The men without faces

I remember the first time I had a homosexual fantasy. I was getting a workout with my parent’s personal trainer (at the age of 17) and we did an exercise where I was laid on my back, legs spread, groaning in exertion with him encouraging me on. That night I imagined him going to work on me. I didn’t have another “problem” for at least another year. Women kept my backlogged fantasies at bay. They still do.
I came home one night to an empty apartment. My roommate was away, again, off at his girlfriend’s apartment.

Whenever there is no one at home I often get onto a perverted streak. I do things I would never do if anybody were ever around.

At some point in the past two years I learned about the prostate. I learned that if I sticked something dick-like up my ass it would feel good, eventually, and I wanted to try it.

I remember the first time I bought a dildo. I made a glib off-hand joke to the guy behind the counter at the porn shop about my friend’s bachelorette party, and he came back at me with a knowing remark talking about how the guys who plan on using the dildos always say something like that. My face got red for a moment, I laughed in self-defense, paid, and got out. Once in the car I felt an exhilaration of pleasure in anticipation of what I would do once I got home.

It hurt. But after a while, I started to enjoy it. A lot. I wanted a bigger dildo. I wanted more. Also, the normal fantasies didn’t work with this new…thing. I had to make up new ones. I’m not interested in getting nailed by a chick---somehow that is not appealing to me, even in the fantasy world. Before I knew it, after a couple of drinks, I was watching gay porn for the first time. Naturally, I imagined myself as the boy on the receiving end. I imagined myself getting fucked hard. Really hard. Like, as if the guy inside of me were angry at something and taking it out on me. I got to the point where I was up to pace with these visual stimulations, these fantasies, and spent hours, cock-drunk, wishing that there were actually someone there to really give it to me.

Before long, just one man wasn’t enough. I wanted two men to go to work on me. I wanted another man to sit down on my chest and fuck me in the mouth while the first went to work on my ass. Before long I wanted to see how easy it would be to give head. I cleaned the 7 inch, girthy dildo with care, and gave it a try. Before long I was in total certainty that every woman I had ever been with was a chump, a lazy chump, at giving head that is. At some point I bought another, bigger dildo, and used both, sucking off one while having another one given to me against my will.

For some reason, imagining myself in initial resistance seemed to satisfy my fantasies. And it’s true, by the way. If some man were to ever seduce me (and believe me, he would have to seduce me), I would resist for a long time, perhaps indefinitely, unless he forced himself upon me, in a semi-violent way. I wanted to have someone’s will annihilate my own. I wanted to be used, quite literally, as an orifice. I wanted to be nothing more than a man’s way to get off. Inside of me. That’s what I wanted. But I never did it. And as the time went by I got another girlfriend and the thoughts entirely faded away.

At some point I started talking on a forum, asking a bunch of ostensibly bisexual people to “classify” me—I told them my story (including the whole fantasy thing), and the consensus was mixed. Some said I was absolutely gay, some probably bisexual, some probably straight, some definitely straight, etcetera. I guess I wasn’t surprised.

In order to write on this forum I had to register first, however. And in my drunken, open state, I gave my address and name.

I came home one night after classes and cracked open a beer. I sat down at my computer, and after a while, realizing my empty house, began to adopt non-conventional erotic thoughts. I had since thrown something like 5 dildo’s into dumpsters in the past year and had (and still have) nothing to think of that would…..help me out. I realized that we had a load of vegetables, however, among them, one large, lumpy zucchini. I used it. Riding it until I was moaning, I came gratuitously, imagining getting fucked by a particularly purposeful, angry, domineering man. In my fantasies, he entirely overpowered me, and his friend came in inevitably within minutes to fill my other orifice. Both went to work on me until they were done, came in my face, and walked out,unimpressed. I felt sleepy, and went to bed.

In the middle of the night I was awoken by a crack in the house door, thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. In moments I was awake again, conscious of a closer sound, and footsteps. The door opened, and a figure emerged, no face visible whatsoever. “Hello? Lee?”. He said nothing. He stepped closer to me, approached me, now sitting upstraight in bed, allowing me to see his face. I did not recognize him, but he seemed to be about 30. He slapped me hard in the face. I yelled “what the fuck” and moved to stand up but he pushed me down, now straddling me and lifting my legs. I yelled “motherfucker”, struggling with vigor while he positioned himself inbetween my legs, lifting them in the air and pulling my boxers up simultaneously. I was only wearing my boxers, and frankly didn’t have too many layers of defense. He seemed pleased at how easily I was to prepare.

