A story : Part 2

Part 2

It’s hard to believe it has been three months since Andrew and I were together in the hotel room. Sometimes I wonder if I could have said anything to change his mind, to be here with me. My 19 th birthday was spent with family but somehow it didn’t feel the same with Andrew not by my side. The thing that I miss most is his touch; I would give anything just to feel him again. It seems that the only distraction I have is my classes; I plan to go into the medical field. But I do have a sense of peace at least once a week. I don’t know how he does it but Andrew sends me a text message always saying the same thing. Hey between a text message and not knowing if he’s alive or not I choose the text message. It always reads “I am OK I love you… Andrew” it’s hard to describe but those simple words are enough to ease my mind that he is not in danger in any way.
It was getting close to my 20th birthday and I was sad because I was bidding good bye to my teen years and entering adulthood.

But at the same time I was happy because it marked one more year till Andrew comes home. My oldest brother decided to throw me a party without any parents, his house in one floor but it’s a decent size house with a big backyard. I spend most of the night in the kitchen not much privacy because the kitchen is connected to the living room with nothing separating them. I was having a good time when I finally realized that I haven’t got a text message from Andrew. It was a Friday so I didn’t worry too much about it. I was looking at my phone when a familiar voice made me look up and freeze. “Happy Birthday David” said Ryan, the hot fireman, his green eyes looking at me. I couldn’t say anything I just stood there couldn’t find the words. My muscles seemed to work and I just laughed and gave him a hug, his big strong muscular hands wrap around me. I was in heaven the hug lasted a bit longer than it should but none of us moved. I quickly jerked away as coming back to reality, “what am I doing?” I ask myself. Andrews face popped in my head, I just simply walked away to greet the other guests. The party was in full swing at midnight and everyone was having a good time. I would sometimes glance over to Ryan who seemed to look away every time I looked at him. My guess is that he found out about Andrew and me and didn’t want to come between us.

 I then found out that Ryan was a friend of my sister in law, she’s a photographer and did a fireman calendar for charity. I was around one and I found myself alone in the kitchen area pouring myself a drink of sprite when I could feel my phone vibrating. I reach for my phone with a huge smile on my face knowing that it’s Andrew wishing me a happy birthday. As I turn the phone on I see that it’s not a text message but a voicemail with the number of Andrew’s house. I really didn’t think anything seeing that Andrew’s parents and I got along great, “They just called to say happy birthday” I tell myself and dial my voicemail. According to my phone the call came about twenty minutes ago, I then hear Andrew’s mothers voice. She doesn’t say anything at first all I can hear is the sound of her nose sucking up air quickly. “David… its Andrew …he’s dead” her voice is shaky “He was in a helicopter and it was shot down”. My heart sank and I couldn’t breath it seemed the harder I tried to breath the less I could. I place my right hand on top of my mouth and I dropped the phone, I also ran to the nearest trash bag and puked. My guest thought I was throwing up because I had too much to drink. I then step back from the trash can grab my stomach with one hand and my mouth with the other. “Get me out of here” I say quietly “GET ME OUT OF HERE” I scream to my sister in law. The atmosphere quickly changes and everyone stops and stares at me. My sister in law grabs me and leads me to her bedroom, “Don’t let my brothers see me like this” I say to her. Only my sister in law and my brother’s girlfriend are allowed into the room. My breathing hasn’t improved and I feel like I am having a hear attack. What’s strange is that I am not even crying, the room feels hot for me and so I lay down on the restroom tile floor. I lay on my stomach trying to breath the cold floor seems to help but not that much. “What wrong?” asks my sister in law as she puts one hand on my upper back. “Andrew’s dead” I say in between breaths. Suddenly I felt the same feeling that I had when I was in the storage room that day, helplessness. I tell myself that maybe his mother is just overreacting and she will call back saying that Andrew’s alive. But that isn’t enough to calm my breathing and I don’t believe his dead.

I hear knocking at the door my sister in law lock it for privacy, knowing my brothers a simple door won’t hold them back. My brother’s girlfriend runs to the door and tells them what’s going on. I can hear my brothers voice “David are you ok?” he says while still in the doorway. “Just give us a minute” my sister in law says and I hear the door close. I was expecting a comforting speech from my sister in law and my brother’s girlfriend but they said nothing. I let them be with me because I thought they would have something comforting to say but they say nothing. I never felt more alone in my life. My head is filled with images of Andrew on a helicopter that just got shot. I can hear the pilots trying to control the helicopter and telling their passengers to “brace for impact”. I can also see Andrew’s blue eyes, his face, his smile, his touch and his voice; all those things gone because one bastard with a bazooka pulled the trigger. One bastard decided not only to end Andrew’s life but mine also; it’s at this moment that I hate everyone especially myself. I should have stopped Andrew from leaving; I should have said something to him. He would run away with me in a heart beat; he would leave everything behind for me. I am back to reality and the cold floor is gone my body heat has won. My breathing has calmed down but the pain in my heart grows every second. I then feel someone grab my left arm and spin me around to my back, then his right arm hold my mid back and his left arm under my knees. He lifts me with ease, I look up and see Andrews face. I quickly wrap my arms around his neck but Andrew’s face turns into Ryan’s face. Ryan lifts me up from the floor and carries me to a chair in the bathroom. I don’t let go and he sits in the chair with me on top of him. He wraps his arm around me, I can feel his chin on top of my head, and he starts rocking back and forth. With my right hand I grab his shirt tightly and I begin to cry, tears come like a waterfall. I cry for hours and hours but Ryan doesn’t let go of me, all I can picture now is Andrew dying over and over again. The cutest smile I have…had ever seen, it’s the kind of smile that makes you smile even if you were having a bad day, all of it gone. I cry for hours and hours until I finally fall asleep, I haven’t cried myself to sleep since the hotel room. My nightmares consist of Andrew in the helicopter, the man with the bazooka, and a thousand ways Andrew could have died.

