Cool Fools 9: Heaven

As Woody felt Ethan’s hand on his shoulders slacken, Woody lifted his head up to see Ethan with his eyes closed. Woody knew many people, including himself, who loved to shut their eyes in order to concentrate on the pleasures he was receiving, but Woody had always known Ethan to be the type of guy who loved to watch his partner pleasure him. So why did Ethan close his eyes now? Whatever the case, Woody knew just how to make Ethan open his eyes.

Reaching his hands up Ethan’s body, Woody landed his fingers on those beautiful, hard nipples and gave them a squeeze. To Woody’s disenchantment, Ethan did not open his eyes…nor did he utter anything more than his airy sighs…nor did he twitch around in bed. In fact, Ethan showed no indication that he felt Woody’s playful twister.

It wasn’t long before Woody realized Ethan was asleep…

****

The next morning, Adam dropped off Reed at the apartment. Adam reminded that the festival began at twelve, but suggested they go at eleven to beat the traffic. “Ethan and I’ll be too busy to pick you guys up,” said Adam, “So Woody, you’ll just have to take Reed. Oh, yeah, here are your free passes.” The older boyfriends gave their respective partner a kiss and went out the door.

Woody and Reed spent one of the next three hours working out, another hour chilling and watching TV, and another hour getting ready for the Renaissance Festival. They wondered if they should wear normal clothing or dress up in a medieval world costume. They talked about the news, weather, and random things, but they stayed clear from the subject of what the others did last night with their boyfriends.

At last, they left the apartment, driving just outside the city limit, tailgating behind a long line of vehicles that were surely going to the same place. Driving through the winding rocky road, finding a place to park, standing in line, that all took an hour. It was perfect timing really, because when the gates opened, Woody and Reed had just shown their free passes and were ones of the first to enter.

It didn’t take long before the land of the 14th to 17th century was packed with people. Both young men had never been to a festival like this before. Everything they saw amazed them: the people dressed in elaborate costumes, the rides that were pushed by muscle power, the stage acts and performers that scattered about the trodden paths. Dressed in jeans and shirts, Woody and Reed were relieved to find most of the people were dressed in 21st century clothing as well.

Woody and Reed each grabbed a brochure, hoping to find a map detailing what all they could find in the great many acres that the city had dedicated to the festival. Surely enough, they found the maps and all the attractions and lists of events that were coming up. The theme of the week, as stated in the brochure, was Dante’s Inferno. On one section of the brochure, there was an interesting, long list of sins that would send people straight to hell where they would be punished for their waywardness.

“Look at this,” Reed pointed out one of the many sins, “If anyone are seen committing Violence against Nature, you will be sent immediately to the 7th circle of Hell where you’d have to walk through fire, as depicted by Dante’s Inferno.”
“So I shouldn’t go about littering this place, is that what it means?” said Woody.
“No, stupid!” said Reed, “Violence against Nature means Sodomy. We can’t be gay in the 15th century.”
“Kinda sounds like the 21st century to me,” laughed Woody. “Come on, let’s get a turkey drumstick!”

While finishing their turkey legs, Reed and Woody walked around looking for their boyfriends. After thirty minutes of unsuccessful searching, the two close friends decided to go on one of the rides. They picked the nearest one, the ‘Viking Express’ which was a ride shaped like a boat that swung like a pendulum really high on either side. Woody and Reed got on, sitting in the middle seats. Before the ride began, two young attractive, shirtless blond guys made sure everyone’s safety belt was secure.

“Wow, regular carnivals never hire hot ride-operators like them,” said Reed, ogling at the biceps and ripped abs and semi-hairy chests of the workers, “If we didn’t have boyfriends, who would you choose?”

“Neither!” yawned Woody, “Didn’t I already tell you? I’m not attracted to any guy besides Ethan.”
“I know you told me,” said Reed, “But it’s just weird. I understand that Ethan is about as perfect a man as there can be, but you can’t say Adam is not just as hot!”

“I’m not blind. I can see that Adam is one hell of a great-looking guy. But I just don’t feel anything when I look at him…or any other guy…”
“So what attracted you to Ethan? What made Ethan so special?”

“I…” Woody seemed stumped by the question, “I…well, I guess it was when Ethan helped me get those Iron Man dolls for the Welling twins…” Woody recounted the story of how Ethan was willing to be dunked in a tank full of fish bits and raw sea foods in order to help Woody out.

“So let’s suppose it was Adam who helped you get those action figures. Would you have been attracted to him?” asked Reed.
“I don’t know…maybe?!”

The thought discomforted Woody. Was the basis of Woody’s attraction to Ethan simply because of that single event? If Ethan hadn’t done what he did, would Woody have sexual thoughts about him later that night? If that event wasn’t the basis of their relationship, what was?

