When life is about to fade : Part 1

My name is Arthur and my first time is yet to come. This story is completely fictional.

Note: This is NOT how I want my first time.

Hello, my name is Shawn Jackson, I am 20, around 5’7’’ tall, slim, non muscular. I have never been into sports. I don’t know why but I just didn’t feel like to do something like that until everything changed in my life. Until I met boy of my life…

I have known I am gay since age 16, when somehow I realized I am not good with girls. None of girls could draw my attention, even though they were pretty and sexy in all their beauty. They just didn’t attract me and when I was watching porn, I was always drawn not to girls but to the men doing them. I just couldn’t get my attention off those cocks working in and out of girl. Thing is, even though I realized, I have never been open about it. I have had many crushes on boys but I just kept it all to myself because around the town I lived situation was harsh – if you are ‘weird’ you have to suffer because of your ‘weirdness’. So I lived, learning to control my desires, though nights were the times I couldn’t. My dreams consisted of fucking someone or being fucked by someone. Day to move finally came.

I moved to Arkansas , Arkansas City. I’ve been always drawn to big cities as I enjoyed loud sounds. I could finally be free and wouldn’t need to conceal my sexuality much. It took time to make friends as I am shy around other people and it takes time for me to come up to someone and start conversation about even smallest things. Heck, it’s even hard for me to come up to someone on street and ask: ‘What time is it?’ if I have forgotten my watch at home or don’t have my mobile phone with me. The night, when I met him was one of those..

Some friends of mine decided to have a movie evening so they invited me over to watch with them. I agreed since I didn’t have any plans for the evening – I was still single but trying to figure out how to find someone to date. It’s not so easy to just jump in freedom and go to gay bar to find someone for yourself, if you have tried to control your desires and wishes ever since you had first crush to someone. But the boys I had crush on never knew I had one. I never told them.

It seemed friends were up for horror movie tonight but I didn’t object. Somewhat, horror movies bored me but it was fun to watch the reactions of my friends, which just jumped on scary music or when screamed, seeing something horrifying happening in the movie. I guess my mind just accepted the movie was not reality, that it’s just crap of computer creation and nothing else. They knew about my attitude to horror movies but did not say anything. They accepted me the way I am.

When the movie was over, I said my byes and started walking back home. It was already dark, light on lamps were at full bright. Somewhat, I was drown in my thoughts about having a boyfriend and how it would be to have sex with him. How it would be to have a dick up in my butt. I was not the type of one night sex, I wanted something more than just that. I wanted to spend my days with someone I love and wanted to feel the love towards me. I imagined being at someone’s place, sitting by fireplace, together with another boy and feel his arms wrapped around me.

Loud “HEY!” brought me back to reality. I realized I had wandered the wrong direction and nowhere my place. In fact, I was lost as I was clueless where the hell have I wandered to. Another, now even louder “HEY!” drew my attention. I turned around and I could see a man standing behind me, with his face covered and gun pointed at me. At that instant second, I was paralyzed as fear overtook me. I couldn’t move but in this situation, I was lucky I didn’t move. I did not want find bullet in me.

- “Give me your wallet!” Man ordered me in loud, imperious tone. I was still freaking and couldn’t move even when he ordered me to give him my wallet. I wanted to throw it at him and just run the hell out of here in any direction, far away and not look back, find a place somewhere safe and just stay hidden there.

- “Give me your fucking wallet NOW!” He ordered me again, shooting in the air as a signal he was not joking. I quickly, with shaky hands reached for my pocket to get out my wallet and reached it out towards him. My hands were shaking badly I thought they are going to fall off. Seconds seemed like minutes and minutes seemed hours and my eyes still were locked on gun of his. I experienced the moment they call ‘life flashing by your own eyes’ as I started to remember all the stuff from my past since I was small kid. I could see myself playing with friends from my past, laughing, playing “hide and seek” at one of places. Usually it was friend, who lived across from me as he had the greatest hiding places.

