, it was surprise what parents could sometimes see into you if they paid great attention to their children.
- ‘Mom, I-‘ I started but never finished. The doorbell rang as my words started to flow out from my mouth and they were muffled by it. I sighed and laid my back down into pile of pillows mother had put on couch just for me to relax. Sometimes the ribs and the back stung but it was barely noticeable.

- ‘John! What a pleasant surprise!’ My mother’s surprised voice echoed from hallway and reached my eardrums. It was not surprise for me. John was my best friend and we had been through things in both of our pasts and we always wee there for each other whenever it was needed. We hanged out pretty much with each other more than anyone else. Heck, we both even went to same parties when we were at school.
- ‘Hello Miss Simmons.’ John replied quietly but still, I could hear it. Did I hear worry in it?
- ‘Come right in! I am sure you and Alex have to do a lot of catching up.’ She said, this time not so loud anymore but enough for me to hear. I got up.
- ‘Mom, actually I wanted to take a walk today so I think I should this as opportunity since John is here.’ I made my way to hallway and joined both of them. I was tired of sitting home since I had gotten chance to take a walk for 3 days and I badly wanted to see the secret hideout John and I had in small forest not that far away, since I was living near town’s boarder.
- ‘John, would you mind? I would but I want to make some dinner. Alex must be hungry.’ She said.
- ‘Mom, I can take care of myself, thanks.’ I chuckled but I knew how much this meant for my mother. In any other occasion I wouldn’t let her to do that but I knew how she felt. I knew as I could sense – she felt helpless and part of it was my own fault also. John and I left.

For a while, both of us were silent. Somehow this felt awkward. It had passed more than month since we last time saw each other but that shouldn’t be a reason while this silence had occurred. It was very strange and somehow, both of us were struggling. John for whatever his reasons were, and mine – to finally take my things off from my chest. John was my best friend and I could trust him.
When we finally reached the forest, I broke the silence.
- ‘How have you been?’ I asked, keeping my eyes to road, looking for small opening between trees we had to turn into to take our own created passage deeper to the thicker part of forest where our hideout was.
- ‘Well, college gives full hands of work so no rest whatsoever. Consider yourself lucky.’ He said.
- ‘That sucks. But to be honest, I miss that kind of.’
- ‘Really?’
- ‘Yeah. But I guess I am skipping this year and I will have to reapply next year.’
- ‘Oh..’ John sounded disappointed for some reason. I couldn’t blame him to be honest. It meant we could spend a lot less time together as friends.
- ‘This pretty much messed up everything.’ I sighed. On surface, I was keeping calm. Inside myself – not so much. It felt like my heart was screaming. It was burning from pain as my thoughts drifted back again, it brought tears in my eyes.
- ‘Are you.. okay?’ John asked, concerned.
- ‘Yeah, sorry, just a bit too cold wind this evening. Burns my eyes.’ I lied. It was pretty chilly though so it saved my lies. I was known for bad liar.

Soon enough we had reached our small place we stumbled upon when we were kids. It had small river flowing through naturally drilled through ground. Somewhere near had to be a bigger pond or river that gave off this small one this direction. We never found the river, no matter how hard we tried.
- ‘Alex…’ He said, quietly. I could see him shacking. Was he cold?
- ‘Hmm?’ I asked, unsure.
- ‘I… I have to talk to you.’ He said, still quietly.
- ‘I am all ears.’ I replied. I had my problems to deal with but we cared for each other so no matter how hard it was for me, I always gave my advice to John if I could give one. I always supported him. John drew quick breath and blew out. Then he drew one again, this time slow and long. Something long was coming.

- ‘A-Alex… I can’t anymore. I just… I can’t keep this off. When we were kids, we all the time hanged out. We didn’t finish nor in middle school nor in high school. For some reason, I always felt it was something special, something greater because the way I started to see you past couple years was not in friendship. It was… something more.’ He said and stopped for a bit. He waited. I was standing still, my palms tucked in my jacket’s pockets. For some reason they were sweating and I couldn’t breathe. Was.. Was John confessing me?
- ‘That day when you disappeared I wanted to confess to you finally. I wanted to make sure you knew how I felt but I was caught up in college to do some work. When I finally got back to dorms, you were gone with just a note that you are going out. I waited for you to get back but you never returned that night. I went to sleep and when next morning I woke up you still were not back, I was worried. I tried to reach my mom, your mom pretty much everyone I knew. My mom didn’t know at that time yet and your mom’s phone was switched off. When I went to lectures, I heard there was a terrible fight in park. I almost vomited at the spot as the professor was talking about that. I thought… I thought you were gone, forever. ’ He finished. I was still frozen, unable to process what he is telling.

Automatically, I took one step backwards. And then second one and the third. My eyes filled with tears as I slowly realized what he was telling. It just sunk in, making sense. I had felt same things for John but I never surfaced it because I was scared. Here he was, confessing his true feelings but I was still broken. I didn’t know what to do.
- ‘Alex?’ He asked in soft, velvet voice. This voice soothed me somehow. It touched me warmly but still, I was frozen.
- ‘J-John… I-I…’ I chocked on my own words. Nothing better came out of my mouth as my heart was still wounded broken. I didn’t know I could trust John. I was scared of being broken again. I was scared of waking up in another hospital room after another month in coma.
- ‘Alex, I love you. I love you so much and you are everything to me. I just can’t anymore…’ He said. There, he said it. He said it in his voice, though a bit still shacking, he told it. Then, he took a step towards me. Simultaneously, I took another step backwards.
- ‘John…’ I broke in a cry. I couldn’t anymore. This was too much for me. I knew I still had feelings for him too. I knew my own feelings for him had never gone away. I was still afraid but I forced myself enough to stand on ground and wait. My look pleaded for John. He understood. Next thing I knew, with quick steps he was in front of me. There we were, standing face to face, looking in each other’s eyes. He took my hand in his and I let him. He gently played with my fingers and I let him. My eyes still were filled with tears and they didn’t stop.