Torn

All day Jake's hands were sweaty and his knees were knocking, all he could do was think about Randy and telling him the truth, the truth about how he feels and has felt for the last 7 years of their 10 year friendship that started in the seventh grade in a small town outside of Buffalo. The hardest thing in Jake's life was to tell his best friend Randy of 10 years, that he was in love with him, but he knew in his heart, the sooner the better!

Randy had grown to be a stunning and hot charming man, he was 6'2", 195lbs, brown hair, gorgeous green eyes, and a smile that could take any man or womens breath away on campus. Randy was very popular on campus, he had all the ladies throwing themselves at him,and all the guys showing respect for him. Randy was the quarterback of the football team and was very athletic, He also had "Sarah" the prettiest girl on campus as his girlfriend. Randy and Jake we dorm roommates and best freinds, nothing could come between them, they grew up together and they were very close with each others family, in fact they would call each others mothers (mom). Jake on the other hand was very shy, quiet and very smart(in fact he tutored Randy alot during previous symestors so that Randy could stay on the football team),at5'11" 165lbs, brown hair and brown eyes as soft as a teddy bear, he was definetly the opposite of Randy. Randy didn't care about the differences between him and Jake, Jake was his best friend and there was nothing he wouldn't do to protect him from anyone who tried to mess with him from the day they became friends.

All day Jake kept thinking about how he was going to tell his best friend that for years he has thought of him in a different way, how he was the first person he thought about in the morning and the last person on his mind before he fell asleep at night. Back and forth he paced the floor trying to come up with the easiest conversation to lead into the right moment to tell Randy the he was in love with him. Every few minutes he would look at the clock and look out the window, Randy was picking him up to go to a party tonight when Randy left Sarah's house,and this was gonna be the night to tell him. Jake looked nice in his new faded blue jeans and black sweater that hugged him pretty closely, enough for you to see the nice outline of his body. Jake was alot smaller than Randy but had a really nice body, smooth and a six pack that no one has ever seen because he's too shy to take his shirt off.

Beeeeeep, the horn blared as Randy pulled in front of the dorm door playing some hip hop music as loud as it would go in his Monte Carlo that he was so fond of. Jake hurried out the door so he didn't keep Randy waiting. "How's it going buddy" Randy said and Jake opened the door and jumped in. "Alright I guess" Jake said. "What's wrong with you, is everything ok?" Randy asked. "yeah, i'm fine, just a little headache, i'll be fine". "Is there anything I can do for you?"

Randy offered, "no, but I do need to talk to you before the night is over" Jake said hoping to leave it at that,not really having the nerve to discuss it right now. "No prob, you know you can talk to me about anything, and I do mean anything" Randy said as he squeezed his best friends shoulder. "Now lets party" he said as he squeeled his tires in a hurry to get to the party.

The party was loud, you could hear the noise almost a block away, as soon as they walked in people that they knew greeted them from all directions. Randy quickly found the beer and grabbed 4, 2 for him and 2 for Jake,"here you go buddy, drink up" Jake grabbed the beer and found a more quiet place to hang out and collect his thoughts. About an hour went by and Randy noticed that Jake was all alone sitting on the stairs, so he made his way over,"what's up with you, you all by yourself and you haven't even drank one of the beers I gave you?". "I'm ok, i'm just not really in the drinking mood thats all." "Is it because Scott is here, because if it is, I can go kick the shit out of him if you want?" Scott was a real asshole, he always would make jokes about me being gay because I never really had a girlfriend, and he would try to push me around when I was alone and he was with some of his friends. "No, he hasn't said anything to me since you threatened to kick his ass if he messed with me again." Cool Randy said as he chugged the rest of his 4th beer down "because you know I will if he fucks with you again." A slight smirk can over Jakes face when he said that, he couldn't help but feel all warm and fuzzy when Randy starts talking about protecting him, thats one of the reasons he fell in love with him. "Hey is that Sarah kissing Scott over there?" Randy turned fasted than i've seen before and rushed over without asking and balled his fist and punched Scott right in the mouth. "What the fuck" Scott said and he realized that it was Randy who punched him. "what's the matter with you Sarah, I thought you loved me?" Randy asked as he backed her in the corner like he was going to do the same to her that he just did to Scott. Randy would never hit a girl, he was just trying to get an answer out of her. "Randy i'm sorry, I guess I had too much to drink, I didn't mean it, I'm sorr-", "Damn right you're sorry, sorry you don't have me anymore." Jake could not believe what he had just heard, is this true is Randy really dumping Sarah on the same night he intended to tell Randy he loved him. "Jake, Im out bro, you with me?" Still shocked I grabbed my coat and ran to catch up with him.

