Simple person, great love

All kind of thoughts sprung into my mind, is Kevin avoiding me, or am I being too pushy, what have I done wrong for him to treat me that way. my life took another turn that day , I lost my food appetite , I started to wear anything ,I didn't care how I looked, or whom I’m going to meet. it was obvious to everyone in the office, that something was wrong with me, but Brenda tried to keep every thing look normal to me , I could see a thousand question in here eyes, though she tried to hide them. The week was over again, and I knew that Kevin should be heading home any day know. In my mind, I was really waiting for the day he will ask for an appointment, after all we were working at his projects, and I’ve given it most of my time, as if it was my own. Monday came, I was first to arrive in the office. Every time the phone rang, I waited anxiously to know who was calling. I started calling Brenda for stupid reasons, hoping she will tell me Kevin called, Tuesday passed, and Wednesday followed, it has been almost three weeks since I’ve seen Kevin, his primary lay outs were ready, and on my desk, but I couldn't call, after all my dignity didn't allow me to, that Thursday I had the surprise, Brenda came to me and with an angry look on her face said
"Mr Richard, the office of Kevin Bocher called”
“Yes and what did the say” I interrupted her out of my anxiety.
"They have apologised, and asked us to stop their projects till further notice”
I couldn't breath at that moment, I had to loosen my tie, and open my shirt buttons
"Are you fine Mr Richard, would you like a glass of water" Brenda screamed and I could see her worry in her face.
"I’m fine Brenda" I answered with a weary voice.
"ah thanks god , anyhow , Kevin Boucher’s office have asked us to bill for the charges of the hours spent on their project, its the least they could do, after all the working hours you have put for him” looking at me calmly .
"Send them a letter thanking them, tell them it was our pleasure to work with them, and there were no charges"
"But Mr Richard" Brenda answered
"Just do it Brenda, please, I need to be left alone"

Brenda left and closed the door. I sat on my chair , turned facing the window an looked at the sky , I wanted to cry put I couldn't , I waited a while, and then got my things and left the office . I reached home and for the very first time in my life, I switched the cell phone off, I felt I wanted to die, I hated myself, I hated life, I started throwing things around and screaming out of anger, everything looked black to me, I don’t want anything to do with anyone, I sat on the floor and pressed my back to the wall and just sat there, thinking how could I be so ignorant and stupid to fall in love. I drank heavily that day, and went to sleep on the sofa, in the living room, with my tie and suite.
I woke up on the ringing of the phone, and I heard Brenda’s voice asking if everything is alright, and why haven’t I been to the office, in the answering machine she sounded worried, but that was normal, since I’ve not missed a day of work since she joined us. I didn't take the curtsy to call back; I just wanted to be alone. I started drinking soon after I woke up, and I sat with everything unchanged since last night. Brenda kept calling, but she had no luck with me answering her. I felt drunk on the sofa again, and just slept. I woke up by the ring on the door bell, I saw the clock on the wall, and it showed five, I must have fell a sleep by the amount of alcohol I had. My head felt really heavy, but the door bell wouldn’t stop, so, I stood up and headed to the door, opened it, and there was Brenda standing really fuming.
Finding her way to the living room she plainly said "I’ve been calling you since the morning, I’ve been worried sick what has gotten to you?”
“oh for heaven sacks what happened to you here" a reaction of here when she saw what has happened in my place.
I could not say anything, I just left here and headed to the toilet, I washed my face, and went back to see what she was up to.
"Would you like anything to drink Brenda?"
"No, but I would really like to speak to my boss please"
"What do you mean Brenda" I asked here amazingly
"You heard me fine Mr, I need to speak to Mr Richard please"
"Well if you like it or not, I’m Richard Brown"
I started to tidy things up, and she stood and helped me out, then I fixed coffee, and offered her a cup. Both of us sat on the sofa, and started talking
"How was your day at the office" I asked
"Hell, it was so embarrassing. I’m your personal secretary, and I had no idea where the hell you were" she answered with a tone of anger in here voice.
"Well it’s over know, relax" I said
"I can't relax Mr Richard” she said
"Why is that Brenda?”
"Cause you are not fine" I was shocked when she said that
"Yes I am” I answered 
"oh really , then why didn't you come to the office, which you haven't missed a day of for the last four years , you are still wearing yesterdays clothes , and you are so drunk you stink , so don’t tell me that you are fine boy"
I was in a corner and didn't know what to say

she started talking again and said" Mr Richard you offered me this job when no one else would, I was almost a homeless single mother of three kids, you are my angel, so if I could be of any help please ask"
"Thanks Brenda, I just want to know one thing?” I said sorrowfully.
"What’s that Mr Richard?"
"Would you please stop calling me Mr Richard, please I’m serious"
"Ok "she answered stumpy "what is it that you want to know"
"Am I bad person" I asked
"Hell no, no, no, no, I don't know about the others, but to us, you are an angel Richard”
"Then why……" and I couldn't finish the question, I started to get depressed , my eyes stated to turn watery, and a tear just fell out of it.
She saw it and came closer, put here hand on my back patting me, and said “have you been hurt Richard?”
I could not answer her; I just sat there with my tears on my cheeks.
she hugged me and said" there is an old saying Richard, that love enters on tip toe and leaves with a slamming door.”

