Tangled - Part Sixteen

*****FORTY : TEACHING MR. JONES.

Finally, two months after the accident, I decided it was time to get back to my old life, albeit without my love; so I made up my mind to try and find some sort of closure. It had been very difficult for me but Danny, Jack, Kevin and now Derek were all there to support me. Derek seemed to have become a permanent fixture in Kevin’s life and I was glad of it.

I had an opportunity to talk to Derek a couple of days after his first night with Kevin. Danny and Jack along with Kevin and Derek had sort of invited themselves to my place for dinner. Jack had cooked us a splendid meal and we were relaxing with coffee afterwards when I managed to get Derek alone. I asked him how his first time with Kevin had gone.

"Great!" He said vaguely. "Just great!"
"Come on, Derek, give. You can tell to me."
He looked at me and then sighed.

"Okay! But forgive me for not being as candid as you are. I'm still adjusting." He said with a small smile.
"Not a problem. Tell me."
"Okay!" He started. "At first, I was really quite scared. But Kevin was so nice, that I started to relax. Then he . . uh . . well, he put his hand on my leg and kissed me."

"So, what happened?"
"Hell, David, I lost it! I went a little crazy and before I knew what was happening, I had him pinned under me on the couch and I . . uh . . I was kissing him back, you know, with tongue and all."
"Great!" I said. "Did you enjoy it?"

He smiled, a brilliant smile of joy. "Oh, yes, definitely. You were right. I was running on instinct alone."
"Good! So then what happened?"
"Well, we ended up in the bedroom, you know . . naked! David, it was wonderful! I've never felt like that before, and it really was a lot of fun!"
"I'm so glad for you." I said.

"The only thing is, I think I might have scared him off a little."
"Why do you think that?" I asked.
"Well, once were in the bed, I confess that I went really quite mad. I just couldn't get enough of him, and I think he might have been a little afraid of the size of my . . uh . . my . . you know?"
"No, actually, I don't!" I said obtusely.

He leaned close to me and whispered. "David, I have a really big . . uh . . penis! It embarrasses me sometimes."
"Then you are a god among us mere mortals. In the gay community, a big cock is what we all want and wish for. So don't be embarrassed about it. You should be proud of it."
"Really?" He grinned. "Okay. I'll try."

"And don't worry about scaring Kevin off. He's quite taken with you. And once he gets used to your . . uh . . large attributes, shall we say, he'll revel in it. So don't worry."
"I hope I can go home with him again tonight. I really like him. He’s incredibly sexy." He grinned.
"Well, just play it by ear, and see what happens."
"Okay!" He said.

As we moved to join the others, I whispered to him. "And I would really like to see it sometime, purely out of curiosity of course."
He looked at me surprised. "You mean my . . !" And he sort of indicated his groin.
"Yeah!" I said. "I've never seen a ten-incher before."

He gasped. "How do you know . . !" He paused and then looked stricken. "Oh no, he told you, didn't he? He told you everything?"
"Oh yeah!" I said. "Remember what I told you. We're very open about our sex lives and we have a deep interest in everyone else's. Example: Lee and I once walked in on Jack and Danny running around the apartment, stark naked with big, bouncing hard-ons, and they burst in on Lee and me while we were fucking on the stairs"

"On the stairs?"
"Oh yeah! We lead pretty exciting sex lives, as you'll soon find out. Anyway, Kevin told us everything, including the fact that you shot your load five times during the evening."
"Oh God. How embarrassing!" He remarked and flushed.

"Derek, listen hard to me and learn well! There is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. You should be proud of yourself. ten inches of cock that can unload five times in one night? It's every guy's dream come true. You truly are a god among us poor men!"
"Yeah! I guess!" He thought about it for a second and then grinned broadly. "You're right and I'm being an ass!"

We joined the others and the evening flew by. I noticed a huge change in Derek. He laughed more and didn't seem quite so withdrawn. And when he stood up, he stood up straighter with his hips pushed forward ever so slightly. This of course, made his already large bulge seem bigger.

