Vision of Love

Part 1: Joseph

I had a vision of love. He was tall and dark and cool. His eyes were sweetly honest, his voice like summer winds. But I could not touch him. He was a dream... ...A dream...

I wanted to lie beneath him, feel his breath, his hands, upon me,
Loving...
Kissing... 
Awakening my soul.
But he was a dream... ...A dream... And the vision I had, vanished when I woke.
I walked alone.
As always.

The dream lingered within me, calling...promising...taunting...
Where are you, I wondered. Are you real? Are you a living, breathing man, or a creation of my spirit, my loneliness?

I had a vision of love, He was tall and dark and cool, His eyes were sweetly honest, His voice like summer winds. But I could not touch him, He was a dream... ...a dream...

Part 2 -- Joseph

There he was, before me, my vision, my love, my dream. My breath caught in my throat, My heart ceased beating. I walked toward him, Was I walking in a dream? And then he spoke, and I knew... He was not an illusion.

"Welcome aboard, Captain, " he said.

I sought for my voice. "Thank you." My vision walked and talked and lived. He stood beside me, watching me. He knew there was something but, He did not understand what it was. I could not tell him. How could I? I saw you in a dream...? No... I want us to make love? No... Yet, I wanted to touch him, to say, "I know you. We met in a dream." I did not say that of course. He was already viewing me in curiosity. His brow rose in question.

"Sir?"

"Nothing. Let's get under way." I walked away from him, Moving swiftly toward the turbos. He was my vision of love, living, breathing, walking beside me. And I could not touch him. Regulations stated...
I sighed in despair.

Part 3 -- Phillip:

For a moment, I thought he knew me, But he did not say anything, And so, I did not either.
He had seemed shocked to see me. I thought, briefly, that he was going to faint. "Sir?"

"Nothing...."

The flush on his cheeks delighted me. I could not phantom why it should. I followed him to the Bridge, this new captain of mine, And my mind wondered about him. I watched his backside moving before me and I wondered... No, I should go there. I forced my mind elsewhere. My mind journeyed upward to his hair. That thick mat seemed to gleam with life, with vitality. It took the light and glittered like joy. It was not normal for me to notice this, To become poetic was not something I normally did. It was a Human thing...a Human failing. What was it about him that called to this part of me, the part I kept hidden beneath my uniform? What woke it up, gave it authority to take control of me?

Part 4 Phillip - (a year later)

We were friends. I liked the sound of that. I never had a friend before. I was a loner. That was my way. I had never experienced such comradery before. I had never experienced such acceptance. He made me feel welcome. No matter what he was doing, where he was going, He made me feel welcome. I enjoyed being with him. Sometimes, I forgot we were officers. Sometimes I forgot regulations stated that there should be no fraternization between its men. I forgot... I dwelled on this fact quite often. I forgot... How could I forget?

Part 5 A FRIEND'S ADVICE

I caught Joseph staring at Phillip again, with that sad, wistful look in his eyes. I wanted to interfere. I wanted to say, "Go after him, you fool. Tell him how you feel." My nose is too big for my face sometimes. People resent me butting in, but watching his loneliness made me feel lonely. And I didn't like that. I did my best to talk to Joseph about Phillip. Sometimes he listened eagerly, Sometimes he listened sadly.

Phillip enjoyed talking about Joseph When I mentioned how lonely Joseph seemed to be,
Phillip's eyes grew sad. "Yes, " he agreed, "The captain is isolated from the others."

"He needs someone he can trust, " I pointed out. "Someone who won't betray him or take advantage." Phillip sighed and agreed. Was he always this dense?

So I went the other way. "Joseph, " I said later, and often, "Phillip seems lonely."

"Yes, he does. I wish I could do something about it."

"He needs to have someone love him, be in love with him."

Joseph flushed darkly, understanding. "We're officers, " the captain reminded me.

He couldn't say it. He substituted, "I don't think he'd welcome anyone trying to get close to him."

"No, it'd have to be someone special, " I agreed. (Someone like you.) "Someone who'll protect him, cherish him, understand him."

"He does deserve that, " Joseph agreed but he left, unable to speak further.

Irritation flooded my whole body. Honestly, Was he always this sparse in the brain's department?
Facts are facts: Two plus two equals four. Chocolate and the captain's weight don't mix. Facts are facts. Why wouldn't they face the ones surrounding them? Stubborn, both of them. Just as bullheaded as my old grannie used to be. I couldn't tell her anything either. Something should happen to shake 'em both up.

And then, the explosion...that enemy vessel rammed into us.

Part 6-- Phillip--

The joy I experienced at his appearance could not be described. The explosion had not killed him. I had been so afraid. He was alive... Alive... I reached out and held him. He grinned impishly. I spoke his name, twice. His eyes said, Yes, I'm here. Our hands touched,

He said, "I've never seen you smile before. I like it. You should do it more often."

"I will." My tone was somber; My mind was not. I could feel myself trembling. My whole being seemed to center in that secret spot, in that area between my thighs. Did he notice anything?
Could he see? I was an officer! I must not... My body betrayed me. Why was it so hard to control what I was feeling? I spoke his name. I did not understand that expression on his face.
I did not understand this awareness of him in my body. "Joseph?"

"It wouldn't work between us, " he said sadly, And turned away from me.

I would not give up for truth told me then that I loved him. "Yes, it would." I stared at his back, aghast. Had I argued with him? Had I really said that?

He looked at me, surprised. "Phillip?"

"I did not mean to..."

"Yes, you did, " he told me lightly. He moved quickly to me, clasped my elbow.

I grew bolder. "It would work, " I said in a low voice. I could not meet his eyes.

"And if it doesn't?" he asked softly.

"Would we be any worse off than we are now?" I inquired.

"I don't want to hurt you, " he told me. "If they find out, we'll both be discharged." But his hold grew tighter.

My secret spot vibrated. I heard his sharp intake of breath. He had seen the prominence between my thigh; he had seen my growing erection.

"Phillip?" His tone was husky. It sent my mind reeling. I allowed him to lead me to his room.

Part 7 That old friend...again

So, I thought smugly. They're together, feeling conceited. They belonged together. Their happiness glowed in their eyes, on their faces. I watched Joseph touch Phillip often, Holding his elbow, touching his arm, his shoulder. Phillip touched Joseph's face in awe.

"It's about time, " I muttered.

"Did you say something?" Joseph asked.

"Who me?" I pretended to be puzzled. Would I say anything? I might think it, I might wish it,
But would I say anything? Who? Me?

Part 8- Jospeh

I had a vision of love.
He was tall and dark and cool,
And he was here beside me...
Forever...