I hugged her back and said while tears starting to get heavier “what if I was the one who had pulled it in Brenda.”
"Then you kick it out, Richard "she urged.
I couldn't hold myself, I just cried while hugging here tighter and tighter. I remembered the day I sat with Kevin in the café, and how life seemed to be so beautiful. I couldn't let go of Brenda, I just kept crying till my eyes dried out, and I could hear here saying “cry boy cry, it’s the only cure to a broken heart."
I let go of Brenda, I felt much better after I had cried, and asked here if she would join me for dinner, and she accepted.

I took here to the best place in town, and while we were there, she told me that I had to spit it out, and get the hurt out of my mind. I hesitated in the beginning, but I had to talk to someone about it, and the only person I had was Brenda, so I did and she was ok with the man to man relation.
Time past, I couldn't get over Kevin, but I was much better. couple of months later I was invited for an opening of a shopping centre, which I have designed, and while I was talking to some of the crowed the owner pulled up to me and said
"There you are Richard; I would really like to introduce you to someone"
"And who would that be sir" I said
"It’s my company’s legal adviser, and he is the best in his field as you are in designs"
"It would be my pleasure sir” I answered back.
And I heard him saying "Kevin, Kevin, over her Mr Law, come and meet the guy with the golden fingers who designed this piece of art"
the world started spinning on me , and I prayed that it wouldn't be Kevin I knew , the one I had fallen head over heals for , oh God please don't do this to me. I looked behind me, and there he was , I wanted to hug him , lay my head on his proud chest and cry , blame him for doing what he has done to me , but I had to pull myself, look strong, and as if I didn't care of anything , I pulled my hand to him, shocked his hand and said
“Its pleasure to meet you again Mr Kevin Bocher, hope everything is going fine with you"
"Everything is fine and you" he answered gazing at me.

I wanted to tell him that I missed him, and I wish that he'll have me back, but I said " as you can see this project is over, and many to come, hope to see you around" I looked at the watch and pretended that I had to leave , and I left, leaving my happiness with him once again.
I drove my car, I couldn't go home, I started remembering all the pain he caused me and I had to keep on driving. Tears started to fall out of my eyes, and life seemed wearing black again. I didn't want to think of him, but I couldn't, he was the only love I knew, and the only love I wanted. I started thinking, and talked to God, why did you create love, why is it that I hate and love the same person, why is it that when ever I see him I forget everything in life, and why is he who means the world to me, however, Brenda said it that tears are the best to heal a broken heart.

Next day I started early, and went to the office, everything seemed on schedule, and by mid of the day, Brenda came in and said
"Mr Richard, Kevin Boucher’s' office called and they are ready to proceed with the project again"
"Well, tell them that we will be more than happy to assist them, but it won’t be me, I’m too busy with other projects. Just pull me out of it Brenda"
"Sure sir, whom do you have in mind to assist them?"
“David is excellent"
"I’ll see to it Mr Richard" Brenda said and left the room
I got a kind of a pleasure felling, it was as if I won, but I couldn't give up to him so easily, I didn’t think I had the strength to meet Kevin again, and I really want to avoid seeing him, enough is enough. In a few days I new Kevin is coming to the office, he didn't know that I wont be seeing him. I let David, who is one of my best engineers, meet him. Kevin came, sat with David, and when he left David came to me and said that he felt Mr Kevin was disappointed cause I didn’t meet him, it felt good again, and I told him that I’ll be looking at that matter.

I went home, had dinner, and watched TV. It was almost eight when my cell phone rang
"Richard Brown" I answered wondering who it would be.
"Richard, this is Kevin, how are you?”
my heart almost stopped when I heard his warm voice, however, I had to answer him” hello Mr Kevin, I’m fine thanks, and yourself?"
"Well I’m good, I was looking forward to seeing you today Richard" an inquiry appeared in his question.
"Well I’m sorry, I’m really busy, but don’t worry, with David you are in good hands” I answered as professional as I can be.
"You don't understand I want you” he pledged.
"Well I’m sorry Mr Kevin I’m really busy" again I was as cool as I could.
"What’s with Mr., I thought I told you to call me Kevin" 
"I can't sir; I think this way is better"
"I can explain my delay in the projects Richard"
“You don’t have to do that; it’s a pleasure to serve you anytime Mr. Kevin”
"I want to meet you Richard" he asked very gently.

I wanted to run to him, huge him, lay on his chest for eternity, but I couldn't take it any more, I don't think I had the strength for it.
“I have to get back to you on this one. Goodnight"

I hang up and sat on the sofa thinking, if what I have done was right, I could not sleep that night, I had war within me , my heart told me to go and meet him , tell him that I loved him so much that he meant the world to be, tell him that when ever I’m around him, the hall world looks prettier, on the other hand my mind told me not to go, after all he was so harsh on me, he hurt me , and made me cry. My eyes started getting watery and I slept in tears.

He kept calling, and I ignored him. I hadn’t the strength in me to call him back. I was afraid to fall in love with him again. When ever he has an appointment in the office, I’ll make an excuse to leave, and avoid being around him.