The next morning I wake up in one of my brother’s guest bedroom. It’s around midday as I get up I see that Ryan is asleep in a chair next to the bed. I get up quietly not to disturb him and walk to the living room. My brother is watching some news; the couch he is sitting in has its back towards the bedroom I slept in. the news consist of the war going on in Iraq, its at this moment that I hoped to god that I just dreamt everything about last night. As every second passed by I actually began to believe that it was all just a dream, but then that all quickly vanishes when the local anchor comes to the screen. He talks about our brave soldiers fighting for our freedom. Then a picture of Andrew comes up and has the date on which he died, tears begin to come down my face. I turn around and walk back to the bedroom as I do I hear the anchor say “His body has yet to be found”. I hear this but an answer quickly forms “It’s because he was blown up” I think to myself. I lay on the bed facing away from Ryan and just in time to because I can hear him wake up. Ryan gets up and walks out of the room; I can hear Ryan and my brother talking. Then my brother makes Ryan go home, Ryan refuses but in the end he does decide to go home. He then walks back into the room and sits on the bed, I can feel him with my back. I pretend to be asleep, and Ryan then kisses me on the forehead. “I am sorry David” says Ryan. He then gets up and leaves. I stay in bed for the rest of the day, then the next day, then the next day and then the next day. I have no will to do anything my whole world shattered and my heart died that night. My sister in law then comes into the room; we begin to talk for hours and hours. At the end of our discussion she convinces me to go to classes “They will distract you” she says. I missed about a week already but she is right I am no use here in bed all day, besides this is not what Andrew would have wanted me to do.

The semester goes on, I live one inch a day at a time and my sister in law was right about the classes. I talk to no one; I just keep my head low and do my work. No one notices me and I don’t notice them. My midnight screaming comes back again, I find myself having the same nightmare over and over again. My nightmare consists of me back in the storage room with the shooter but this time Andrew isn’t there. All nights I wake up screaming; the nightmares return because I know Andrew isn’t coming back to me. I then think of getting back together with the craigslist guy see if he can help to distract me. One day I end up in his dorm room “I’ve missed you” he says while he has me against the kitchen counter kissing the back of my neck. He then unbuttons my jean and he lets then slide down my leg, he kisses my neck with a lot of pressure almost suggesting he hasn’t got laid since I left him. He then pulls out his cock and starts to circle it around my asshole, his breathing almost sounds like a pervert. I then look at the microwave which gives just enough of a reflection. I see myself and the craigslist guy behind me, but behind us I see Andrew. He looks at me not in anger but with a blank expression, this scares me so much that I push the guy off of me and leave the dorm room. I need more than just my classes to distract me and so I volunteer at the hospital looking after patients. For me every patient reminds me of Andrew, its more of a motivation to go back to the hospital really. Every patient is Andrew and I do what I can to help them get better so that they can go back to their happy lives.

One day I am assigned to a patient of eighty years old, a man called Eugene Smith; I walk into his room and introduce myself. Not even ten seconds with this guy and he says “You too huh son” with an oxygen tube across his nose. “I am sorry” I say to him almost as if I didn’t know what he was talking about. “You don’t have to play nice with me young man I know what’s going on with you” I look at him “You lost someone dear to you haven’t you” he says with his grey eyes looking at me. I was about to play the innocent card but then I said “Three months ago” Eugene looks at me for a while. “It gets better son I promise” he says while putting his hand behind his head. “How?” I ask trying to hold back my tears “Time” Eugene says. I didn’t have to ask him but I knew that he lost his wife sometime ago, “When?” I ask him. He looks at me for a while “Twenty years ago” he says reaching for a photo of his wife, “She was the love of my life” he says with a smile and kisses the picture. He hands me the photo, she has short curly black hair, red lips, rosy cheeks and dark eyes. “She’s beautiful” I say with a smirk on my face, “How did she die” I ask him flat out. “It was her time son” he says taking no offense. For the next months I visit Eugene even though I am not always assign to care for him. We talk about everything life, cars, movies, love, sex, and everything in between. Even when Eugene’s out of the hospital I still visit him at least twice a week at his house, he always has some type of food for me to eat. If I didn’t know any better I say that Eugene could easily be Andrew’s grandfather, they have the same personality. One day I pull up to his house only to find a fire truck in front. Fear grips me and I run inside screaming Eugene’s name. About five firemen are in his room making him comfortable, to my surprise I see Will. With watery eyes I go to him and he grabs both of my arms trying to calm me down. “He’s okay David” Will says in an assuring voice. “What happen?” I say trying to catch my breath “He just fell nothing serious just some bruising” Will reassures me. As I am trying to catch my breath Ryan walks into the bedroom calling everyone back to the truck. His green eyes lock onto mine immediately; we look at each other for a while. All of the firemen leave the room leaving just the three of us, but Eugene seems to be asleep. “Hey” Ryan says while still making eye contact, I look at him trying to find something to say. Ryan is wearing a dark blue shirt that says “fire department”, with huge yellow pants, heavy boots and red suspenders.

