Yours sincerely, November : Chapters 1 and 2

Chapter 1: August 22th

The alarm clock rings and I wake up, it’s the first day of school and I’m really nervous, I don’t really know why I’m so nervous, I mean I know everyone, and they’re my friends and stuff, but there’s also new people. I don’t know why I don’t like new people; it takes awhile I’m comfortable around them.

I turn on the shower, and strip down to nothing revealing my body. I’m not nicely toned with abs and that kind of things, but I’m not fat, I’m in between.

The hot water makes contact with my skin, it’s relaxing, I wish it would be like that forever, I remembered Christmas last year, when I kept all stressed because Marietta, my ex-girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she was absolutely sure it was mine, and I had thoughts of me with a baby, being a twelve-year-old, it didn’t suit me.

However, on Christmas Eve, she called me telling me it wasn’t mine, “what a whore” was my first thought.

Even that it’s true I had sex with a girl before, I’m not sure if I’m completely heterosexual, I have also had sex with a guy before, but I’m not telling details, what ‘s in the past, has to stay there.
I start to think about this school year, now that Hector, my “best friend” has changed school I’m free, I hung out with him because I had no one else to hang out with, but I didn’t like him, other people neither, so they thought of me as if I was like Hector, but that’s not true, I’m nicer.

I can make new friends, and maybe even some girlfriends, I wanted to have a girlfriend to sort out my sexuality for once and for all.
I turn off the shower and think harder as I dress up, wouldn’t having a girlfriend to sort out something mean I’m using her? I don’t really know what to feel or think anymore, this situation has been biting my head off, for weeks, almost a month.

“November! Come and eat something before you go to school!” my mom shouts.
“I’m not hungry, mom, thanks” I reply
“Not hungry? You’ll be hungry when you arrive to school, mark my words” she threatens before disappearing into the kitchen.

Now I got to explain something vital, my family, I’m thirteen now, (my birthday is on December) and in those thirteen years my family haven’t shown any sign of love to me, my other sisters, it seems, they have. Esther and Sally are my sisters, Esther is two years younger and Sally is two years older, my mom is Lanett, and my father is Lance. I’m supposed to call them family, but the truth is I don’t want to live in this house, nor I want to love them as my family.

I’m arriving school early, giving me time to think of this day, alone in my classroom. As time passes by, I see more people approach the small classroom. I can recognize most of them, but some others are new. When they enter the classroom, they ignore me, but this time I won’t let that happen.

“Hey Jasper, how are you?” I say with a big smile, I can see Jasper is taken aback by me talking to him.
“Not Hector’s little dog anymore, are you?” he replies trying to provoke me.
“Not anymore, I guess. He was giving me a hell of life” Jasper opens his eyes with surprise.
“What? Weren’t you his best friend?” he asks
“I only hang with him ‘cause I didn’t do with anyone else” I answer back
“Oh, okay then, so you want to make new friends, huh?” Jasper says with a smile

I don’t know how, he’s discovered me. But I’m not letting my guard down.
“I suppose, life should be better”
“Then come with me, I’ll introduce you to some people”
Thanks Jasper, I think with a smile.

***

Recess time.

The bell rings and everybody heads out to the small playground, some people go to the cafeteria and some other sits on benches and start eating and talking animatedly, I head for the ninth graders, looking for someone. There seems to be more people in ninth grade than last year, now they’re twelve or something, last year they were five. The school is not big.
“Hey! Percy!” I call

Percy turns around and looks at me uncomfortably.
“What do you want? Be quick, I haven’t got all day” Percy says coldly

I know this technique to intimidate me, however days of intimidation were long gone.
“I want to know where Vidor is” I say slowly to make him angrier
“He went to the cafeteria with some seventh year, leave me alone, now” he replies grumpily.

