The begining to the rest of my life

The day that I fell in love was never planned I promised myself I would never let this happen to me from stories and Television shows that i have watched. From my friends that have fallen apart and through my mothers divorces. Love is not something that I planned on doing in High School but it happened to me regardless of what I wanted.

Let me just say I just turned 18 a few months ago and during my birthday party that I didn't want I learned something.

When I woke up that morning it was like every other morning, I woke up and my mouth tasted extremely nasty and I felt disgusting from the days sweat and muck. I got up and looked in the mirror and told myself how ugly I look like I do every morning. As I walked away from the mirror I headed towards the shower, along the way I took off my shirt and tossed it into the laundry basket. I stumbled out of the door in my cloud of morning haze and made my way into the bathroom. As I turn on the light I shut the door behind me with my foot and started the water for my shower. I took off my pants now just in my briefs you could see I wasn't muscular or buff. I was just skinny, my hair was gold/blond and my eyes complimented it. I was about 6"2' and weighed 155 pounds.

I took off my briefs and got into the shower if was still in needing of adjusting and I fixed it to a perfect warm temperature where I could just stand in the water and brush my teeth and feel comfortable. When I finished brushing my teeth I took a small squirt of shampoo and did my hair. I sat down letting the water sooth my skin and I relaxed. It was only a Friday morning and I still had school. When I got out of the shower I wrapped my towel around myself and made my way to the my bedroom. I walked over to my closet and picked out a pair of black skinny jeans and an Asking Alexandria T-Shirt as I dressed myself I noticed it was my birthday. As I looked into the mirror I pointed out all of my scars. I grabbed my backpack and headed out the door and it was already warm.

I began to walk down the street and within minutes several others we also walking down the street in the direction of school. The walk wasn't far it was about 15 minutes away from my grandparents house. When I got to school my best friend Josue was waiting for me like he does every morning, as I looked over at him he walked over with a dorky smile on his face and slugged me in the arm,"Happy Birthday." I couldn't help but just stare at him with a hollow stare and say,"What is so happy about it?" He just looked at me and gave me a sad look and seemed puzzled and offered me to stay the night tonight. "I will get back to you on that by third period" I said.

As the day went by friends wished me happy birthdays and I was getting annoyed with the fact that everybody just happened to know my business. It was now third period and I texted Josue telling him,"Sure I just need you to give me a ride to my house to drop some stuff off and get some cloths."

By last period I was bored out of my mind just sitting there in silence forced to read this forsaken book. As the bell rang I was the first person out of the door and I was walking down the hallway when I noticed a group of jocks walking in my direction. One of them named Josh rudely ran into me on purpose and said,"Watch where your going faggot." As his friends laughed he started to walk away when I said,"Why don't you watch where your going you stupid fuck." The next thing I heard his friend were all saying in unison,"Ooohhhhhh." Josh walked up to me and had me against the locker in my face saying,"What the fuck did you just say?" I looked him in the eyes with my cold expression and said,"I don't think I stutter last time I checked dumb ass." I pushed him off of me and he had me pinned once again to the locker this time where I couldn't breath. I began to tear up when I warm liquid erupt from my mouth, it was blood. It had gotten all over Josh's face and he ran to the bathroom with all of his friends soon followed behind him. I had gotten up and wiped the warm iron liquid from my lips and walked to Josue's car where he was waiting for me inside.

As I got into the car he noticed the blood of my sleeve and asked me if was okay, I looked at him still with tears in my eyes and said I was fine.

That evening I was sitting in his desk chair and he was laying on his bed and I whispered to him,"I am sorry." He looked at me shocked and responded,"For what?" I replied with the words,"I am a bad friend to you Jose(I call him that only)." He was now siting on his bed looking at me puzzled. I walked over and sat next to him and I looked into my palms. "I am gay" I whispered. I looked up at him and he said,"What do you mean." I looked him in the eyes this time and said,"I am gay, I am an abomination." Tears began to role down his cheeks as he looked at me. We sat there in silence and I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. Instead he pulled me into a hug and said,"I love you." I was getting a little sleepy as I began to cry it was getting hot, I soon passed out in Jose arms and I had a dream that night.

When I woke up Jose was sleeping in his sleeping bag on the floor and I awoke covered in sweat. I had recalled what had happened and I grabbed my bag and found his bathroom down the long narrow hallway. I fell to the floor after I started to shower and broke into tears and how I hated myself and my life. Within minutes Josue was knocking on the door asking to come in. I told him to come in, he stripped into his boxes and stopped the shower and ran a bath and I was in his arms again. I was crying and he was holding me whispering I am here Steffen, tell me what is wrong. I just kept crying into his chest.

By the time I was done crying I finally told him what is wrong. Jose you don't know everything about me I whispered in a whimpering voice. As he went to wrap his arms around me I flinched in fear, he looked at me and asked what was wrong.

I will tell you everything Jose.

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