Man, with gun still pointed at me, took my wallet. But he didn’t lower it. In fact, he grasped it even more tightly and then my eyes moved up into his. I could see in them that I was not going to leave this alley alive. His eyes were cruel, without any mercy in them. My whole body was shaking and I could feel tears in my eyes.

- “P-Please d-don’t sh-shoot m-me.” I chocked out silently, my voice trembling, uneven. But he still didn’t lower his gun. I could see in his eyes that this is what he wanted from me – he wanted me to plead for my life, he wanted to beg him not kill me. His eyes brightened up in his victory.

- “LOOK OUT!!” Someone shouted and with full force launched himself at the man. Man managed to pull the trigger and shoot a bullet out of the gun. I could see this someone fighting with the man, hitting the gun out of his hands and beating up him pretty bad. Man tried to free himself from the blows this someone was dealing to him but couldn’t as this someone was keeping him on the ground.

But suddenly, I realized something – I was in pain. I did not know from where the pain was coming from but my whole body was burning in agony. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t find my voice to do so. My eyes widened in surprise and shock as I glanced down. I could see dark, wet spot on my shirt on my stomach. I touched this spot with my shaky hands and put my fingers to my eye level. In light coming from nearby lamp to me I could see red liquid on my fingers – my own blood. Shooter had managed to hit me with that bullet.

Meanwhile, shooter had managed to break free and ran away, without his gun. Gun was lying there, on the ground, kicked away in the heat of the battle between the attacker and this someone, who had launched himself at this shooter. I looked at the figure, shrouded in darkness.

- “Hey, are you o-“ But the voice broke as he looked at me in whole. He noticed the soaking shirt from blood.

- “Oh shit!” He shouted out and quickly reached for his pocket. I looked at him as he raised his mobile phone to his ear and pressed one of the quick dial buttons. In my head, I could hear the voice on the other end of phone: “911, what is your emergency?”

I could feel my legs buckled under me. I was bleeding and badly. With each second I could feel my strength leaving me and I fell down on my knees. ”I am going to die. I won’t get saved, I am going to die..” my head said to me. Figure from the darkness moved and ran to me. By the time he got to me, I was already laying on cold ground, with my sight blurry. I was losing consciousness.

- “Hey, hold on there, okay? Hold on, ambulance is on its way already. Don’t you quit on me!” Voice pleaded, whispering. I was close to death but yet I was stunned by his voice. His voice sounded so low and somewhat attractive to me. I knew it was just a whisper but still, his voice was all I could think about at the moment I was about to die. I couldn’t see his face because my sight was already too blurry and it was dark for to see anything. I wanted him to keep talking to me. I wanted him to just keep saying anything so I that I can keep hearing his voice. It was something I was holding on right then, in that alley. I kept myself awake just to hear that voice again.

- “Hold one buddy, just a little more.” He continued. Judging by the voice, he couldn’t be much older than I was - maybe a year or two or three but not much more. And I held on. I held on with all the strength there was in me. My survival instinct kicked in because of that beautiful voice I held myself awake and possibly even alive to. But I could feel my heartbeat getting slower and slower as I was still losing blood, and much.

Moments later (what seemed ages) ambulance finally came. I was picked up and put on litter so I could be brought in ambulance car. I blinked from the bright light they had in ambulance as my eyes had gotten used to darkness and weak light out there but never managed to recover full sight – it just got even blurrier. They didn’t let him to sit in ambulance car next to me. I wanted to say something, ask them to let him since I finally wanted to see his face but I couldn’t – I was too weak. At that moment, I thought I would never see him. This was the last thought before I finally gave in and lost consciousness.

I was dreaming then. I saw myself wandering through the streets, looking for something. I just couldn’t understand what was I looking for but there I was, looking in each back alley, behind every corner until I heard the voice I heard before. It was calling my name and asking me to follow it but I couldn’t, since the voice was all around me. I was looking around but couldn’t see the owner of it. There I was, just spinning and spinning around, listening to voice.