So Vidor has met some seventh year, this could help me know someone from that year. I run to the cafeteria to find Vidor and a good-looking girl, both talk as if they knew each other from a long time. I approach them from behind.
“Hey Vidor” I salute
“Oh, hi, November! How were your vacations?” Vidor says in an excited voice.
“Same as usual” This means, bad, boring, and with my family. I turn to see the seventh-year girl”, I’m November by the way”
“November? That’s got to be the strangest name I’ve ever heard! I’m Haley.”
“Hey Haley, haven’t I seen you before?” I ask, finding her voice familiar
“Maybe, I’m the math teacher’s daughter” she says blushing violently, I don’t know why.
“That must be it, okay then I’m going back to the main playground, see you” I say as a good-bye.

I haven’t even reached the main area, when I hear someone running behind me. I turn around and see it’s Haley.
“What’s wrong Haley?” I ask
“Um… well I wanted to know which side-class you are taking” Haley says

In school side-classes take place on Wednesdays at 8:20. You can choose guitar class, theatre, dance and art.
“I’m choosing theatre, is the best I am in” I answer
“Oh, that’s good! I think I’m also joining theatre, see you there!” Haley said as she walked away, a slight blush on her cheeks.

I was astounded, was I really that handsome, or something? I tried to remember what Marietta said about me: I really like your long gray hair, it gives you an air of mystery, and also your blue eyes are dazzling.
I kept these words but forgot her, as she later went and landed herself pregnant with some other guy. That didn’t matter, what mattered that day is that I could have Haley and see if I was really heterosexual, oh no! I’m doing it again, I’m thinking of using someone, so first I must fall in love with Haley to truly know what I am.

But, more importantly I needed to try being gay, to see what was it like, and for that I needed another life…

***

I thanked God that day they didn’t let us any homework. I just got home, I rushed upstairs and I turned on the computer, I remembered a site where you posted a bit of information about you and anyone from anyplace could send you an e-mail requesting you to be his/her pen pal. As the computer was a bit slow, I changed the uniform to some nicer clothes. When I came back, the computer was ready to be used, so I started typing the address to the site. I made an user to the site and posted my info:

Name: November (the site didn’t ask for surnames)
Gender: Male
A bit about you: I’m November, and I’m looking for any pen pal who likes to talk and have a laugh. But I want someone between 13-15 years old. I have to say, however, that I’m gay, so anyone having a problem with that can stay away.

I read and reread the info a thousand times, and then posted it; I liked the “stay away” part it gave me proud of what I maybe was. Then, I heard a rumble from my stomach, so, I went downstairs and prepared something to eat. Where was my mother? Sleeping in her room, not caring her son was downstairs and hungry.

Luckily I knew how to cook, so I cooked myself something for me and for Esther.
I felt a vibration in my pants and took out my cell-phone to see an incoming message from Haley:
Hey November!

I got your number thanks to Jasper; he seemed a bit curious why I asked him for your number, I wonder why…?
I laughed at this; of course Jasper would be surprised by somebody asking for my number, I’m not that popular. Jasper has my number because he needed it for a project we did together last year. I gulped down more water and continued reading:
Well, I was texting you to see if you wanted to go this Friday to the mall with some friends and me, it’s going to be really fun, please don’t turn me down!
Love, Haley

I stared at this, could this mean she liked me? I needed someone to answer my pen pal request before Friday, or things could go wrong.

Chapter 2: Sean Raye

The days went past and no one answered my request, was it that no one wanted a gay pen pal? I didn’t take out my info, even though I checked on it every day, deciding whether to take it out or not, but I had faith, faith in myself.
However, it was Thursday and I was still worried, should I cancel the invitation? Should I go? It was a difficult thing to choose, and I needed what I hadn’t, a best friend. All of that days, I had been watching closely my colleagues, everyone had a good thing, of course, but nothing I looked special, until that day.

I walked in the classroom, nobody noticed me, except Sean, he smiled and waved at me. I was astonished, but waved back with a smile, too. The Physics professor came in and started talking about the properties of liquid, gas and solid materials, and how each one turned into another. At the end of the class, he told us we had to do a project explaining what he had explained, fortunately, I had taken notes, so I could do it, however, the professor told us to do it with a partner, and when I looked up everyone had a partner. I had to do the project alone…or so I thought.

