Sunshine and Roses

It didn't take long for the other servants to notice that their lord and master was no longer involved sexually with the monk. That was what Lowry was to them. He may not be wearing the robe but in their minds, in their hearts, he was a priest. The coolness the servants had felt for Justin began to dissipate.
"You are a miserable bastard, " Robert grumbled. He sniffed the bouquet of the brandy he was drinking.
"Just do it, " Justin said coldly. "And I do not like your drinking all my brandy. Do you know how much that costs?"
"I am not drinking `all your brandy.' And yes, I do know what it costs. I purchased it for your birthday, remember?"
"Yes." Justin's mind went back to the small painting Lowry had given him, how he had acknowledged it without touching it, without truly looking at it or admiring its form and color. He had seen the hurt look in Lowry's eyes but the thorns Justin had placed around his heart was such a strong barrier, that that pain did not touch the ex-soldier. The painting had been placed in the storage shed. Cold Justin might be but he was not stupid. If he were to look at the piece of art day after day, the thorns around his heart would die and the agony he had felt would return. That was something he did not want.
Justin scowled at de Grippe. "Are you going or do I get a new second in command?"
Robert set the glass down with a gentle bang. "Yes, your Lordship, anything you say, your lordship."
"I can replace you, de Grippe. Do not show your insolent side to me again."
"And I can seek employment elsewhere. Do not treat me like you do Lowry. I am not in love with you."
They glared at each other a moment before Justin rose, went to stand stiff legged before the window. "Get out."
"William. . ."
"Are you deaf?"
"Nay, nor am I blind. You are eating yourself up alive."
Justin whirled. His blue eyes flashed warning. "Be silent!"
"I will not. We have been with each other too long for me to fear you or your anger. If you keep your heart shrouded too long, it will die and you will never be able to love again." He ignored the rage building up in the other man. "Forgive him! To hold this choler this long is stupid. I have never know you to be this witless."
Justin growled and hurried from the room. Why he went in search of Lowry, he did not know. His heart did but his brain did not. Lowry glanced up from the huge tome he was copying and froze.
"Sir William?"
Justin simply stood there. He could feel the barrier that kept his heart melting away. He tried desperately to keep it there but it rapidly vanished. The fear that Lowry would leave again returned. Lowry saw the terror in the other man's eyes and hurried to him. Justin took a step backward.
"What is wrong?"
"I want you to leave here, seek employment elsewhere!"
"But why? Is my work unsatisfactory?"
"I cannot bear your presence!"
Lowry sensed Justin was lying. "Nay?" He stepped backwards, pealed off his shirt. "Nay?"
"Stop!"
Lowry ran his hands over his chest, rubbed his fingers across his small, brown paps. He watched Justin lick his lips. He moved his left hand downward to rub his penis through his breeches. He amazed himself with his lack of modesty. One year ago, this would have shocked him. Yet, if it would win Justin back. The ex-soldier closed his eyes. His hands clenched into fists by his sides. Lowry walked softly to him, cupped Justin's shaft. Justin jerked, groaning.
"Nay. . ." He did not move. he could not but his eyes showed his panic. The enclosure around his soul was a thin crust, a crumpling, thin crust that had no strength.
Lowry took the rigid body into his arms, kissed the cold, stiff lips. Moaning, Justin's last reserve broke and he claimed the other's offering with fierce desire.
The flimsy shell turned into dust and blew away. The love returned in full force. It nearly overwhelmed Justin who clung to Lowry with hungry, fearful arms, shaking uncontrollably.
Lowry held him until the shivering vanished. "I wish I had never hurt you, " he whispered into the ex-mercenary's ear. "I wish we could go back and I could undo that senseless act I pulled."
"You hurt me."
"I hurt myself. Do you think it was easy living, dreaming of you at night, wanting you near, seeing you in the daytime in every tall, dark haired man that came near me? Sometimes the pain choked me so badly, I could not eat. Sometimes the sadness surrounded me in such a thick curtain of darkness, I could not sleep."
"Oh, God. . ." Justin buried his face in Lowry's neck. 
Lowry felt wetness and sighed in tired acceptance. He had done what he had thought was right but it had only caused misery and sorrow. He could not undo the past but he could do his best to make it up to William Justin. "Do we have time to go to your room and make love?" he whispered.
Justin lifted his head. His eyes, already bright with unshed tears, grew brighter with desire. They went up to Justin's room. Downstairs, Robert de Grippe smiled in relief. Whistling, he went about his business.