When I'm with you: Part 8

My eyes flickered open as my alarm went off. "Ohh..." I groaned, it was saturday, which meant I could of stayed in bed for a few more hours but I forgot to switch it off. Once i'm awake it's impossible for me to get back to sleep so I just stared at the cieling, thinking about the events of the past couple of months. I thought about my family, my friends and TJ... He'd taken my virginity, the thing I was meant to keep for the right person. But at the time TJ was the right person, part of me still thought he was, but another part of me was clueless about what I was going to do.

I wondered if sex would matter now that it wasn't my first time, I wondered if TJ would be the only person that sex felt special with, because he was the one i'd chosen to get close to me, closer than anyone else. But he'd also hurt me badly, even though I had told him he was forgiven it didn't mean I had gotten over it nor did it mean I wanted to see or speak to him ever again. I was reluctant to get up today, I just wanted to lay in my bed and feel sorry for myself, but I had promised the guys I would play football with them today. I was nervous about spending a day in the park with everyone, mainly because TJ might be there, then again he was probally in bed with someone right now seeing as he'd been a party last night. I felt jealous but I was also desperate to ignore it, it was him who had screwed things up with me.

For a while I tried to get back to sleep, figuring it was impossible as usual I descided to get up and get washed. When I was back in my room I looked in the mirror, I was suprised TJ wanted to have sex with me, I was nothing special which was probally why he didn't want to commit to me. I was furious at him, but everything I did reminded me of him. I couldn't believe he could have that much of an effect on me but some people say you never get over your first love, I didn't believe that completely, I just guess TJ was just an important part of my life. I dragged myself from my house at around eleven with yells of objection from my brain.

I knew it was stupid, this week could be a week where I wouldn't have to see TJ's annoying but gorgeous face, where I could take a break from his deep sexy voice and loud but warm laugh. So why on earth was I meeting up at places where he would be? I seriously confused myself, but I was also trying to convince myself that I was just going to see my friends.

As I walked onto the pitch I saw a few people playing and another group of people huddled up, talking. It was so cold I had no idea why someone would arrange to come out in the freezing cold. The sky was a whitish grey colour which made me think it was bound to rain. I spotted TJ almost straight away, then again he was pretty hard to miss. He wasn't playing, he was part of the small group of people. I could feel his eyes on me, but I marched past him without looking in his direction over to Kai and Dan who were kicking footballs at the goal. A couple of hours had gone by, I can't say I enjoyed myself.

The ground was hard from where the mud under the grass was frozen which meant we couldn't really play properly. Someone, I don't know who suggested we went to get something to eat, so by the time I was on my way home it was pitch dark. I don't know why but I felt awful, TJ hadn't even tried to speak to me even though his eyes had burned me the whole time I was there, I descided I was going to do everything I could not to see him during the holiday...

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I was standing there, checking myself out in the mirror, i'd done my hair, brushed my teeth and slipped into some clothes that fitted me perfectly. Tonight I was going to enjoy myself, to get myself ready for next week where i'd be able to do whatever I wanted. My parents were once again away on a business trip which meant my week would once again be full of parties, alcohol and sex. I heard a car horn outside, I ran downstairs, grabbing my coat and keys I made my way out to the taxi which already contained Dan, Harry and Charlie who all seemed just as buzzed as me about tonight. "TJ what's up!" Harry said high-fiving me as I sat down in the seat.

"I'm feeling tonight, it's gonna be good" I chuckled. The taxi started driving quickly towards our destination. "It's nights like this I wish I didn't have a girlfriend, I mean I like Rose, she's great, but when you have a girl, you can't do shit!" Dan moaned. "What they don't know can't hurt them" I grinned placing my hands behind my head and slouching in my seat. "Oh and how's that working out for you?" Dan shot back. I froze for a second then laughed it off. It seemed more people noticed my 'habbits' then I first thought. It made me think for a while, but the thought quickly slipped out of my mind, I was here to have fun.

It was actually Lauren's house and her party that was being thrown. I knew she'd invited me and my friends just to get with me again, but recently I realised I had close to no interest in her. It wasn't that she wasn't hot, I guess, deep down I was looking for something more than just a quick fuck, I knew who I wanted that relationship to be with, but it was over, i'd messed it up. As we made our way up to the front door the ice cold wind bit at my skin, I knocked loudly and quickly as it was too cold to stand outside any longer. The door swung open and we were let in by a boy with dark red hair and lightly tanned skin. He smiled at us all and blushed cutely at me. The house was full of people, I guess like every party, the word had gotten out about Lauren's. The boy who opened the door invited us in, I was pleased that it was warm inside the house.

