My German Lover, Part 27, chapter 2

He looked at me and I saw tears running down his cheeks. I wanted so much to run over to him to take him into my arms and calm him down… Instead, I walked out of his room and closed the door behind me. Once I had closed the door, I leaned against it for a few seconds, to catch my breath. Then I slowly made my way down the stairs and saw his mum sitting in the living room…

“…Good night ma’am.” I said to her…

“Good night Jack… Hope to see you again soon…”

I looked at her with a sad smile on my face and answered:

“So do I ma’am…”

I went home and silently made my way to my room. I was totally exhausted and I felt empty. I was hurting bad but at least I wasn’t crying. I had regain some control over my emotions. I had made a very hard decision but had not solved all my problems, far from it. But I had made a first step. Other steps would have to be made but hell, as Paul says: “Paris wasn’t built in one day”. Yeah! I would take it one day at the time. 

As I was about to go to bed, I heard someone knock on my door.

“Yes?”

“…Can I come in…”, my brother asked…

“Sure…”

“I heard you coming back… You okay man?”

I smiled at him and answered:

“Yes. I’m fine Robert. I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel…”

Robert grinned and simply said:

“Good for you bro.”

“Thanks bro!”

I turned off the lights, and tried to go to sleep. How long did it take for me to fall asleep? I don’t know. A long time I guess. But I did.

The morning after I woke up, opened my eyes… and stayed in bed for a while. I was trying to sort things out in my mind when I heard my mum say:

“…Get up Jack. Breakfast is ready! It’s not Saturday you know… you have to go to College today! Do you hear me?”

“…Yeah yeah… it won’t be long… I’ll be downstairs in a few…”

I took a quick shower, got dress and went downstairs for breakfast… But I was not hungry at all!

As I was having my second coffee, my mum told me:

“Hurry up Jack… or you’re going to miss your bus, and I don’t have time this morning to drive you to College…”

“…Do you know what mum? I think I’m going to get my driver’s license…”

My mum turned to look at me and asked:

“At what age can you get a driver’s license?”

“You have to be sixteen… Richard got his… and I’ll be sixteen in three weeks…”

“I can’t believe you only have to be sixteen to get a driver’s license! What do they think? At sixteen, you’re still a kid!”, my mum answered, discouraged…

“Oh come on mum! My not a kid anymore! Look at me: Do I look like a kid to you huh?”

“Well it’s not because you have the body or a grownup that you are one!”

“MUM! You know I’m a serious guy. And you know you can trust me. I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs… I don’t even smoke! Have I ever done anything to make you and dad feel mad about me?”

My mother looked at me:

“No dear!”, she answered with a nice smile on her face. “It’s true that for your age… you’re a serious guy! It’s just that I can’t believe my baby is about to get his driver’s license, that’s all! But if that’s what you want well… go ahead! It’s not such a bad idea after all… except that I can foresee that before long Robert and you will be fighting over my car…”, she said, grinning…

“Not necessarily mum… Once I have my driver’s license, maybe I could buy a used car…”

“And where will you find the money to buy a car, young man?”

“…I don’t know… Maybe I could use some of the money I got from grandpa when he died…”

“We’ll see about that. You have to get your license first, don’t you?”

“Yeah!”, I answered, grinning.

The day I got sixteen, I went to a Driving School and started my driving lessons. I also did a lot of practice with Robert sitting on the passenger seat… being very patient with me! Just before Christmas I passed the test and obtained my driver’s license.

Since I had spent all of my free time learning how to drive… during that period, I had not spent too much time thinking about Richard. Of course, I was still thinking about him… but each time my mind would go in that direction, I would try to think about something else. I was avoiding all the places where the two of us used to go… as well as all the places where I thought I might bump into him. Instead of going to the nearest Mall where we used to go to see a film or something, I started going to another Mall, far from where I live. 
And as Christmas was around the corner once again we all went to Martinique to spent the Christmas holidays at our vacation house there.