Woody’s head was spinning during the ride, but he wasn’t sure if it was due to the swinging boat or the troublesome thought. Before Woody realized it, the ride was over, but his head was still spinning. The two best friends walked around until they found another attraction, all the while, Woody kept going through that question in his head: why?…how?…what made Woody fall in love with Ethan?

“Shit! I should have used the bathroom before we left the house,” said Reed, “I gotta go find an outhouse!”
Woody nodded, “I’ll wait for you by the fountain.”

Reed looked over the map in the brochure and quickly headed in direction of the closest bathroom. Woody found a seat by the bench, staring at the fountain. Still troubled by the question Reed presented, Woody couldn’t sit for long in one place. Soon, he was walking around again…

“Hey, Woody. Hold up.” It was Adam’s voice. Woody turned around as the professional photographer ran up to him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Even if I say no, I think you’re gonna ask me anyway,” said Woody, “So go ahead.”
“Did you happen by any chance to tell Reed what I told you a long time ago? He seemed kind of distant last night…even while we fucking for like seven or eight hours…”

“Don’t need to know the details!” Woody said, “And yes, I told him.”
“Oh! Fuck! Why’d cha do that for? What am I gonna do now?”
“What’s the matter? Don’t you think it’s good that he knows the truth…so he doesn’t put all his hopes and feelings into you?”

Adam seemed distraught, “Yeah…I guess.”
“Okay, let me ask you this,” said Woody, “Did you guys agree on an open relationship?”

“What?” Adam’s eyes grew furious, “Why’d you ask? Who else has he been sleeping with? Tell me! Is it that fucker Leroy?”
“No, he’s not sleeping with anyone but you,” said Woody, “But what about you? You sleeping with anybody else?”

“Uh…yeah…sure. Of course, I’m sleeping with other people. That’s what I do. I sleep with…people,” Adam let out a groan, “Damn it! Okay, I’m not fucking around with anybody else. Alright? For Christ’s sakes, don’t look so surprised!”

“So…” Woody chuckled, “Are you in love with him?”

“In love with him?” Adam laughed mechanically, “What kind of question is that? I mean…if you ask me if I think he’s hot…then, fuck yeah…he’s fucking hot as hell. He’s fucking hot in bed. God, he gives the best blowjay ever. If you ask me what else I like about him…I like how incredibly passionate he is. He’s always campaigning and writing letters to organizations for things he believes in. And he…he accepts no bullshit from me. I mean, everyone calls me out on my bullshit, but the way he does it, the way he knuckles my forehead, or kick me in the shins…I fucking love it when he does it…it drives me crazy…it turns me on. But you ask me if I love him?...I don’t believe in love. I’m not the type of guy who falls in love with anyone. So…no…I don’t….I don’t love him—I don’t love Reed.” Adam took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. A sixth sense told him that the last part of his speech was heard by someone who had returned from the bathroom, “Oh shit! He’s standing right behind me isn’t he?”

Woody nodded as Adam slowly turned around to see Reed’s increasingly wet face. The young man who had spoken too much could barely let out another word before a gray-haired gentleman in a brown tunic called for him. “Damn it, Adam, go suit up already!” And just like that, the photographer fled the disastrous scene, leaving Reed to fall onto the shoulders of his best friend.

****

By now, both young men were not in the best state of mind. Both were questioning the legitimacy of their relationships. But they had free passes and they had barely explored ten percent of the sights and attractions. So the two walked around, comforting each other, and decided to stay at least for the tournament before they head home.

The tournament began at two, and Woody and Reed found a seat on the topmost row of bleachers near the middle. The tournament was always the biggest crowd-drawer, so Woody knew if they were to find Ethan, it would be here. Reed also expected to see Adam standing around, taking pictures of the event, but the photographer was nowhere to be found.

As the trumpets blared, the royal family walked down the aisle as the crowd cheered them on. Woody recognized that the gray-haired king was the gentleman who told Adam to suit up. Next to him was the lovely, voluptuous queen with a great big red hair. Behind them was the beautiful princess whose dress was light blue and whose waist was constricted in the tightest corset Woody and Reed had ever seen. Soon, the royal family took their place in the grandly built gazebo.

The King made his speech, thanked everyone for coming, and announced the purpose of this tournament was to find a handsome, strong, valiant knight for his daughter. So without further ado, he summoned forth the four knights who would be competing for princess’s heart.

Trumpets blared as the first knight came out into the battle field, riding his horse, dressed in the usual knightly chain mail and armor, carrying a green shield with the emblem of a grand oak tree. Another knight was introduced; this one had a purple shield with the emblem of an eagle.

“I don’t get it,” said Woody, reading the brochure about Dante’s Inferno, “Murder…and violence against others, in general…is actually a lesser sin than Sodomy. But it’s still a sin. How come these knights aren’t afraid of going to hell?”
Reed explained, “Because if you are a noble, rich warrior, you are bound to have a priest of your own who could pray away all your sins.”