His shirt seems too small for him because I can see every muscle, his big strong arms and hands are the ones that I look at the most. Then we hear the fire truck horn signaling Ryan to get in the truck. “Ill come back” says Ryan while he leaves the room running out, as he’s outside going into the truck I hear him say “You guys are still dicks” and the fire truck leaves. As I sit beside Eugene I look around his room, nothing special just a bed, drawer, pictures on the wall, closet and small cabinet beside his bed full of medicine bottles. “That was pathetic” he says while opening his eyes, “What?” I say to him, I smile just because he’s alive and unharmed. “Look kid I know it’s been almost a year since you lost Andrew and I feel for you” he says while sitting up on his bed. “But you have a chance to start something new with someone that cares for you” I look at him as if he’s crazy. “Ryan is just…” I say unable to finish the sentence, I don’t know how to label Ryan. Is Ryan a friend? Or is he more than that. Sure I wanted to start something with Ryan after the shooting but Andrew beat him to it, I now wonder what would my life be like if I had Ryan for a boyfriend. Would it be any different? Could Ryan bring me back to life like Andrew did after the shooting? Eugene looks at me and knows what I am thinking about “Take a chance” he says “You don’t know where it may lead” he says almost in a whisper. I look at Eugene and take a deep breath, I shake my head. Eugene then throws his arms up and drops them on the bed. “I knew I should have gone with house fire” he says “That way the two of you could have spent some more time together” he continues while looking at his feet. I then put the pieces together Eugene’s fall wasn’t accidental he planned this so I would run into Ryan. “You evil old man” I say sarcastically, Eugene then burst out laughing and so do I. it’s the first time I laugh out load since Andrew’s death. “Only because I care about you son” Eugene says still laughing. He then pulls open a drawer that’s next to his bed and pulls out a printed picture. The picture is Ryan and I the one a photographer took after the shooting. “You see this?” asks Eugene pointing to Ryan “This is not just a fireman…this is a man who fell for you that day” continues Eugene.

I shake my head still not believing Eugene, “Tell me what happen that day?” asks Eugene. I told him about how I was late for my class that day, I don’t mention that I was late because I was having sex in the restroom, and hearing the gun shot, watching the shooter kill the people trying to escape, helping Andrew, the shooter raping me and Ryan reassuring me that he is not there to hurt me. Eugene listens intensely and nods his head once in a while, then there’s a knock at the door. I didn’t realize how late in the afternoon it was when I answered the door, Ryan stands there looking through the screen door. I was about to open it when Eugene comes out of his room “Come in” he yells and walks to the kitchen. Ryan comes in and again his eyes meet mine, I don’t know why but every time we make eye contact I freeze. It’s like Ryan has me under his spell; his green eyes have power over me. “Hi” he says with a smile, “Hi” I say back trying to break the eye contact but fail. “Come into the kitchen” Eugene says, I smile and head for the kitchen. It’s a small kitchen big enough for five people. “I see your feeling better” Ryan says to Eugene as he is entering the kitchen. “I may be old but I am not fragile” Eugene says while heating up some food for us. The three of us ate dinner together, talked, joked and shared stories. It was around eleven when Ryan and I said goodbye to Eugene, as I am walking out the door Eugene gives me his evil smile. “He planned this to happen” I say in my head. Ryan walks me to my truck “Listen Ryan I never got a chance to thank you for what you did that night” I say trying not to sound like a little girl. “You don’t have to…David” he says my name with the sexiest tone I have ever heard. I almost melted right then and there but somehow I hold my ground. I get into the truck and start the engine before I say or do anything stupid, I then roll down the window. “Eugene wants to celebrate my 21 birthday” I say to Ryan who is still by the truck “If you are not to busy would you like to join us?” I ask Ryan trying not to blush. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world” answers Ryan. A huge smile comes across both our faces; I then take off leaving Ryan in the middle of the street. I can’t believe I did it but I took a chance, maybe it was too soon but I took a chance.