Moments later the car sped furiously down the road, "are you ok?" Jake asked as he tried to not look happy about what just happened. "Fuck that, that bitch ain't worth it." Randy said as he scowled his forhead, but deep down Jake knew he was hurting. "Listen if there's anything i can do for you just let me know." Jake offered, but there was no response either way from Randy. Minutes went by with nothing but silence from both of them, finally Randy said "yeah there is something you can do for me." Jake turned to him eagerly and asked "whats that, you know i'm always here for you man." Randy paused for another minute then without taking his eyes off the road "tell me whats really bugging you, I know you and you aren't telling me something." Jake tried to think of something to tell him just to pacify the moment but was stumped. "Listen we don't have to talk about that right now, you just had a rough night and I don't want to bother you with it right now." Randy stayed quiet for a minute, then all of a sudden slowed down and turned into an empty parking lot on the side of the road and shut his lights and engine down. "what are we doing here?" Jake asked nervously. "Im not going anywhere until you tell me what's bothering you man." Jake felt every emotion rush through his body at that moment. He knew that if he didn't tell him the truth they would be sitting there all night. "It's kinda hard to say." jake muttered, "come on you can tell me, we never keep anything from each other, just tell me." Jake hung his head and paused," you know your friendship means everything to me right?" "Yeah of course and like wise" Randy said. "well I haven't been completely honest with you Randy, I've been trying to find a way to tell you this for a real long time and I'm not sure how to tell you." Jake went on. "you know how Scott always says things about me?"

"who cares what that asshole says." Randy cut him off. "well its just that maybe he's not completely..." Jake paused. "completely what?" Randy demanded. "Randy this is the hardest thing that i've ever had to do but, Im, Im... Im in lo..love with you, and I have been for a long time." Silence took over and Randy started the engine without saying a word and started to drive to the dorm. The whole way there Randy didnt say a word, he took sharp turns and sped real fast. "great look what ive done" Jake thought to himself to afraid to say anything to Randy.

Randy pulled his car into his usual parking spot and shut the engine off. "Listen, Im sorry if i offended you in any-" Jake was cut off. "You could never offend me man, its just a lot to take in at once, not just you but everything that happened tonight." Randy went on, "I guess maybe I kinda knew somehow but never really believed it because I didnt know how to deal with it." Jake kept his head down and said "I'm so sorry man, I wish I never told you." his eyes started to tear up and he started to grab the door handle when Randy grabbed him by the wrist and said "don't walk away upset, we'll get through this together." Randy reached up and wiped the rear from Jakes cheek. "Don't feel like you can't talk to me about anything bro." Jake felt a rush go through his body as Randy touched his face. " how do you tell you best friend that you are in love with them without scaring them off and risk losing them in your life?" Jake asked as he reached in his pocket to grab something to wipe his face with. "Dude, just because you love me doesnt mean im gonna think bad of you, Listen you mean a lot to me too and its more than just a friendship for me too, Ive never felt this close to anyone but you, not my parent, not Sarah, not anyone." Randy paused for a minute then grabbed Jakes head and pulled him close to his chest. Jake felt like he melted as fell into Randys arms. "I love you man, and before I let you feel alone on this I have to tell you....." he paused. "What" Jake managed to asked. "I dont want to lose you, and I'm willing to help you through this". Jake sobbed as Randy held him, "but where do we go from here?" Jake asked. Randy reached down and grabbed Jakes chin and raised his head, "does this help" Randy asked as he leaned in and gently kissed Jakes full lips. "Jake tensed a little but soon felt comfort in his best friend kiss. "I'm not too good at this, but I know I cant live without you in my life, lets go inside and talk more.