To be away from Montréal for a while did help.

While in Martinique I kept very busy… doing all sorts of things. And my brother Robert was very nice to me, knowing what I was going through. Really, he did his best to support me.

And of course during our stay, I went to Bagatelle many times to see my old friends there. I told them everything about what I going through and about my decision not to see Richard anymore.

“You did the right thing”, Paul said. “It’s not easy, but there is no other way out…”.

Eventually we came back to Montréal and it didn’t take long for me to convinced my parents to allow me to buy a used car. They agreed, as long as I was buying a good car at a reasonable price.

Now… I know my dad is a good doctor… but he knows nothing about cars! And I’m not better than he is at that. So thank God one of Robert’s friends knows a thing or two about cars…and thanks to him, I was able to find a car that fitted my needs. 

Now that I had my own car, I was able not only to drive to College each day but also to go skiing as often as I wanted to. I was keeping myself very busy…trying not to spend to much time in my room thinking about Richard. And I must say I was beginning to feel better… Things were starting to look bright for me again… that is… until one night in February. That night, my brother knocked on my door and said: 

“Um… can I come in? I’d like to talk to you…”

“Sure bro. What’s up?”

“… Well… I got a call before supper from Richard…”

“Huh?”

“Yeah. “Houston, we have a problem”…”, my brother said, quoting the now famous remark from commander Lovell of the Apollo 13 mission…

“What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean? What does Houston has to do with Richard?”

“…Never mind about that. What I mean is that you may soon have a new problem on your hands!”

“Shit! What do you mean…”

“Richard told me he’s not doing fine at the “Bois de Boulogne” College. He hates it there and if he doesn’t make a quick move… in May, he might fail his exams. He wants to be transferred to another College as soon as possible, and his dad has agreed…”

“Fine with me. I mean… why would I care? He called you just to tell you that?”, I asked my brother, a bit surprised…

“Well… yes. Because do you know what? (…) He’s going to transfer to Brébeuf…”, Robert answered, not looking at me…

“WHAT? You’re kidding! Of all the Colleges in Montréal… Why Brébeuf? Why my College?”

“Calm down Jack. It’s not his fault. You know Brébeuf is the best College in Montréal… and his dad told him he would agree to his transfer only if he was transferring to Brébeuf…”

“MERDE! Moi qui croyais que j’étais finalement en train de m’en sortir! MERDE, MERDE, MERDE! (SHIT! I thought I was finally starting to get out of it! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!).”

“Come on bro… It can’t be that bad…”

“Oh no? That means I will keep bumping into him each and every day! That’s what it means Robert! You don’t know how may efforts I’ve made to avoid seeing him… You just don’t know! (…) If he’s coming to Brébeuf… with my luck, we might even be in the same classes! Christ de tabarnak! (Holly shit!)”

“…That’s the reason why he called me. He wanted me to tell you…”

“How nice! He couldn’t get adjusted to his College instead?”, I answered, mad as hell…

“What can I say bro!”

I looked at Robert… Poor guy! I was giving shit to him, and it was not even his fault!

“…Sorry bro. It’s not your fault. (…) But what the hell am I going to do?”

“Hey… as they say: “Don’t try to cross the bridge until you reach the river…”. Just wait and see. Maybe the two of you won’t be in the same classes after all. And Brébeuf is a very large College… Maybe you won’t keep bumping into him. Who knows?”

“With my luck?”

“Give it a try…”

“Yeah.” I doubtfully answered… “Sure”!

And of course, with my usual luck… what I had foreseen happened! Shit! Richard was in three of my classes!

The first day I saw him, he came to me and said:

“I’m sorry Jack. That’s not what I wanted, I swear! (…) I would like to ask you how you’re doing… but I don’t think you would appreciate my asking. I’ve been thinking a lot about you, you know. I mean… Oh shit Jack! I don’t know what to say. Maybe we can just ignore each other. What do you think?”

