Sunshine and Roses

Guilt ate away at Lowry. He had trouble looking at the children when he sat in their school room teaching them about King Arthur. He dreamed at night of Justin, their lovemaking. At times, he awoke, his bed with his ejaculation. He desperately wanted to go back but contrition was a heavy blanket around him. The battle began to show itself on his face. Sir Guy called him in.
"The children are concerned about you, " Sir Guy said.
"I do not understand."
"Cedric said you are growing exhausted and Mary claims you are sad. Is something wrong? Do you need time away from us?"
"Nothing is wrong. I have not been sleeping as I should but I hope I am doing my toil in a satisfactory manner."
"You are. The children love you. Is there anything I can do?"
"I am sorry I have given you cause for concern."
"I want you to take the next two days off, rest. I will have Bridget watch the children." He held up his hand when Lowry began to protest. "Nay! I insist. I forget you are a human being, the same as I am. You are with the children constantly. You rarely take your days off, and that is one thing I demand must cease."
"I like being with the children." <They are my guard against going to him.>
"I know you do, but you can do them little good if you have collapsed from exhaustion."
Sighing in a tiredness that sprang from his soul, Lowry gave in.
Sir Guy gave him the next Monday afternoon off. Lowry spent the time in front of his crucifix, praying. His body cried out for the touch of Justin. His penis woke, engorged rapidly as Lowry recalled every single second of his hour of love with Justin. Even his anus seemed alive. There in the privacy of his room, he reached up beneath his robe, caressed the tiny, crinkled bit of flesh. It throbbed beneath his touched, like his penis did. Without realizing why he did so, his finger went in. His breathing sharpened. The emotions nearly overcame him. Shocked, he threw himself prone on the floor. He pryesd feverously but the heat within him became a torment. Lowry felt the burden of his soul, sore and grievous, massive in its tribulation. . .but he went to Justin. The fever had won.

Justin was having a hard time on his own. He had had a very small taste of Ray Lowry and wanted more. He wanted to lie beside him at night, wake up each morning. He needed to kiss the other man awake each and every day. How wonderful it would be to share breakfast, lunch, dinner, to tell the world that they were lovers. It became an obsession with him.
"All the servants wonder who it is, " Robert said beneath his voice one day as they went over plans to increase wheat output.
"Who what is?"
"The one who has claimed your mind and heart. They never see you with anyone and cannot tell who it is."
"I pay them. I see that their cottages are kept repaired. I see to it that medical care is given to them. Those should be the only things that should concern them."
"They like you. It disturbs them to see you so sad. Good God, man, if he means that much to you, go after him!" The look Justin threw at him did not faze him. "Then find another lover. I know from the gossips that Sean is willing to take you on again."
"It is not the same thing."
"William. . ."
"Robert. . ." A noise from the doorway drew their attention. Justin's butler stood there.
"I beg your pardon, Sir, but Brother Raymond is here to see you."
Justin stifled the joy that sprang up. He was able to say in a normal tone, "Please show him in." He turned to de Grippe.
"I know, Robert, will you please allow us to be alone. Yes, I will, but may I offer a small suggestion?"
"And that is. . .?"
"Do not allow him to leave."
"I cannot hold him captive."
"Why not?"
Justin made a strangled noise beneath his breath. Lowry entered the room and the ex-soldier-of-fortune forgot to breathe.

He stood up, held out his hand. "Brother Raymond."
Robert de Grippe shut the door firmly behind as he left.
"I did not think you would come back."
It was that expression of disheartened acceptance that tore the blinders from Lowry's heart and soul. The love he felt for Justin flooded him with joy. His face glowed like sunshine for the incandescence of his soul shone through. It was a radiance only God could give. It vanquished all guilt. How could such love be wrong? 
Justin saw it, recognized it, and stared in wonder. He felt the tension leave his body. He felt the aloneness, the loneliness that had become a part of him so very long ago, relinquish its hold. He went to the monk. They did not touch for a moment then the ex-mercenary's hand cupped the other's face. Lowry put his arms around the soldier, held him close. Justin fought back tears. His arms tightened around the monk. "Ray!"

part

Lowry stirred sleepily. He should rise he knew. It was dawn and time for pryesrs. He stretched and winced. His bruises still hadn't healed from two days ago. Justin's lovemaking had been. . . well. . . exuberant to say the least. Lowry's reaction had been just as wild, just as demanding. 
Three months. . . Lowry smiled in the dimness of his small room. They had been together for three months. Though he and Justin had only been able to meet on his days off, the loving they had shared had blossomed. It seemed eternal, that deep set emotion, interminable and limitless. It felt like a miracle. Even now Lowry had trouble believing it was all true.
He had felt blessed, beautiful. Justin loved him! Lowry had waited for God to strike back but He hadn't! True, there were a couple of the servants at Justin's house that were offended and despised them for the type of love they shared. One, right before he quit, had said Justin was evil for corrupting a man of the Church. It was, that person had said, like raping a nun! For the most part, though, they all looked the other way. At first, Lowry told Sir Guy he was helping Justin get his library in order, and he did work on that, for a little while each time he went. Now, he told Sir Guy that he was doing secretarial work for the ex-mercenary. Sir Guy had questioned Lowry's working on his day off but soon dropped that when he saw how relaxed being with Justin made the monk and said nothing further.
There were times, even now, when fear rose upward in Ray Lowry. Surely such happiness was not right. Surely, breaking God's command for celibacy was immoral. Surely God would strike back. That fear tingled in his stomach now. The sun continued to rise. Lowry continued to live.
A cock crowed. Sighing, Lowry rose, made his absolutions, and then knelt to pray.
<Thank you, God. . .>