Then I opened my eyes and was panting. It was bright in the room I was. Sun was shining outside the window and the walls were white. I couldn’t move since I still felt weak or maybe it was because I was almost like tied to this bed with the white cover I was covered with and the sides of it put under mattress. I was alive; I had survived the bullet, which had pierced in me. I took a long breath in my lungs to check it for sure. My respiratory tract obeyed and took the sweet oxygen in my lungs – I was awake AND alive.

I pushed the button which was for calling a nurse in room. I wanted to see someone and ask questions like “Where am I?” and “Where is the one, who saved me?” though I doubted anyone here would know who he was and where he could be right now. I didn’t have to wait long for someone to come. A nurse hurried in my room and saw me awake. And that instant, she ran out again.

- “doctor, he is awake! Come here, quick!” She shouted in the corridor. I could hear footsteps through all the voices in hospital’s corridor. “This must be one of their busy days” I thought to myself and saw doctor coming in my room. He looked like he was in mid-thirties and really handsome.

- “Son, do you hear me?” He asked to me, concerned.

- “Yes, I do.” I said. I was amazed I could speak. I thought I would not be able yet because I felt so weak still. Maybe it was just a side-effect from drugs they were giving to me, I didn’t know.

Doctor took his small flashlight out of his robe and switched it on and asked me to follow the light with my eyes. Light was somewhat blinding but I did as he told and followed the flashlight’s movements across my eyes – from right to left, then back.

- “Reaction seems to be normal. We were worried about you son – you were out for more than week after the operation. Bullet was stuck in you so we had to take it out. You lost much blood but we did blood transfusion but it still will take time to recover. You are lucky my son Trent saved you. ” Doctor said. I held back my gasp which was about to spring out from my mouth – I now knew the name of the voice’s owner. Trent was the one, who kept me awake, kept me listening to his beautiful voice.

- “I was out for more than week?” I asked in disbelief, trying to conceal my reaction on the fact I might be able to see him again. And this time really see him – his face, his body, everything of him.
I had no idea why I suddenly was so attracted by this mysterious Trent. All I knew was his voice, his name and that he is son of the doctor, who is in my hospital room right now, checking on me. “Can it be? Am I having crush on Trent?” I asked to myself.
- “Yes, you were. But everything seems to be normal to me. We will keep you in hospital for a month to heal you completely.” He said to me and turned to leave the room. I had to act quickly if I wanted my wish to be fulfilled.

- “Hey doc?” I asked before I was even able to think this through. My mind seemed to react on its own accord but it was better that way since I didn’t know will I be able to pull my courage strings and ask him with control.

- “Yes?” He asked, looking at me now again.

- “Could you tell your son come by and visit me? I want to thank him.” I said, without blinking once but I could feel blush was about to show up on my cheeks so I begged in my head for him to leave the room now.

- “Sure.” Doctor smiled and left the room. I let the blush come and take over my cheeks. I turned away as if there was someone in this room with me and tried to hide my face but I could blush freely. I felt embarrassed. Soon after I started to feel tired and fell asleep again.

When I woke up, nurse was in my room refilling the medical bag with liquid medicine, which slowly flowed in my body through system attached to my body.

- “Oh, good morning there, didn’t notice you are awake.” Nurse said with smile on her face.

- “That’s alright. I just woke up.” I replied with smile too.

- “Well good then. Should I call your visitor in the room?” She asked.

- “M-My visitor?” I blurted out.

- “Yes. Trent has come to see you.” Nurse nodded and disappeared into the corridor to call him in. My heart started to race. I could feel my face flushing red once again as my mind slowly processed nurse’s last words. “So, he came here after my request..” I thought.

At the mean time, part of me wanted to disappear. Just to be somewhere else because I didn’t know would I be ready to hear his amazing voice once again, let alone – I was to see him in light.

Moments later, he came in room. I was looking at really handsome boy, who looked a lot like his father. Trent had light brown hair, not too long, not too short either – his hair covered a bit of his ears and forehead. Maybe it was trick, which light played but when I saw his eyes they were blue.