“Hey, November” a voice said “You don’t have a partner? I’ll be yours, okay?
I looked up and saw Sean Raye saying those words, I was happy he had considerate me.
“I’m fine with that, when should we join to do it?” I asked casually as I picked up my books.
“Well, next week is a busy one, and tomorrow I’m having a date with my girlfriend, Femi, so can we do it today?” he asked.
“I’m fine with that, come around 5 o’clock, okay?” I said.
“That’s okay then, see you later!” he said and walked away.

Had Sean just asked me to do a project with him? Was this a dream? Of all the people I had watched, he was the more suitable for the job of being a friend (a hard job, if you consider it’s my friend) and I had the opportunity to befriend him.
But I had to plan it well; a single mistake could ruin everything.

That day, walking home (I always walk home, but arrive to school in car) I bought some colors to work with. I wanted to be ready, to finish the project fast, so we could talk.
After cooking myself something, I went upstairs, to my room and started changing clothes, to something casual.
When the doorbell rang I ran to the door and opened it. Sean was there, with his Physics book and a pencil case.

“Hey Sean”
“Hey November, should we start working?”
“Yeah, I guess”

We went to our room and turned on my laptop, he seemed comfortable, and I wanted him to be like that, I wanted him as a friend.
We started working and chatting about school, about Femi, about the teachers and about dogs, we both loved dogs.
“Actually, I have a beagle, her name is Zuki, I have to walk her later” I said
“I love beagles, care if I join you in your walk?” he asked
“Nah, you can come if you want”

We continued working in silence, but it was a short one, as the work was almost finished. When the last thing was to write our names, he said:
“So, Haley’s had an interest in you, did you know that?” he asked with a smirk
“Yeah I thought so, she invited me tomorrow to the mall” I said calmly, not letting him know what I wanted Haley for.
“Oh really? You’re going? That’s great! I’m going too, with Femi, of course”
“I don’t know if I want to go or not” I caught myself saying that
“Huh? Why, do you have any other plans?” he asked. I had no option but to tell him the truth, however, not here.
“I’ll tell you if you come with me walk Zuki” I proposed
“Okay, let’s go” he said excitedly

We went for her, and went outside to walk her, the day was finishing, in anytime, Sean’s parents would come for him.
“You know, I haven’t seen your mother, does she work?” he asked
“No, she doesn’t. She has been sleeping since twelve, I think” I answered

He looked taken aback at this, he hesitated but then asked:
“Since twelve, so who cooked for you when you arrived home?”
“I cook for myself, she doesn’t want to cook anything for me” I said with a calm face.
“What? She doesn’t even cook for you? I’ve seen you walk from school” he said even more astonished
“Leave it like that, please, I’m fine the way I live” I lied
“Okay… oh yeah, you didn’t tell me why you didn’t want to go to the mall”
“Well it’s Haley mostly, I don’t know what to do” this was my move, the move that would say if Sean was trusting, or in other words, a good friend.
“What do you mean? Don’t you like her?” he asked

We had arrived to the little lake on my neighborhood, the ducks swam past, and we sat down, while Zuki smelled everywhere.
“It’s not that, what happens is that…these days have been hard” I said truthfully, this truth was necessary for my plan, I knew I would get sad, when saying this.
“Hard how? You can tell me November, I’m your friend” Sean said, this words weren’t the ones I expected but they were better.
“Well I…” as planned but totally truthfully, I began to cry “I think I’m gay or bisexual I don’t really know”

Sean did something I never expected from him, he stood and hugged me tightly, which only made me cry harder. After being in this position for some minutes, I stopped crying and looked at him; he looked back with concern and caring.
“You want Haley to know what you are, but you don’t want to use her, do you?” he asked. I was astounded and only nodded.
“I shouldn’t be saying this, but go out with her, it’ll help, I’ll help too.”Sean said
“Sean…thanks…very much” I said between sobs.

I couldn’t believe how easily I had a best friend now. A best friend who didn’t care what was I.