A little later, Kevin said that he'd had enough and was ready to go home. Derek looked a little worried until Kevin turned to him and said. "Are you coming, big boy? I reckon you owe me big-time and I'm not going to let you off that easy!" Jack snorted and I elbowed him to shut up.

Derek grinned broadly. As we said good-bye to them at the door, Derek quickly asked me in a whisper. "What does he mean, I owe him?"
"Well, from what he told me, you fucked him three times, so he reckons that you owe him the same!"
"Oh shit!" He exclaimed. "Now I'm concerned!"

"Word of advice." I whispered. "When he puts it in, don't tense up, just relax and it'll go easy!"
"Okay! Thanks!" He wandered out the door.

"Kevin, can I have a quick word, please?" I said. Kevin came closer to me and I quickly whispered in his ear. "Derek's a little worried about being fucked, so go easy on him."

So, Derek and Kevin had drifted into a relationship and Danny and Jack were well established. I was the spare wheel, but I didn’t mind. I derived enjoyment out of watching the two couples. Lee’s memory was a dull ache in my chest and I knew that it would always be with me, but I also knew that I could no longer drift along as I had been, so after two months of mourning for him, I decided that maybe I was ready to get back to living.

*****FORTY-ONE : CLOSURE.

So one Saturday, I borrowed Danny’s car and started on my rounds. I went to visit Jonathan first. He welcomed me with open arms and sat me down with a steaming cup of tea; Earl Grey again with lemon and we talked. Jonathan had not known Lee very well but he was very sympathetic.

We talked about things generally until finally, he broached the subject.
“So, David, how are you doing?” He asked. “I mean, how are you really doing?”
“It’s been hard.” I said. “Some days harder than others but I’m getting there. I miss him terribly.”

“Yes, you will.” Jonathan said. “But it’ll get easier as time passes.”
“I don’t want to forget him, Jonathan.” I said truthfully. “That’s the problem. I thought I needed closure but I don’t think I’m ready for it yet.”
“Well there’s no need to rush it.” He said. “You have all the time in the world and there are no hard and fast rules as to how long you need to take.”

“I’m trying a little experiment today.” I told him. “You know, to try and at least make a start on it.”
I explained that I was going to visit all the places that Lee and I had visited on that idyllic first weekend we’d finally got together.

I left Jonathan after lunch, which he insisted I share with him and drove out to Gary and Jacob’s place. This was the visit that I knew was going to be the most difficult. Lee and I had spent our first day together with Gary and Jacob and it was a day that I’d never forget.
I rang the bell at the gate and they slowly opened for me. I drove up to the house and parked the car. As I got out, a man came out of the door of the house to greet me. I was surprised to see that it was Kevin.

“Hi.” He said. “What are you doing here?”
I quickly explained my plan and then asked him why he was there.
“Gary and Jacob are away for the week-end so I’m just house sitting for them until Monday. Those dogs have to be looked after.” He said.

We walked into the house slowly. I told him about the day I’d spent here with Lee.
“It was the most wonderful day of my life.” I said. “I was with the man I loved and I got to meet my idol.”
“David.” Kevin sighed. “Why are you doing this?”
“I told you.” I said. “I need to. Call it closure, call it what you like; I know I just need to do it.”

I moved towards the terrace door.
“Well, I think it’s a bad idea.” He said, his voice taking on a harder tone.
“Why?” I asked. “I thought you would have wanted me to do something like this.”
“Well, you were wrong.” He said with a frown. “I really think you should go now.”

“Kevin?” I said, a little surprised at his sudden change of mood. “What’s the matter? Why are you being like this?”
“No reason.” He said. “I just think that what you’re doing is macabre.”

I stared at him silently. His whole demeanor had changed. He was edgy and he kept glancing at his watch.
“I have to feed the dogs now.” He said and moved to the front door. “I’ll see you out.”
“I just want to go out on the terrace.” I said. “Just for a minute, okay?”
“No I don’t think so.” He said, his voice hard. “Please just go. I’ll see you next week.”