It was still pretty early, only about ten, i'd toured the house and gotten a few numbers of girls I found attractive. I'd ran into Lauren a few times and it was a pretty awkward conversation, I think she was starting to get the message that I wasn't really interested in her but for the rest of the night I was tempted to avoid her anyway. Now normally I like to drink a lot, but tonight I seriously wasn't in the mood, I was buzzed until we actually got to the party, now I just felt bored and kind of depressed. I was sitting alone. The guy's had disapeared off to do whatever, I didn't really mind because I wasn't getting a taxi back with them, but I guess it was still kind of mean to leave me on my own, but then again I suppose they exspected me to piss off with some other girl for the night.

I suppose I was acting completely out of character today. "Hi" I heard a quiet voice say beside me. I looked up into the pretty smiling face of the boy who had answered the door to me earlier. "Hey" I said, I didn't know what was wrong with me, I didn't want to talk to some cute guy who had come up to me, this was extremely strange. "You okay? I noticed you've been sitting here on your own for a while" he said flashing me his adorable smile again. "Yeah just thinking about loads of shit" I muttered taking another sip of a beer which wasn't even cold anymore.

"You wanna go somewhere else and talk about it? I'm staying in the spare room for the weekend" the boy said, wrapping his hand round my wrist and pulling me onto my feet. "How come's your staying here" I said as we walked up the stairs and the sound of music and voices got fainter. "I'm Lauren's cousin Aaron" he grinned. I rolled my eyes, did I really need to be involved with another member of that family? As he lead me into the room I suddenly became aware of his body language. He didn't want a nice conversation, he was hitting on me! "Your really good-looking" he giggled cuddling into my arm and smiling at me. "Thanks, your not so bad yourself" I grinned at him and started feeling like myself again. I lay down on the bed and he sat on top of me and took off his shirt. I didn't think it could cause any harm as he leaned down towards me face I opened my mouth and accepted his kiss.

Slowly I placed my hands on his naked back then slid down to the top of his jeans and my hands naturally slipped underneath them and into his underwear. I started roughly squeezing his bum, it was kind of small, what i'm saying is it wasn't the arse I wanted. His kisses got more intense which meant he was enjoying what I was doing to him. He sat up slightly and undid my jeans and stuck his hand inside. He started stroking me roughly, it felt great but I only remained half hard. I guess I prefered Tyler's gentle and loving strokes on my cock instead of this.

Tyler, his face kept flashing in my head. I knew he wasn't at this party but I imagined him walking in, his cute innocent face crumbling with disapointment in front of my very eyes. Him going mad and badly injuring Aaron like he had Kyle, then storming outside before he broke down. I felt like I wanted to cry, I sat up and gently nudged Aaron off me. "What's wrong? Was I not doing it right, I haven't had much practice" Aaron said his eyes wide and upset. I placed my hand on his on his shoulder and he looked up at me, "No of course not, it was nice, and I mean your cute but...I really like someone else, and I always do shit like this. You seem nice but I know this other guy is into me for me, and if I keep sleeping with random people then I will have no chance with him" I muttered taking my hand off his shoulder and heading for the door. "Alright, well, that makes sense, see you around!" he called after me. I walked back out into the cold air and called a taxi. Did I just turn sex down?! My mind was fuzzy but I knew it wasn't the alcohol doing it. The taxi pulled up and a almost sprinted over and into to it. I need to get home and think about what I was going to do next...

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"Tyler sweetheart! Remember your father and I are going out in an hour!" my mother said overly cheerfully as she walked into my room. It was sunday afternoon, it was still light outside but I had the curtains drawn and the lights out.
"I know your not feeling yourself but a bit of sun will help ok?" she sighed opening my curtains and almost blinding me.
"Why are you going out so early?" I said squinting.
"Oh well the show starts at seven, were going to leave at four, you know what trains are like on a sunday! Plus were going to get a bite to eat before, I guess we won't be back till much later. James has gone to a friend's house to stay. There's some pasta, you know how to cook it. Remember to call if there's any problems!" she said, she treated me like I was about ten and I couldn't stand it. I wanted to break free from this bullshit fake life and happy family. I wanted to come clean about who I was.

