The Truth About Love Songs: Chapter 6

“Tyler, it Lucas, please baby pick up the phone and let me explain…we need to talk…please just speak to me…Ok, just call me back…we need to talk. I love you Tyler.”
That was the hundred and fifth call Lucas had made in three day and he had no intention of stopping till Tyler spoke to him. Life had fallen apart so fast that he could barely catch his breath. He needed to fix things, to explain to Tyler that this was all a misunderstanding but how was he going to do that when Tyler wouldn’t talk to him.

As soon as Tyler had run off, Lucas had pulled out is phone and dialled is number. He paced up and down on his front lawn waiting for Tyler to answer but he never did. That’s when he left his first message, begging for Tyler to come back so they could talk. He hung up and rang Tyler’s number again. This time it went straight to voicemail. He left another message before putting the phone back in his pocket and making his way back into his house. At the door, he was met by his fathers’ worried gaze. With tears still flowing, he silently walked to his father and hugged him close.
“What have I done?” he wept.
“Come on son” he said warmly “Let’s sit down and talk about this”
“No I can’t, I have to go after him. I need to talk to him, to explain” Lucas pulled away from his father but remained by his side. Everything in him wanted run after Tyler but he legs felt like jelly and he couldn’t move.
“Lucas, I’m not sure I understand. Explain to me why Julie still thinks you’re dating.”

Lucas sighed heavily. He walked into the living room and slumped down onto the nearest chair. He closed his eyes and more tears flowed. George followed his son and waited patiently. After a few minutes of silence he knelt beside him and said softly “Lucas, let me help you.”
“Dad I can’t” he cried

George looked at his son with great pity. He wanted to help him so badly but didn’t know how, so he raised himself up and left the room, leaving his son alone. When he re-entered the kitchen he saw his wife comforting a distressed Julie. Sarah was making a cup of tea for everyone and bill was just about to leave.
“How is he?” Lilly asked still stroking Julie hand
“Not good” he replied, sitting beside his wife.
“Should I go talk to him?”
“No I think for now he should be left alone”
“Maybe I should go?” Bill piped in
“No no, let him be” George said.

Suddenly Julie stood up. Her expression had changed from one of distress to one of anger. “What the hell is going on here?” she yelled “Why the hell is Lucas so upset and who the hell was that boy?” Her face had turned red from anger and her breathing had become short.
“It’s not for us to say” Sarah said calmly “You need to talk to Lucas”

Julie looked around and saw pity on everyone face. Her heart sank “Fine, I will” she said softly. She turned to leave and felt her unshed tears fall from her eyes. She took a deep breath then entered the living room but found no one there. Lucas had heard the conversation in the kitchen and really didn’t want to talk to Julie, or anyone for that matter, so he went up to his room.
And that’s where he stayed. For three days he had locked himself in his room, only coming out to get use to bathroom. No one could get through to him. At some point everyone had knocked on his door and begged him to come out and talk about things but they were all met with silence. It was a knock from Charlie that prompted Lucas to finally open his door.

“Lucas” He called “Tyler’s here to see you”
At lightening speed, Lucas ran to his door and almost yanked it off its hinges getting it open. “Where is he?” He breathed, pushing pass Charlie. He ran down the stairs and to the front door. When he got there it was closed and Tyler was nowhere to be seen. Anger boiled in him as he made his way back to his room. When he entered he found Charlie, sitting nervously on his bed.
“Get the fuck out” Lucas spat
“No”
“Charlie, if there was ever a time not to fuck with me, it would be now. Get the fuck out”

Charlie stared into Lucas’ eyes; he could see the anger but was determined to do this. “Lucas, please. You staying in your room like this is scaring everyone. Just talk to me, let me help you”
“How?” He shouted, “How are you going to change the fact that I have just lost the one person in my life that has ever meant anything to me? How are you going to take away the pain I’ve caused him? How are you going to take this pain from my heart?” As the words fell from his mouth Lucas collapsed to the ground in a fit of tears. He could hold back no longer. “Please Charlie” he cried “help me”
Charlie leaped of the bed and gathered his brother into his arms “shhhhhh, it’s ok I’m here.” He soothed.
It was half and hour before Lucas stopped crying. Charlie had sat watching him from a chair in the corner of his room while he watched Lucas sob uncontrollably on his bed.