- “Hello.” He smiled. At that moment, I realized he had noticed I was staring at him, with my mouth open a bit. I cleared my voice and smiled too, though it was inevitable – he was seeing me blush. Trent didn’t react to that, in fact, he pretended he didn’t see that at all.

- “Hey.” I replied, my voice quiet, I barely could hear myself. I was taken aback by his good looks, let alone his voice I had craved to hear again. And here I was – hearing it.

- “My father told me you wanted to see me.” He continued. This time, I just nodded, as much as my sleeping state allowed me to do that. I tried to get in sitting position on my bed but I failed doing that alone. Trent helped me to get up and pulled up my pillows for me. I pressed against them and smiled again. “Please, don’t blush again, I beg you…” I pleaded myself in my head.

- “Yes. I wanted to thank you for saving me back there in that alley. If it wasn’t for you I’d be dead by now.” I said. Now I saw WHY he was able to save me and beat up that guy – he was well-built and a bit muscular. I figured he had been visiting gym now and then to improve his muscles. I thought of what kind of sports he might be into. I imagined him from playing football to do some swimming. He completely filled my mind now.

- “No problem.” He smiled back. For a moment, silence fell in my hospital room as we looked at each other. I was seeing images of him doing all kinds of sports and me just looking at him doing so. I had no clue what was he thinking about but his stare seemed as empty as mine was for a moment. Then, we started talking, introducing ourselves to each other. That day, we became friends.

My time at hospital flew by as Trent stopped by hospital now and then to visit me. We could talk for hours and hours about everything we could think of. Except for some reason we never touched the sex subject. Neither I nor he could start that talk. It seemed so strange from Trent’s point of view but from mine.. I was there, having my crush on Trent, which grew bigger and bigger by each second until I started to see dreams of us having sex or him holding me in his arms at the place I imagined – room with fireplace. After those dreams I ended up waking drenched in my own cum under the hospital cover.

The day I got signed out of hospital finally came and I was free to leave it. I felt like dancing as soon as I got out of it into fresh air but controlled myself. Everyone would think I had gone crazy and just stuff me back there for another month or so to treat me with medicine again. I longed for normal food so I asked Trent would he join me at my meal I had planned in café. My parents flew in Arkansas yesterday but I was not ready to meet them yet. Trent’s father had to call them and tell about me, despite I said him not to.

After café we decided to hang out a bit in park before I took bus to my part of Arkansas City. It felt easy to talk with Trent when he was there, with me. I always could find subject to talk about with him.

And then… then it happened. If I had to say, I’d call it “will of God”.

We were walking at the park when somehow I tripped to this loose piece of concrete. Somehow, concrete had cracked on the parks road. No wonder though, road was old. I was not falling forward but backwards. I thought I was going to hit the hard cement under my feet but instead, I hit something else – Trent’s dressed chest. He had ducked under me and caught me while I fell and wrapped his arms around me to steady me. Then, I looked up in his bright blue eyes and he was staring back at me. Suddenly, it felt like time had stopped around us and that we were the only ones at the park. I melted as those eyes looked upon me. I felt like I was about to lose consciousness right there but Trent held me tightly. He felt warm and I was comfortable in his arms.

- “Trent…” I whispered. I couldn’t find my louder voice; his name just came in whisper. I found my legs under me and stood up, now facing him. He was about the same numbers I was but just a bit taller. He still held me in his arms, now somewhat in sexual way. I slowly wrapped my hands around his neck and leaned in closer, touching his forehead with mine.

He understood the hint and smiled. I could see faint blush on his cheeks.

- “Shawn… there is something I-” He started but I didn’t allow him to finish. It was too much for me. It was the final drop in my cup of feelings I had towards Trent. I sealed his lips with my own and kissed him. He kissed me back and we stood there, kissing for a long time. That was the beginning of our relationship.

To be continued…