For another half an hour I lay on my bed staring at the cieling. Deep in thought about who or what TJ had fucked at the party he went to last night. My stomach tied in knots and my heart burned just thinking about him with someone else. There was an extremely loud knock at the door, only one person knocked that rudely and it made my insides jump. I heard my mother opening the door, "Hi TJ!" I heard her say, faking that she was actaully pleased or happy to see him. "Hey, is Ty-ler in? I really need to speak to him" he said confidently. "Sure. Tyler, TJ's here to see you!" she called up the stairs to me. I was really debaiting on whether or not I was going to come down, I could of pretended I had fallen asleep. Slowly I slouched down the stairs. I felt slightly embarrassed when I realised I was in my pajamas and looked a total mess, but at the same time I wasn't here to impress him anymore.

"Tyler let me quickly talk to you" my dad commanded me and I walked into the kitchen with him. "Tyler, your a grown up now and I know I can't force you to hang round with certain people. You know how I feel about TJ, but I trust you to make the right choices when it comes to...people like him. I really would advise you to make sure he's gone before we get home, ok?" he hissed quietly so TJ couldn't hear him in the hall. He then walked back over to the front door and put his arm round my mum. "Have a good night boys!" he smiled at me and TJ, faking kindness like my mother had done. I rolled my eyes at how immature they were, if you don't like someone you should just say.

The door slammed and I was left in an awkward silence staring at TJ. "Take your shoes off by the door" I muttered and walked up the stairs. A few seconds later he was in my room with me. He stayed in the doorway and I sat on the bed and looked at him. "I came to give you this, you left it at mine last time you were there" he said and handed me over my jacket. I dumped it on the bed next to me and stared at him. "TJ in all the years i've known you you have NEVER returned something i've left at yours. I either notice it's missing and go round to get it myself or I find it the next time I come to your house. So why are you really here?" I questioned. TJ looked at the floor for a while, he took a deep breath then looked back to me, "Kai and Eddie are going away next week for a couple of days. Kai told me there's room for me and whoever I want to invite...You should come" he said, trying to smile at me. "You want me to come?" I said, looking at him bluntly. TJ looked at me and didn't say anything, the room was once again filled with uncomfortable silence until he finally pulled himself together and nodded.

"Why, I clearly have no importance to you" I said, staring at him but not really. He came over and sat down on the bed, he tried to touch me but I shifted away. He then let his hand drop next to him on the bed.
"You are important to me Ty, you know you are! Everything I said to you-"
"Was a lie" I said bitterly, cutting into his sentence.
"No, it wasn't! I really do feel that way about you. Look, I fucked up...again. And i'm sorry, but i've changed Ty!"

"Why should I believe your a different person..." I whispered. TJ shifted closer to me and put his hand on my cheek, it was warm and gentle and this time I didn't pull away from him. When he touched me my whole body relaxed and even though I was upset, I wasn't full of rage anymore, I felt it would only be fair to hear him out.
"Last night you probally know me and some of the guys went to a party. Well I met this really cute guy, he was Lauren's cousin and was spending the night at her place...But anyway he took me up to his room and-"
"TJ if this is about you fucking some 'cute guy' I don't wanna-"
"No...That's the thing, I rejected sex with him. I was thinking of you and I just couldn't have sex with him..." he smiled at me. I tried not to smile but I couldn't help it. "Really?!" I said, sounding happier than I was meant to.
"Yes really Tyler...I'm sorry for everything i've done to you" he sighed.

I then felt his strong hand push me down so I was laying with my head on my pillow, I tried to resist but couldn't. His weight pressed on top of me and I wrapped my arms round his neck and drew him closer towards me. As soon as his lips touched mine I melted. I felt his large pointed tongue prod against my lips which opened and allowed him to taste every inch of my mouth. I moaned gently and felt him smile as we kissed. He'd hurt me so bad, twice now, but I couldn't fight him or the things he did. TJ's hand then slipped underneath my T-shirt and rubbed on my already hard nipples. Soon my top was over my head and on the floor next to my bed and soon the rest of our clothes joined it. "Toby!" I gasped as his hand slid down my stomach and landed on my throbbing cock. He then held onto the tip with two fingers and rolled my foreskin forward and back over my head making me groan and wriggle. He continued to stroke until liquid was oozing out the head of my cock and dripping down onto his hand. My eyes were closed and I was moaning like crazy as my whole body tingled and thrashed about on the bed. It then stopped and I slowly opened my eyes. Toby was looking down at me with a hungry lust filled expression on his face.