When Lucas had finally gone quite Charlie walked over to him and rested his hand on Lucas’ back and rubbed it slowly.
“What’s happened Luc?” he said in almost a whisper.
Lucas sat up slowly and turned to his brother. “I’ve fucked things up. I told Tyler that I had spoken to Julie about us. I said that I told her everything but I didn’t. I couldn’t.”
“Oh Lucas”
“Don’t. I know.
“Why didn’t you just tell her?”
“I don’t know. I mean she knew I was seeing someone, I just didn’t tell her that it was Tyler.”
“So you guys were over?”

Lucas turned his head from Charlie and sighed. He couldn’t bear to see his face when he responded. “We had decided before I got here that we were going to see other people but it would only ever be a casual thing. We were always meant to get back together.” He hung his head low as he continued. “I meant every word of it at the time, but I never thought in a million years Tyler was going to come into my life. When he did everything just changed. I knew I could never go back to her. Only, every time we spoke, she would bring up the fact that one day we would get back together. I was waiting for the day she would call and say she had met someone else and that she was in love, but she never did.” Lucas
turned to meet Charlie gaze.

“You’re a fucking idiot you know that don’t you?”
Lucas couldn’t respond, he just looked at his younger brother, waiting for him to continue.
“So what did you tell Tyler?
“I told him that I had spoken to her and she was fine with me being gay, that she was happy I found someone. What am I going to do Charlie?”
Charlie thought for a second then said “Who do you want to be with”
“Tyler of course” Lucas replied, a little annoyed that he would even ask such a question. “You don’t ever have to ask me that”
“Three days ago I wouldn’t have had to ask but I’ve just found out that you’ve been stringing two people along.”
“It wasn’t like that. I never told Julie that I wanted to get back with her” Now Lucas getting angrier.”
“Yeah but you never told me the truth” Julie said standing at the door way. Both Charlie and Lucas stopped talking and looked in her direction. She had tears in her eyes as she leaned against the door frame.

Charlie got up of the bed and turned to Lucas. “I’ll leave you guys to talk” he said and made his way out of the room. Lucas stood up and walked over to her.
“I’m sorry” he said softly. “I should have said something, I just wasn’t sure how to, I mean, how do you tell you girlfriend that you’re gay and you’ve met the love of your life”
Julie shuddered at his words. It hit her straight in the heart. She entered Lucas’ room fully and sat on his bed with head bowed low.
“So, is that what it is then, Love?”

Still with his back to her he said quietly “Yeah.” He closed the door and sat in the chair Charlie was in earlier. Lucas looked at Julie. He still cared about her and couldn’t believe he had been such a fool. He had hurt her so badly. She had always been someone he had looked up to and cared deeply for. To see her so distraught and to know it was his fault was torture. He wanted to fix things with her but he knew and accepted the fact that she might not forgive him, and as hard as that may be, he would have to live with that fact. This same scenario did not apply to Tyler.
“I was wrong not to say something and I’m sorry, the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you, I need you to know that.”

The room went silent for a few minutes before Julie spoke. “How long have you known?”
“What?”
“That you were gay. Did you know when we were together in London?”
“I don’t know” he said truthfully. “I had things going on in my head but I always pushed them aside when I was with you”
“You should have said”
“I know but I was scared”.
“Of what?”
“Of everything. I didn’t know what I was feeling; it was all just fucked up in my mind. Then there was Jason and the boys. What do you think would have happened if I turned around and told them that I was having sexual dreams about blokes? They would have kicked my fucking head in and you know it”

“Then why couldn’t you say something to me? We were friends, best friends how could you not trust me?”
“You don’t get it” Lucas said rising from his seat and pacing round the room. “It wasn’t something I wanted to talk about, to even acknowledge. I didn’t want those thoughts in my head and I didn’t want to talk about them. I didn’t want to be gay.” He sighed as he continued. “How could I tell you, you wouldn’t have understood anyway.”
“Maybe your right but if you were unsure about your sexuality then you shouldn’t have gone out with me”
“No matter how confused I felt I was always sure of one thing and that was that I loved you.” He walked over to where Julie was and sat beside her. “Believe that if you want to believe anything.”
She turned to him and smiled weakly. “You really are and idiot you know that?”
“I’ve been told” he smiled back.
“I gave up everything to come here and start a life with you”

Lucas’ smile faded “I know and I’m sorry”
“I guess it’s partly my fault. I should have said what I was planning and maybe made sure that you still felt the same way about me. Did you know that you never told me you loved me when we would say goodbye? That should have been my first clue. The second should have been that fact that you never stop talking about this Tyler and the third…” She paused for a second and looked at Lucas “…and the third was that we hadn’t spoken in three months.” She shook her head. “I’m the fool…”
“No you’re not” he said cutting her off, He took her hand and kissed the back of it.
“Yes I am. We said that we would be together over a year ago, Why would I think that things would still be the same as they were when you were back in London? I’m a fool because in the last year you’ve called me three times and the rest was all me. I’m a fool because I knew this wasn’t really going to work out and yet I still came.” More tears ran down her tired face “If you’re happy Lucas then so am I.” She smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek. “Now that you’ve got me sorted don’t you think you should try and get your boyfriend back?”