“…Do I have a choice Richard? You’re here. Standing right in front of me. I’ve spend weeks trying to avoid you and now, you’re right in front of me! Fat chance huh?”, I answered with a very sad grin on my face.”

“…I’m sorry Jack! Truly I am!”

“Yeah! Well… now that I have you in front of me… I might as well ask you how you’re doing…”

“…Not too good. Going to Bois de Boulogne was terrible. I hate that College! I don’t know why, but I hate it. (…) And I broke up with Claire. I couldn’t stand her anymore! She was always after me and I couldn’t breath anymore…”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Really I am.”

“Yeah. (…). Um… may I ask you something?”

“What?”

“… Are you over with… I mean… You know what I mean…”

I looked at him, at his beautiful face… at his sad but so beautiful green eyes… and answered:

“I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel… but now that you’re here, it’s like if all I have done up until now has been done for nothing. Do you know what I’d like to do at this very moment? Take you into my arms and kiss you passionately. Right here. Right in front of the others. I wouldn’t care! Does that tell you something about how I still feel about you or do I have to make you a drawing to show you?”

“Shit! I’m so sorry Jack…I thought that, maybe…”

“Yeah. I suppose that’s my destiny. I’m starting to wonder if I was not born into this world just to suffer! Shit!”

“I thought your crush over me was over… and I was hoping we could be friends again, just like we used to be…”, Richard answered…

“It’s not just a crush Richard. It’s much more serious than that. (…) Anyway… You’re here. There’s no point trying to act like if you weren’t here. I can’t make you disappear huh? And I sure can’t make myself disappear either! (…) I suppose we could give it a try… to see what’s going to happen… And don’t worry: I won’t try to make a pass at you”, I finally said, giving up…

“Does that mean I can call you tonight?”, Richard asked with a big smile on his face…

“Yeah!”, I bluntly answered.

“Good! And maybe we could study together…You know, with my transfer… I guess I have some catch up to do… Do you think…”

“Yeah Yeah…”, I answered, rolling my eyes… “You know I will help you! Why do you ask?”

“Thanks pal!”, he said, beaming…

“Yeah… sure!”, I answered, totally resigned.

And so Richard and I went back to our old habits. He was always at my house or I was at his. Again, we were always together… and we were having fun! And I was happy again with my life! I was laughing! That felt so good. It had been a while since the last time I had laughed…

I knew it wouldn’t last, and that some day he would start going out with another girl. But for the moment I had him all to myself. And the hell with the rest, I said to myself!

Sure!

One night in early May, as we were in my room studying for our final exams I looked at Richard and asked:

“Have you found a job or something for the summer?”

“Nah! I won’t turn seventeen before August… and as you know, it’s almost impossible to find a job at sixteen. Shit! I would like so much to find myself a job for the summer. If I had a job, maybe I could buy myself a car… just like yours! I’m not as lucky as you are: On my dad’s side, when my grandpa died two years ago, I didn’t inherit a single dollar!”

I grinned at that and said:

“Hey… I didn’t inherit a fortune you know. Far from it! I’m not Rockefeller…But I guess it was nice of my grandpa to think of his grandchildren in his will…(…) But hey: If you’re not working during the summer… why don’t you come to Martinique to spend some time with me there… All you would have to pay for is you airline tickets… and we would have a lot of fun you know… What do you say?”

“Are you serious? Do you think your parents would agree?”

“…I could ask them… but I don’t see why they would say no… Let me check with them okay?”

“Okay”

So I went downstairs to talk to my parents and a few minutes later, I came back to Richard with a big smile on my face and said: “…No problem! They would be happy to have you there with us! How long do you think you could stay?”

“I don’t know… Two, maybe three weeks… I guess it’s up to you and your parents…”

“The longer the better”, I answered, laughing… “Why wouldn’t you stay for a month?”