I stared at him for a moment and then turned quickly and walked out onto the terrace.

“David, no!” Kevin called but I ignored him. I walked to the rail and looked out over the sea. The two dogs were lying on the grass next to an awning which faced out onto the bay. Kevin came up behind me and took my arm. I shrugged him off.
“Just as I remember it.” I said softly. “It was so beautiful that day, even more so than it is now.”
“David, that’s enough!” Kevin said grimly. “Please, you have to leave. Now!”

“Why?” I said. “This will only take a minute.” I turned to face him.
“Please, just give me a minute.” I glanced in the direction of the awning. I could see into it now that I was standing against the railing.

“I’ll go as soon as I’ve . . !” I stopped suddenly and my entire body went cold. I took a couple of hesitant steps towards the awning. Sitting on a deck chair, in the shade of the canvas was a tall man. He was wearing jeans and a loose white cotton shirt. His eyes were hidden by a large pair of dark glasses and he had a peaked cap on his head. His hands were holding onto the arms of the chair and his knuckles were white with the force of his grip. He sat in the chair rigidly and stared straight out onto the bay.

It was Lee.
My knees buckled and Kevin quickly caught hold of me and steadied me.
“Oh my God!” I breathed.

Lee tensed in his chair and moaned softly.
“David?” He whispered. I barely heard him.
“I told you to go.” Kevin said softly into my ear. “It’s on your head now.”

I looked at him. His eyes were calm now and the edginess that was evident in him earlier was gone.
Then anger took over from the shock of seeing Lee quite alive and well. What the hell was going on, I asked myself. I’d been told that Lee was dead and here he was, sitting casually out in the sun, as calm as you please.
I shrugged Kevin’s hand off my arm and stepped away from him.

“Will one of you please be good enough to tell me what the fuck is going on here?” I said, a dangerous edge to my voice.
“He made us promise.” Kevin said with a shrug. “He made us promise that we wouldn’t tell you.” Then to Lee he said. “I told you he’d find out.”
“Kevin, shut up!” Lee and I said in unison. Kevin raised his hands in surrender and stepped back.

“I thought you were dead!” I said to Lee and moved closer.
“David.” He said softly. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry! Sorry?” I growled my voice getting louder. “Do you have any idea what I’ve been through? What it did to me? It nearly killed me and you’re just sorry?”
“David, I can explain . . !” Lee began but I cut him off. I was crying silently now, great fat, hot tears that stung my eyes.

“Well don’t because I’m sure that the reason for this . . betrayal is totally ludicrous.” I said and stepped closer. “I cannot believe that you would do this to me. What did I ever do to deserve this. I can’t even begin to understand why you’d even think of doing something like this. What in God’s name happened? What did I ever do to you?”
“Nothing.” Lee said. “You’ve done nothing at all.”

“At least have the decency to look at me.” I said loudly. He turned his face to me and looked up at me.
“David, I . . !” He began but I stopped him.
“You know what?” I said furiously. “I don’t care anymore. I can’t bear to even look at you right now.”

I turned and started to walk away but then stopped and faced him again.
“I mourned you.” I said. “I mourned you for two months. And you want to know something else? I came out here for closure. Well, I guess I have that now.”

I turned and stormed into the house and through to the car. Kevin caught up to me and grabbed my arm to stop me. I threw him off me viciously and rounded on him.
“You lied to me.” I said. “You knew what I was going through yet you lied to me. I can forgive most things but this . . !”
“David wait, you don’t understand.” He said. “The accident! It blinded him and it’s scarred him terribly. He’s not the man you knew.”
I froze. He continued.

“He couldn’t bear the thought of becoming a burden to you and he thought it would be better if he was dead to you. I told him he was wrong but he was adamant and he made us all promise . . !”
“Us?” I asked and then realized who he meant. “Oh my God! Jack and Danny right?”
He nodded.