Lucas closed his eyes as he thought about Tyler “What am I going to do?” He sighed.
“Well first of all you’re going to get up off your arse, wash your face, straighten yourself up and go talk to him”
“He won’t take my calls”
“Well then go and see him. Look Luc, if you love him then you’ll fight for him. There is no point you sitting here waiting for him to pick up the phone. He is mad at you, and rightly so I might add, so fix it. If you’re in love like you say you are then do something about at.”
Lucas stood up, pulling Julie with him and hugged her tightly. “Thanks” he said simply. He let he go and walked out of the room and to the bathroom.

Tyler closed the door to the car and leaned heavily on the frame. He felt the cold wind whip at his face, as he stared aimlessly into the grey sky. He was chilled through to the bone but he didn’t care. He breathed in slowly trying hard not to let the tears that he felt brewing in his eyes fall. He felt like the pain in his heart was weighing him down and he could barely move. He couldn’t help but see Lucas in his mind. How could be such a fucking idiot, he asked himself over and over again. Against his better judgment he thought back to the moment he found out that Lucas hadn’t broken up with his girlfriend. Seeing her face light up when she saw him and having to see her put her lips on Lucas like that made him sick. Tyler squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to clear the image out of his mind. It was then he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned slowly and saw Scott smiling at him. “Come on buddy, let’s go inside”

Tyler had found Scott waiting for him on his front porch the day Tyler came storming back from Lucas’ house. He was smoking a cigarette when Tyler’s car came flying into the drive way. As it stopped abruptly Scott could see Tyler in the car bang hard on the steering wheel. Scott got up off the step and cautiously headed for the car.
Tapping on the door lightly he said “Tyler, buddy, what’s going on”

Tyler didn’t acknowledge Scott’s presence straight away and continued to thrash wildly in his car.
“Tyler” Scott yelled a little louder and opened the door. “Hey Tyler calm down” He grabbed for one of Tyler’s arm and tried to hold him still. “Hey, calm down” he said again as he watched Tyler slowly stop. “What’s going on man?”

Tyler turned to face Scott. He was breathing deeply and couldn’t catch his breath. He opened his mouth to say something but the words wouldn’t come out. Instead he leaned against Scott and let out a loud cry.
Scott held him like that for what seemed like hours. He finally managed to get him out of the car and into the house. It had been a long time since he had seen Tyler this fucked up and without Tyler even saying a word, he knew who to blame for this mess.

It took Tyler a few hours to stop crying and relay the advents of the morning to Scott. They were up in Tyler’s room sprawled out across his bed.
“How could I be so fucking stupid?” Tyler questioned, wiping the last of the tears from his eyes. “I should have known. I should have fucking known. Fuck, how could I be so fucking stupid? And there was I thinking that I had found someone that really loved me. I am so fucking stupid”

“You’re not the one that’s fucked up Ty, it’s him. I fucking knew he was no good. I’m going to kill him when I see him, I swear” Scott spat out with pure venom.
“He lied to me, he sat there and lied right to my face” Tyler continued
“Don’t do this to yourself, he’s not worth it.” Scott soothed but he could see tears welling in Tyler’s eyes again as his mind went over and over what happened. Tyler’s phone went off again as they lay on his bed.
“Do you want me to answer it and tell him where to go?”
“No, let it ring.”

Tyler and Scott didn’t say another word to each other that night. Scott had fallen asleep an hour into the silence while Tyler laid still, churning over and over what happened. He loved Lucas so much that it was killing him to think that he was still with Julie. He dreamed up a thousand and one things that he could have been saying to her. Did he promise that one day they would get married? Did Lucas tell her that he was just something on the side? Did he even tell her about him at all? There were too many questions that he didn’t have the answers to and it was killing him. He wanted to hold Lucas so bad right now. When shit happened it was Lucas he turned to and now it was Lucas causing him all the pain. He looked over at Scott and was grateful that he was here.