“OH MY MOTHER OF GOD!” Woody exclaimed as the trumpet blared and another knight rode out. Dressed in shiny dark armor, his shield was black with the emblem of a rattlesnake, Ethan White charged his horse to the very center of the crowd, roaring a mighty war-cry that shocked half the people in the audience, while the other half swoon at the beauty of the man on the horse.

Woody had always considered Ethan to be his knight in shiny armor, but now, he no longer had to imagine it. Though dressed in a heavy suit that seemed to weigh down the other two knights, Ethan still looked tall and mighty on his horse. Since the face was the only part of skin that showed, the crowd would have to use their imagination to see the beautiful body underneath all that chain and metal.

“Wow, what a stallion!” a girl sitting in front of Woody and Reed exclaimed, “And the horse ain’t bad either.” As Ethan turned his horse around, he stared straight at Woody and gave a sexy wink. “Oh, shit! He just winked at me!” the girl blushed.

Woody just had to chuckle quietly to himself. So this was why Ethan was so tired last night…he had been practicing for this!

“Prince Ethaniel is the second-born to King Phillips of France,” said the announcer, “As you can see, his favorite color is black. He claims that wearing black helps him absorb all the dark energy in the world, and his beloved snake helps him conflict all his pain upon his enemies.”

“Hey, stop making me sound so evil, you old buffoon!” shouted Ethan, hamming his character up to the max.

The announcer continued, “As a small child, he has always been envious of his bigger brother Prince Aiden...”

“He always gets what he wants! He never deserves it! He’s never earned it! Never!” roared Ethan.

“At the age of ten, Prince Ethaniel has tried to murder his brother on fifteen different occasions, but has failed every time. When he was fifteen, he invited his brother out on a hunting trip for yet another evil plot of his. But the booby trap the prince had set up backfired, and he ended up at the business end of a woodcutter’s ax. Today, he still bears the scar on his chest.”

“It’s a great scar!” claimed Ethan proudly, “The ladies love to run their fingers all over it in bed.”

“Prince Ethaniel soon believed that the necklace his brother wore was protected by a charm of luck. Soon, he focused his attention on another member of the family. He invited his father out on yet another hunting trip, and poor King Phillips never made it back to the palace alive.”

“Okay, enough of you!” Ethan charged his horse up to the announcer and pulled out his sword, pretending to swing it at the announcer. The announcer grabbed his throat, gave out a cry as he fell down and the crowd gasped.

“Wow, I’ve never seen this evil side of Ethan before,” laughed Woody, “I LOVE IT!”

As the announcer was carried away on stretchers, the King stood up again to introduce the last knight: Prince Aiden. By now, both Woody and Reed knew who was to play Prince Aiden. Riding out on a white horse, his shield red, his emblem of a lion, it was none other than Adam White.

“Oh, my god. Another hot knight! Are they really brothers in real life?” the girl sitting in front of Woody and Reed wondered aloud.
“No, they’re cousins!” Both Woody and Reed informed at once.

“Tell me, Prince Aiden,” said the King, “What is the purpose of your participation in this tournament?”

Adam spoke calmly, “Your highness, I come here to win the heart of the love of my life. And to bring justice for the death of my father, the great king of France, and your once beloved Lord!”
The King nodded, “It pained me greatly when I heard the news of his passing. And I hope with your bravery and honor, Prince Aiden, that you will indeed bring justice to King Phillip and peace to the people of your land.”

After the introduction, the jousting tournament finally began. Prince Ethaniel was first set up with the knight in purple armor. Seeing Ethan carrying that long lance, Woody couldn’t help but conjure up some extremely naughty images, what it was like if a particular part of Ethan’s body was really that long. Already, Woody was starting to form a lance of his own.

Having only been trained a day, Ethan seemed to be holding the weapon a lot better than the other knight. As they put on their helmets, the two knights positioned their horses at the two ends of the fiel, facing each other. A flag went up and they charged. Both missed the first time. As they repositioned, Ethan called on the crowd and soon they were chanting, “Cheat to Win. Cheat to Win!” Surely enough, Prince Ethaniel did just that. He turned his shield to the other side and the audience could see that it was a mirror. As the flag went up again, the two knights charged again. But Ethan positioned the mirror so that the sunlight would shine through the slits of the other knight’s helmet, causing him to go blind for a moment and fall off his horse. Ethan won that round!

Now it was Prince Aiden versus the knight wearing green. They got into position. Adam pulled out a necklace…the charm of luck…and kissed it, and tuck it back under his armor. The flag was thrown. They charged their horses. Of course to prolong the tournament, both knights missed their first try. Now Adam was calling to the crowd who chanted back, “Fight for Honor. Fight for Honor.” They repositioned. Adam kissed his necklace again. The flag was up in the air again. They charged again. This time, Adam managed to jab his lance at the shield of the knight, tilting him back a little, which was enough for him to win that round.

As anyone with a brain in the audience predicted, Adam and Ethan would end up dueling each other. “A Duel to the Death!” They declared.