He grabbed my hair and physically forced me to suck his cock for a moment, I gargled in protest but decided not to bite. I don’t know why I didn’t….but I say that out of self-defense. I know exactly why. After a few moments he went back to playing around with my asshole with the tip of his dick. I struggled with all the energy I could muster but he placed my hands behind my head. I wiggled a little and could only move a few inches in any direction. I was pinned. All my wiggling did was make his semi-erect cock become fully erect. It doubled in length, and I felt it graze up my thigh and knew what was coming. My cock became erect in anticipation and I felt a pang of shame, following by one of excitement. He spit on his hand, rubbed his cock a bit and used the rest to stick his finger up my ass. I saw him smile. He knew I was ready. I couldn’t believe how exposed I was. And helpless. My cock grew helplessly rigid.

Within moments he was inside of me, holding onto my calves and grunting with pleasure. My ass was clean. I had just been fucking myself for nearly an hour and I was surprisingly ready. I couldn’t explain how turned on I was. I felt my cock extending to full length involuntarily. He reached his hand down, felt it, and slapped me hard again. His cock kept thrusting in and out of my already lubricated and stretched out ass. I was drunk….cockdrunk. But couldn’t let him know. I struggled several times but was easily overpowered.

After some time (minutes or hours…I’m not sure) I heard a noise in the hall. I felt a shocking bolt of paranoia drop in, thinking it might be my roommate. My roommate and I have been friends for 8 years. And we’re from the South. If he saw this…I don’t even want to think about it. I was horrified. I tried to push the man off of me, but he grabbed both of my arms and held them behind my head. I struggled with my torso, but he angled his legs to stop me from moving and started to thrust harder. He chuckled and slapped me in the face again. He took my hair, yanked it back painfully, spit on his hands and started to jerk me off. I moaned involuntarily.

Another man appeared in the shadows. I could see him only obliquely. At this point I was on my back again. He walked patiently toward me with a grin on his beautiful face, pulled off his gym shorts, and sat on my chest. His 8 inch girthy cock was now inches in front of my face. I expected him to say something, but he didn’t, and as I took in the odors of his balls and veiny cock, I involuntarily moved my head forward, wrapping my lips for the first time around his cock. He seemed mildly surprised, but carried on, pulling my hair backwards while lightly thrusting into my mouth. No need, actually---I quickly went to work on him, abandoning all reason and self-consciousness. All of that “training” in the past kicked in almost immediately---the smell was what did it…I know what my dick smells like…and I have always wanted something in my face that smells like that. It only makes me want to do one thing. But I didn’t want anyone else to know that. Unfortunately, the cock was right in my face and the intoxicating smell won me over almost instantly. I wanted all of it. My tongue moved rhythmically around his shaft, inching to reach his balls while still having his cock in my mouth. I moved my mouth away after a while, licking up his entire shaft and eventually moving onto his balls.

At some point, the two men (who I repeatedly attempted to stop, with no success) seemed to agree on something. The first man told me to get on my knees. By this point I was cockdrunk on so many levels that I responded almost immediately. He positioned himself behind me, and started fucking me again, only more animalistically this time. It actually hurt a little bit but I was moaning audibly this time, which only goaded him to ravish me harder. The second man positioned himself in front of my mouth and I willingly acquiesced, this time having much more leverage. I gorged my mouth with his cock like I had with those dildos in my fantasy days. I took my time, moaning uncontrollably as the first man stretched out my ass even more, and really took in the experience. At this point, I was loving it. I apparently gave of f this vibe, because at some point the second man began fucking my mouth so hard that I was starting to choke and the first guy was slapping my ass, fucking me, as if he were about to come. The first man quickly pushed the second out of the way and placed his larger cock in front of my face. I went to work on it again, until he started to groan. I pulled it out and jacked him off until he came in my face for about 15 seconds.

My face was covered with come and I felt like a whore and I liked it. I had always wanted it. Meanwhile the second guy entered my ass with fervor. As it turned out, his cock was even bigger, and I felt myself expand a little more. Before long he was almost done, pulled out of me and put his dick back in my face. He jacked off until he came into my face, also.

Before I knew what had happened, they were both gone. I had cum all over my face and was laid back, almost paralyzed, in pleasure. They were gone.
I never saw those guys again. And they might never return. But I know I will never stop fantasizing about them until they return. Control I thought…it’s all about control. God damn I want somebody to use me again.