“A month? You’re crazy… Yeah, I would like that… But I’ll have to talk to my parents first…”

“Do that… and don’t wait too long cause if your parents agree we’ll have to make your ticket reservations as soon as possible…”

“Yes…”

Two days later I stopped at Richard’s house on my way to College to pick him up as I always do each morning… and on our way to College Richard turned across to look at me… and with a big smile on his face he said:

“…You know about Martinique? Well, my parents said it’s okay. They will even pay for my tickets. Are you happy now?”, he asked, with a grin on his face…

“Hey… I don’t need you to be happy you know…”

“Sure!”, he answered, laughing…

I love it when he laughs like that. He’s so cute! He’s just adorable! Well… he’s always adorable, even when he’s not laughing. What I mean is that he’s even more adorable when he’s laughing. See what I mean? Yeah!

“Go to hell”, I said, laughing too. “Having you there or having the garbage man… it’s all the same to me…”

“Ohhhhhhh… That hurts!” he answered, laughing his heart out… “Anyway dude: when would I go?”

“Listen… We’re leaving right after my last exam, on May 16th… So I suggest that you book your flight for May 23rd…That would give us time to open the house in Martinique, and get ready… And you could stay until June 23rd… What do you say?”

“Fine with me! Maybe tonight we could make online reservations for my flight huh?”

“Good idea…”

And that’s what we did.

Was I happy? Hell! I was ecstatic and was walking on clouds!

But before we could go on vacation, we had to go through our final exams.

So during that period Richard came over to my house each and every night and we studied like we had never studied before. I did my best to help him, cause I wanted him to get good grades. I knew how important it was for the two of us to get good grades since both Richard and I wanted to become lawyers, and I knew that without good grades, we would never get admitted to the Faculty of Law of the Université de Montréal, which is one of the best in the country, if not “THE” best. 

(In the province of Québec colleges are totally independent from universities and the two years we have to spend in college only serve as a preparation to eventually go to a university. Your grades in college are very important, because it is in view of your grades that the Faculties, like the Faculty of Law, will make their decision to admit you or not…).

So we studied!

And during all the time we spent studying together, I did my best not to show Richard how much I was in love with him. I didn’t want to scare him or make him feel uncomfortable. I avoided touching or staring at him, and did my very best not to glimpse at him too often for fear he would notice. I acted as nonchalantly as possible and was so good at it that I really think he got convinced that I was no longer in love with him. Boy was he wrong! I was cherishing every minute spent with him. At times I even had problems to concentrate on something other than Richard’s body sitting so close to me that I could feel his body heat.

I wished I could have stop the time from running. It felt so good to have him so close to me. And I was shuddering each time his arm or his leg would brush against mine. I just couldn’t get enough of his smell and of his sensuous scent. Even his breathing was making me shudder. Each time he would talk to me, looking at me with those irresistible green eyes I would look back at him with consuming eyes. It was more than a little unnerving, but I did my best never to betray myself.

Yes, I was happy! Some will say it doesn’t take much to make me happy… But I don’t give a damn! Deep in my heart I know I was happy! I knew I couldn’t expect nor get anything more than that from him, but at least, I had that: he was with me and we were spending lots of time together. 

On Friday night, as we had covered pretty much all we had to cover and were now ready to face a week of exams I closed my books and said to Richard:

“Thank God it’s Friday night! At least we have the weekend to relax before the exams!

“When is your first exam?”, Richard asked…

“Um… Monday afternoon… And you?”

“Monday morning! And I’m not ready. Next weekend is going to be a real nightmare for me…”

“How come?”

“… It’s my English test Monday morning. I’m not as good as you are in English. I’m in 102 and I think I should be in 101… even in 99, if that was possible! I fucking hate this class! I worry I might fail the test… Unless someone helps me during the weekend, that is!”, Richard said, looking at me… a sexy grin cracking his devilishly handsome face. He then ruffled my hair playfully and added: “Hello there! You free this weekend?”